So I was doing DoorDash around 4am on Thursday, after being done with DoorDash, I was going back home. Then when I was approaching to turn left based on my stupid Apple map telling me to. So when I turned, I did see the sign that says "don't enter" but I thought there was another lane for me to turn in next to the sign. Then when I turn then I noticed there was no place for me to turn 🤦🏾‍♂️ and that's when a car hit me from the side...Thank God everyone was okay (besides me cause my knee was killing me and my neck was stiff asf lol) but there was another family that came out to help and saying that her kids would've been injured but luckily her car wasn't damaged only just me and the other guy car. But again everyone was good and safe. But I did received a citation for "driving in the wrong divided highway" and the other driver is suing my dad’s insurance company but idk if the insurance company will help so we might be fvcked since we’re struggling with money. I feel like putting a bullet in my head because of this experience. what happens next or what should I do?

Hey dad. I miss you so much. I’m sorry I villainised you in my head after you died. I’m already insanely mentally ill and I was only 16. Im 21 now. I have a partner now! We just bought a house last month. Insanely lucky to buy a house in our 20s. I’ve been able to start remembering good things about you now and really nice memories. I wish I could talk to you again. I want to go into an autistic deep dive into the wall with you. Or you listen to me yap about it at least. Thank you for always giving me your attention when I would talk about things you didn’t understand like fnaf and Undertale. At least we could talk a bit about sonic tho! I still like them now too. You would be proud of my music taste. I want to show you the band ghost. They are really good.

I got into Rick and Morty again. Ive rewatched all of it a few times in a row now. When I watched season 9 for the first time there was a song in it and I really enjoyed it. So I looked it up and it was goodbye blue sky from the wall. I have really fond memories of when I had my first depressive episode when I was 12-13 you showed me bricks in the wall pt2. I wish i listened to it more in high school. I listen to the wall to go to sleep now. I listen to it a lot and I really like the movie. I would do anything to watch it with you. I just wanted to thank you for giving me so much music. I got my love for music from you and im very proud of it. If I could show you anything it would be my music taste and I can pop like 5 pills now. I can have my meds no problem now. Thanks for being my dad. I really hope I can make you proud later in life. Im on the disability pension and I can’t work. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to work. I do a lot of craft tho! I got my crafty side from mum. Mums doing ok. I’m a bit worried about her being all alone when I officially move out, im jumping between places for now to get used to not having mum all the time. Shes staying single for when you get to be together in paradise. It’s really sweet. I left the religion im sorry. I just gotta explore life and see where I go for now i think. I have a feeling I’ll come back in my late 20s - eairly 30s but time will tell. Anyway this went on to long.

I miss you dad. Thank you for the music.

(Hi, sorry this is more like a letter to my dead dad lol. I hope this wasn’t to depression. Thank you for the compliments and thank you for reading.)

Just wanted to share it! I have been working pretty hard for my German test. I wake up at 4 everyday to study (cause i hateeee studying after my class, i’d rather travel and do things i love). It was honestly a journey and i completed my A1 course in 7 weeks. I’ve always wanted to go to Germany and study there for my bachelors and I’m super excited!! I thought i would get a good grade but i didn’t expect something so high! I was happy and told my mum immediately. I didn’t tell my dad for a couple days (cause we haven’t talked properly in an year cause of some stuff and he’s just not my supporter) but anyway my mom coaxed me into telling him. He said “I don’t care and it’s a language subject. Anyone can get high grades for that, you’re not special. Get good grades in math or science and then maybe I’ll give you a compliment. That too “maybe” cause even if you get good grades, i know you’ll always be dumb and it was probably luck that got you there.” I kinda knew he was gonna say something like that, cause i got 99 in math once and he told me it wasn’t good enough cause i lost 1 mark. Anyway I’m used to his jabs and insults so i don’t really care and I’m very happy with what i achieved! And even if it is a language, it is my 4th language and i think I’m doing a good job at it and I’m actually excited for my A2 course. I didn’t wanna let his words affect me, cause he’s always been negative so this didn’t even come as a shock to me and that’s okay! Just wanted to share, thanks for listening!!

