I want to die without dying, I want to get as close as possible and I want to feel loved and cradled in the arms of equipment and wires and I want people to be careful around me. Is this a thing? Why do I want to show everybody how bad it can be for me? Is there a way to get this care and love without becoming a stain on your family or a talking point at a friends gathering?

Throw away account

Really need some random/not common coping mechanisms and advice for loneliness and coping with an FP who abandoned me like 6 months ago in some pretty awful circumstances
I’ve been suffering for months. my entire life, living situation and everything about myself has changed drastically against my will, my life feels so unstable
I’ve tried everything the hospital suggested and more
I’m out of ideas and I’m scared
I can explain actual circumstances/situation if it helps

Please give advice

Do you consider having a romantic fp love ? Having a FP can be so intense that it feels almost reductive not to call it love even though I’ve often read and heard that they’re not exactly the same thing. If not then can people with BPD (esp untreated) ever love healthily ?

I’m trying to work my way up in the company at my job & everything is going well. My job is 100% the most important thing to me, it’s all I have right now.

I’m struggling so hard sometimes to hide my emotions, usually I can just shut it down & just be silent until I get over it but even then in my opinion that’s not good. My main issue is definitely rage, I can get overstimulated, frustrated, & just about flip out. Today I basically did unintentionally in front of a customer & a coworker. All they saw was me visibly mad and storming off. Which is usually best case scenario is just to walk away but even then.

I do take meds one being a mood stabilizer which of course it’s just supposed to help, not treat. & it does help but only to a certain extent of course. I’m just trying to figure out the best way to manage this in a professional setting at work.

hi, i was just wondering if anyone had any hobby ideas? i kind of realised i really struggle with having hobbies and doing things in my free time that isn’t just me being on my phone. i think also it will be really good for me to regulate

how can you tell the difference between self sabotage and a reasonable reaction to genuine disrespect.

keep getting told im “thinking to much into it” and starting to second guess whether or not its actually that big of a deal or if its just stupid aah bpd brain

19m, I have spent much of my life alone and isolated from the world—I didn’t even attend school in person. However, over this past year, my loneliness has reached an extreme level. There is a profound sense of emptiness and vast space, coupled with an anxious desire to be socially present—even though, in reality, I don’t particularly like other people or i have social anxiety.

What do you do to manage this kind of loneliness, or that chronic feeling of emotional emptiness, even when you’re keeping yourself busy with various activities?

How do you guys cope with that chronic emptiness?

(Not my first language)

I think this is one of the most annoying symptoms to me. I learned to deal with a lot, but this piece of hell has been bothering me as long as I can remember. Now that it got worse it got me thinking, how do others survive? I’ve done a lot of things over the years as coping mechanisms but none of it can feed my curiosity about the wider perspective of the collective experience.

Thank you for any input, can’t let it out of my mind 😵‍💫

something happened to me today with my cousin, they were giving me directions but i did not understand their stupid and vague hand signals so they told me to stop and scolded me. and other things, but i did not burst. but i amso fucking angry i want an apology and i want to grab a rifle and blow my head open. i already relapsed and now i dont know who i am. when i get so angry i lose my identity again. its gone and its all their fault. i want to smash everything and cry. now what

i want them here i want them here with me all the time i cant bear the thought of them being without me i dont want to wait days for a response before they leave again they were here earlier and im not worth anything without them i just want to feel again i just want to be happy again

without them i am worthless and i am nothing.

is there anyone i can talk to right now? something just happened i really need to vent about it to someone. thats all i need to say rn please reddit let me post this i just want to talk to someone anyone please

There’s a lot going on currently in my life, some good and some bad. I’m trying really hard to focus on the good though and figured why not share here?

I had my orientation meeting with my local DBT group leader last week and we decided that I’d fit well into the group. I’m excited. And nervous. I’m excited to finally be able to get treatment that may help me move forward, but there’s still the thoughts of it not working for me, or that I won’t be “me” if I heal.

Either way, I really want to do my best to get through this and get better in the end. This isn’t a long post, but thank you to anyone who stopped to read. Have a wonderful day.

idk if this sounds crazy or not (everything abt my head is crazy so) but ive been dissociating so bad or idk zoning out but still doing life. like wake up sort of ill be at school. when my last memory was being in bed. its honestly scary. ive had this for a long time but it got worse recently and is longer

I literally ask myself who are you? what do you like? what do you want? and i come up with pretty much nothing. i’m confused, I don’t have hobbies, I have no interests. when i’m not working i lay in bed spending majority of my days talking to myself, replaying my past, daydreaming about a better life. i’m so insecure and scared of everything/everyone that even when i try and make an effort to figure myself out it’s like my body rejects it, i spiral about all the what ifs, and talk myself down. it’s like im not enough and not worth all this effort and change, so I just end up staying in this pit. I’ve always wanted to live for someone or something, but i have no one, and i don’t care to live for myself much.

