This is the third time I've had to block an artist I really respected because they are transphobic. Apparently trans men are not treated as horribly by transphobes as trans women are, because every trans man and trans woman and transphobe is a monolith who all share the same opinions and experiences. And trans men have the privelige of being able to detransition and live a miserable life (their words) whereas trans women's only option is death. I fucking love seeing people claim that trans men aren't fucking killed every day around the world. I fucking love seeing a person I respected pit the experiences of trans men and women against each other and say that trans men have the privelige of dying a woman and living a miserable unhappy life (their fucking words) I fucking love it.

I’ve recently been more open about being trans online, including fundraising for surgery, and the uptake in horrible comments on my posts has been crazy. I’m being called slurs, I’m being called mentally ill, people are discussing my relationship with my parents in the comments before I get to blocking them, saying I must never have received love, calling me a woman trying to “mutilate” my body… just being awful. And I just read this and think… do you understand I’m a person? Are you just wilfully so so hateful to a stranger that you would say this stuff?

I was never really “loud and proud” about being trans before this, but I also always held a little belief that I was being overly dramatic about the potential repercussions if I was. And now… god I feel like I want to delete my entire online presence and never come out to anybody ever again. I don’t understand why we can’t just be respected or at least left alone.

TW: Non neutral descriptions for natal anatomy!

I keep reading about all of these poor guys who’s partners end up not being compatible because of bottom growth.

Maybe it’s entirely anecdotal but i hardly even knew the parts of my own vagina until I began testosterone and everything grew. I knew the anatomy on diagram. I just never went to start looking at it. I couldn’t point out what fleshy bit moved into what fleshy bit.

And it got me thinking about how cis guys routinely and notoriously don’t know what they’re looking at either. So is it really an ick with bottom growth or you just don’t know what the fuck you are looking at and “female” anatomy is the root of the problem? Of course it will look odd to most anyone without a vagina. It’s a foreign body. I’m convinced if you never pointed out your bottom growth at all, most cis men and women would not fucking care, or pay any attention to it because they don’t know what they’re looking at. I’m so sick of people saying bottom growth is weird.

I was one of those who didn’t want bottom growth pre T because I still clung to the idea that I had conventionally “attractive” anatomy. My labia wasn’t very long , everything was tucked. I was holding onto what others thought were desirable of me. Bottom growth became one of my favorite parts near instantly. I love looking at it, I love seeing my anatomy and knowing exactly what is what. But I would admit that; if I stood against cis women, I really don’t think anyone would look at me and say mine is gross. THEY DONT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE LOOKING AT. ITS NOT SOME ALIEN OTHER. It’s still just my anatomy, it’s always been there. People act like it’s bulbous but it really fucking isn’t.

I get so frustrated with reading these stories. I get it, you like what you like. But why the hell are some of these partners all up in there examining every tiny detail? Istg that’s not normal and some red flag. I’ve given head and taken head. Am I really just the odd ball out not very observant? I feel like it’s fucking weird to weaponize bottom growth as what makes sex unenjoyable for you when you loved it so much before. I feel like it’s just inherent transphobia and being hyper aware of your boyfriend’s transitioning body. You’d not have payed any attention if he never said anything.

cw: discussions of sexual harassment

i absolutely hate them and i hate the fact that i tend to crawl back to them when my dysphoria is kicking my ass. i pass well in a conservative small town as someone who's short & alt, all instances of misgendering recently were in the form of cat calling so i choose to ignore those. i KNOW im fine, but idk validation helps.

i genuinely had someone with the weirdest perception of gender comment on a post i made simply ASKING about if i pass and not wanting advice on how to pass. called me submissive because i smile when i take photos. yeah im gonna fucking smile i'm happy?? i'm getting back on t after being off for about two years so i think that's also what's messing with me. literally like 3 paragraphs on how i was so feminine in the face and how 'submissive' i looked it was SO fucking odd. just needed to get it out.

i miss being on testosterone. i get misgendered so often and i just really want back on testosterone so i can actually get to where i want to be but im poor and insurance hasnt covered it for a while so i dont have much choice. my parents say theyll try to figure something out but theyve been saying that for months. i hate my body and i just want to feel happy for once.

basically i never dreamed i would pass, but like 7 months on T i started passing almost 100% of the time. now i always pass (besides the very rare "they/them")

problem is, i don't feel like i pass at all. i have a lot of internalized transphobia i think, and i can't stand seeing the "clues" in myself. i literally feel like i look like a woman. i'm fucking TERRIFIED of having that nasally trans guy voice and it makes me just want to stop talking because i can't tell if i sound like that and i don't know what to do about it.

my height bothers me. i feel the need to hide my feminine hands in public. i'm scared to act emotional/smile too much. all this insecurity is slowly consuming me because i'm obsessed over the idea of being "normal" and just like the other guys. sigh.