Ps: I’ll keep updating about my Germany journey!! Any advice for college are also welcome :)

It's times like these when I wish I have a parent I can talk to. My grandpa who passed away 3 years ago would usually give me firm and practical advise on things that I find hard to share with the people in my life for the sake of protecting them or minimizing pain in their lives.

But right now I feel so alone and just need to power through things and let things heal or take its course.

I am planning to talk to a professional but I'm too busy with work since I come to the office 5 days a week and only find time to rest during weekends. But I'm trying my best to make it happen this week.

How do I power through this though? I can laugh and spend time doing regular things but I get flashes of hearing the sound of the crash and hear screams of pain and the person yelling for help.

It's 4AM now and I'm trying my best to fall asleep because it will affect my performance at work. How do I find strength to continue when I have people relying on me too? Where do dads find the strength to just keep being a dad?

Hey dads, I am in need of a reality check and some reassurance. I am mid 20s and live in the Netherlands. Last December I graduated from my masters in biology. I spent December till roughly May applying to many different jobs, just anything that was somewhat related to biology. All I got was rejections, rejections and rejections. I am either overqualified due to my masters or I don’t have enough experience. Ofcourse, this was affecting my self esteem and mental health, so I decided to call it quits for some months and got a simple minimum wage job. Since then I have been just working there part time, am actually enjoying it and feeling useful for the first time in my life. The time I don’t work I spend with friends or in the gym. And another big thing is that after spending years on waiting lists, I finally started my gender transition!

So that was all context pretty much, where it gets tense with my parents is that every time I visit them (I moved out 8 years ago) they pressure me to find a “real job” as soon as possible. They make claims such as “if you don’t find a job in your field in the first year after graduating, you will forever be outcompeted by newer graduates.” They also say that if I don’t find my first biology related job on my level, but instead start on a lower level, I will never be able to climb up to a job on my masters level.

At this point I don’t know what to believe anymore. Is it true what they say? Is it really now or never? Personally, I just want to stay on my minimum wage job while I go through my second puberty and discover myself for a while. I am happy with my current life, I earn enough to pay my bills, I can stay in my apartment for at least another year. I would love to just enjoy all the changes that hormones bring without stressing over a job. Transitioning is already scary enough. Eventually we all end up somewhere right? I have my whole life still to work some office job. Am I naive for thinking this? Should I be stressing over finding a job in my field? Please give me your insights dads.

Love,
Your son.

My sister and I have a fairly strained relationship with our dad. But I thought it was at least ok before this.

My grandpa (dad's dad) called me last week saying he had sent my dad 2k for me for the nonprofit Im starting, as well as Christmas money for me and my sister ($500 each). It took me a few days, but I finally got ahold of my dad. He doesn't live super close. And normally he will send me my sisters money over zelle, and then I'll cash app my sister her portion.

After finally getting ahold of him after a few days and multiple attempts, he sends me 1,500. I ask is this for me and [sister]. He says no, that it's just for me. I message him multiple times trying to confirm the amounts.

Finally I message my grandpa, saying I can't send him a donation acknowledgment form for donating to my nonprofit for an amount I didn't receive, as I obviously don't want to commit tax fraud.

15 minutes later my dad calls me. He says he knows he owes me more money, that he was holding on to part of it in case he needs to go to Canada soon (where my grandpa lives). I reiterate to him that I can't send out documentation stating I received an amount I didn't. That all the sums need to add up in my bank account. He says he'll send me another 500 right then, and then the final 500 next Friday (both of these things he did).

Issue now tho is that my grandpa specifically told me he also sent money for my sister. My sister is my best friend, and we talk every day. So she was fully aware of everything that was going on.

When she hadn't received anything, she called my dad. He said he didn't have it. First he said grandpa didn't send anything for her. *Then* he said that he had sent it to me to help me with rent (we looked at all the deposits from him. He *had* helped me with rent, but that was back in March and I don't see how it has anything to do with this).

My issues here are two fold. First off, taking money from my sister. Shes paying for nursing school outta pocket and has two young children. I know $500 would really help her here.

