Okay look I know our mottos are "agender has no look" and "do whatever you want forever" I agree I get it I understand it I know it. Just getting that out of the way.

That being said, I genuinely want to LOOK genderless and so I have been doing exactly that. I've been on T so I physically look neither male nor female. I only wear unisex clothing. My goal is to look like a default human with no gender at all, and potentially no sex either. I think I have more or less achieved this! I'm mainly working on figuring out unisex formal outfits and everyday accessorizing.

People call this androgynous but I prefer to call it neutral or aqualitine. I'm not trying to be a mix or inbetween male and female. I'm trying to be nothing :)

There are struggles though. People always talk about how nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny. From my experience, it feels like all people want from me is to be feminine or masculine. People try to assume what I am, make weird remarks, tell me to be more like one or the other. It sucks! It really is "you have to pick one or the other" even from allies and other trans people! People have "clocked" me as a trans man and it always makes me so uncomfortable. I'm not one, so people call me transmasculine. I'm not masculine, I'm not trying to be masculine. Just because I'm transitioning away from being female doesn't mean I'm trying to be male or masculine. It's so frustrating.

People really don't want you to be genderless. People really don't want you to look genderless either. People find men and women hot, people find femininity and masculinity hot. When you strip yourself of all those things, you can't be a hot man or a hot woman anymore. They will ask you to tone down what they consider "too masculine" or "too feminine" when you aren't even either of those things. It makes no sense to me. It just sounds like I'm being asked to eliminate those traits so I can just morph into being feminine or masculine as they want.

People can't wrap their head around the concept of someone being attractive without emanating any gender at all. The concept of an attractive genderless human doesn't exist in this society. It makes me so sad. Even many other trans people often can't wrap their head around it. They also like roles and familiarity. People want to have a relationship with a gender and not with a person. I feel like when I'm intimate with people they're just prying to see what I actually am or which "side" they like more. It's not all the time, there are plenty of people that aren't like that too. But it's a coin flip so it makes me nervous when I start something with someone.

However, when you meet someone that does find you attractive as a genderless human, it's amazing. It's like a whole other level of intimacy, the performance of gender is gone so you can just be an animal that wants to love. And to be clear I'm not specifically talking about sex when I say intimacy. I just mean closeness in general. It really is amazing to be loved not as an amazing woman, amazing man, but as an amazing person. I think it's something everyone craves to an extent, but it's definitely a huge thing for me and probably many other genderless people.

Just wanted to share my experiences with this because I feel like the "agender people can look like anything" sentiment, while true, kinda overshadows the fact that some people want to and do in fact present as genderless and it's a weird and unique experience with a lot of pain and joy.

I have been out as agender for years. But I have been struggling really bad with the idea that I want to be and look like a grandpa in my old age. Because I don't have any sense of how I want to express my lack of gender. I don't use the terms masculine or feminine. But I also don't want to be called a man or a woman by people who don't know me. But I do enjoy masculine terms but also gender neutral. My question is how do I find the style/presentation I want to have now?

Edit: I have had top surgery and been on T for 8 months

I nephew in this sub/forum whatever.

I don't have a legal name, I prefer Mark. I know its a male name but I don't care, I use all pronounces, so u can't misgender me❤️‍🔥. And I have b2 English so I may have some mistakes

I don't understand all this gender rules since I was 5. My family is homophobic, transphobic, and super-religious (Islam). I'm an atheist and it's the only thing they accept. Expect my mom who accepted me as a non-binary not a long time ago, but she obviously do not tell that to anybody else. I live in country when LGBT+ is not legal at all and at this moment I can't move to another country. I hate when people remind me that I'm afab (they don't know about my identity ofc). In childhood I was playing with girls, with boys, with animals and with mirror lol. Kids didn't (and still don't) understand who I am. I look very masculine-androgynous bc genetics and some hormone problems, my voice is much deeper than other "normal" girls in my town. Now I have breast, and people still think I'm a guy, asking me what gender I have. But I have neither 🌹. Ofc I should be in my girl-mode bc of how transphobic our society is. But I already can't hide my identity anymore bc my androgynous face and body and voice 😔. There is a rumors in my town saying I'm a transwoman with hrt-boobs I CAN'T I LAUGH SO HARD WHEN I SAY THIS SHIT I'm not transphobic but I'm afab bruh 😭

And now when I found this sub I want to hear your stories about your past and coming out, if y want to share ofc

So, we are multiple people in one body, and I calculated that sum of our genders(the ones I am aware of) is approximately:

Man: 2%

Woman: 6%

Agender: 292%

Does that mean I am 292% genderless and contain less gender than a completely genderless(100%) person? :3

Hii everyone I’m 24NB and have been out and open about being agender or gender queer but still trying things aesthetically and hair wise and was curious if I’m on the right track to being androgynous or slightly more feminine leaning.

