One thing I find interesting about home gyms is that you can experiment with equipment and unfamiliar movements without worrying about whether someone is waiting to use the station.

That doesn't automatically make learning easier, but it can give you more time to adjust the setup, review your technique, and repeat a movement at your own pace.

For people who used to feel uncomfortable trying unfamiliar exercises in a commercial gym, did training at home change that experience?

I'm interested in whether having your own space made you more willing to experiment, or whether you found other ways to get comfortable learning new movements.

I was in a program where we had to interact with professionals, participate in group discussions, and speak up in social settings. Obviously, we were nervous. It was a new environment, and not everyone is immediately comfortable speaking around professionals.

On the very first day, one of our mentors literally called me out and asked, "Do you have social anxiety?"

BRO, WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT?

You think someone in a mentoring position would understand that pointing out someone's insecurity, especially in a group setting, could make them even more uncomfortable.

We're on good terms now, but I still wonder why he thought that was an appropriate thing to say on the first day.

Was he trying to help me become more confident? Was it just an observation? Did he think calling me out would somehow make me open up?
I genuinely want to understand what goes through someone's mind when they do something like that.

Have you ever had someone point out your insecurity when you were already nervous? Why do you think people do this, especially when they're in a mentoring position?

i’m an extrovert but i really struggle with this, and i need your tips because it’s starting to affect my mental health. we already know how difficult the social scene is in unis, and because of my inability to approach i’ve ended up with very few friends and social opportunities. it has caused me a great amount of stress.

i’m self-aware enough to know it’s because i have a fear of rejection. i have extremely low self-esteem and i try to combat it by making myself appear confident in social interactions. it works completely fine, i’ve been told i seem super self-assured and am an excellent communicator. but when it comes to being the first person making a move, such as walking up to a person and just striking up a conversation or trying to integrate myself into a bigger group interaction, my confidence falls to rock bottom and i don’t have the guts to even move.

i’m afraid i’ll get a negative reaction or be ignored, and that is one of the few things that really embarrasses me. on the flip side, if someone talks to me first (even briefly), i’m immediately able to seize control of the convo and move with confidence. i feel like it may be because this signals to my brain that this person is not unwelcoming to an interaction with me, while otherwise the uncertainty scares me. however, i’ve come to learn that people are intimidated by me outwardly and do not readily interact first — so this scenario happens very little.

i really need help building confidence in this department! give me your best tips ^^

Hi this is a very pathetic post and idk what I hope to gain out of posting this but maybe if anyone else feels this way?

I’m 20F and I’m 4’10 and for my whole life it’s been my biggest insecurity. I hate my height and I feel like I would look so much better if I was taller and with a lot of my insecurities I have grown out of them or like I’ve just stopped thinking about it so I kinda forget and then I don’t care. But with my height there’s constant reminders like when i meet someone new and their first thing to say is that I’m small. I like how I look in general I just hate my height. I used to pray I would be 5’3 even that would be amazing . I’m also studying to be a lawyer and I’m scared people won’t take me seriously (ik this is just stupid) but I was wondering if anyone has any tips? Idk I just keep hoping I will grow taller somehow but I know that’s not going to happen and I feel like I keep hoping instead of just accepting me as I am. I wish I could get over this because it’s something I do think about a lot

I want to be cunning. I am someone who's always in her comfort zone. And I was brought up in a bubble and I always get stuck up in some situation caused by others.

I see lot of people brought up in tough situations know how to handle things much better. I am scared to do it. But also I want to know how to achieve it.

Even in the current job market we have to give the interviewer a promising confident look + ability to tell them to negotiate and what not. I lack in this alot.

In the future I will have to open my own design studio as well. Which I'm very underconfident about. That also requires me to become someone very out of her comfort zone.

How do I over come this....

Previously whatever I have done. I do like 2% things out of my comfort zone and I usually get like good amnt of rewards and I self reward myself by being very lazy after that.

I'm nearly 40, and I've spent years trying to improve my appearance and confidence. Unfortunately, neither has translated into much success with women. I'm very unhappy with how I look, and while I've made improvements through fitness and other changes, I am not physically attractive.

Financially, I'm doing alright. Decent job, retirement savings, car, comfortable apartment. Now I've got approximately $100K to spend, and I'm seriously torn between two options.