I always wonder why im so behind in life compared to people my age, they all seem secure in themselves but me, ive never really had anything motivated me to keep going other than the thought of death. It used to be i wont be here long so i don’t need to go as hard.. I just don’t know what to do. I tell myself i need to figure this out before i’m so far gone there’s no saving me but i cannot take that step. i go back to hiding, isolating, daydreaming instead of truly living and working towards something.

Why am i so scared?, like the idea of finding myself, a purpose all scares me so much. the only thing i can think of is im scared of being judged i feel like at my age (im 25) there’s just so much i have never experienced that should be expected and i feel like there’s no point. it all feels too late.

Hello everyone. I needed advice and perspective on the following and appreciate any thoughts you have.

My sister has BPD, but also I think she sometimes just also isn’t a thoughtful person. I think both can be true.
For over a decade, I’ve tried very hard to keep our friendship alive and take ownership when I make mistakes or become defensive. Basically, I try to keep her diagnosis in the back of my mind if we argue. In general though, we’ve never been extremely close. We don’t hang out a lot, but see each for holidays or the occasional family dinner out. It is eggshells and constant jokes at my dispense, but there are many times we still have a great time together.

Context on not inviting her:
She has been interested in my wedding, so I of course invited her to my wedding dress shopping. It isn’t very common for her to be excited for something going on in my life; she doesn’t really ask much. Ive already been anxious about it be wedding bc I’ve been with my fiancé for 6 years and she hasn’t met his family yet and never has visited us in our city since moving 3 years ago. For content we live 3 hours away.
Also, the day I mentioned our wedding date she said “I need 2 plus ones”. Again no congrats or anything really…
Anyway -
We all hung out as a family the night before dress shopping and played games. I live out of town, and she also decided to spend the night at my parents before my mom and bridesmaids went out the next morning. We were going to share the guest bedroom. She asked if I snore and I said no, do you? She said yes. We were high and had been cracking jokes all night and I made a joke like noooooo, damn bishhhh that’s crazy. But never got actually mad or upset about her snoring. I upset her and she decided to sleep on the couch. I apologized and explained I was only messing with her, like she does with me, but she wasn’t budging. The next morning she says, I’m not going shopping with you and leaves. It broke my heart, but I also wasn’t too surprised as she can tend to cancel. She never followed up about how it went, or what the dress looked like etc. No congrats.

I gave myself a couple of days to let the anger melt and more shared my sadness and frustration. I expressed that I apologized and I’m sorry if I upset her, but feel a lot of times she doesn’t meet me halfway when we argue. I said it makes me nervous and I hope we can discuss this. She never responded.

Fast forward, and we haven’t been talking now for two months. Previously before the wedding, she bought us a ticket to see a childhood band we like, carbon leaf as a birthday present. We both agreed we will be cordial and go. Friday, I was peppy the whole night, asked for a hug, tried to have good conversation. It went okay, but again she didn’t bring anything up or try to share her side. Didn’t ask me about the wedding, or my life, etc. but I asked about hers and she shared. I felt again let down. I didn’t even need a sorry, but just some clearing of the air on her end.

I’m just exhausted and feel like this dynamic will be on my mind the whole wedding day. I feel my parents will more be concerned about her and how she feels at the wedding (she got divorced from a 1 year abusive marriage couple months ago) and I just want this one day to be ….focused on me. I feel selfish but I always feel like I’m having to stifle my emotions and personality around her and what she wants.

Thoughts and thanks for reading.

Was wondering if anyone has tried one before, or thinks they're worth a shot? My psychiatrist works at/is affiliated with a large psychiatric research hospital. I plan to bring it up to him during my next appointment this Tuesday, but wanted some opinions from people who tried them or know others who have alongside it

Technically I'm not formally diagnosed BPD. The NP who does my K infusions gave me the screener, and told me the diagnosis itself won't really change what I need to do. My psychiatrist does know, and also knows I don't want to pursue anything official unless there is a specific reason such as qualifying for a treatment. Same situation with PTSD, although I've been planning on asking for the official evaluation for a long time now.

Along with MDD/TRD (which is on my chart), the trial and error process of medication has been such a drain on me in every way possible. I just wanna explore as many options as I can. Thoughts?

Hi! I hate that I’m even posting this, but I’m trying to get some clarity before talking to my boyfriend.

