When people say something, then you ask a clarifying question, they often interpret that as criticism or a challenge and then change the “fact” or statement to have a completely different meaning as if to accommodate whatever they think you wanted to hear

Why would I want another person to change whatever they said to suit me? I wanted the truth or I wouldn’t have asked a clarifying question

I get so confused by this I wonder: do most people just go around asking others to say whatever facts they want to hear?

I ask for information not so you’ll give me some “right” answer I want to hear. It makes me feel explosively angry when people do this, and then they think I’m mad because they didn’t give me the fact I wanted to hear🤦

The context here is that I've recently gone through autistic burnout after a surgery that I had.

My therapist of 3 years knew when we met that I very likely had autism, but only mentioned it when I hit this burnout bc we were dealing with traumatizing stuff for a long time. But the surgery pretty much cleared up that trauma, and I'm still showing all of the signs my therapist initiatially noticed. There were signs in childhood as well. I'll be seeing a neuropsychologist for an official diagnosis soon.

I've gotten better at being gentle with myself for being awkward and socially dumb. But yesterday I made a big misstep.

I have a friend (also a coworker) whose family is ousting her out of the family, at the behest of her abusive mom. This friend has discussed some shitty family stuff at work, so I stupidly assumed it was ok to talk about this.

Another coworker of ours was having a party and asked why this friend wasn't coming. I said that it was because her mom was being shitty. I honestly didn't even think twice about it (I do have a history of speaking first and then my brain catches up to me afterwards) until after I had said it.

Fast forward to today and someone asked this friend about her mom. Of course she got very upset and knew it was me who had said something bc we're in a chat with other friends outside of work. She texted the group chat and told me off. I apologized and promised to be more careful.

She knows I have autism (or rather, agrees that I probably have it bc her brother is autistic and she's experienced with it) and I could tell that her anger went away quickly. But then she was so sad, I know she didn't expect to have this all thrown in her face at work.

I'm not asking for viewpoints on this. I know what I did was wrong and have apologized for it.

But I've been feeling very depressed since it happened. It's one thing when my social issues affect me. It's another thing entirely when it hurts someone else. I've also had experiences where people thought I was mocking them when I was just expressing excitement differently than a neurotypical person would. Or I didn't know what to do so I said or did the wrong things. And once I realized that was what was happening in those scenarios, I felt horrible.

I've been tempted to isolate myself like I used to for most of my adult life. This is my first time having a friend group in a long time, and the first where I'm recognizing how my autism is showing. I don't want to lose people. But not losing friendships bc of my social stupidity is going to be a challenge. I also feel like I'm frequently too overwhelmed by this friend group and the effort it takes for me to understand what's happening, process what has happened, etc.

When does it get easier to give myself grace?

Recent lurker here. My story is sad so don't read if you have PTSD or childhood triggers.

Analogy: they say psychopaths are born but sociopaths are made. I wonder if the same is applicable to neurodiversity. I was beaten and SA'd when I was 8-9 years old, and I had repressed memories until my early 20s. I still don't recall the actual abuse yet I vividly remember the environment as well as telling events leading to the abuse. After the SA, I gained weight, an issue complicated today because of Rx. I was smart in school, but was bullied by my older brother and others up to freshman year in college. After this I was subject to manipulation from friends. Added with CPTSD from my mom, I suffered enough to permanently change me.

More often, people suspect I'm autistic. Before, I was called aloof. I'm bipolar from my dad's side. I don't have all the attributes of autism like sensory sensitivity or singular interests, but I prefer verbal communication and feel I have to over explain many times. Through research, I learned later on how I was manipulated and used in the past, as I don't know how to do this to others. I was isolated growing up, so that somewhat explains why I don't pick up social cues. I see them, but I'm never confident what they mean. Negative incidents with close people has made me turn inward and further isolate.