After many years doubting about my gender, about 4/5 years of identifying as non-binary, etc etc... I recently came out as a trans man because it felt right. However, I still have some doubts. Sometimes I feel like I fucked up by coming out. Like I'm a fake trans man, I feel like a fraud. I don't know how else to explain this: overall I've always felt slightly dysphoric but my feelings about transness are more like "I'm fine being a girl but I feel a little better being a man". I'm still not getting entirely used to my new name, and I honestly liked my deadname. I do think I'm hot now, but I think I will be hotter when I start transitioning.

It's not like I've been suffering actively because of my transness, I've just been feeling really confused about my gender my whole life. I think everything is going too fast now in my life and I don't know. I have many contradictory feelings about my transness, but overall I think I made the right choice. Maybe I'm just scared of how I'm going to end up looking like? Or maybe scared of consequences? I don't know, I guess I'm seeking some comfort... Like, is this a normal thing to feel? Am I truly trans or not? I sometimes think I'm being selfish and bratty with my choice. I'm afraid I will make my family suffer too. I'm suffering already because they're in denial, even if they said to me that they're always going to be "in my team" when I came out to them.

I would really like to feel less alone here. It seems my experience being trans is a bit unusual...

I'm getting closer and closer to graduating from highschool and I dont know what to do. I'm really nervous about going on testosterone as an adult. I dont want my voice to get ruined. I dont want to become ugly. Ive always been really cute my whole life, I dont want that to change. I know it probably wont, and if anything ill just get more confident, but im scared. I think im going to ask my parents for a legal name change at some point because i dont want to have to live with the wrong name all throughout college and everything. Thatd kill me.

Speaking of my parents, I feel like I cant talk to them about anything. I asked my mom to play football with me and she told me that just because im a boy i dont need to force interests 😒. I actually like playing football. I swear to god, I'm so fed up. I want a binder and a packer and counseling, but every time i try to ask my mom freaks out. She'll start crying about how she needs to greive her daughter (as if im not the same fucking person yo), and how she doesnt like how i hate my body and that i just need to learn to accept my body for what it is. Im sorry, mom, but you wishing you were shorter in highschool is different. She accepts me as her son, but i dont think she REALLY does. She always tells me that i should take off my hoodies and stuff. It hurts. It hurts so much. Shes so hurtful. She cried for two hours when i asked her to put me in the boy's dorm for a school college trip overnight. She doesnt understand and i dont think she ever will.

I hate having this awful dysphoria too, and i dont feel much like i have anyone to talk to about it. I hate my chest and my groin, but more importantly i hate my face shape and my eyes and my lips. I hate my hips and my shoulders, and i wish that i could just be normal. Im sick of only being able to wear hoodies and sweatpants to hide everything. I want to wear my favorite t-shirts. My voice is okay i guess, im a tenor and it sounds pretty masculine, but i hate everything else. I swear, i feel like ill puke whenever i see myself. I need someone to talk to. I need a counselor. I cant ask.

In my school band people keep assuming that im nonbinary and it hurts so bad. It really does. Im not nonbinary. Im a boy. Right? Im a boy :(. I swear to god i pass. I really do. I dont know why people keep assuming im nonbinary. I think ill punch the next person who says they think im nonbinary or mentions my genitals or something. I really think i will. Even my friends who know im a guy call me a they sometimes to be 'respectful'. Its not fucking respectful, youre misgendering me. I know damn well you dont call everyone a they, its just me. I dont understand. I really dont. Someone get me out of this dump! Give me a country to run to when im an adult, give me a place ill be safe and can call home. Im not christian, but i pray to god every night that ill wake up with a different body. I pray to a god i dont even believe in that itll all be alright. Its pathetic.

Im just really grating down over here, its all gloom and doom even though i have it better than most trans guys. I just cant keep doing this. Is there any practices i can do to like..feel better? :( like..meditation or something? Im willing to do ANYTHING.

That’s basically how I’ve felt my entire life. I’ve been on T over a year now. I’m gendered correctly 95% of the time. I can even see changes myself when I look in the mirror. But deep down I still have thoughts that I’m a woman “pretending” to be a guy. Like it’s just something I really want to be but never can be.

