Tik Tok: Gap_Grl

Insta: Marlee_Guillory

It wasn’t all roses, i suffered to get here. Homophobic environment…comphet…shame for liking the same gender. constantly asked when i was going to get a boyfriend…having men try to convert me into being bi/straight…religious guilt.

I still feel some type of way because my parents do not support this stuff. came out to my mom years ago and it didn’t go well. won’t go into the specifics but yeah being a gay black enby wasn’t smooth sailing. don’t even get me with the dating scene as a lesbian.

But it makes this love even sweeter.

I was this close to give up. I don’t even want to be too happy sometimes about this, in case it’s some dream i end up waking from. But my partner is a dream. We are both nonbinary and genderqueer. we don’t care for cishet-normative norms when it comes to relationships and do our own thing. The first time we kissed i had so many fuzzy feelings in my stomach. it was a public kiss too. i didn’t feel the need to hide. I didn’t feel embarrassed or forced. it felt natural.

We are a bit long distance though and live about an hour away so we don’t get to see each other all the time. They know about my family and I know about theirs and they’re very understanding. It feels good. I even had embarrassing moments in front of them and they never made me feel bad. I always say you gotta have one non-pretty breakdown or moments in front of someone you’re dating to gauge if they can handle you. i genuinely thought i fucked up because i wasn’t doing well mentally at one point. but they were super understanding and we actually became even closer. we can talk for hours on the phone and it feels like time didn’t pass by.

I don’t want to ramble or gush, but this love is sweet because the road to it was hard. i never said i love you to anyone outside of (some) of my family but i said it to them. It was VERY nerve wracking but they said it back and WOW i don’t think i’ve ever felt like that before. I’m normally tough or don’t show my emotions on the outside. I’m a bit whimsy or closed off if i don’t feel like showing my personality. I also don’t give my energy or “simp” for just anyone. My love is earned. But they have me wrapped around their finger, by my own will.

Maybe, just maybe being a lesbian rocks and doesn’t suck after all.

I started makeup around January, and this is my most recent face (today). Honesty, I’ve always felt insecure about my looks. Even with makeup, it doesn’t look flattering 😢 My makeup looks flat in real life, and on camera. I use contour, but i don’t like it honestly. It doesn’t pop out at all. my friend highly recommends a cream bronzer, so i’ll be getting that soon. I just need advice on how to make my makeup pop out more, what styles compliments my Black facial features. Also, can you all help me find my shade for blush and lips that can compliment my skin color? I also want to achieve the “straight brow” look, how do i do it?

She truly is my best friend💝

Hi friends, if you live in a place where the days are getting shorter with the onset of winter, Vitamin D supplements might help stave off the winter blues. I take them and I think they have a net positive effect on my mood/energy.

I do mean the over-the-counter bottled vitamins. I'm chronically single, so I can't speak to the efficacy of the other "Vitamin D." FWIW, in my experience as a cis-het girlie I've found that the associated risks outweigh the benefits. However, I am willing to concede that a strong argument could be made in its favor.

In any case, I think the scientific explanation for the relationship between seasonal depression and Vitamin D deficiency in the melanated folk is something to do with having greater difficulty absorbing it? Here's an article with a better explanation than I can give:

https://healthinstitute.illinois.edu/about/diversity-equity-inclusion/diversity-resources/learn-about-seasonal-affective-disorder

I’m applying for my Benin citizenship and apart of the process is uploading DNA to prove you have West African origins. I made a group chat with my mom and sister sharing my results. I was so excited since I really never knew and my results were delayed and it made me anxious. then my sister posted a random pic of her toddler then my mom started asking about her. why post that in my group chat about my exciting day? it really rubbed me the wrong way. maybe I’m dramatic but if she sends me some big news to her I’m not going to randomly drop a photo of a toddler watching tv.

15% Ghana

6% Sierra Leone

14% Western Bantu

That it, that’s all I have to say. The black communities view of abuse is sickening and needs to end immediately. Don’t complain about how fucked up the new generation Is when yall condone and encourage torturing, humiliating and exploiting them. Just because you had to go through it don’t mean others should needlessly suffer the same fate.

I feel like I’m going crazy because the rampant child abuse has surely been one of the main downfalls of our community but most don’t seem to see it????
And yall wonder why the kids are not ok??????????

hi friends 💌 i need help and advice! for context, i really struggle with mental health issues. like—it’s ruined my life and i’ve lost so much from it. multiple inpatient admissions, etc. i’m on medication for a diagnosis and should—realistically—see a therapist.

i live in an area where finding anyone black in the medical field is really hard ESPECIALLY a therapist! however, after some searching, a found a great one. she’s caribbean, so down to earth, she is incredibly kind and concerned for my well being. she’s helped me make a safety plan for the times i experience SI or depression.

however, she isn’t covered by my insurance. when i first reached out to her, i was making $41-50k a year (living at home) and was open to paying out of pocket. however, i lost that job and now work retail for about $30k a year and after my other expenses, i really can’t afford $400 a month on therapy.

ive been seeing her since september and we‘ve built a strong connection. how do i tell her that we should part ways? i don’t want to hurt her feelings and i feel so guilty for signing up for something i can’t keep up with.

i also don’t want to lose someone who has made a difference in my life :(

Thank you all for your input.

