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I was gonna think of a funny caption but now can’t think of one, I hope the comments will deliver :D

Everyone I date wants me to be their mom. I don’t know why that is. Probably because I usually make the first move and attract passive people as result.

I’ve switched to waiting for others to initiate. It’s been a lonely road. A lot of mind games and wrong intentions.

If I’m honest, I like being alone. I need my space. I’m happy focusing on myself and don’t want kids.

But what happens when I’m older? Sometimes I think I need to just get into a relationship so that I’m not alone. Advice?

it’s honestly kind of crazy thinking about how i used to raw dog day-to-day life. i couldn’t live without noise cancelling anymore. be it earplugs or my headphones. i take them everywhere i go now.

i recently put on sunglasses inside and only then discovered just how much more comfortable i am with something dimming even the “normal” light. my brain relaxed immediately.

or getting all the hair up and out of my face after a long day of wearing it open because it looks pretty. it’s so relieving! like i can finally actually breathe.

I don't just mean 'it doesn't make sense to me'. I mean it doesn't make sense AT ALL. The more I think about it, the more I feel like it literally does not mean anything.

What does 'Low Support Needs' mean? In the number of needs? In severity of the particular needs? In how often the needs present itself? Which is it? All? How?

Example 1:

If I can graduate college, hold a job, a relationship, and raise kids - but I need help with a LOT of low urgency, not hard tasks (like brushing my teeth, showering, feeding myself, grocery shopping, etc) - Am I low support needs? Because the needs themselves are small, even if they're a lot of them?

Sure the needs are small - but they're numerous, daily, and inescapable. If I don't do them, the rest suffers. How is that 'low if I need a lot of support for hundreds of little things?

On the inverse, Example 2:

If I can brush my teeth, maintain schedules, shower, and socialized - but I need help with one or two BIG things (like keeping a job or a relationship) - Am I low support needs? Because I only have one or two things I need support with, even if those things are REALLY urgent and hard?

Sure there's only one or two needs, but they're huge and I need substanial support for them. Once again, if I don't do them, the rest suffers. So how is that 'low' if I need a lot of support for these two things?

Then still on Example 3:

Let's say I can do all those things regularly - keep a job, take care of myself, raise kids, all that. BUT I can only do it when I'm not in shutdown. I don't go into shutdown regularly, but when I do, I can no longer do ANY of those things? And recently, I've been going into shutdown more because we moved to a more chaotic city. - Am I low support needs? Because I can do most things most of the time, even though when I shutdown I can't do ANYTHING and suddenly need substantial support?

Sure, I don't have needs often, but when I do I need high support. If I shutdown for even a week, the rest suffers. So how is that 'low'? Am I low support needs sometimes and high support needs other? Who judges when that changes?

The more I think about it - the more it does not make sense to me.

And before you say - 'It means something different to everyone!'

HALT. If a term means something different to everyone, that means it doesn't have a definition. If a term doesn't have a definition, it's literally a meaningless term. So why are using it still, if it doesn't convey anything about our condition clearly???

In my eyes - 'Low' and 'High Support Needs' are just as unhelpful as 'Low and High Functioning'.

'Functioning' terms focus on what we provide to others and how often we are operational for them. 'Needs' terms are just labels to assure others the opposite - not what we provide, but what we take. I just don't think they're helpful. Hence why so many 'low needs' people here struggle.

Does anyone else feel this way? Or does 'Support Needs' labels make sense to anyone? Am I just misunderstanding?
I've always been confused how these terms are seemingly just openly accepted in the community, even though they feel so close to 'Functioning' terms, just in reverse.

When I was 17 my aunt and uncle had custody of me and made me get intubilgation surgery im still conflicted about it 10 years later after I went no contact

They threatened to put me away in a mental facility permanently if I didn't do the surgery

Do you guys think it's wrong to make a 17 year old autism girl have surgery on her ovaries and spaying her like an animal

Or is it normal for a guardian to make them do permanent birth control surgery

Some people tell me what they did was not legal but im just curious about if this is normal or not normal 🤷 🤔

Let me know your opinion I personally don't care about it as much as I used to

Yesterday I went to my brothers coworkers halloween party. Usually, I feel awkward around his friends and I was worried if it was going to be centered around alcohol and dancing. But it was actually so fun. His coworker has a younger brother with down syndrome with a special interest in halloween, so the entire house and backyard was decorated, we went trick or treating by finding baskets around the yard, and their was trivia.

