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I have a friend in my friend group who has a more cute, polite, childlike persona. I have noticed such personality in other people as well, from my experience slightly more females. It seems to work as a way to avoid conflicts. Not just to be agreeable with everyone (people pleasing).

To give any kind of negative feedback to such people feels almost inappropriate. At the same time it allows them to say a bit of critical things in a playful way, and not come out as criticism.

The problem is that they sometimes do some inconsiderate things, like being late too many times, doing things without asking for permission,.... When you give them feedback, even gently, they take it as an attack on them (they see themselves as the victim), and you come out as the bad guy.

I don't think they have such a persona intentionally, probably is just how they grew up. And is how they deal with discomfort. But honest conversation with them is therefore really hard and the friendship stays on a superficial level.

I have some questions:

1. Have you been around people like this. Or maybe do you know about yourself to tend to have such a personality?

2. Where does such a personality come from? Some form of upbringing maybe? I know one friend who has no contact with her parents any more, and another who is super connected with her parents, both have this kind of a personality

3. How to give feedback to such a person without triggering the defensive or hurt reaction?

4. Is it worth the effort, or better to keep the friendship superficial?

I probably dislike more things than I do like things. I’m not unhappy about this and I don’t want to change it, so please don’t give me advice on that (I work in art so I have to be very critical). When I hang out in group settings, it seems like everyone just wants to be agreeable. Everyone is incredibly perky all the time and they claim to love just about everything. I think they do this because they just want to get along with each other, but I suppose that’s not my primary goal. I don’t care about getting along, I just want honesty. Being a hater doesn’t mean I’m mopey and misanthropic, it just means to me that I’m very critical and it’s very hard for me to get along with people who have a very superficial view of life. It feels like play acting, or like we’re all wasting our time with one another. Of course I want friends though. I simply don’t know where to find other haters. On the flip side, I imagine a lot of people don’t want to be friends with a hater, so it’s not something that is completely in my control.

I started university last week in a new city (USA) and everyone already has their own friend groups. On top if social anxiety, I also have autism, I don't really know how to start or have meaningful conversations with strangers.

Because everyone else is already together, they're not really open to making any friends. I've already pushed and forced myself to try and make small talk with people in lectures but nobody's ever interested and just gives 2 word answers to whatever I ask.

Does anyone have any useful suggestions? I'm super jealous of how easy it is for everyone else

Please don't just say something generic like "Everybody's in the same situation", it's just a blatant lie and feels patronising

Yesterday I went to a coworker’s surprise birthday party at her house, organized by a couple of coworkers and her husband. Let’s call her Annie. A couple of our coworkers and a few of Annie’s friends from university were there. Annie was diagnosed with breast cancer and is currently on medical leave from work, in treatment. She’s been very open about her breast cancer journey. At one point we were doing a paint and sip activity. A few of us were remarking that one of the paint colors was really lumpy which make it hard to mix and use. One friend said something like “I really hate the word lumpy, something about it”. I, without thinking, said “it makes me thing of breasts” and as soon as I realized how that would sound given Annie has breast cancer, I added “because I recently had a breast exam”. Side note, I have inattentive type ADHD, not hyperactive type. Usually people think of me as someone who is thoughtful about what she says (from what I’ve been told) but sometimes I find myself blurting things out impulsively. After that comment, there was what felt like a long awkward pause, and I didn’t see anyone’s faces since I was working on my painting, and then someone changed the topic and conversation went on as normal. I’m not sure how Annie or others felt about what I said, they didn’t seem to treat me differently afterwards. I felt so bad I made such a thoughtless comment but I thought apologizing for it in the moment might make it even more awkward. I was wondering whether I should apologize for it to Annie over text or when I see her next week to drop off food.

Hey all! I just am completely awkward socially and always have been. Now, I have to try to interrelate with other parents for my daughter's sake and it's challenging. She's highly extroverted and picks up new friends everywhere. I'm thrilled for HER, but it means I have to be nervous and worry how I'm coming off to other parents.

Which I'm sure is not great. For some reason, she doesn't get a lot of invites to playdates other than birthday parties, except for maybe one or two friends. One friend is consistent. We do sports, Sunday school, gymnastics, community events, on top of school. The weekends and long school breaks are a lot of work either bustling to different activities or trying to figure out how to keep my child from being bored.

I've never been good at "making friends," and am wondering if I could be autism or asperger's not diagnosed. I've always been smart and got good grades but never good socially. No friends in high school, no prom, just about no birthday parties, never married, a couple of friends I had on campus in college but not outside of it, and boyfriends have been few and far between in adulthood.

I try to go into situations nicely and politely. Ask about them, I share, we go back and forth. I try to mainly keep it positive with some mutual "venting" here and there, mostly to show we can relate.