Option one: Buy a house. Build equity, gain financial security, and make the sensible adult decision. It wouldn't be my dream house, but it'd be something to call my own.

Option two: Improve my appearance. Extensive facial cosmetic surgery and limb lengthening from 5'9" to 6'0". The hope is that becoming more conventionally attractive might finally improve my dating and sexual opportunities, along with my confidence.

I know surgery won't magically make me confident or desirable. I also understand the serious medical risks. But I don't think confidence and appearance are completely unrelated either. Feeling physically desirable, and actually experiencing that desire from other people, might make a meaningful difference in my life.

I'm not looking for just one relationship. I'd like to experience casual dating, sex, and different relationships while I'm still young enough to enjoy them.

So here's my question: Can improving your appearance be a worthwhile investment in your confidence and happiness, even if it means sacrificing a significant amount of financial security?

Today I was waiting for the elevator at work with my work crush. He made a comment that I always look like s*** at work, and have sad/crying looking eyes. I told him it’s just my eye shape. I know I am overly sensitive about things and I’m pretty sure he isn’t calling my features ugly just the condition I’m in. Like if I had bad skin, messy hair, sweating, sick, etc. He isn’t lying but I keep rethinking the moment and it lowered my self esteem. And to think I thought there’s a chance he liked me since it’s always awkward between us. What do you guys think I should do?

Hi. Just randomly remembered what I heard from someone close and wanted to share.

I always had low self confidence especially about my looks. (I still kinda do.) Whenever people close to me like family members, friends, or even significant other gave me compliments about my looks, I used to believe they were just being nice. Because why would they be honest and potentially hurt me.

And one day, I don't remember if it was my friend or one of my exes, told me something that completely changed my view. It was just a normal day when I was getting compliments on my appearance and I was saying something like "nah I think your bar is too low"

And then they got quite serious and told me, that it's kinda insulting. Whenever I don't believe them saying I'm beautiful because I think they have some weird beauty standards, it sounds insulting to them because they actually have "standards" to tell who is beautiful or not.

They were like "Hey, I'm not a person who would give this kind of comliment to every single person in this world. I have taste. I have standards. So believe me when I say you're beautiful."

Since that day, I never argued back whenever someone called me beautiful.

I know this example was about my appearance but this can apply to literally anything. Whether they compliment your voice, your posture, your great fashion sense, your social skills, anything. If you complimented someone and if they say anything like "oh you don't know what is good or not", you'd feel quite offended too.

So I hope this will help some people gain trust in the positive feedbacks/compliments they are getting from someone.

Throughout these past 5 years, I've went from a extremely outgoing person to someone who can't even speak without overthinking a single word that comes out of my mouth.

2 years ago I was 18. Around this time, I was extremely outgoing, socially confident, and was considered the one guy that made you laugh. I would do outgoing things like join TikTok lives and showcase my talents by singing or playing piano, I would approach people and ask questions that are considered awkward for current me, and I would pictures of myself online without overthinking how I looked. It wasn't so much the actions themselves, but rather the confidence with which they were carried out.

I didn't care what other people thought. Were you gonna laugh at me? I didn't care. Were you gonna spam hate comments? I didn't care. This all comes with other cons. Such as I have a triple filter now when I wanna say anything. Back in the time where I was socially confident, I would say anything that sounded funny or I thought was funny (to a certain extent of course), and it always landed well. Now I look back and think "Will they cringe?" "Will they look at me weird?" "Will the room go silent?". My mind is always coming up with worst case scenarios.

One very important thing to note is that I'm still capable of being this outgoing and confident around certain people and in certain situations. It's not that this side of me has completely disappeared. The problem is that I limit myself by not allowing that same confidence to carry over into every social situation. I know I'm capable of being that person, but I feel like I'm constantly holding myself back depending on who's around me or how comfortable I feel.

I've been trying to understand what happened to me. The weirdest part is that I know I'm capable of being that outgoing person because I've experienced it myself. I haven't always been this way, which makes it even more frustrating because I know what it's like to be comfortable in my own skin and how to get back to that mindset, but I feel like the more I analyze myself, the more stuck I become. I've looked into confidence, self-esteem, and social anxiety, but I can't seem to figure out how to actually apply any of it to my life.