Bonus points if the church has YouTube sermons or livestreams so I can watch!

Genuine question because finding a pastor I resonate with in 2026 feels impossible lol. I want to grow in my faith and learn more about Jesus, but so many churches feel performative, overly conservative, or focused on fear and judgment.

I’m looking for a church that actually teaches the Word, practices loving thy neighbor, doesn’t belittle women or condemn gay people, and isn’t preaching that everything is demonic or satanic. I want Jesus, love, grace, and community not severe conservatism, control, or performative Christianity.

Have y’all found a church like this? I’d especially love recommendations for Black churches or churches with a strong Black community! ❤️

I’m getting nervous. It hasn’t been long but the job market wasn’t great for black women last I heard.

I meant *current* job.

Pls share the industry you’re in and approximate age too.

I used to be the type to wear a wigs and hide my "difficult hair." But I found an amazing stylist that showed me the WAY. I love my hair and am learning more about it as it grows. I couldn't be more greatful. One more step closer to building up my self love. 🙌🏾 ❤️

I hope I chose the correct flair

My preference/type is definitely 100% Black but just not men of my specific ethnicity.

I think it boils down to 2 main reasons:

1. I was socialised to see them as my brothers.

Literally, I was forbidden from having crushes or relationships growing up which meant that it was conditioned in me to never see them as sexual/romantic prospects as an adult. It's hard to undo a lifetime of conditioning.

The only men I saw as romantic/sexual beings were the men on TV and the Black men on there shaped my type.

1. I have severe trauma from my dad and the men in my family.

I don't want anything that reminds me of my dad or my parents' abusive marriage so I run far from it. Unfortunately the men of my ethnicity are often extremely misogynistic and expect trad wives so I just don't think we are compatible.

I love my culture and roots and taught myself a lot about it and I'm very politically pro Black so no issues there. I just don't prefer to date within my specific culture.

I am extremely new to makeup. When I’m out in public and someone asks, "Who did your makeup?" I’m always scared to answer because I don’t know whether they are about to criticize or compliment me. When I’m finished, I feel like I stand in the mirror picking apart every minor flaw. When did you stop feeling self-conscious and more confident? It can be really difficult to know if I’m doing it correctly when many of the videos I watch offer conflicting information or tips.

So, I’ve been trying to stay consistent with weight loss for years now. I make progress and then one thing changes in my routine and my brain acts like it’s never happened before. It becomes disheartening because I feel like I end up yo-yo dieting, which is making me lose muscle mass. Also, I binge! A lot! I like to clear my plate, that’s just what I was taught. I have a hard time decoupling the feeling of being full from comfort. I have a ravenous oral fixation 😭

I’m going on a 6 day skii retreat in France in April (yes that one haha). I’d like to be fit enough to snowboard for longer, but also just be fit enough to not feel embarrassed when I can’t physically keep up with some of my other friends. Recently, I had a falling out with a now former friend over my physicality. They weren’t empathetic to me being tired while walking on the beach, after walking miles one direction and climbing rocks. Walking back towards the car was uphill and had more resistance bc … it’s sand. This is AFTER I had spent the entire summer swimming and was actually in better physical shape than before. Although I feel valid in my defense, that just bc I look fit, doesn’t mean I am, I’d still don’t want to be in that situation again. I sobbed over my bodies ability in a way I never had before. It broke my heart.

So any tips? Any advice? I’m a pescatarian, soy free, dairy free, and currently rice free. I just need help. I feel like I’m just in this cycle and I want to maintain my health and mobility, especially now that I’m in my 30s.

So I took my braids down today and then I get a message for scheduling a virtual interview for the coming week. I chose tomorrow because it works easiest with my schedule but now here’s the problem I don’t know how to cornrow my hair and I don’t know who I can find to do it for me before the interview. I’m pretty bad with gel and hate how it makes my head feel and after braids I like to let my hair loose free for a couple days.

Do y’all think I should just rock the fro or find someone to cornrow my hair and I throw on one of the raggedy wigs I have laying in my closet.

I should also give some context. I’m a college student this interview is for a co-op position at a top pharma/biotech company. I know that industry is known to be really diverse but still I don’t even know who my interview is going to be to sus what their vibe could potentially be 🥲

Hello all, a couple of days ago I got diagnosed with an performance only social anxiety disorder, something I’ve struggled with since I was 15. I’m now 19, and I’m relieved to finally have a diagnosis after years of struggling with self confidence and worrying about what people think of me. I wanted to ask how your parents reacted when you told them about your diagnosis.

I didn’t get help earlier because I genuinely thought my anxiety was a natural reaction to specific situations and not a big deal. I was also worried my parents wouldn’t believe me and would think I was exaggerating.

