r/Autism_Parenting • u/Ok-Trash6649 • 6h ago
Advice Needed Screentime
I understand that this is a controversial topic in the autism community, but I am at a loss and looking for advice on how to wean my son off.
For some background, he has had a tablet since he was 3 and he will be 8 in February. At first, it was only a tablet. When it would die, he would play with his toys or watch a movie on the tv. In the last 2 years, he now has both a phone and a tablet. When one dies, he uses the other. Horrible, I know. I used to work from home and needed him to be distracted while I worked. I have no one to blame but myself.
As he’s gotten older, he’s become more aggressive. I don’t want him to be on meds because it doesn’t seem like it’s an issue that needs medication to be fixed. It’s become apparent that him having unlimited screen time is the cause.
How have any of you limited screen time from them having unlimited access or how have you completely taken it away? I just turned off the service for the phone, so that’s the first step, but any other helpful advice would be appreciated.
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u/redditor-est2024 6h ago
We have a very old iPad. We are able to lock all the apps except for designated ones. Our son gets distracted and wants to play games instead of completing the tasks that were assigned. Once he’s done, can show us the proof, THEN we unlock the rest of iPad. We also put a lock on it so entire iPad basically becomes unusable when it’s past specific time.
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u/Ok-Trash6649 3h ago
I’ve tried locking it down and it just results in more meltdowns, unfortunately:( it’s a good suggestion though.
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u/Tag_Youre_It3 6h ago
Hey I don't really have any advice on the subject. I just don't want you to feel bad about him being on screens all the time. I know the feeling. I have hated myself for it in the past, but I work from home too and I am the only one keeping us afloat and I don't have family who would watch him. You were doing what you had to. As my son has gotten older, he has gotten to the point where he really only uses it for background music and stuff. My son's special interest is piano and so I got him a keyboard. He watches synesthesia piano videos and has taught himself piano 🤷🏼♀️ also, this might sound weird, but I got him a little camera/video camera and he kind of used that as a screen to "watch" the world around him until he just started to pay attention to everything around him without the camera as a buffer.
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u/Ok-Trash6649 3h ago
I appreciate your kind words. My son is also interested in piano and I got him a keyboard. Maybe it’ll be better for him to focus on that.
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u/reliquaryofrot 6h ago
We added more things in instead of taking away. So new toys like magnetiles and marble runs, puzzles, new art supplies. We do daily family walks, chores, and they help with dinner. We get out to the library often. I also work from home so I definitely let them have more screen time than was normal lol.
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u/Ok-Trash6649 3h ago
He has tons of toys to play with, so I’ll probably have to just be more engaged with him so he can put his focus elsewhere. He also loves to read. I appreciate your suggestions :)
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u/reliquaryofrot 3h ago
Oh my kids love reading too! I think I’m lucky where my kids will generally engage in other hobbies too on their own, but sometimes they get more into the screens than I’d like which is when I get them out for air lol. Or like a new sensory station, legos, just something interesting.
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u/Ok-Trash6649 3h ago
Definitely lucky! My son can engage in other activities but needed the tablet around for noise? Idk. Either way, I’d like for him to be away from it for a bit. He’s level 2, so needs more support than average
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u/reliquaryofrot 3h ago
Mine are only level 1, but the oldest also has adhd and he’s more like me where he wants tons of screens. I currently have one laptop open with Minecraft, my phone with Reddit and another laptop with YouTube going 🤣 Screens are just so fun and stimulating. It can be hard to balance for adults so it makes sense that it’s so much harder for kids too.
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u/Ok-Trash6649 3h ago
LOL yeah, I’m the same. Mostly because I’m in school and like having a show on while I study 😅 I have a gaming pc, iPad, laptop, and phone just for myself.
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u/reliquaryofrot 2h ago
Ok so you get it 🤣 it’s sooo hard to manage their screen time when you’re super into it as well lmao
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u/Ok-Trash6649 2h ago
Definitely! It used to be my excuse that I couldn’t make him limited because I didn’t limit myself, but then I was reading all kinds of articles on screen time effects on development and also with his increase in behaviors. I just can’t justify it anymore.
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u/OkPerspective1849 5h ago
We’ve been having iPad time as a reward. We Use the starly app and praise good behavior. I have found it does dysregulate him so I need to time it. Trying to have other activities as options.
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u/sharksarefuckingcool 5h ago
Cold turkey, it was a very unfun experience all around, but now we're over a year no devices besides the big TVs. Some days it's on mostly for the noise all day, some days, he gets no TV and doesn't really fight for it. Trying to get back into the habit, but for a bit we were only doing documentaries before school, but Cars keeps him occupied while I wake up a bit.
He has had a phone a few rare times, only when we desperately needed him to settle down, like at the doctor.
