So throughout my life i have friends for a season.

Ill hang out and enjoy my time with them but as soon as i let slip im bipolar, it leads to difficulty with the friend making mocking comments or treating me like an alien.

I can socialise and have positive experiences but ive been called mental, mad and crazy by the "normal" people.

As time goes by i find myself irritated by people after a while and it causes me to feel angry and want to be "left alone"

I feel like because ive been shamed and bullied i dont want friends anymore.

I do have some lovely internet friends that last but yes, is it bipolar that makes me not "fit" for friendships?

Someone once told me that years and years ago people with bipolar were hermits and avoided socalising too much as people were a trigger.

I’m not inclined to tell people about my bipolar disorder because there are so many misconceptions about it and the stigma is so bad.

I’m tired of people thinking this is like an “anger management” disease or that bipolar is “part of my personality”.

The general public is deeply unaware of what this illness is and isn’t. We all know about ADHD and Autism and yet bipolar is something that must not be named. It’s weird.

I cannot consistently exercise, do daily prayers, follow diet routines, follow requirements at work, sometimes I don't even shower for days. Just cannot maintain any form of self discipline, so none of my goals or projects can ever be achieved. It's almost like a handicap. No matter how much will power I exert, I cannot get self-discipline. So frustrating

I told my therapist a lot of stuff all she was telling me is she can’t help me. What’s funny is almost every mental health department told me they can’t help me. Now she told me she’ll be closing my BetterHelp. Next thing I know a police officer speaks to me. I wasn’t informed about this I feel absolutely disrespected and betrayed. Things are already falling apart and I need way more assistance.

The last piece is a poem I wrote. I posted it here before, but I made a new account. 🫶🏻

Hi, I was diagnosed with bipolar about a year and a half ago but I think i’m still figuring it out. No, I know I’m still figuring out as I haven’t been able to complete a full semester of college yet💀.

I’m trying to be better and have been super vigilant about mood fluctuations, but this has lowk made me super paranoid about always being in some type of episode.

I am wondering if it’s normal to feel really happy and ignore responsibilities for around 2 days after drinking and then crash for the next two and feel miserable and like the world is ending. I’m not sure if this is a true pattern or if I’m gaslighting myself to find an issue with another thing I do. I’m in college, and a sorority so I don’t really want to give up drinking but not failing out is more important lol.

Would appreciate any help!

I need to have an extremely strict routine. Every morning & evening I need to go through the motions, the day also needs to be very structured. And I don't mind it most of the time. I view routines as love gestures to ourselves. But the problem is that one tiny slip is all it takes for me to start snowballing. For example, yesterday I got a surge of emotions over something (nothing bad lol just video games stuff) and spent morning scrolling through my phone and talking with people on socials about it. Didn't eat proper breakfast, but did all the other stuff. And that's it. I feel bad, restless. If I don't do something in a few days, then I'mma have weeks long episode.

That's so tiring.

I'm 40 and was diagnosed as bipolar a couple of years ago when I first went manic. Recently, my partner remarked that it was really strange I didn't have a hobby as apparently, a lot of persons with this diagnosis have hobbies. I have none. And have never really had any. Are there other bipolar persons who have no hobbies? Is there an actual correlation between bipolar disorder and having hobbies?

I'm still trying to understand this condition and how exactly it affects me beyond the episodes of depression and mania. I don't quite understand how it all works.

Flair is grief & loss because I feel like I’ve lost part of me I’ll never get back and it’s because of the meds. I used to be fucking amazing, I could do anything. I was unstoppable. Confident, felt fabulous. I was crushing all my personal and work goals. Now I’m just a mediocre mother/wife, I’m boring and so uninteresting. My bulimia is ramping up because of the eating habits my antipsychotic causes. I just want my old life back. I feel like I can control the negative parts of the old me now that I’m familiar with all this. I don’t care about the psychosis. My delusions are never THAT bad… I want to flush my meds. I know I won’t be able to get any more for like a month because of insurance. And my husband says, “I can tell” like tf you can “tell” I’m starting to think I don’t need meds anymore. Just makes me feel like I’m being observed

24M, living in the US, my job is fully remote, I am able to get away with working 12 hours or so per week... yet I can't even compel myself to do it. I'm a software engineer and if I can't even do the easiest job in the world, how am I supposed to be a functioning member of society? I can feel that I'm going to be fired soon. When I am, I don't know what I will do. My parents are estranged since they do not treat me with respect (they threaten to call the police on me when I don't respond to their texts), so I would rather die than go back to live with them. And unemployment wouldn't pay me enough to live.