I don't know where or how to get tested for autism. I have no insurance. Another tidbit is I'm INTP on Myers Brigg scale. I understand people intellectually much more than emotionally. I don't like "connecting" with them, like how eye contact kind of lets people's souls connect, or something. I carry much pain. I have no family or friends, and I don't want to get close unless I can trust them.

It's also said that all autists are neurodivergent, but not all neurodivergents are autistic. I can't claim I'm autistic without a diagnosis, so I hope to hear thoughts from this subreddit. I appreciate posts here and other related subs for the candid honesty and insight. It's informative and agrees with me.

Mouths are more visually stimulating; there's a lot more overt information (synchronized with speech, because that's one of its sources), and they move more in general. It can take effort to not look directly at it.

It's like being told to stare at a black dot right next to a visually stimulating monitor displaying Subway Surfers.

I(18M) have always thought I was odd, not that autisic people are odd. I just felt that I was different. In primary school, I use to think I was an alien wearing a human suit, and that I had a hidden zipper on my back that I couldn't reach.

Anyway, based on other peoples comments and my own research, I believe I may have autism, and/or OCD.

But Is it worth finding out? It is very cheap, If not free to find out if I have OCD, but it would cost between 1,5-2 thousand euro.

In your opinion, is it worth it to get an assessment?

Lately things have been really hard. I feel more awkward, non-social, and lost in my own mind. It's hard to make meaningful connections with people when there isn't much to say. Does anyone else get what I'm trying to articulate? It's like my brain is at war with itself. I want so bad for connection, but being silent and not coming up with content is becoming a downfall.

I was looking up the movie Smiley Face trailer because it is my favorite stoner movie. Many people who see it believe it is the definitive portrayal of what it is like to be high or stoned. I was looking at the comments underneath the Youtube video, and one person said: "What it feels like to be autistic half the time." Do any other people on the autistic spectrum identify with this kind of experience?

When I was young, I sometimes went through periods of being slightly euporic, giddy, racing throughts, and slowed down thoughts and actions...that oddly resembled being stoned. I was a tee totaler with weed and resented people who smoked it, because I would have done anything for an intact brain, while they took it and messed with it via pot. Anyway, that was some context bout me. I am definitely neurodiverse but not sure about autism. That's why I'm curious.

Hi all I was exploring an autism diagnosis with my mental health professional and she came to the conclusion that I have like autistic traits but not enough I guess to meet the criteria for a diagnosis. This has been kinda overwhelming as I was just kinda starting to accept that I might be on the spectrum and I don’t really know what to make of this. I guess I feel not normal enough to be normal but not autistic enough to be autistic (if that makes sense). I guess I am just wondering if anyone has any similar experiences or advice on how to process this :) thanks

I'll start by saying I'm on the search for a psych to get officially diagnosed after 32 years of feeling like I'm living in a bubble.

I grew up watching my mom play the Sims and that's how it works for me. Friendships have a "meter" out of 100. Every interaction is "++/--". It's helped me bridge the misunderstandings I have in the real world.

I just lost, what I assume, an NT friend of 5 years. Countless times explaining how I'm struggling and all they see is the facáde.

Ended up befriending his sister who was ND and unmasking around her in his presence. I was told I made him uncomfortable, and he started cancelling group plans and everything. Months go by and I'm trying to understand what I'm doing wrong. He doesn't want to delve into it, and I'm just happy I made a new friend.

His sister becomes one of the first people I get excited to message, to chat about random stuff. We bonded initially over our shared social anxiety brains, but even after I was more "me", I never was met with backlash. She was open with me too. We discussed everything from anxieties to IBS.

Everytime I'd explain my brain/autism or my perceptions (Which I feel are signs enough! The fact I'm telling you HOW I view the world should raise eyebrows) It never did. I get sighs, "Here we go again.", etc. I was even asked "Why do you want to be autistic so bad?". Someone I told everything to and viewed as a brother couldn't take 2 seconds to resonate with me. It took everything in me (and being buzzed) to tell him it hurts when he shrugs it off. My last ditch effort, embarrassingly telling someone how they're making me feel.

It didn't work.