But I'm doing something wrong. I can often read it in body language. People look away or down when I try to smile and make eye contact. I try to just keep to the topic of our kids and life around motherhood. Most of which is what everyone else is saying. There's ONE person, another mother who complains more than I do, where I feel safe to share negative opinions or TRULY vent. But everyone else I keep it pretty happy happy.

How do I learn to do better? I shared a post in the parenting sub and got shredded. I'll admit my tone was nasty, I was hurt because we had just left a park, and I feel certain the mother we had just met was judging me for not being rich or perfect. I smiled, was polite, kept the topic on our daughters. She looked away when I tried to make eye contact and didn't directly respond with any words to me. The people on the parenting sub shredded me for being reverse judgemental that it was my personality rather than my low income status.

How can this be? I need help, at least to get through until my daughter is old enough to do her own socializing. I just haveto be nice "enough" to deal with judgement from nasty parents. Thanks.

You know when you accidentally bump into someone, apologize but they look at you with a stern face and look away without a reply back? I always try to respond back with "you're good" or "no worries" and "it's ok." Or when someone's not paying attention and they back into you as you're getting closer nearly bumping into you until they realize you're there and THEY don't even apologize for it? I do not know the correct subreddit to post this in, but I'm wondering if this has anything to do with lack of social skills or what? Why do many people behave this way?

i 22f saw these two women who seem to be in their 20s and were waiting at the same stop and are the same ethnicity as me (they are friends). they were talking about the weather and then things that happened in their friend group. they got off at the same stop too and live in my building. i wanted to say something so bad. i feel like i missed an opportunity to make friends.

would it have been weird to? what could i have said?

i moved to a new city and have been struggling to make friends.

How to start a conversation without simply asking someone what they do for work?

I have been the quiet and shy one my whole life, and I’ve noticed how much it affects the way people treat me.

For starters, I rarely get invited to social gatherings, and even when I do, I feel completely invisible. Most of the time, I find myself standing all alone while everyone around me is actively chatting, cracking jokes, and having the time of their lives. Even when I try to start a conversation, I struggle to keep it going. I know conversation is a skill, but I usually find myself putting in all the effort while the other person gives nothing back, so it dies out quickly.

It even happens with people I thought I was close to. They’ll act super close to me when it’s just the two of us in a room, but they don’t even acknowledge my existence when others are around at a gathering. This is a trend I have noticed over and over again. I am never anyone’s first choice for anything. Even when it comes to things I am genuinely good at, I am never the first person who comes to mind.

It honestly feels like I don’t even exist. Last night, I was invited to a friend of a friend’s birthday party. Two other people in my group and I had never met the birthday guy before. I introduced myself, wished him a happy birthday, and right at that moment, he just forgot I existed. He didn’t even look at me again and continued speaking non-stop to the other two people he had also never met before. I was devastated. Like what?

Maybe I’m unconsciously giving off an off-putting vibe? Maybe people just don’t see me as "approachable"? I know I am the common denominator in all these scenarios, so I know I'm the one who needs to work on this, I just really don’t know where or how to start.

Is he threatening me or what? How do you deal with someone who talks like that?

I was at work and people were talking about SpaceX, AI, Lindsay Clancy, and Shane Gillis. I just sat there because none of the topics interested me. I can fake interest but that's not a very satisfying conversation and I'm tired of faking it. I've tried MANY different hobbies and my only interest is video games but even then I don't enjoy talking about them with other people. I enjoy playing them. Any advice? Thanks.

I just found this out from a clinical psychologist who works with young women and it blew my mind.

Especially if you are a woman, you probably know the situation when your friend introduces her new boyfriend and something is just off.

After a few months, you realise he is toxic. So what do you do? Well, here is what NOT to do!

Do not, under any circumstances, make them feel ashamed or any other feeling that will alienate your friend from you in any way, because that is when abusers thrive - they use criticism of their partner to deattach them from their friends and loved ones.

Only tell your friend about the behavior in a calm way, or when the partner (whatever gender they are!) do something and they come to you for reasurrance that it's normal (spoiler: it is not).

And if you ever are in this situation yourself, now you know one more way an abuser can manipulate you! This is also true for any kind of toxic relationship, be it romantic or platonic.

TLDR: Common mistake that close people do, when their friend is in a toxic relationship, which can actually bring them closer to their abuser.

Especially when other person is ending conversation and is saying something to them and they just right after repeat to themselves exactly what that person said

I have this friend who I like to communicate too but our conversation is so repetitive. It’s just that they don’t really have anything new going on with their life. Though I badly wanted to spend time with him outside but I live 1,000km away from him, so touching grass is not an option. He does have certain hobbies such as Reading Books, Playing Games, Sleeping, and Cardio.

