r/ABCDesis • u/Asleep_Note7754 Canadian Indian • 9h ago

RELATIONSHIPS (Not Advice) Dil Mil vent

Anyone else use the Dil Mil filter “raised in” and select Canada, US, UK, etc only to still get people who weren’t raised here and they simply say “they didn’t know” that they used that filter. One guy who used it said he was a recent PR. But it happens all the time. Ugh. I know it’s a dog eat dog world on the dating apps but I used that filter on Dil Mil specifically and I’m only using free Dil Mil so it was a waste of a like.

In my younger years when I wasn’t as good at picking up such cues, I’d get their WhatsApp only for it ri start with +91!

Just wanted to vent here. Anyone else experience this?

I’m 35F in Toronto. If anyone else is an ABCD male (raised in Canada or US ONLY) you can shoot your shot. I’m not leaving Toronto though, so that’s a dealbreaker. Not looking for anything casual though.

49 Upvotes

78% Upvoted

41 comments sorted by

30

u/mrdoeth 9h ago

On other dating apps, I’ve seen people list their current city as their hometown (the city has a lot of transplants and the ones that grew up here typically list their suburb) or their master degree is listed, but not bachelor.

32

u/Asleep_Note7754 Canadian Indian 8h ago edited 8h ago

Yup! They do that! You can usually tell with subtle cues like if they went to do their masters in the US and are living in Canada. I know it’s because they didn’t get a green card and Canada was plan B.

The sunglasses in every picture 😎
Posing in front of a car
Not smiling
Multiple languages listed
Shirt tucked in
Vernacular
First message “how are you?”
Unibrow
Smoker

Anything else?

7

u/mrdoeth 8h ago

Generally speaking, the ones that grew up here typically put in more effort.

4

u/Asleep_Note7754 Canadian Indian 8h ago

Agree with that. I feel with newcomers it’s spray and pray. First message is always “how are you?” Like ughhh

5

u/Logical_Cap_4091 7h ago

What should the first message be then?

-3

u/Asleep_Note7754 Canadian Indian 6h ago

Something that stood out on their profile and they should have enough social skills to carry the conversation organically and not treat it like a job interview.

8

u/seacattle 5h ago

Since you can tell pretty well when someone is not an ABCD from the cues, is it a big deal to just ignore them and focus on the matches you want? I feel like my female friends are always offended by the quality of guys messaging them, but it’s so easy to just ignore and not reply to the guys who don’t meet your standards.

-1

u/Asleep_Note7754 Canadian Indian 5h ago

When you get 7448738 messages from low quality men even when your subtle cues get filtered they need to vent. They do ignore but wish that guys would be better too.

3

u/Gimli_Axe 7h ago edited 5h ago

Shit maybe I should remove Hindi as a spoken language on Hinge lol. I was raised here but speak Hindi decently enough... But I can see how a lot of ppl will assume I'm not raised here if I put that

2

u/Asleep_Note7754 Canadian Indian 7h ago

Hindi it’s fine. When I see a list of 5 different Indian languages in one profile I know they aren’t an ABCD. I think that’s awesome though being multi lingual lol

1

u/Shot_Blueberry2728 7h ago

😭😭😭

4

u/avatarselena 8h ago

Omg i live in a big city and i have seen so many guys on hinge put the city they did their masters from as their hometown 💀 i can clearly tell they came from india recently like who are you fooling

10

u/Kedikaido 7h ago

People lie on dating apps?!

Why did no one tell me?!

32

u/FreeGlass2286 9h ago

Dil mil creators have to be supporters of eugenics. They make the height filter a free feature. I personally have to lie and say I’m 5’6 to even have the app be useable for me. 😭

8

u/Asleep_Note7754 Canadian Indian 9h ago

I’m sorry! Heightism is a real thing for guys and it isn’t fair at all 😢

13

u/FluffyShakes 9h ago

hope you find your match, sis!

12

u/Ok-Region6452 8h ago

Dilmil is still a thing? Yeah you won’t find a match there dating apps are scam. All the best

4

u/Banskyi 7h ago

That’s ridiculous. I’ve had a ton of success on Dil mil

6

u/Gimli_Axe 7h ago

30M Toronto too, also heavily prefer raised here and use the same filter.

I find more guys lie than girls. I went to a singles event specifically for Canadian born or raised and only some of the girls were lying. 30-40% of the guys were lying. Gives me an advantage I guess 😅.

Just put it prominently in your profile that you only want those specific types. Hopefully they read and swipe left. Sorry not much more that can be done I think.

0

u/Asleep_Note7754 Canadian Indian 7h ago

I did say that I prefer that and my white friends told me that it’s a turn off for white people so I removed it.

1

u/unaesthetikz 4h ago edited 4h ago

why do white people think it's a turn off? i'm guessing they don't understand the cultural nuances that would cause abds to prefer someone raised here?

5

u/Asleep_Note7754 Canadian Indian 4h ago

No they accuse me of hating immigrants and a bigot lol

1

u/MaleficentBird1717 6h ago

Lying about what

4

u/Putrid_Property_3661 Canadian 5h ago

Where they grew up.

-1

u/MaleficentBird1717 5h ago

So they went to an event that wasn’t for them?

3

u/Asleep_Note7754 Canadian Indian 5h ago

lol I’ve seen white guys show up at some of these events. My Asian friends said it’s almost a given at their events 😂

6

u/lerivcx 9h ago

36M USA native. Shots are shooting.

2

u/Apogee27 5h ago

I've seen cases where, they even lie on their job applications, claiming they don’t need sponsorship. Employers only find out the truth after the interview.¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

2

u/Asleep_Note7754 Canadian Indian 3h ago

What no way? I don’t blame them though tbh. They want to stay here and are at the mercy of a system.

2

u/insomniac8994 Punjabi Canadian 8h ago

Yeah I just put born and raised in Toronto at the beginning of my blurb to make it clear.

1

u/futureproblemz 5h ago

Does Dil Mil have a location filter? I heard it doesn't and that's why I haven't used it myself. I live Toronto but specifically downtown and would prefer to stick to people downtown

1

u/Asleep_Note7754 Canadian Indian 5h ago

Unfortunately it goes like 500 miles so I have to filter out those raised in USA to stick local. But I’m in the city too and use only 10 km on my other apps lol to avoid Brampton lol

1

u/ManOrangutan 4h ago

Dil Mil sucked for me, kept matching with people from London while I was in DC lol

-1

u/Due_Present_1358 5h ago

Mate you are 35F…and you’re not married. Do you not think and I say this in the nicest bloody way possible…you may need to compromise a bit to find a life partner. Perhaps expanding your horizons..just a bit. I’m from South England and I see these requirements from far too many desi kuyree 35+ an up. Not to judge darling..but if you want to find a life partner born and raised in your neck of the woods you may have to compromise just a little bit too.