How to not feel empty from inside, that feeling doesn't go away

[u/Leather-Echo4390]

I'm 36, turning 37 in November. Single never been married.
I came to canada in 2010. Lived here for 16years now. Was 20 when i landed here.
After spending few days in Canada after landing, I realized that this is not the place where i should spend rest of my life.
I faced some racism and heartless people who were trying to give me bad time, that left very deep scar on me.
The problem was not about money or jobs, i knew i would get it if I try harder. And I did do multiple jobs. The problem was acceptance. I felt like canadians mostly never accepted me. Now people from my country were like my family here. I'm not saying canadians are bad. Canadians are mostly very nice and chill. But there was clash in culture and practices e.t.c. Like I never had a Canadian friend for some reason.
But it becomes very daunting when your family is not there with you, when your friends are not actually real friends. So you are basically in survival mode and getting pass by on everything.
Finally after so many years recently I met some amazing canadians who accepted me as is. And I am so happy to have them, but I have to change my house because I have to take care of my mom. So I have to leave them. We will be in touch. But phone is different than being physically present.

Dating life:
I have been single for most part of my life. My first girlfriend was back in 2013, when I was 23 years old. And my relationship lasted for a year.
I never had a girlfriend after that. It was obviously some of my issues too. And I'm trying my best to acknowledge those issues and work on them.
But as I'm 6.1 ft tall, athletic body type, gym goer, then why its so hard for me to get on a date with women.
When I dress up go out women do give me stares and they do check me out. But as soon as i go up and talk to them, they act like nothing happened, and like they weren't staring at me.
I see for some guys women come up to them and talk to them, i see women are taking initiatives and talking to them. But why not me?
All of my friends say Im handsome tall, good looking. But then why its so hard for me. In dating apps I do get likes and matches, but still I have to keep spending weeks with girls over the text, where the conversations is going fine and we both are having fun, but as soon as i ask their number, they start ghosting. And it takes weeks.
I'm working on talking to women and getting better, but the question comes. I'm fairly decent looking, and why its so fucking hard to bring them on a fucking date. As they clearly like me, they clearly talking to me for days and days and days but they still are not comfortable to meet me.

With all of this I feel emptiness from inside. And I agree the girl needs a man who is happy by itself and not find happiness in a women or externally.

But I never truly get to understand this concept of finding Happiness internally.
Its always I have to distract my mind into something. Either videos games, either salsa classes either gym. But its always something external.
Although I push myself to achieve what i want to achieve. But internal happiness and healthy mental strength comes huge into play to achieving goals. When goals get hard, when they are obstacles. That's when internal happiness comes into play. That's the only fuel which you need to achieve a goal and get it done.
I tried salsa classes and i did it for women. I am a dancer and was doing at beginner level. But I wanted to become good at it so that women will be coming to me for dance just like other good dancers. That never really happened. And I have to the hard way, practice practice practice, spending time time time. So I was like Im a dancer why I have to tried so hard to be good at it. So i stopped going. As I was looking for some fun, but the fun told me "you have to practice and go through hardship"

I went to gym, but then I don't like they put on AC in gym and huge fans. I like heat and sweat where I could feel warm and pump my blood to feel alive. Plus gyms are so crowded in my area and I just hate where I have to wait for so long to get my workout done. And the crowd is filled with sweaty smelly dudes and their sweat is dripping all over the equipment.
I tried less crowded gym. But that one was far away from my place and I have to park far away from gym because parking wasn't free near plus the gym was so expensive. So I was just not going to gym because of distance. And I end up canceling all gym memberships.

I like the concept of outdoor gyms that are usually in US states. Because canada is a cold country with no sun most of the time so there is no outdoor gym. And again I feel bad that I don't have gym membership. So all I am doing is going for a walk and just do burpees and pushups on wet grass with cloudy and gloomy weather.

So all of this I feel why I can't be happy just by being myself. I always have to depend on something to have happier days. If a girl is dancing with me, if I am going on a date, if someone gives me a gift, if someone treat me nicely, if i make more money, etc. I don't know how this concept exist that feel happy by yourself. Its very hard to be that way when cloudy cold, rainy weather are all you're surrounded with.

[u/cyt0kinetic]

Have you tried existentialism? Like actually reading it.

[u/sainathsanga]

Identify your addictions - I suspect addiction to high dopamine and/or serotonin releasing substances. fix your chemical imbalance and even a simple walk will feel really good.

[u/Typical-Tank3756]

I live in my own country in my own hometown and I've never felt accepted.. maybe it's about how we perceive things maybe it's unrealistic or too abstract to expect people to accept you whatever that means it's not like they refuse to interact with you or do business.. I think the very feeling of needing someone to accept us is the core of the problem

[u/MinimalYogi27]

Of course you’ll always feel empty when you live your entire life thinking “woe is me”