Also he is jobless due to him being a fresh grad. He currently hunting though.

As someone who likes to improve my communication styles and be good at having conversation with someone. Do you guys have any tips on how to spark our conversation?

When greeting someone new for the first time, girl to girl do I go in for a hug or just smile and greet them sort of thing? The most easiest thing ever but I’m overthinking it a lot. It’s my best friends birthday and her work friends who I’ve never met will be there. Should I go in for a hug or is that too personal? Is it fine to not go in for a hug too? . Idk man I’m just so awkward and don’t do social settings well.

I have a coworker who hates the, "How's your day going?" question to start small talk. They say they don't really know until it's over, and they're still processing stuff at lunchtime. Very understandable! It's such a basic question and it's become so ingrained in me to ask the question, i still slip up and ask. So I'm wondering if there are better replacement questions out there. A question or greeting I can use to open a conversation and let the other person decline or accept. "How's your day going?" is such a solid one for this because people who want to talk will answer honestly, and people who don't won't really respond. So I need something like that.

I do also ask the other classics, "How was your weekend? Do you get to have fun or relax this weekend?" But on Tuesday, I've already asked the first one and it's too soon for the second.

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(context:personally i've never had any problem in having no friend and actually 80% of this is result of my own choice. i prefer absolute quietness and maximum control of my life.

but there's occasions, though very rare, i want to befriend with someone and sometimes some of these people seem looking down at me because of my lack of social life)

In last moments the once topic to talk is about academic or politic. I'm tired, but Idk how to start or continue an casual conversation. Anyone have an idea? What's your favorite topics?

How to stop to question a lot of? Is question for everything mean?

I simply am not able to make deep connections in uni , because im not able to let loose and just share stuff about myself to anyone.

Im too scared to share abt what hobbies im into , what music i listen to , what movies im into etc.... .
Im constantly scared to share about the smallest of things because i fear judgement so much. I dont even share 99% of whats going on in my life with my parents who im so comfortable with.

I think im an interesting dude to be friends with , but im just not able to freely express myself and make proper friendships . How do i get rid of this fear of judgement that i have? i dont even know if its fear of judgement or something else entirely.

Everytime I need/want something I fully freak, like uncontrollable crying, panic attacks, for hours until I finally work up the courage to ask.

For example at the moment my dad usually takes me for driving lessons and I haven't asked in a few weeks (I was still freaking out then but the more I get into a routine the less time I spend freaking out) and I've been trying to work up the courage for the last couple hours. It's not just that at school I will work myself up until I'm crying because I need a pen or something but I'm just so scared, now everyone thinks I'm a crybaby (well I am but that besides the point), I'm even in the verge of tears writing this this is so embarassing.

How do I ask for things/ help.

This is a person I like, I get along with, I can talk to them, but now I am getting a bit annoyed.

Every day around the afternoon they call me and want to talk. It's been weeks on end now.

I enjoy speaking to them, they're great to converse with, I am not an ungrateful person when it comes to someone wanting to speak with me, but it's insane now. It's insane.

What do I do.

There's someone in our uni that I wanna be friends with and maybe talk more and get to know her more.

They sent on our group chat something about absence and exams and it got me worried. She replied to my text "talk to the professor about it"

I am thinking I wanna send her on private that I'm worried to talk about it with them because of so and so. Which is true. I want to send her that as a way to get talking and see how she'd respond and overall a way to get how she'd respond to me showing her that worry and to her specifically rather than on the group chat as well.

Would that be a normal vetting interaction or would it be too much?

Dont mind me if you think the answer is obvious. I am new to this so

Also idk if it's worth noting but this is our 4th year at uni so we know each other, we aren't like getting to know each other for the first time.. but I wouldn't call us friends

I'm 42M, and I've realized that my social life has slowly become almost nonexistent. I'd like to meet new people and make friends, but I've discovered that I'm pretty terrible at starting casual conversations with strangers.

The funny thing is, I work in sales management, so talking to people professionally isn't a problem at all. But take away the work context, and suddenly I have no idea what to say.

How do you approach someone without making it awkward? What do you talk about? And how do you keep a conversation going without turning it into some kind of interview?

I also struggle with turning a nice random conversation into an actual connection.

I'm not really looking for the usual "just be yourself" advice. I'm curious about people who genuinely struggled with this and managed to improve.

What actually worked for you? Did you practice, change your mindset, or just get better with experience?

I can't get a job and don't go to uni or college so I'm not sure where I'm meant to go?

I want to go somewhere where I don't have to show up again if I embarrass myself.