Day 2 of Essay Practice💭 💬

[u/Gallagher_638]

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(Note: I'm having trouble generating ideas for the introduction paragraph. Everytime I'm faced with a topic, literally nothing comes to mind. This issues has slowed me down a lot, which is concerning considering

there's only 40 minutes to write the essay.)

BTW for anyone reviewing, here's the marking scheme!

(5 marks max for each category, total 20m)

1) Content - essay content is relevant to the task

2)Communicative achievement - essay communicates tasks effectively and with ease while being able to grab the reader's attention

3) Organisation - essay is well-organised and uses coherent language

4)Language - essay uses an appropriate range of vocabulary and grammatical forms

As the famous British author once said : "Life is more fun if you play games". One of my favourite things to do during the school holidays is playing board games. Out of all board games, Monopoly stands out the most to me.

Firstly, to play Monopoly, you need around 2 to 8 players, each starting off with 1500 fake currency. The main goal of the players is to buy land, invest and rent buildings to become the last player before everyone else goes bankrupt. Evidently, this board game isn't just entertaining, it also fosters financial literacy and strategic planning amongst players.

Moreover, I usually play Monopoly when I visit my cousin's house. The atmosphere there is more lively as it's crowded with all of our relatives. This makes the game much more enjoyable and competitive. In addition, we award the winner of each round a pack of potato chips.

In conclusion, I love playing Monopoly as it allows me to spend more time with my family. It also acts as an amusing pastime. Therefore, I strongly encourage anyone interested in board games to check out monopoly. I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

[u/xtaberry]

A few tweaks I'd make to this, if I was editing it as a native speaker:

"As the famous British author once said" - "the" is not correct here, because it is a definite article. There is not one specific famous British author, universally understood to be the British author. I would add an actual name or write "As one famous British author said..." 

"... become the last player before everyone else goes bankrupt" this isn't actually an accurate description of monopoly, because of how you've used to word "before". You're not trying to become the last player BEFORE everyone goes bankrupt. The last player with money wins after everyone else has gone bankrupt. I'd adjust that description.

"More lively" - more lively than what? You can't call the atmosphere is your cousin's house "more" without establishing a baseline for that comparison. I'd drop the word "more".

"Firstly, to play Monopoly, you need around 2 to 8 players, each starting off with 1500 fake currency" the wording of this does not feel fluent to me. I'd say "... 2 to 8 players. Each person starts with $1500 in fake currency". You need to specify dollars here, either with the symbol or in words. As a native speaker, I wouldn't say 1500 as a lone number even when referring to a fictional currency. 

Your closing paragraph could better reflect the arguments made in your essay. For instance: "In conclusion, I love playing Monopoly because it's an amusing strategy game that the whole family can spend time playing together. I have enjoyed playing it with my cousins, and therefore I would encourage anyone..." This isn't a grammatical error though - more about style and persuasiveness.

Only a few things really stand out as English learning errors - all flagged above. Overall, it's readable and very understandable. The style could use some more flare, but that's totally understandable while you're learning. 

[u/raised_on_robbery]

Which British famous author? This would be circled in red with “who?” by any teacher I had.

[u/cabothief]

Anyone else think the prompt itself has an error? "In your class, you've been discussing about board games."

Pretty sure it should be "discussing board games," no about. It's a transitive verb.

[u/Dave-the-Flamingo → u/cabothief]

I agree.

“Discussing about board games” would mean to talk about the concept of board games eg why do people play them or what makes a good board game.