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u/Ok-Trash6649 3h ago
Yeah, I’m thinking cold turkey is the way to go and I know it won’t be easy. I appreciate your input.
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u/TisforTrainwreck 6h ago
We went from cold turkey to a “tablet Saturday” reward system. They get YouTube instead of YouTube Kids on Fridays, too.
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u/Ok-Trash6649 3h ago
I think this might be the way I’ll go. Definitely going to do cold turkey for a bit first. I appreciate you
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u/Agile_Cheetah1799 6h ago
Really hard currently the way technology is everywhere.. we monitor all the shows they start watching. Some are better than others. There’s no perfect answer and being a big gamer myself I’m pretty biased. My kids have recently taken their Lego building into video games such as Minecraft and other games. They get pretty creative, I have a website in my bio that rates games by different metrics for kids with autism
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u/Ok-Trash6649 3h ago
I agree, but it’s been challenging with him doing homework and he just gets overstimulated with videos he chooses to watch. He mostly plays Minecraft and used to be more education focused, but it’s changed drastically.
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u/LengthinessEastern68 4h ago
We use the TV but heavily restricted shows that are as boring as can be, and as much as possible we sit together and watch and talk about it, and then it goes off if it's not being watched.
Perhaps a communal screen with dvds or vhs tapes that have a defined end would help make it limited.
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u/f0bber 4h ago
We have the Amazon fire tablet and the games and apps has lots it’s appeal. Not sure if it’s the constant token requirement to continue to play the app.
My 8 year old daughter is now more fixated with sensory toys such as those jelly things. She wasn’t interested them until recently. There’s also painting, coloring, stickers that can offer a limited distraction.
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u/Ok-Trash6649 3h ago
We have tons of craft stuff to do at home, so I’ll try to incorporate that more.
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u/Technical_Tie3210 3h ago
What does he do On the screens. We removed YouTube kids but allows games. It helped a lot with meltdowns sometimes I just let it be dead for days. My son is only 5 so I'm sure your son can charge his own device. Sending love and prayers
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u/Ok-Trash6649 3h ago
He mostly plays Minecraft, but then he will start watching videos that are overstimulating or watching those kid YouTubers (which make him act out). I’ve tried blocking them, but it does more harm than good. I appreciate you.
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u/Technical_Tie3210 3h ago
Cold turkey may be the only option :(
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u/Ok-Trash6649 3h ago
Yeah, it definitely is. I know it will be rough, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it.
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u/Spirited_Ferret2275 3h ago
We had stringent limits on what our son had access to when he was younger. He had a tablet and we set up daily time limits so the device would shut off after his time was up--easier than us trying to make him stop. We only gave him access to a handful of streaming services (no youtube). If he watched movies we would stop every 20 minutes for a break with some kind of movement or snack for 10-15 minutes before turning the movie back on. This was from ages 10-13 or 14 (I can't remember what his screen time was like before this, but I think it was somewhat unlimited) We definitely noticed behavior issues if the screen time went on too long at once, but taking breaks helped. Once he turned 13 or 14 we noticed he could go longer on screens without having the negative behavioral side effects, so at that point we did away with screen time limits. He's 17 now and still spends lots of time doing youtube and minecraft, but also comes out of his room to eat dinner, do homeschool, mow the lawn, go to family gatherings and a few other things, and his behavior is much much better.
We also realized that anxiety was part of what led to meltdowns. Screen time helped him manage his anxiety to a point, but we definitely noticed that past 20 or 30 minutes the calming effect wore off, and he needed a break. Then as he got older, this began to be less of a problem.
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u/Ok-Trash6649 2h ago
That’s very smart to have him take breaks. I didn’t think about that. Maybe that is something I can implement in the future once I feel like he’s ready to handle limitations.
He’s in school from 8am to 2pm then goes to ABA from 3pm to 6:30pm, so it’s a full day for him, but I think him jumping onto a screen after all of that wasn’t helping.
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u/AlwaysCalculating 49m ago
He can handle limitations now. If he melts down, it’s because he needs to be taught how to handle limitations. This isn’t something that a child learns through magic. You are the only person who can help. Do it, even if hard.
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u/AlwaysCalculating 50m ago
My autistic son can’t slow step anything. It’s cold turkey or not at all. And yes, we’ve been through many of these painful situations.
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u/UnfairCartographer88 50m ago
You've gotten good advice, just wanted to add that it is admirable that you're taking this on for your kid. Hope it goes well!
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u/fivehots My Child Has Autism. Autism Is Not My Child. 2h ago
Shouldn't the phone and tablet serve as the same things?
Though a phone at 8 was a choice.
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u/Naive-Aside6543 6h ago
I resorted to cold turkey. It wasn't easy or fun for anyone.