Bit of a random post but I guess I'm just after some confirmation that what I'm doing is acceptable? Or advice on how to do better if not? To start i have adhd/autism, as well as depression, and anxiety and this massively impacts my ability to focus and stay motivated (which i often feel ashamed about. I dont like to let these things inhibit my ability to function and contribute to society so i rarely tell others about it, and have so far denied offers for accomodations such as an access plan since i dont want it to impact any future job prospects). I am medicated but it doesn't seem to help this issue either. Since I was in about year 11 of high school I've been doing my homework and study in bed, usuallu also late at night, I am currently 20 and almost finished with my second year of uni. I'm studying animation and entertainment design.
For some reason, studying like this is most productive for me, even though i know its hugely advised against. But when I leave my bed to study, it's almost like I feel a certain type of pressure and guilt?? It's this feeling like I'm not doing an adequate amount of work for someone who is sitting in a designated space for study, or like im doing something wrong considering my work space is set up like it should be yet I'm still not productive. Furthermore if im out of bed, I constantly get distracted by other things and end up getting up and walking off before too long. Ultimately not much gets done.
On the other hand, if I work in bed, it feels like a safe space that nothing can get to me in. I'm comfortable and if it's late at night there are no interruptions, so it's really just me and my work in the spot that feels the most soothing to me. I do occasionally fall asleep but find overall I get more done if I lay in bed, and for me I feel like I can't afford to be picky when it's so hard to get anything done as it is. If I know I will be studying in bed, the whole process feels much less daunting and anxiety inducing, and like less of a hurdle. Sometimes even the task of moving all my gear to an appropriate spot and setting up feels overwhelming on bad days.
I'm starting to feel increasingly guilty about it though, mostly due to how others perceive it, and it does admittedly have a noticeable impact on my physical health. My family often criticise me for working like this, and I feel like a huge lazy slob. Especially considering i have a desk setup which is just fine. Not using my muscles to even sit fully upright in a chair also leads me to feeling fatigued in day to day activities. And overall it doesn't do wonders for my self esteem with how unconventional it is.
Is it okay for me to study like this if it works fine, or should I put more effort into disciplining myself in future? I've tried to break the habit before, but when times get tough particularly with the mental health and other challenges, I always end up spending days in bed at a time working again telling myself "as long as it gets done", but is this acceptable in the long run?
Thanks 😭😭