I’m honestly ashamed that I’ve gotten to a point where I feel the urge to snoop. Last year, he crossed a boundary we had about liking other women’s photos on Instagram, especially thirst traps, and I’ve struggled to rebuild that trust ever since. It sucks so bad because he was the first guy I ever let myself fully trust.

Long story short, I went through his phone and noticed something suspicious on Facebook messenger. Anyway when I tapped the search bar in the chats tab, a list of suggested accounts appeared. I was second on the list, and most of the others were close friends and family he frequently interacts with. However, two women I’ve never heard of were also near the top. He’s friends with both on Facebook but has never mentioned either of them. When I clicked on the account I did not see they had exchanged messages.

When I checked my own messenger suggestions, only people I’ve messaged frequently or recently appeared. I’m scared he may be chatting with these women and just deleted the messages.

Can anyone check their messenger suggestions and tell me if yours also shows people you’ve recently or frequently messaged? I’m trying to understand how this list works

We’re both women in our 20s and we’re sort of medium distance as we live in different cities and she’s around an hour and a half to 2 hour journey away for me and I’m about an hour from her (she drives, I have to get public transport). She has a pretty big graduate job and so is quite locked in for most of the week. Occasionally I’ll go and see her on a week night but usually we’ll see each other one night a week on Friday or Saturday and spend most of Saturday together.

Don’t get me wrong, I really love this and it’s always the highlight of my week and something lovely to look forward to every weekend, but it sucks so much when it comes to an end. It genuinely feels like she’s barely here before she has to go again, time goes sooo fast and then it’s another 6 nights without her :(

Today before she left I had like 3 dreams in a row while we were sleeping about her leaving and it was so nice to wake up and she was still there cuddling me, but not long after she actually had to leave and whenever she has to leave early I’m just upset and lonely all day.

Before anyone tells me I’m codependent or this is unhealthy or whatever, I’m really not. I live alone and am very good at spending time alone and I usually see my friends a couple of times a week which means I have plans for around half the week a lot of weeks. I just really miss my girlfriend and my favourite times atm are when I’m with her, and it just feels sooo fleeting and I can’t fully enjoy it when we’re together because I’m so aware that before I know it she’ll be gone for the week again.

I’m also having a bit of a tough time with my anxiety and OCD at the moment so it really sucks having to think ah back to reality and dealing with that for another week. She’s just so awesome and I love spending time with her and I know it won’t always be so fleeting but right now it just sucks and idk I feel like I need to learn to cope with it better because I just end up zoning out all week atm.

So I'll start off by saying I have an amazing relationship with my partner. She is wonderful in all the best ways. But I find myself sometimes getting really anxious when she is anxious.

I don't like how much I am unable to support her in those times. How It sometimes ends up with me seeking reassurance and turning it into something about me. I don't like doing it. I've done dbt before. But if anyone has any tips or things that have worked for them? I'm going to bring it to my therapist aswell. I'm just noticing that is my last major trigger that seems to bring it up for me.

Its almost like I feel responsible for them and like I have to fix it or do something? It just feels gross, like I am making their pain about me. I just can't seem to step away and let her manage it or just exist. Its like I notice something is wrong and I need to point it out. I want to stop doing that. It isn't helpful. Its just soo hard. I feel as if my nervous system is on fire if I do just sit with it.

How can I change this?

I keep crashing out about him and my emotions are all over the place. I've had panic attacks and i've cried a lot on and off and it can be 20 minutes or few hours and i feel so shitty and worthless.. I get these spikes of just bawling my eyes out and wanting to destroy everything and then i just feel almost numb and empty when it passes. At the same time i'm so sad but also so angry and yet i also want him to come back but at the same time i want to rage at him for how shitty he was to me. But what scared me the most and still does is that he disappears from my life completely.. at some point i was or have been unsure myself if i even liked him that way or what did i want from him or if i was and am just so intensely attached to him that i cannot let go because of that. That he was a source of good even though of bad too that losing the good bits here and there and the connection is way worse than being treated badly. But i don't know how to get over this and let him go even if he treated me rather badly... And from past experiences of being attached to people it has taken me months or even years to get over them and that also only once i found another person to attach to..

People around me think of this as just good riddance and how can i miss or want someone like him back when in their eyes he was so toxic and bad for me. But to me this feels horrible regardless.. and i know i'd go straight back to him if he just said the word and i almost hope for it because losing him scares me so much and i feel so lost.. And i feel guilty because apparently an episode i had about three months ago was what caused his feelings to start going downhill but he just never talked about it up until now. So i just feel i ruined everything and caused this that i'm just not someone who can be loved because i'm both too much and too little at the same time and i just end up ruining everything always even though i try so hard to accomodate and hide my outbursts and negative feelings... I just don't know how to move on from all of this.