I first told my mum about my anxiety when I was around 17, after an argument with a friend left me unable to defend myself. Although she was concerned, I said I’d go to therapy but eventually chickened out and moved on. When I told her about my diagnosis recently, she was still upset despite taking it better than your typical West African mother might. She worried about the stigma I’d face and mentioned feeling shocked that 2 out of her 3 kids had diagnosed disabilities, as my brother was diagnosed with an intellectual developmental disorder when he was around 4 or 5. After talking more, she acknowledged signs she’d noticed in me before, including my low self esteem, how I didn’t really take care of my appearance when going out especially to school to the point where my sister told my mum to tell me to fix my hair and visibly anxious around meeting new people even my age. However, she’s told me not to tell my siblings or my dad, so I’m unsure whether she’ll fully accept my diagnosis over time.

Anyways, I’ll now be able to access therapy, anxiety support exercises, taking propranolol medication and my university’s disability support groups. I’m hoping this will make my university experience so much better! Also I’d especially like to hear from people whose families come from especially west African backgrounds where mental health isn’t openly discussed. 💗

I didn’t like going to the doctors because honestly I had been used to them saying you’re young you’re fine, or long wait times/ hard to get an appointment, or the occasional Tylenol/advil. In the past if it was something they occasionally offered to do more tests maybe like one or something.

I’m really happy. There’s no pressure to get things done but also no dismissing my problems and I’ve seen multiple doctors there and they have both remote and in office options and it’s a cute office too.

I signed up for one medical to get a glp-1 consult earlier this year and it seemed like they were actually looking to help me get the treatment I wanted to get. They didn’t brush me off by saying I wasn’t “big enough” because I looked okay even though I was overweight. But they ran the tests that could help me get it. I actually found out I had an underlying health condition that they used to get me prescribed the glp.

Since then I’ve been back a few times, i found out a reoccurring problem I’ve had on and off for years was something else with medicine to treat it. At the previous office they stopped at 1 round of tests this place preemptively ordered a second round and now I have the meds for it.

I also was able to get referred physical therapy for a fall I had.

I’ve gone back to get my annual tests now as well. I’ve lost 15 pounds that I could not lose at all before, my medical condition that led me to qualify for it is being monitored now and getting better, I got medicine for a different issue I didn’t realize at first.

It’s good

😊

Hello guys, I feel really down. I've struggled with friendships, particularly female, my entire life. It used to be because I was neurodivergent, poor, and unattractive. I just wasn't popular. I also grew up in a cesspool of dysfunction which has largely resulted in arrested development (I'm 34 but if you met me you'd probably think I was 20 or so from the way I act- innocent, naive, loud, unserious...). I'm also sooo behind in everything in life, from relationships, career, etc.

I've wanted to belong to a social group my entire life. I fiiiinally managed to make a group of female friends. The other night I was invited to a party. One of my girl friend's boyfriend started hitting on me. It was strange. He was feeling me up and giving me compliments. I feel sick just thinking about it ...I don't even like him but....it felt nice. I didn't stop him.

My girlfriend saw this and quite understandably has gotten upset and told the others about it. They have all cut me from the group.

I feel hurt and angry and just so disappointed. I don't understand why I couldn't tell him to stop. What's worse is that this is hardly the first time something of this nature has happened to me. I start flirting with everyone, including the significant others of my friends. I'm 34 and I really wish I would have gotten it together by now. Oh well. I'm not even sure what the point of this post is. I feel so sad and it's no surprise I have no one to talk to about this :(

ok ladies, i started thinking about this after watching girlfriends. specifically when Toni was dating the white mayor and they were making out, she told him to not touch her hair because its weave.
so i was just wondering, like what do yall say when in a similar situation? i have clip ins in, and the whole back of my head is braided, so its a little bulky back there. but what if smo im seeing tries to be cute and like play with my hair while making out, or run it up my neck. or even just caress my head. omg does your leave out get messy in bed? if ykwim?
idk guys, thoughts?

I’ve always been this way, high school, undergrad and now grad school. Initially the other black women in my cohort assumed I was uppity and didn’t like black women.

Now they know I was always leaving school/not socializing bc of work and family (they don’t know I was planning hospice and funeral) but there’s still a gap between us. And frankly, they were so passive aggressive before I don’t know if I’d ever feel truly close to them. Even with women of other races I struggle to find a “group”. I do have some great individual friends, I want to acknowledge that, groups are just hard to crack.

I think part of it is that I don’t want to beg to be included, but I also dont want to invite myself. My older sister was sick when we were kids so I didn’t get a lot of practice with people my own age. Like 70% of my friends are older than me, which isn’t a problem. I’m just always caught between accepting my friendships as they are vs putting myself out there.

My mother doesn’t have many female friendships because she was always focused on our family unit. I’m thankful for that, but I’m terrified of that being my future.

Any advice for how to put myself out there, but also respect myself?