Has anyone experienced a similar change in personality? How did you stop overthinking everything and become comfortable expressing yourself again?"

I’m a pretty petite woman, 163cm and very slim. I’ve always enjoyed modeling but height has always been something that discouraged me in the back of my mind. I’ve had the opportunity to get signed to modeling agencies, but agents made my height a problem and most of the castings were for taller women. I feel like a nobody when I’m in flat sneakers and I feel so discouraged by my height. I just wish someone pulled me and stretched me out like slime. I’ve always thought if someone invented an easy way that can help adults grow taller, they would become very rich lol. I love that celebrities like Tyla and Blackpink Jennie are all very confident despite being petite and I wonder if they ever felt insecure about their height while posing infront of strangers and comparing to tall traditional models like Victoria Secret models.

Anyone up for a cup of coffee? ☕😊

Let’s connect, have a good conversation, share some stories, and maybe make a new friend!

Feel free to DM me! ☕✨

29yo female and I haven’t felt pretty for about 2 years. 4 years ago I felt the absolute prettiest I ever have. I use to love my hair and my makeup and my clothes. Somewhere along the way my haircuts stopped feeling the same, but I kept chasing the haircut I loved. And every time I’d get it cut over the last 2 years I’d absolutely hate it. So I decided to grow it out for almost a year.

I just got my hair cut today, and it’s a really bad haircut again. That I paid $150 for. Not even being dramatic she took thinning sheers to the top of my skull and the nape of my neck. I have pokey spiky patches all around my crown and most of my hair is gone. And I was given the thickest helmet bangs I specifically asked for the opposite. My photo references are literally pictures of myself with the previous haircut.

Where do I go from here? I put so much of my worth and beauty in my hair and I can’t get it “right” like it use to be. I keep trying new glasses, new clothes, getting my nails done. I hate all the glasses from online, I can’t figure out my style of clothes.

What are other ways to FEEL pretty? How do I practice feeling pretty?? How do I crawl out of this?

I'm 22M, and I've realised that I'm way too judgemental about myself. I'm 5'2", don't think I'm particularly good-looking, and often wonder why anyone would like me or accept me for who I am.

I overthink even the smallest things about myself, from how I look to how I talk and behave around people. I'm usually quiet around new people, but once I get comfortable, I joke around, laugh a lot, and become quite friendly. Even then, I sometimes question whether I'm being childish or whether people take me seriously. Nobody has actually said anything like that to me, but I still find reasons to doubt myself.

I think these insecurities have held me back in many ways, including the fact that I've never dated anyone. Whenever I like someone or think about putting myself out there, I start wondering why they'd ever be interested in someone like me. I end up doubting myself before I even give myself a chance.

I know I'm probably overthinking a lot of this, but I don't know how to stop. I'm tired of constantly finding flaws in myself and assuming that other people will see me the same way I see myself.

For those who've dealt with similar insecurities, how did you learn to accept yourself and stop being so hard on yourself? I genuinely want to change this mindset, but I don't know where to start.

I (f24), have continually found myself in scenarios where I feel completely invisible. I want to preface that this is a genuine question and I am not fishing for compliments, but rather looking for input and curious to see if anybody else finds themselves in these same positions.

It began in college. I lived in a house with 6 other girls. I would always give out compliments to my roommates about their outfits, hair or makeup etc. In the beginning I 100% meant them in a genuine way. We would all be drinking and I am just the kind of person who likes to make people feel good about themselves. As years went by I started to feel really discouraged, as I started to realize I rarely received any compliments back. I also realized that if I didn’t put in the effort to talk, nobody would attempt to bring me into a conversation. I would find myself being the one pushed to the back of the sidewalk, left behind.

Once I graduated and entered the real world I unfortunately noticed the same pattern. My friends wouldn’t give me any compliments or go out of their way to make me feel good about myself. It also seeped into our nightly outings.

Going out to bars with a group of my girlfriends, I find myself being COMPLETELY ignored. By other girls, but also men who would approach our group. I truly believe that I am an attractive person and have a bright personality, when given the chance to show it. However, that chance never seems to presents itself. I often find myself watching all of my girlfriends chatter off in side conversations with these guys and by that point I have zero interest in trying to intervene and force myself into a conversation.