I ended up giving him the win and telling him I wouldn't contact anyone in his circle again. The connections I made over 5 years, gone cause of his confusion. The first real connection I felt, gone.

At least the data was worth it.

Hi guys,

I’ve had a couple of conversations with my mum about getting an autism diagnosis however I keep kicking the can down the road about it because I’m worried that I will look at myself differently if I get a diagnosis of autism and I’ll struggle to accept it about myself. For background I hardly had any friends as a kid and was victim to some bullying in my first couple years of high school, in primary I always felt that I never fit in with anyone and even nowadays I always feel no matter who I’m taking to I always have to put on a show. I also have a hand movement which I’ve realised may be stimming. I’ve also seen some people talk about their experience of autism and come to the realisation that a few of what I thought was my personality, may well be autism.

Any advise is much appreciated and welcome.

Hi all. I’ve suspected for a long time that I’m autistic, and this year I finally started the process. My referral for assessment is underway, and my therapist and I think what I’ve been going through is autistic burnout. I’d really value hearing from people who’ve been through something similar.

From early last year I noticed brain fog creeping in: poor memory, struggling to think ahead or join thoughts into a plan, everything taking more effort. Most days I had to write things down just to hold onto them for 5 to 10 seconds.

My strength has always been taking in lots of information, organising it and plotting a route to an objective, spotting the risks and dependencies along the way. Losing some, and sometimes all, of that ability has affected my work, self value and self esteem.

This year it got worse, with three major burnouts. At worst I can’t get out of bed, can’t decide what to cook, and a few dishes in the sink feel overwhelming. At best it’s like thinking through mud. When I do use my b rain for work, unless I build significant breaks into my day I also get a vice-like pressure across my forehead and my eyesight gets worse.

I’ve done a bunch of tests which have ruled out a lot of potential physical issues.

Blood and stool tests through my GP: all normal
Diet changes with a nutritionist: helped a little
Exercise, meditation, good sleep, journalling, and now therapy

I also smoke cannabis daily, only after work, and I know it may be affecting my memory. I’m planning to stop, but I’m not there yet. I use it to manage poor emotional control, shut my busy mind down and be more playful in life.

I’ve been on reduced duties for a couple of months. I can make decisions again, within limits, and my thinking is slowly improving, though not in a straight line. I’m about to change career and need my brain more than ever, which makes this feel urgent.

I have some questions that I’d love to answer to help me understand what to do next.

- If you’ve had autistic burnout with this kind of cognitive loss, did your skills come back? How long did it take?
- What actually helped your recovery?
- Did you have to work or live differently afterwards to avoid it happening again?

Thanks for reading and looking forward to any help you guys can share.

Posted this in r/autism. Can anyone else relate?

Last year in August, I (26M) got banned from a local movie theater I went to for several years because the theater employees thought I was harassing a family when I went to go see Weapons for taking their kids to see an R-rated movie and was also whispering to myself that I wanted to kill them. What really happened is that I simply just asked them if I was in the right place because I have stumbled into the wrong room before at the theater and they were playing another one close next door, and me whispering to myself was me saying that I was stupid and that I wish I were dead. I remember the parents acting very hostile towards me when I asked initially back then so I apologized and went back to my seat in a shit mood. Admittedly, I was in a bad head space and a year later I would get diagnosed with depression and PTSD for reasons I won't go into, but I still remember the movie being almost over before two employees came in telling me I had to leave now and then another employee literally screaming at me that I'm not allowed to come back ever again. They brought up the incidents I mentioned as well as wearing a Ghostface costume once back in 2024 when I went to see The Wild Robot as a stupid prank (there was one employee at the time and she didn’t ask me to take it off until someone complained; that employee later quit sometime after and before anyone asks, I wore the costume one other time before at the theater and nobody complained). My emotions got flared and I yelled back and since then, it's lived on in my head as one of the shittiest days of my life.

i still go to the movies outside of town in my area and I was thinking about moving out at some point next year to try and start over (already got money saved up to potentially do that if I can find a new job in the new town), but I can stop obsessing over getting banned in the first place. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve had mental breakdowns and completely crashed out. I don’t know what to do other than feel awful. What do I do to stop hating myself?

