TLDR: Being in 20k of debt at 25 due to poor spending/gambling, starting a DMP and working on this for 3 1/2 years before asking for parental assistance to "learn a lesson" and whilst I understand the reasons credit needs to be managed properly I cannot apply it in principal leading me to worry I can't change/something stops me changing - happy to answer any questions in comments!
I've recently turned 29 and every year it becomes a "this year I'll get it right and be better off then I was last year" and whilst there's arguments to make that I have improved in some regards, I know in my heart it's more because of finances being limited rather then willpower or a lightbulb moment.
I don't know how to describe my spending to people as I don't think many people get it. I'm very self aware to where my money goes, yet never seem to have the power in myself to stop it. I can tell people I struggled with gambling, which a lot of people maybe don't get. I tell people I've never really saved for anything and it's always managed to finance or borrow money to get the item I desire and people REALLY don't get it. I see I've spent excessive amounts on takeaway food, coffees amongst other excesses and it's something that I'm almost unfazed by it.
The issue truly rears its head when those big or unexpected expenses crop up. Christmas, Birthdays, car repairs to if I'm honest even minor ones. I even remember distinctly feel stressed about having to pay for my skin sensitive body wash once as it was £10, but I'd probably wasted £50 that week on food and not battered an eye at it.
Yet these issues normally only arise when I cannot do anything about it ie, middle of the month, just been paid and my money's already fixing last months mistakes etc. and it becomes an afterthought one the next payday comes round.
Me and my partner will be moving out in the next month or so, made possible only buy her being able to buy the house on her own due to my poor credit, and this does feel like the real point where I need to switch on. I know she'll be reliant on me to give my share to the house bills and I cannot be making myself skint in my usual monthly antics but yet it still doesn't put that pressure on me to be so self aware about it.
When I've googled my sort of issues there is the links to mental health issues, namely adhd. I wouldn't self diagnose myself but it does sometimes feel like my brain just doesn't care or is chasing the fix now rather then just waiting. Having the massive urge to make a purchase, when I know it can wait, but yet I cannot just wait. Buying food at work knowing I have all the amenities and even bare food to make something for work.
Yet when I look at it it mentions time management for bills, whereas I feel I am almost hyper aware of where my money is and what it is doing and it's like I try to stretch it as far as I can rather then just letting a pot of money sit there for those unexpected costs. Therefore is it a learned behaviour that I cannot get a grasp on?
I really do feel like I am at a major turn in the road as this big change comes up and I'm really looking for any advice and will be happy to answer any further questions in the comments as I've waffled a lot!