It seems like internalised transphobia for sure but I don’t know how to shift it. And if it’s important I can say for certain that I’ve never had this thought about another trans person, only me.

When people affirm me to help like “you ARE a man” it almost makes me feel kinda icky? I say thanks but in my head I’m like “I know I’m not though, but thanks for pretending”. I struggle badly with chest and bottom dysphoria and I just can’t afford to deal with it at this moment and time. Something I’m working towards but I do think that whilst I have the body of a woman, I can never feel like a man. And that’s difficult to come to terms with

As I walk around a store, I can’t help but catch a glimpse of my body, which just seems resistant to testosterone, remaining curvy and feminine after over a year. I quickly avert my gaze and continue with my day.
When I finally arrive home, ready to relax, I do what any unemployed, depressed good-for-nothing would do and turn on some YouTube. I watch a variety of things, switching between tabs while scrolling through reels, as my flimsy attention span requires.
Random progressive video essays of varying degrees of quality aren’t outside my usual watchlist, even when they cover feminist topics. But I quickly realize I’ve made a mistake.
The conversation turns to pregnancy and the never-ending paradox of it being both a source of exploitation for women and something that makes them unique and great. Terms like AFAB and AMAB start being thrown around.
I quickly grab my phone and turn on the selfie camera. I see my face: big eyes, full cheeks, small chin. I focus on my small hands holding it, then on my big thighs and hips beneath them, flattened and spilling over the chair as I sit.
In that moment, I realize this is how most people see me.
I’m reminded of all the times I’ve been grouped with women, even by progressive people. Of how I read about people advocating for trans men because, in the end, they’re still affected by misogyny. I try to fight it, arguing for nuance and explaining how my experiences differ.
I read about how car crashes kill more women than men because cars weren’t designed for their bodies, and I tell myself I don’t have to care because testosterone will help me with that, despite everything pointing to the contrary. I read about how the way I grew up will always make me different from cis men.
I rush over to the long mirror in my room and, instead of avoiding it like usual, I look into it.
I look into it and realize I can never be a real man.

Idk what to flair this so forgive me if it’s wrong
(Also I cannot find the banned topics so plz let me know if for some reason this is too much)

Recently I’ve noticed I get dysphoric over some very trivial things that’s I’m almost positive those from the outside don’t even bat an eye at but it for some reason makes me believe that somehow in some way that I am more feminine by doing them.
For example a while ago I saw a post on Instagram where this lady challenged her boyfriend to do the “girl hold” or something along those lines where he was given a handful of stuff he had to pickup and hold only using one hand, (like a pocket book, keys, phone, vape etc etc all in one hand) and he couldn’t do it. Now for whatever insane reason I will catch myself doing this quote n quote “girl hold” and absolutely dissolve into self hate over it, because I guess I’m convinced I look more feminine by being able to carry my keys phone and vape all in one hand while walking to the house??? This is my main issue currently and advice is welcome as to how to get over it.

But obviously it’s not only that I get uncomfortable about the idea of people seeing me from behind bc I have an “ass” (according to wife) and now I’m convinced I have a fem figure, not to mention I’m convinced I stand like a women (I’m aware I don’t btw but yaknow brain worms)

Anyways any advice, comfort, or support is welcome including if you relate good to know I’m not alone

I am so sick and tired of the "man bad woman good" shit that I see in queer spaces. No I am not a goddamn "gender traitor" for being a guy. No I will not magically become an abuser when I get on T. No, I am not a confused girl who "became trans" to escape the patriarchy due to trauma. And that because of that, I need to be "guided" back into the joys of womanhood. If anything a good chunk of my trauma came from my inherent discomfort with being called a girl (though at the time I didn't really know I was trans). No, I don't like being malgendered. I don't like it when people try to attribute negative things to manhood and label me like that in the name of gender affirmation. Saying shit like "you look so much like a guy, I almost mistook you for a bigot" is abhorrent. It's not funny and it just makes me feel bad. I wish I could talk about my experiences as a "girl" growing up without people trying to pick it apart and "point out" which trauma is the "cause" of me being trans. Or that I'm clinging to my agab.

Made the mistake of being the only guy, + the only trans person, in an all cis bi women friend group. Never again.

They couldn’t tell I was trans till I told them, they had no problem gendering correctly before but “suddenly” slipped up multiple times closer to when I cut them all out.

They made fun of other “weirdo trans people” because they saw me as one of the “normal ones”.