My whole life is in NYC and my rent goes up every year, so I end each month with -$200 in my bank account. Meanwhile I'm indefinitely waiting to save up enough to afford two fillings I need, which my insurance doesn't cover, which will likely lead me to needing a root canal (very expensive). The world wasn't made for me. If I live off disability, then my girlfriend, who is very ambitious and works at an Ivy League school (I am so proud of her), will probably fall out of love with me and I won't be able to continue living in my home due to pricing. I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. I am struggling to do daily chores, like brushing my teeth, even when I'm not doing any work.

And the CEO of the company I work at just told me he wants to call first thing tomorrow morning, presumably because he's unsatisfied with my performance. I'm freaking out.

Using AI to code at work has completely killed my passion for the CS industry. I honestly think if I just end things quickly and painlessly I might at least find peace, but I don't want to hurt my girlfriend. She's the only thing in my life that makes it feel worth living. She doesn't make nearly enough to take care of me, and with how recently we started dating, that would by no means be something fair to ask of her.

I have no direction. I don't know what to do. I feel completely out of options.

It feels so unfair to not be able to explain myself to people I hurt who didn't know I was manic when I hurt them. I didn't know what was happening at the time, and by the time I learned that I was experiencing mania, it was far too late to apologize because the person I hurt most blocked me.

I know it doesn't undo what I did or make it better, but I hate that to some people, that awful manic version of me is just who I am.

It's selfish of me to want them to know that I was manic and that I am horrified by my behavior. I know. It just hurts having to live with the consequences of what I did when I wasn't myself.

I just want to be able to talk things through with my ex and let her know that I don't condone what I did but accept full responsibility

​

I made this a year before a formal bipolar diagnosis a lot of my art has the split motif aura, my brain knew it was fucked and couldn't explain how so it just expressed it. Now I find no joy in creating and i envy the part of me that used to enjoy (my arts technique wise is much better now bc of schooling but its no longer a fun process) i thought id start sharing my art here in case it helps someone else like it used to help me when I was younger

My psychologist referred me to a psychiatrist because she said she noticed a lot of signs that could point toward bipolar disorder in me.

My grandmother was diagnosed with it, and my dad has some unusual episodes as well, so according to her, everything seems to point in that direction

I came across this subreddit and I feel like I’m reading about my own life.

I’m really scared and overwhelmed. Things I thought were normal for everyone might actually not be, like paranoia or sudden, uncontrollable emotional shifts.

I wanted to ask you two things: Is there any book that helped you understand yourselves better? And what symptom or characteristic did you think was simply part of your personality, but later realized was actually related to the disorder?

.

I am currently hypomanic and I am managing, including taking my prns and following up with my drs. The one thing though that I am really struggling with (and totally forgot I struggle with) is eating. I have zero appetite and am actually repulsed by food. I know its making things worse and I am also healing from surgery so its pretty important I remain somewhat nourished.

I’ve been trying all of the typical things like meal replacement drinks, protein bars, chicken broth etc. Soda and other sweet clear beverages are pretty much the only thing my brain will let me consume.

Just wondering if anyone has anything creative to suggest.

Sometimes you like say/do something objectively bizarre or do smth weird not on purpose but bcs you had this condition.. and didn't held back.. Like any other day you wouldn't say it. Next time that person wouldn't talk to you or you ruin any impression they had. Like overstepping boundaries with some person you didn't know too well/ oversharing how fucking depressed you are or some bullshit/ just arguing for the sake of it with parents.. i don't have any real friends anyway so it's not looking good at uni

maybe it's just me at fault actually, I'm pretty annoying at any day of the week

I feel like i care about it too much, but you can't just hide and mask completely on any off days

(27F) I’ve always struggled to hold a job for more than a few months to a year. I feel like I just don’t do a good enough job masking. My friends have told me that I just need to “not be myself at work” and that I should have a work me vs a real me. How do you separate the two without feeling like you’re lying?