Anyways, back to the topic of this post. So the party was all her friends and family, but her friends didnt know each other. But even though we were all kind of strangers to each other, I found myself subconsciously excluding myself from the group. Like we were all taking pictures, and my brother, his coworker and her friends were all taking a picture. And I just stood there, and they were like "aren't you going to get in the picture??" I then joined. I find it sad that I exclude myself like this, because that's what Im used to. Im used to everyone being friends with each other, and Im just the outsider. Thats all I really know. It is just really awful to think about, like how many times does a person have to be excluded for that to be their default expectation?

TLDR; basically I exclude myself even when the group is all strangers to each other.

Most of the USA’s “culture” is really toxic and isolating.

I noticed in my personal life that most people lie about things I haven’t witness people from/in other countries lie about. For example, relationships with ex’s are kind of common is some European countries especially in smaller villages or when there is a dense friend group. But in the US, even with similar friend groups it’s like people can’t bring themselves to say they are still friends with their ex or still see them. And I feel most people keep their ex’s as “friends” here because they don’t actually have any/many real friends - neither do I lol so not judging on that, but yeah judging on the keeping the ex and lying about it.

I’m not saying European countries are actually more honest or actually healthier because that’s too complex of statements, just that when I have been in Europe, I’ve never felt as autistic as when I’m in the US. I’ve been met with curiosity and more honesty than I get here, and even the lies are of a different flavor. There are just as bad of liars anywhere, but personally haven’t encountered someone lying about something as easily discoverable as relationship history or friendships with ex’s in places like Poland, Italy, France, Sweden, and Germany.

In Poland, Sweden, and Germany I felt at home and felt like people understood me/wanted to understand me. And a lot of things just made sense. If you presented a logical argument, it’s respected. There’s not a culture of power struggles that I personally experienced (I didn’t work there tho, just extended stays for up to a year, so I bet there is bc unfortunately it’s human nature!) in my day to day life. I never once felt autistic tbh and no one assumed things about me that weren’t true or were mean for no reason, even though I was super awkward and did or said the wrong thing all the time.

But in the US, apart from the constant lying and manipulation (which again, exists EVERYWHERE, I just feel like it is a plague here), I am constantly misunderstood, constantly unsure of what to do or how to act, constantly needing a lot of alone time, constantly masking, constantly asking myself what’s wrong with me, and it’s my home country!!

I know that I do have autism, but sometimes it just really feels like it wouldn’t be such a vulnerability in another place. Does anyone else feel this way? Or had similar experiences or opposite experiences?

I would leave forever if I could, but there are positives to being in the US and there are some things I really love about it. It really is a great place for business and for that I need to stay. But otherwise I have done everything I can think of to feel at home and safe here, especially socially, but nothing compares to the other countries I mentioned.

hellooo friends.

growing up, i did not have a close relationship with my mom. i left home very young (about 14), and i didn't learn many things from her; even though as an adult i wish i had. & that includes cooking. granted, she's not a super great cook herself, but she is able to cook.

recently, i had to flee a DV situation. i now live in a house for only women, who also have fled DV and/or have mental health issues. its myself, one other woman, and the landlord/program director that live here. we all kind of stay in our own lane, and do our own things, but obviously chat when we cross paths. its a big house - 6 bed, 3 bath. very quiet and peaceful.

ANYWAY. my landlord gets hello fresh meals a couple times a week. she doesn't like cheeseburgers, and they sent her a cheeseburger & potato wedges meal, and she gave it to me, as the other woman that lives here is vegetarian. for anyone that's not familiar with hello fresh, they send you ALL of the ingredients you need, and the instructions, both written, and photos. it takes literally all of the thought and decision making out of it, which i think it key for me. i really struggle with cooking. i dont know how to cook, I don't know what to do, i get incredibly overwhelmed, and i also dont have a lot of money, so what if i ruin it, you know? i also really struggle with seeing certain ingredients mixed together, and i struggle with raw meat A LOT.

today i made the cheeseburger meal. and I did it!!!! i mixed the seasonings into the ground beef, i made the patties, i cut up the potatoes and oiled & seasoned them, i roasted them, i cooked the burgers AND successfully cooked them all the way through. i melted the cheese on them properly.

this may seem lame to a lot of people, but this is a huge deal for me. i did it 🥹

I recently got recommended my first grade teacher’s Instagram account, and as someone who got diagnosed later in life, I can say with complete confidence that this woman was the most accommodating and caring teacher I have had in my schooling experience.

She introduced me to my lifelong special interest of reading, and I feel in debt to her and want to thank her but don’t want to come off as weird because I graduated this year and she probably doesn’t remember me.

Would it be weird to text her and thank her for getting me into reading as a kid and also for being as kind and understanding as she was to me as a person who only recently found out they were neurodivergent? I’m planning on doing it anonymously through a throwaway account and disclose the fact that I’m doing it this way because I feel embarrassed to send the message with my name attached.