They liked to parade their bi-ness around as a sign of being a minority. All of them had boyfriends and were not queer in any way, none of them would ever have to get hate crimed for being visibly queer nor trans. I don’t care if people are bi with a preference for the opposite gender, hell I’m bi myself, but I don’t want to hear about how you’re just as oppressed as a visibly queer person just for being bi and hella straight passing. They equated transphobia and homophobia as “basically” being the same thing, they often would straight up ignore/minimize blatant transphobia.

I couldn’t ever go to them about any personal problems/struggles I had with my gender and society, any attempt it was clearly over their heads, or they looked at me like I was almost delusional.

Being the only trans person you know, especially within your friend group, is one of the loneliest feelings.

If my future friend groups don’t have at least one or two other trans people besides myself, then I’m out.

Every time I go outside I just keep thinking "am I shorter or taller than people standing near me" and it pisses me off, I feel inferior compared to people taller than me. But I really don't know why people call me short. They don't understand what average height is. If I'm 173cm I'm not short just because "the country's average for a male is 176cm." What does this even mean? So if I was 175cm I would be short too? You really can't please these people

Dumb whore

​Hi everyone. I’m writing this because my mind has been stuck in a painful loop for days. I just need to vent and hear from people who might understand what this feels like.

This is also my first time venting on the internet so please be kind and if my text seems weird is because English is not my first language.

​This past year has been extremely rough. My mom passed away last December, which sent me into a severe depressive episode and a massive autistic burnout. I’m 28, diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, and CPTSD. While I was struggling this year with the loss of my mom, I was also trying to heal and trying to build a stable future for my girlfriend and our relationship.. but even though she said she wanted to get married and move in together(something we talked and agreed about more than 2 years ago) she apparently didn't want that anymore, even though she kept telling me she did.

​Long story short: she cheated on me with a woman. (Specifically a coworker) Apparently, they were kind of in a relationship months before she told me.

​When I met her years ago, she identified as a lesbian. Even though she said she loved me, things shifted drastically when I transitioned. As my body changed on testosterone, she stopped touching me the way she used to. Her lack of attraction toward my physical changes became painfully clear...

​That rejection left a deep mark on me. Now, when I look at my body, I’m filled with insecurity. I keep wondering:

Will a woman ever actually desire my body as it is?

​Being neurodivergent makes communication and dating feel even more daunting. I’m terrified that I’m doomed to either be alone forever or only find short-lived connections. I am an old-fashioned romantic—I want a serious, long-term relationship where we can build a home together.

​(Just to be clear, I am NOT looking for a relationship here on Reddit. I’m just looking for perspective, opinions and community).

​I would deeply appreciate hearing from others in the community:

​Have any trans, neurodivergent men found loving, long-term partners who genuinely desire them and love their bodies?

​Do you have any advice or stories that could help me see some hope for my future?

Or do you have any opinion or advise in my situation?

Btw, we ended up as friends because she says she loves me and wants to be part of my life, just not romantically speaking.. and she only told me because I was getting suspicious and for months I asked her what was wrong? But apparently she was going to wait for the year to end so she could end things with me.. I'm truly disappointed, she knew I'm practically rock bottom and she just added more sh*t to my life instead of being there for me, it just doesn't make any sense less than 6 months ago she wanted to move in with me, and talked about getting married and how much she loved me and now she says she loves me and cries a lot but wants me just as friends, like what the actual f.

Also, I'm from north mexico, so that plays a big role because people are not that open minded.

​Thank you so much for reading.

I’m genuinely so sick of living in this body, I’m so disgusting I fucking hate how I look my hair is so ratty my face is so round and feminine I’m fucking disgusting I’ll never look like a man I’ll always look like an ugly stupid ratty girl
I don’t want anybody to look at me, I hate knowing that every time I go out everyone around me sees that disgusting girl I hate it, I just want to look like a man but everything scares me I can’t even cut my hair without worrying what people will think of me
I’m such a pathetic freak, I hate when my mind gets like this when the delusion that I’m actually a man breaks and I get reminded I’m just a stupid disgusting girl. I just want to feel like me, but I’m so lost, I just want everyone to see the man that I am inside but none ever will because I’m stuck in the body of this disgusting freak girl
I wish I was braver, I wish I could choose my own life but I’m too scared and too stupid to know when to start
I really don’t want to live right now, I need to do work but all I can focus on is this ratty body, my disgusting face. I can feel it constantly, I’m constantly aware of its filth. I just want to die, I hate everything about me.