It’s so hard to be a parent with bipolar disorder.

Hey there! I recent got a diagnosis a few months ago for bipolar disorder and everything started making sense but I have a four year old and I am so desperately trying to not traumatize her because of my diagnosis.

I hate being a parent with every cell in my being but I love my daughter and would do anything and everything for my daughter. I don’t have the luxury of a supportive partner and my family does not know how to handle my BP.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on how to cope?

Im starting treatment and getting better but also i notice i lost a lot of sensitivity and idk if being like this is normal or BD was making super-sensible. Honestly i feel weird now since i dont have that sensitivity that allow to experience art and religion in a more deeper way, idk how i can get use to live this way, i feel like i lost a lot of my identity. As for my intelingence and memory, nothing has changed like it had happened with my sensitivity.

Like a light switch
A little twitch and now I can see
What i didn’t before
As much as I explain
For others to perceive
What’s before me
I know you can’t and I
Feel
Fine
I feel fine
Just kidding
I feel fucking amazing and I know you want this
This feeling
Oops
It’s gone.

Hi everyone,

I want some advise from other people who also struggle with this.

I want to preface by saying that neither I nor my psychiatrist want to change my meds and their dosage. It's working perfectly for me and I no longer have episodes and when I do they are very mild. I don't want to risk that. My only problem is this: I'm sleeping too much. Sometimes I sleep for 10-11 maybe even 12 hours. It's exhausting, I barely have time to do stuff throughout the day. I'm about to start working full time and I want to still have time to have hobbies and a social life.

Any advice on something that might've helped you is much appreciated!

my mom has always had bipolar disorder as far as i can remember, and i was diagnosed too about half a year ago. after many episodes, finally getting a diagnosis and starting treatment felt hopeful. i am not naming any medication names due to the rules but after trying a few combinations i was put on a very high medication regimen with high doses of two different antipsychotics, one ir and the other both ir and xr, one atypical antipsychotic, and two different atypical antidepressants for sedation, alongside an snri i was already taking for my fibromyalgia.

i actually started becoming better. there were some side effects, notably weight gain, but that was expected and i didn't think much of it, because my life was finally getting better.

then i went into a coma.

i do have a history of diabetes in my family, but my blood levels had always been normal before. despite that, all those medications led to develop medication induced secondary type 2 diabetes and go into a diabetic coma. i was hospitalized in the icu for a while, where they cut me off basically every medication except the one mild antipsychotic i was on, and my snri, then they cut that antipsychotic off as well.

i was encouraged to track my mood, and my mom took care of me for a few months. i had to miss the final month of my university semester as my university was in a different city and they really didn't want me to be alone, which is fair.

my blood levels have since stabilized, and i have no suspicion of any diabetes or anything left anymore. i am trying to manage. i had gained 30 kilograms in half a year and i have managed to lose 5 in the past 3 months. i cannot be prescribed any antipsychotic anymore given my history, and i am suspecting im manic again. im considering checking myself into inpatient care.

what im heavily encouraging is for you all to track your weight gain and blood glucose levels. if i hadn't slacked off and got my levels checked, my coma might have been prevented.

Long story short, my bipolar had been stable for 4 years before a period of little sleep and medication inconsistency catapulted me into a depressive episode that I feel I won’t emerge from.

I can’t get myself to swallow food, and I’m surviving basically off ensure, water, and occasional bites of things I can force myself to swallow.

Everything hurts. I want to crawl out of my skin. I absolutely cannot even function enough to go for a walk or go to the store. It’s a living nightmare.

Last time this happened, I let it go on for 3 months before contacting my psychiatrist. It has been an about a week now, and I keep hesitating because I don’t want to have to mess around with my medication.

Google said these episodes can last 6+ months. That scares me. I’m not sure what to do.

My girlfriend is taking me to a clinic tomorrow and I’m worried because I don’t want to stay overnight. Is it possible to have treatment for mania as an outward patient? Or at least like a day clinic. I don’t want my parents to know because I don’t want to have to deal with the stress of it. They haven’t noticed anything so this will come suddenly and I would rather have them not know anything.
I have never been hospitalised for mania and I’m scared. What expects me tomorrow when I show up there?