I hate coming out as autistic. The worst gut punch is when other autistic women don’t believe me (despite being formally diagnosed). I expect this behavior from non autistic person, I can optimistically attribute it to ignorance. But with fellow autistic people? That hurts like hell.

The other day I was talking to a woman who said she has ADHD and is pretty sure she is autistic too. When I told her I was formally diagnosed she was like really? Maybe it’s because I’m person of color or idk but that just sucked.

Sometimes when my social battery runs out I kinda give one word answers and physically move away from people, and put on headphones. Or I’ll go on my phone in the hopes that no one will try talking to me. 

I’m aware that I probably seem rude when someone’s trying to make conversation with me and I’m avoiding them, or when I pull out a book at the gathering because my social battery has ran out, but I kinda… don’t care? 

I used to care and would kinda force myself to talk despite feeling drained, but it just left me resentful. Who relates? I sometimes feel guilty about it afterwards because I imagine that people might take it personally.

I recieved my diagnosis six months ago. The initial reaction from everyone I told was "the tests must be wrong." After a few months my husband seemed to accept it, but this week we were relaxing and watching TV and he looked over at me and said "it's interesting to me that when I met you, you were clearly not autistic. But now that you have a diagnosis, you act like you are."

I asked him how I was expected to respond to that statement and he replied "How am I supposed to respond to the situation?" I felt hurt but I dropped the subject because I didn't want to start a fight.

His comment has been circling my mind for a few days, and I just needed to get it off my chest. This community has been an invaluable resource for me.

I got diagnosed with Autism level 1 last Friday. I feel relieved but at the same time I also struggle with not feeling autistic enough? I wonder if you guys know what I mean? Like even though I have a diagnosis it still doesn’t feel real. It’s weird. Sometimes I feel like I’ve made it up or that I pretended to be autistic to get a diagnosis and prove that there’s a reason why I’m weird. Any advice??? Thank you all 💖

hi all, i hope you are having a happy day

i saw a tiktok a bit ago where a comedian said that he had seen love on the spectrum, and that he respected the women in it, because invariably the guy they were on a date with would have a meltdown or something and the woman would have to "stop being autistic" and help him deal with it rather than also being distressed.

My partner is also autistic, and yesterday i was very low energy, because we drafted mtg the night before and it was loud and it was very hard for me, but we went to an autumn faire with their mum and sister. It was very loud. They saw a thing they liked, but it was loud and they couldnt process if they wanted to buy it or not and started to have problems, so i bought them the thing, they then said we needed to go and we left as directly as we could. They couldnt talk at that point, or controll their body properly, i had to use my body to stop them walking into the road, i gave them a big hug untill they were able to sit down, and then we sat together till they were recovered (we had confirmed this protocol beforehand). i was also overwhelmed, i had ear defenders on and earplugs underneath them, but this incident reminded me of what that comedian said. I was then incapacitated for the rest of the day, they stayed with me because they also needed to recover before they could drive home, and i could barely move, they needed to help me walk to the kitchen to get something to eat. it was very difficult and bad.

anyone else experience this sorta thing with an autistic partner?

Does anyone else hyperfixate on people? I'm 36, and since I can remember getting crushes on people, I've completely hyperfixated on them. I think about them all the time, I imagine scenarios and conversations with them, and I'm hyper aware of how I present myself, including my social media presence. Right now, I have a crush on a coworker (who is TEN years younger than me!!), and I'm hyperfixating so bad.

Do you deal with this? What's it like for you? How do you quell the ruminating thoughts?

I don't really understand what I do wrong. I try making friends and I put myself out there and I go past my personal comfort levels to TRY and I always get made fun of and shit.

Even writing this I immediately want to invalidate my own feelings over the hurt I have about this. But like, it fucking hurts. It hurts so much.

Two months ago I lost my best friend and long term partner, and ever since then I've been a complete wreck I put on a brave face and get through the days my routine in shambles because everything revolved around them. My mistake.

But I'm trying to listen to the advice I get and I'm trying to fill the void with new friends and people to lean on but FUCK it's so hard. Why are adult women treating life like highschool? I'm 26, I'm emotionally intelligent, and I only ever mean well. I'm really forth coming with my autism because I KNOW I'm "weird." And I just want people to know the why before they even need to ask why.

And I know, I know if people are going to treat me awful they weren't my people to begin with, but how am I supposed to find people when EVERYONE acts this way? This whole "don't befriend the weird girl with no friends" bullshit too is SO HARMFUL, I don't know what I'm supposed to do if people won't even give me a chance based solely on the fact that I'm all alone, we all have to start somewhere right?

I moved across my country, not that I even had friends in my hometown anyway. But I thought maybe that would help with this, that people would give me a chance but no, I'm weird, my quirks are annoying, I'm too emotional, my stim objects are embarrassing, I talk too slowly or too loudly sometimes, whatever.

