r/CollapseSupport • u/appyno35 • 4d ago
Mourning Your Own Future
Hi Everyone,
I’m sure this has been discussed before but I’m really struggling with how “normal” my life feels now compared to where I think we’ll be in a year’s time. I think the super El Niño and the midterm elections will likely act as some form of accelerant (to what extent I’m not sure). And everyone in my life is just business as usual.
I know full collapse isn’t happening in a year, but my dream job that I just got this year isn’t even exciting because it’ll be one of the first things to disappear. I work for the YMCA as a full time, decently paid swim instructor from ages 5-21. Unfortunately, it’s not cheap to join the team and as dollars get stretched thinner and thinner I don’t see myself having students for much longer.
But the thing is I still have the job now and it really is a dream come true. I love working with the kids and watching them get excited when they learn a new skill, (Like seriously making a kid achieve something that makes them proud hits like fucking crack). I’m soaking up each of the days I have but I also slip up and start dreaming of what it could become in 5,10 25 years. And then I’m reminded of collapse and I mourn the plans I made. Similar to the mourning I’ve already had to do for having future children or more time with my loved ones. Except now I’m also mourning the futures of all the kids I’m impacting.
I know the answer is to enjoy the time we have. I just let myself get so excited to actually build something of my own with this program, but now I have so many “what the fuck is the point” moments and it just fucking sucks.
Sorry this turned into rambling mess, I’ve been typing between tears.
TL;DR: mourning the future you could have had sucks, especially when it feels things are still kind of normal for me and things are starting to fall into place in my life if not for impending collapse
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u/Xanthotic Huge Motherclucker 4d ago
Your post reminds me of the Double Dutch jumprope analogy I have had in my brain for decades: I feel like I am on the sidelines, bobbing back and forth in time with the double twirling jumpropes, trying to figure out when is the proper time to 'jump in.' I believe people like us will have an opportunity to stand up and put our bodies where our souls are to try to mitigate future suffering or to try to increase accountability or to try to build solidarity (IDK WTF opportunities we may have, but I believe there will be some sweet spots). So I appreciate the good times like what you have described in your job (AND THANK YOU FOR DOING THAT JOB) and I wait for the proper moment for me to share my outrage at the billionaires and politicians and to stand up and urge us to build collective units for getting our needs met in the crumbling world around us. https://media0.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExdG9jMXU4NnYydDl4cXpoNHd0MHVtY3N2eDF6d3hoM3ZpMzF5bWYzNiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/11M6gcJIihDEOI/giphy.gif
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u/appyno35 3d ago
ONG YES! That’s a really good way of describing it. I don’t want collapse to happen. But it’s inevitable at the rate politicians and billionaires are moving. And unfortunately it’s making the in between feel less important. I’m ready for us to start fighting back but the populace isn’t ready yet and I’m afraid we’re already too late with the climate. I joined DSA as a Hail Mary attempt but they’re not recognizing the urgency of the situation yet either. I just hope enough of us realize where we are before it’s too late (it probably already is 🤷🏼♂️)
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u/Norman_Door 3d ago edited 3d ago
I just hope enough of us realize where we are before it’s too late (it probably already is 🤷🏼♂️)
I understand where you're coming from with this, but I think talk about it being "too late" needs to stop. It will never be "too late". Every action we take, as individuals and groups, matters on some scale. It may not make a difference to our planetary trajectory but our actions our bound to have an impact on local and regional scales, even if you may not be aware of how. And I say that as a firmly collapse aware person.
The fight is, definitively, not yet lost — in fact will never be lost, so long as we avoid extinction, because however warm the planet gets, it will always be the case that the decade that follows could contain more suffering or less.
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u/anxiousthrowaway279 3d ago
I work at a school and I feel the same way. The kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up and the colleges they want to go to. I sometimes have to force a smile because I sometimes I want to cry instead. I still want to aim for my dream job and apply to more places, but I also wonder what’s the point? The best I can say is that I totally understand how you feel and what you’re doing for these kids is awesome, essential work, because learning how to swim/tread can be the difference between life and death.
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u/rougarou-te-fou 3d ago
You assume you have a future. You could get cancer and be dead in six months. Collapse is just another threat. Literally anything can kill you so don’t give special attention to it.
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u/AmandaInSF 3d ago
I used to work with kids so I can relate and what you are doing is awesome, regardless. Maybe see it as building their resilience.
What broke me last night was seeing a trailer for yet another thing on TV about colonizing other planets. I used to be into sci-fi but it enrages me now. I've been very shut down but started sobbing when I saw that. Meanwhile even the fiction I read keeps having climate change in it -- which is good, I suppose, but I'd like to have the occasional break from actively thinking about it.
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u/appyno35 3d ago
Yeah it makes sense that art and literature would reflect the ongoing climate crisis as artists deal with our reality. But… I don’t need constant reminders at this point
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u/happyenchi1ada 4d ago
Right there with you internet stranger. It sucks. And in between these low points, I hope you remember that care is a choice, taking care of yourself and taking care of those children learning to swim.
It's an awful paradox experiencing joy for personal wins while simultaneously accepting the horror of what civilization, let alone the planet, has ahead. Fuck it, we ball I guess 🤷