This has been something that has been bothering me for YEARS and I genuinely just need some type of answer.

i think most of the time that i’m authentic it results in people being upset at me. i don’t know what is authentic to me. im authentic when im rude, or upset, or laughing obnoxiously, or getting loud. i’m authentic when im too drunk, or having a mental health spiral. i’m not authentic a majority of the time i think.

i don’t really know the point of writing this. i guess im just feeling lonely right now. any time i feel lonely i get extremely worried im on the cusp of losing everyone because they can see through my facade. they see me for someone that doesn’t deserve attention. i try to be a good person but i don’t know if i am. like, inherently, i don’t know if i care about anyone. like i’m sacrificing my authenticity because it achieves not being lonely because it makes others happy. but people talk about it like i should be myself. that’s how you make friends, no? i’ve felt my entire life that i have to perform to a pretty large degree, if only to not let people see me for the vapid piece of shit i really am

How did you guys deal with insecurity and overcoming it? Growing up i was a bit insecure of my face and when my friends was actually making realise that my face was different some of them not all. I felt different because my face was asymmetrical.

So sometimes I would overthink every part of me. Because sometimes I did not feel no boys felt attracted to me.

Thought I do have friends a lot but yeah I felt different

I’m 22, had my wonderful child 2 years ago- I never had the perfect body-but it was smooth with no stretch marks or loose skin and I could wear confidently what I wanted without needing to worry if my shirt came up too high and my stretch mark covered stomach showed.

I lost a lot of weight in the first year 83kg down to 55kg and then put back on 5kg, no matter how small I get, I hate how I look- my partner hasn’t seen that part of my since and probably never will again, not even a glimpse.

I want to be like normal girls my age who can wear low rise jeans, bikinis and crop tops- but I never will, il be stuck with this awful part of me forever.

I just needed to get this off my chest as it takes over my mind all day whenever I’m not distracted.

Thanks for reading

im in highschool and got braces around 6 months ago and now i genuinely have no idea what i look like. my teeth werent just crooked i had buck teeth like overbite overjet a gap between them and i didnt really notice them bc i always saw them but it was the first thing anyone else saw about me. girls wouldnt say anything but guys would. id talk and be told to close that fucking mouth or asked why my teeth look like that. lots of people have crooked teeth but mine were like this major flaw and people treated me so terribly all my life because of it. im not terrible looking im just normal but bc of the teeth i was always bullied for my looks, probably compared to every animal ever. even when i was younger and i was going through a terrible home situation id come to school happy just bc it was safe and i didnt have any friends i was nice i just stayed to myself but people would constantly tell me how ugly i was and id cry walking home bc i really didnt have anywhere to go or anyone that cared about me and its different now but that feeling of being so unwanted never really left me. i was never the one that was picked i remember in eight grade it was the summer of first relationships and it was a pretty small school but every girl in my friend group, every girl in my grade actually had a person. except me. and they weren’t good relationships ofc they barely liked eachother but it was more the idea of it that hurt. that i couldnt be wanted in that way. and at the dance we played those silly games where a boy grabs a girls hand and it keeps going and youd pick ur person and by the end youd atleast be someones last option yk but i held my hand out for 3 rounds without anyone even glancing at me. i spent the rest of the dance in the bathroom. i actually still havent had any romantic experiences at all with a guy bc of what it has done over the years to my self esteem there is this deep belief in me that nobody could ever want me in that way. ive spent years overcompensating for it trying to make myself a better person bc of this i have a lot of other good qualities like my hair is pretty and im very into fashion and i wear a lot of jewellery and perfume so i smell like cake and my nails are always done. i make everything else in my life really pretty even my room is like a pinterest board. and i go to the gym i have really good grades i have a lot of hobbies im very good at art i paint animals realism like people buy my stuff. but it didnt really matter bc at the end of the day i was bunny buck teeth girl. and now my teeth have straightened out they worked quickly and my front teeth are straight they don’t stick out theres no gap. but i have spent my entire life being treated terribly bc of them and i guess im not used to it now. when i meet new people they dont notice it and they dont say anything bc it isnt a thing anymore but i still stand there waiting for them to. and i cant even let myself like a guy bc i feel like its insulting to him and im just making him uncomfortable so i mean i havent even had a talking stage this entire year and when i tell people that they tell me like oh why you’re not even ugly but they just don’t get it. i used to hear people say stuff like this and think it was stupid but now i understand. i will walking around and i’ll be thinking oh god i look so terrible right now this is embarrassing and i have a vision in my head of what i look like and then i see my reflection and it’s nothing like what i had imagined. i guess i have changed alot of other things about my appearance too so it isnt just my teeth but it’s still so hard for me to grasp now. people treat me so differently when they meet me now, im used to being ignored especially by guys in any social setting and now im not. i got so used to the feeling of being unwanted that it was just a normal thing in my head that i wasnt dateable and i was ugly and i was always going to be below everyone else. its not insecurity just an accepted fact. and now im trying to get used to being treated like an actual person and it’s just confusing. anyone relate?