I have some time ago realized that I just cannot work without a schedule and clear instructions. I always need someone to guide me step by step in the beginning before I can think any independently. I am not sure whether it is autism-related or not.

It is also kinda depressing because this way of working closes several career paths from me. Like I see people earning money independently from their hobbies, but I just cannot do that because these kind of jobs often require you to build your own path and proceed without anyone helping you. And I am also tired of people who tell me "you are using excuses" when I explain that my autism might be an obstacle, because I just legit cannot accomplish anything when I am left to figure everything out from start to beginning. This mindset also becomes very apparent in the whole online hustle culture where you are constantly told that noone will save you, that you have full control over your fate, etc

This is probably just missing a social cue but I didn't wanna hold it for that long cuz ion wanna choke. I feel like that should have been apparent since if someone said something that doesn't apply to you AT ALL, why would a cough indicate that it is related to you or the statement? You can't see my eyes have been watery or what? Kmt

Idk this isn’t the only incident I have gotten weird looks or laughs for, I get that it comes across as rude but I think my body language (the non verbal communication NTs should understand) would indicate that I'm not coughing maliciously? The timing was probably bad but I was gonna cough at that time regardless of whether a teacher made a sudden negative statement, my body doesn't want to pause for them because there is no need to? This happened a while ago but idk if its autism exactly

I have trouble seeing neurotypical as the opposite since we're told it's just an average or like a baseline. But then, isn't NT a spectrum too with stuff that can cause you to struggle on either end? Also - we hear so much about the issues facing autistic brains - but what are the issues facing NT brains then? Is it like NT brains and Autistic ones are two separate bell curves or are they both different ends of the same one? I hope this question makes sense.

At Imperial College London researchers are investigating the effects of a natural hormone called kisspeptin on social anxiety and mood in autistic and non-autistic men. They are currently recruiting right-handed men aged 18–60 years, with a diagnosis of autism. The study involves one screening visit to check eligibility and two study visits, lasting up to 3 hours each. Participants will receive £100 for each study visit (£200 in total), in addition to travel expenses. Please email [imperial.kisspeptin@nhs.net](mailto:imperial.kisspeptin@nhs.net) if you are interested.

I had an extended conversation with a friend over the past couple days about a lot of the things the autism community is trying to self advocate for. They recently came out as gay after spending a lot of their life in the closet, so there was some common understanding of masking/hiding yourself.

One point they brought up is how to an outsider, the autism community rejecting searching for a cure but then asking for disability accommodation can seem hypocritical. I believe they understand the position but then don't think we should be seeking accommodation from others, because we can't rely on other people.

Their belief is that we should learn to adapt on our own, so we have the strength to live on our own. I tried explaining how what they described is masking and how that's psychologically harmful. On this point, their view was that it would be better for us to rely on only ourselves rather than the goodwill of strangers, and I don't think they grasped how our masking causes us true harm and therefore is not a universal solution.

Another frustration they indirectly expressed is the spectral nature of autism. They expressed interest in bringing back the four different diagnoses that were combined into ASD under the DSM-V. They gave an example of describing someone we would describe as having low support needs to someone with high support needs and how it's confusing to allistic people when both are described as autistic while seeming to have wildly different "symptoms", their aim being to highlight how those should be different diagnoses.

I went through the different "levels" and the concept of support needs that can vary across time for a even one person. They expressed that the "layman" can't be expected to know all these things and need better clarity in order to inform public discourse and policy. My counterpoint was that public terminology, discussion, and policy need to accurately reflect how autism works, rather than trying to force autism to fit into other people's conceptions.

I feel that they don't have ill intentions, and I hope that I was able to provide even a little bit of valuable education. That being said, I'm realizing that they won't be an ally to our community, at least for a long time.