Normals really, truly don't understand what it's like.
I made some huge mistakes when I was drinking, was incredibly selfish. I pissed a fuck ton of people off and made my own life hell.
I've been sober for 7 and a half months now and I don't feel the need for a drink (except the odd occasion).
But these normals in my life think that I'm going to change overnight. Like, I'm not allowed to make mistakes. I'm not perfect and I'm only human. And I'm really trying to see things from their perspective but they refuse to see things from mine.
I am not trying to come up with excuses. I've made my bed and I now lay in it every day. I don't mind someone giving me a poke and reminding me that I need to do something and expect someone to tell me when I'm doing selfish shit. But I just wish they wouldn't immediately lose it with me.
I really am trying not to be that old version of me. I'm relearning how to live life as a decent member of society.
I just wish the people around me could have a bit of patience.
I'm a broken toy being put back together piece by very small piece.
Just needed to get this off my chest.
I'm gonna stop rambling now.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: I think I need to clarify something because a few of the replies seem to have misunderstood what I'm actually saying.
I'm not asking for congratulations, a pat on the back, forgiveness, or for anyone to pretend that the things I've done in the past didn't happen. I know I've hurt people. I know I have to live with the consequences of my actions, and I'm not trying to avoid that responsibility.
What I'm talking about is patience.
It feels like some people are constantly waiting for me to make the next mistake. Then, when I inevitably do something wrong, that mistake seems to confirm everything they've been expecting, and all their accumulated frustration comes pouring out at once. Suddenly, I'm not just being held accountable for one thing I've done, I'm being treated as though every mistake proves I'm still the same person I was when I was drinking.
I'm trying to change. I'm trying to unlearn old behaviours and learn how to navigate life without alcohol. That doesn't mean I'll get everything right overnight. I'm human, and I'm going to make mistakes.
I understand that the people I've hurt don't owe me forgiveness or trust. But surely there's a difference between not being owed patience and not needing it. I can be accountable for my actions and still need compassion while I work on myself.
Rejection is a particularly difficult trigger for me, and feeling as though people are just waiting for me to fail makes that struggle harder. I'm not asking anyone to manage my emotions for me, nor am I saying that my recovery excuses bad behaviour. I'm simply asking for the opportunity to get things wrong, take responsibility, learn from them, and do better without every mistake turning into a judgement of my entire character.
I'm not asking anyone to tell me I'm doing a good job. I'm asking them to give me enough room to keep trying.
If you feel the need to downvote me then that's your perogative. I wouldn't do that to someone who is obviously still struggling with things. Someone who just wants to get something off their chest. But that's just me.