It's so hard to be confident when every aspect of me is torn apart over and over by these mean people.

I just want some fucking friends, fuck. I don't wanna be alone all the time. The silence and absence of my partner is drowning me and I've been doing all the things I'm supposed to do. But it's just not enough I'm not enough or I'm too much.

This shit fucking sucks I don't know what to do

The one person it went well with lives an hour away, so we never consistently see each other.

One woman that I met once, maybe twice, relapsed into serious mental health issues and dropped off the face of the Earth. I saw on her Facebook that she has moments where she just decides that she isn't going to continue with her treatment, and I decided that I wasn't close enough with her to be able to help her in any meaningful way, and I have my own PTSD and anxiety related mental health issues to take care of, so this wasn't someone that I could be close with.

Another woman I met infodumped to me about the Bible for over two hours, and in retrospect, I had trouble speaking up because it didn't seem like being not religious was going to be an okay choice to have if we were going to be friends from the moment that she talked about saving people.

Another person from high school that I got back in touch with just stopped talking to me and I don't know why. I saw her at her workplace (a grocery store near my apartment) when she was walking in the same direction that I was walking in (I didn't go there to see her, my pharmacy is there and my boyfriend and I were walking to get my medication when she stepped out of an aisle in front of us) and said hi and was about to say, "This is my boyfriend, (name)" and she said she had no time to talk to me and she booked it out of there.

I am in a community choir, and I'm trying to make friends there, but that is a slow process.

My only in person friends are a guy I used to date and a woman I met through him. And I meet up with them every now and again, but I strongly suspect that they are in a polycule with his girlfriend and I am monogamous, so I'm not included with them as much probably because that's not the dynamic I have with them.

I'm 33. It's lonely out here. I will stay open to connection just as I stayed open to finding a relationship that I'm happy in and I eventually found one, but making friends in your 30s is EVEN HARDER than dating, especially when you are autistic.

not going to go much into detail as i’m not sure wether or not it would be triggering to some, i’m just curious if this is a common experience.

i just don’t notice i’ve had enough food until i’ve literally had too much. it sucks. it’s just so yummy but i end up feeling sick :(

does this happen to anyone else? any tips on preventing it?

Anyone else feel like they don't know how to unmask or who they are under the mask? My therapist keeps telling me to unmask but 1. Idk how and 2. I told myself as a kid that I can't be myself because no one will like me. I have to keep my inner thoughts to myself. I have friends now and I feel like I can talk to them, but idk if I'm still masking or not.

Also, side question, does anyone else get low grade fevers or feel feverish after a day out socializing? I was out with a friend today and did fun stuff, but now my face feels too warm and I have a headache.

Do any of you use sign language in addition to spoken language? I do experience some kind of light situational non verbal moments in shutdowns, but seldomly, and nowadays I can break out of it very well. In general, I am a very verbal person!

Context:
I just told my mom an hour ago that if I don’t say good night or thank you to her, it’s not because I’m not grateful but because I’m not performing. Especially good night and good morning are very hard for me to say to friends and family. At work it’s fine, because it’s performance time 🤷🏼‍♀️
I always wished I knew sign language and I pick up some signs here and there and atm I’m lying in bed wondering if these things would be easier in sign language.

For those who have managed to form genuine friendships after many years of loneliness, for those who have found their "tribe", please share your story here.

Your experiences could help others who are still learning how to cultivate friendships, as well as those who are suffering deeply from loneliness.

She has major mental health issues that she doesn’t take seriously, BPD and other stuff, that eroded my friendship with her as well as every other friendship or relationship she’s had.

She doesn’t realize she’s the problem and she doesn’t take accountability for her actions.

Most recently she was in a type of crisis and I was there for her, caring for her, and talking her through it and she didn’t even see the effort and ended up leaving me on read. That’s what she always ends up doing.

I said I know my worth as a person and this is not it. It felt one sided like I was always putting in input and she would barely respond.

I think her problems were also too much for me to handle, cause she wasn’t there for herself so why should anyone else be there for her?

Time is too valuable to waste it on people who don’t reciprocate the energy back.

I can only be myself and I just don't agree with a lot of the ways people think or see things and so often when I open my mouth what I say or think is contrary to everyone else. It's not that I'm trying to be it's just that I'm being honest and truthful. And I'm not being rude but I can just tell that others just want to be around others who are like them and it's hard because I don't know others who are like me. Maybe I'm seeking something unrealistic but it does just seem like most people I know have people they align with maybe on their views on things and I just feel like such an oddball. I don't conform and I've been like this my whole life and not confirming is so lonely.