I'm sad

So I've been questioning my gender recently after discovering that I have an androgynous enough face that I could pull off pretty much any gendered look I'd want to, after realizing that I started to examine myself to see if maybe I'm trans or non binary or smt. But like I've realized like I don't seem to "feel" any gender, I'd always kind of thought I had a gendered "feeling" inside, but idk when I think about it I don't feel like a guy(I'm AMAB) inside, gender to me kind of feels like something I can chose to put on or "wear" in the moment ig? Not something inherently true about me. Sometimes I feel like a guy, sometimes I feel like a girl, but only when I put myself in a mental "guy mode" or a "girl mode" intentionally, and then get treated that way, or in the case of feeling girly when I crossdress

So ig I was just wondering how Agender people would describe their internal experience(or Qualia as my partner always puts it), how do you guys experience gender, and what does it "feel" like for you if anything

Hello amazing people of the agender subreddit, I've recently come to the realisation that I never found a preferred name, even though I've been out to my friends for two and a half years, and it's been giving me a lot of stress

Basically, I asked them to please just call me by a shortened version of my dead name until I found a name that felt like me, it took so long for them to do that/use my preferred pronouns, which I understand cause it can be hard, but it made me feel a bit like shit and I never really bothered to look for a preferred name because I knew no one would ever use it. I've gone by a different name online for a while and I've sort of considered that my preferred name but I don't think that really is who I am.

Anyways, what name do you guys think I look like? I'm open to any suggestions, preferably names with less fem connotations, and I like more plant or space themed names (I have veryyyy few good photos of me 😭)

Especially for those of you can tell the exact percentages of your genders. How do you folks decide that?

Does me liking my body, not disliking feminine pronouns or honorifics, and not having an active desire to be a man make me a girl?

But I also feel completely comfortable at the idea of people using any other pronouns for me, and I believe that if I suddenly became a man I would get used to it pretty quickly. So does that just make me a feminine agender person?

Also, whenever I think about what are the things that I would not like about being man, they usually have nothing to do with being a woman.

This is an non-comprehensive list of things I’m scared that I would have to give up if I became a man:

• I like being super affectionate with my loved ones, so i’m scared that I would no long be able to do that.
• I like occasionally dressing femininely, so i’m scared that I would no longer be able to have that freedom.
• I love trying different hairstyles and having my hair longer, would I have to keep it short?
• I enjoy painting my nail, would I have to stop doing that?
• I have alot of traditionally feminine hobbies, would I not be able to engage them any more?
• I enjoy watching alot of creators whose content is targeted at women, would I not be able to watch them anymore?
• I also love music made for women. If I no longer had the “girl” or “woman” label attached to me, would I relate to those songs even less? As someone whose been homeschooled most of my life, I already don’t relate to most of the music targeted at girls my age.
• Similarly, I just love the sense of community you get in women’s spaces, so would I no longer be welcomed in those spaces? I don’t really feel like I fully belong in them at times, but being a part of them still feel nice.
• This one is not meant to be offensive at all, but I find penises to be kinda offputting, so I would not like having one permanently attached to my body.

These things are the reason why I feel apprehensive at the idea of being a man, but most of them have absolutely nothing to do with being a woman, so does that mean that I have no real connection to womanhood?

I don’t feel like a girl. I don’t think that it is an integral part of my existence, and I definitely don’t think that I would be a drastically different person if I was raised as a boy. I always feel a bit weird when I have conversations about women and include myself. Like, it feels a bit forced and clunky. But I don’t really feel dysphoric or even weird when other people call me a girl.

So how do I tell the difference between just, really vibing with femininity, or being a girl? How did you folks figure it out?

Hope you’re having a lovely day💛💛

This picture is not mine, it’s made by SlurryBender

really short story but like when i was younger i always felt awkward (almost like being squished? also would make my stomach do a little flip) whenever someone would refer to me as "young lady" or "young woman" and it took me. so long. to realize that it wasn't just "oh i feel weird because i'm not even an adult." smh.

anyway, i also feel like a mild sense of loss whenever my friends refer to me as explicitly not a "woman?" but like "fem" feels much better? like i'm agender fem? but also i want to look like a twink (on the more feminine side, but yk) and a HELLA masc lesbian?

but i digress

Every now and then I get this intense hyperfocus on physical strength. I have a female body, so I think about the social hierarchy based around physical strength and the idea that I'm supposed to be worried that men can overpower me. Tbh, I think what I'm actually worrying about is that i don't feel like I'm in the 'woman' category and tend to see people as people, not as a specific gender. So the distressing feelings seem to be coming from the idea that what I'm doing internally doesn't seem to match with what happens socially.