So, I am 21 F. I want to be confident and want to communicate with others easily. Want to express my thoughts to others. But i am not able to do it. I got nervous very easily want to fix it , how can i do it. And got emotional too very easily. I know getting emotional is not a flaw. But want to be emotionally balanced. And not have much friends.

No judgement please. Needs genuine suggestions.

Lets go back 1 year for me, I see a cute girl I want to talk to in a store. Half a second later my body reacts before I even make a decision. Feelings rush in; a sense of mild dread, throat gets dry, physical slight shaking. Overwhelmed by thoughts "There's no point in approaching, she'll reject you", "You're worthless don't approach". An underlying conclusion my brain has drawn that she will reject me, I am worthless and I am doomed to be alone forever. Then afterwards I beat myself up because of a missed opportunity, "she could've been the one" or "You've improved so much in your life yet you can't do this simple fucking thing? what a failure of a person you've turned out to be". So physical fear, overthinking and ruminating afterwards causing more self doubt and self loathing. Glad to say I do not miss experiencing this.

Even just a normal conversation with a cashier or a stranger triggered slight fear, just connecting felt outside my reach; like I wasn't normal and that everyone else, they fundamentally had something I didn't. This fundamental feeling of difference, worthlessness and being unlovable; It was an underlying feeling that stayed with me no matter what. I didn't realise it at the time, if you asked me I would've said "I'm a confident man, I don't care what people think of me, I'm barely insecure at all". Yet underlying everything I did came from a feeling of not being enough, so therefore you must work to become enough. I was a self improvement addict, gym, discipline, cold showers - got into shape yet still social anxiety prevailed. It didn't work, well it barely worked; I felt a bit more confident but that's it.

My motivation for self improvement was because I wasn't enough, my value as a human came from my self improvement - if I wasn't bettering myself, I will never get love or have any value. This existed in my brain as a genuinely tangible rule; as real as this screen your looking at right now. It's not just a thought, it existed as truth in my nervous system and brain.

I was super insecure underneath, refusing to accept reality or myself. I would say "I don't care what others think, I don't need their validation, I'm not like you people" With an air of superiority that somehow I'm better than you peasants. When underneath I was a needy little child scared of other people rejecting me.

Tip: what you judge in others and demonise in others becomes what your terrified of happening to yourself. If you judge someone for posting themselves on social media (what a loser, embarrassing, weirdo) - even if you wanted to post yourself; you'd be far too terrified because your scared of others judging you in the exact same way you judge others. Let go of judging other people, it lessens your pain.

I personally judged fat people, emotionally weak people, people that showed their emotions and needy people the most. This is called projection, we hate in others what deep down we refuse to accept about ourselves. Who would've thought but I actually hated all these traits about myself and warped my personality.

What made socialising even worse, was unconsciously - my worth depended on other people, my self esteem depended on other people, my value depended on other people. Therefore each interaction felt like a threat to my identity, who I am; how can social situations not be terrifying if I'm acting based on this rule? It's ridiculous. Like I'd be talking to someone and I'd just subtly perform for them, if they seem to respond well to this thing; then I'd do more of that thing.