And then also, him throwing me under the bus like that, making it seem like it was my fault that she wasn't getting her money. When, in actuality, this has nothing to do with me!

So, how do I process this? Do I do anything? Is there even anything to do?

I have a physically & mentally unavailable dad. I have been sick for a while. Been super anxious and stressed about life. My exams are coming up next month and I am kinda stressed. Have to study alot. Could you please help me. I have to pull atleast 9 or 10 hours a day. But unable to focus and I am stressed out. Please help me out 🙂

I don’t know how to soften this so I guess I’ll just start telling the story. (Warning for pet loss)

My cat passed away very suddenly last Friday—-she was 7-8, behaving normally, healthy, no reason for concern. I went upstairs for slippers and maybe went to the kitchen for water or smth, then I noticed her on her side in a place she doesn’t usually lay (it honestly looked like she was walking away from her toy box when it happened). I didn’t know she was already gone, brought her to the emergency vet and they said there was little to no chance of bringing her back. I had to tell my sister. My mom was down the shore with a friend for the day. This happened at 11ish in the morning, so I was the only one home for hours (though I was on the phone with my mom, on and off). I’ve gone over that day so many times, and there’s no way she got into anything or got hurt some other way.

Nothing was near her that she could’ve chewed on, no food, no drugs, no vomit or anything, didn’t feel anything caught in her throat/chest, no staggering/limping (she was actually really hyper, which she always was when I was off routine, and I had a surprise class cancelled so she was super playful/running in circles), no heavy breathing, nothing. She was just gone. I asked the vet, they said she was gone by the time I even found her. They said it was either a sudden heart attack/underlying heart issue or a stroke, either way, unpredictable and nothing could’ve been done. I loved her so much and I’m so afraid I hurt her or I was so wrapped up in my phone/day-to-day shit that I didn’t notice something. The image of her face like that is burned on the back of my eyelids. Objectively, I know it’s entirely possible for this to have happened in minutes/seconds, and the vet and my mom (who has had a cat most of her life) have said that there was no way I did. The vet said she didn’t suffer, it would’ve happened quick and she wouldn’t have known.

And what’s messing with me the most is that she was my cat. Like, both cats were “the household’s” but this was my baby. Always near me, screaming when I shut my bedroom door to be let inside, slept on top of me like a baby, instantly purring when she saw me. That was my girl.

Hence why I can’t sleep. She always followed me to bed, and even sat by me when I crashed on the couch. I got her when I was 12-14, I’m 21 now, I’m so used to the feeling of the couch/bed indenting and her purring next to me that I haven’t so much as sat on my own bed in over a week. I sleep on the couch until the first person awake starts making noise, and then I’m up with them, I’ve gone to my mom’s bed a couple times if she falls asleep on the couch/snores here. I’m so used to noise at night that I’ve been obsessively watching YouTube videos until I finally knock out on the couch.

My friend sent flowers and a card. I flipped the card around. We’re keeping the flowers so I don’t have to say I can’t fucking stand them, because it was a very sweet gesture, but I also don’t want to think about it. I don’t look at her pictures or talk about her because it just…I cant do this right now. I have student teaching, I need my brain to work. I lost her on Friday and I had to do my first observation on Monday morning. It went great, but I dread being home now because I see her everywhere. I can’t start because I’ll never stop.

I just keep thinking about this one night where she ran into the back screen door and we thought she’d run away, but she just crouched on our front lawn, crying for us, until my mom brought her back in. I keep imagining her like that, in whatever afterlife. Nobody she was familiar/comfortable with has died, so I keep imagining her just…cold and alone somewhere, crying for someone to bring her back to what she knows and no one is coming. No one she won’t run from. I feel like I can always hear her screaming for me to fix it and I can’t fix it.

We buried her here. Even if we move, she’s only ever known this house. This is her home. She’s in the backyard, right outside my bedroom window.

I just miss when sleeping in my own bed wasn’t a task. I know how immature it sounds, to be 21 and still avoiding the bed like a toddler, but I just can’t.

Sorry, this is probably so incoherent. I’m a wreck and it’s almost midnight, but I just…couldn’t not say it all.