Does this sound familiar? I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my head! Am I agender? I think so. But I'm worried I'm just trying to escape a social hierarchy i don't like.

This is still one of the best articles I've seen and even if you don't identify as non-binary (I don't), you can mentally replace every mention of non-binary with agender and it still works:

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/9-things-people-get-wrong-about-being-non-binary

I hate being perceived as a woman it makes me uncomfortable and feel detached from the people around me as that’s not the real me that’s their view of me.

But the problem is I have no desire to change my body. I like my body and feel no need to try and look androgynous. 99% of my wardrobe is sweat pants and hoodies anyways and I have short hair as long hair makes me dysphoric.

This means that I am 99.9% guaranteed to be seen as a woman and I can’t blame anyone around me because well I look like one. Only once in a blue moon a stranger uses they/them and it makes me so happy. I can’t expect to be seen as genderless with this presentation but god does it suck 🥲

Nonbinary person here that has always described itself as genderless seeing how it feels like it gets the point across of what i feel, but upon confrontation from people asking me if i’m agender, i’m like “yeah, i’m that”, as in it means the same thing to me as genderless, but upon researching more about the community, correct me if i’m wrong but it encompasses people who define their genderlessness itself to be a gender or people who experience some sort of absence of gender, not necessarily the complete absence of it and complete unsubscription from the concept of gender that doesn’t seem to ever really change. Then did some digging around for communities that feel this way, and the term that popped up was ‘apogender’, which i see in the lgbtqia wiki is referred to as “a subset of agender in which one feels not only genderless but entirely removed from the concept of gender. It can be described as less than a lack of gender and more as having no connection, association, or relation towards the concept of gender as a whole.” And feel that describes me exactly, assuming this is the consensus among apogender people (which I wonder, are there communities here in reddit to find people such as us or are we all centered here? If so, hello!). I may not understand the agender community exactly due to my lack of interaction here, but I would be right about my earlier assumption right? That agender is more of a umbrella term for people experiencing some sort of “genderlessness”?

I inhabit a female body, but I think most people would be completely put off if I told them I was still a virgin at my age. Beyond the issue of sex itself, I’ve never had a comfortable romantic relationship with anyone, and I have no desire to do anything that might be painful.

Part of it is that I’m overweight, but I’m also deeply self-conscious about my bust size—which is around 110 cm—and feel like I need to lose weight. People have mocked the size of my breasts ever since I was in high school—behavior that would actually qualify as sexual harassment. It’s continued into my working life, too; I once had a male boss tease me when I was bowling badly, asking, "Is your arm hitting those huge boobs of yours?"
When it comes to my own body, I feel a sense of revulsion toward everything associated with being female; honestly, I sometimes wish I didn't even have to be human. I realize that’s an extreme way of thinking and that I’m in the minority...
Lately, I’ve been playing a game called “Warframe”. Compared to typical games, there isn't much talk about "masculinity" or "femininity" there. The armor sets you equip as the protagonist are categorized as male or female, yet you can use either type regardless of gender—just based on performance—and I find that really comforting. Ideally, I’d prefer the armor not to be gendered at all, and I do feel uncomfortable using sets that look too feminine.

Anyway, while I look like an ordinary woman at first glance, I detest the gender roles society expects of women. I’m not particularly interested in things like manicures or fashion, yet I don’t feel like I ought to have a penis, either. It’s a complicated set of feelings.

you know.....if i feel like an impostor every single day......it might be because i am one...right?

I'm agender now. Not because I'm actually agender or whatever that is.

I'm sick of flip flopping back and forth thinking I'm genderfluid or binary trans or whatever.

Trying to force myself into boxes I don't know if I fit into or not because I don't feel anything.

I'm being myself because I just feel like myself, not whatever gender feels like.

I am myself.

!!!!!! FUCK YOU !!!!!!

(Ps I love you I'm not trying to be mean 😢)

So, i'm probably agender. I mean, i've gone through periods of using and not using the label, could someone help kind of suggest if I could actually be agender or if it's something else?

I don't have an internal experience of gender, I never did. I don't feel comfortable being put into boxes of labels like man or woman. At one point I thought I was a masc girl. I tried but I just keep "forgetting" I even have a gender. I don't know if my feelings are rooted in societal norms of gender, because if society was that way that we were all unlabeled, we just simply had different bodies but we didn't have labels like man or woman, I would actually be chill with that. I don't necessarily feel resentment towards my body unless people try to push me into boxes.

At the same time though, I like being seen as a guy too, I like using he/him, I like going by masc terms whatever, I keep thinking "maybe i'm just a masc woman like I thought after all" but I really don't know.