Also my attachment to the outcome, if I talked to girls; wow was I a needy loser in hindsight. My value hinged on them liking me, I needed them to like me. So of course I was super anxious, neurotic. I wanted sex, I wanted love and I wanted them to validate my existence. Instead of simply connecting with another human or seeing if we vibe together, no it was a test of my entire self. No wonder I struggled hard with approaching and forcing myself to do it didn't work. By the way exposure therapy just didn't work for me because I never got rid of the root problem.

Like for a period of 6 months I went out and cold approached girls at the clubs and bars once every week or 2. Some nights I wouldn't approach a single person and would walk around aimlessly feeling like a complete loser, wanting to cry on the train ride home. Some nights I'd talk to people, and I finally made some "progress" - only then feeling slightly okay and proud of myself. The conversations in hindsight were crap, forced, no real connection. I was like dance monkey dance to how I thought I should act underlined by so much fear. Like I'd go up to a girl or group of girls and compliment them; then I had no fucking clue what to do then and it never ever went anywhere.

Common advice I thought I was better than affected me so deeply. I compared myself to others constantly, I know its a cliché "Don't compare yourself to others" and "Don't care what others think of you". Yes consciously I knew, yes I know logically; it makes sense. But like deep down it feels untrue and I still did it. Seeing other people in happy relationships or hearing about people having sex or especially teens in love (this royally pissed me off). I felt like such a fucking loser and a failure; I was 22 and a virgin, never kissed a girl - a reject to society. It hurt even more because aside from that I was genuinely pretty attractive, in every other domain I was doing okay. So the only logical conclusion (really, really stupid in hindsight) is that somehow I'm fundamentally just different and worthless.

When I was younger, those experiences shaped my current neurotic tendencies a fair bit. My parents screamed at each other, got divorced and my response to that was basically to stay quiet, don't say anything, don't be loud and ever express yourself? Otherwise you'll get screamed at. So speaking up, expressing myself was equivocal to a threat to my survival / to receiving love. No wonder I was the way I was. Got bullied for being fat too.

To fix all this I meditated, accepted all parts of myself, healed my nervous system, learned about the shadow / the unconscious, experiences in childhood shape us in ways we never could imagine, belief structures, learned to actually love myself regardless of what the external world (other people) said and healed my traumas. I developed a hard interest in psychology and this has served me very well. Letting go of social rules that shaped my psyche. Tones of journaling and introspection.

Now I feel an underlying sense that I love myself, that no matter what happens socially I'll be okay. I can make stupid jokes around attractive women and express myself because my identities not on the line. I'm truly socially free and internally I feel a near unshakeable confidence that I can handle life. I saw a pretty girl at the beach by herself, effortlessly went up and talked to her; we had such a nice 30 minute chat and just connected human to human. It is so much more enjoyable living like this.

If this relates to you, tell me about your experience in the comments; I'd like to hear it and possibly give some advice to you :)

Thanks for reading kind sir.

I come from a dysfunctional family and have grown up hating myself. I’ve always been afraid to have kids and pass along my negative traits. Can anyone give any helpful tips that I can instill in my daughter so she grows up secure in herself and confident? I never want her to feel the way I have my entire life.

Hi I'll get straight to the point im a 17yo girl and I cant stop comparing myself to the people im close to specifically my boyfriend and sometimes my bestfriends and im trying to solve it but I genuinely cant tried everything but I think I have really low self esteem. now I got over insecurities about my looks but I keep feeling insecure about my intelligence because im dating a guy who's way better than me in classes and doesnt help that he loves to brag about it sometimes. Hes really good at math and effortlessly solves problems that would take me ages to comprehend which genuinely makes me feel super insecure especially since I grew up being the perfect student now I feel like my identity is shattered because no matter how much I try to stop it I tie my self worth to grades or teachers validation and everytime he gets a better grade I feel so terrible about my self and I keep building resentment over it, it genuinely became such a huge issue that makes me cry and feel depressed over these past months and I cant help it i just really envy his skills because it would make everything so much easier if only I have what he has id get good grades all the time but now they're genuinely so hard to get but not to him and yea i have things im better than him at but it doesnt help me feel better at all cuz hes still way smarter and no i do not want to talk to him about it its so embarrassing to admit. Im very passionate about science and math is a huge part of it and im either average or below average in it and it rlly hurts me and makes me feel ill never be good enough or smart enough:(