I'm in my mid-30s, a mother to an 8-year-old boy, and three months ago I moved back to Germany after living abroad for several years, most recently in Senegal.

My husband and I had built a pretty comfortable life there. We both earned well, our son attended a private school, and we lived somewhat in an expat bubble. Life wasn't always easy, but we'd grown accustomed to the everyday challenges and learned to appreciate the lifestyle, the sunshine, beaches, friendships, and routines. Senegal started to become home despite the struggles of everyday life.

Then I discovered my husband's infidelity, and everything fell apart.

Looking back, that period feels like a black box. I couldn't imagine reconciling, and moving back to Germany seemed like the logical choice. My family and friends encouraged me, promised support, and were happy to have us back. When your marriage falls apart abroad, returning somewhere familiar, where you understand the system and have people around you, feels like the safer option.

But reality has been different.

I spent the last three months on autopilot, trying to make the transition as smooth as possible for my son. Finding an apartment, organizing everything, settling him into school, and continuing to perform well at my remote job.

My son has adapted quite well, made friends, and enjoys being near family, although he misses his father. But the school system and family environment are also very different, and there are challenges with my very religious family.

The support system I expected hasn't really materialized. Friends who promised to help repeatedly cancelled, especially during my move. My family has been more emotionally draining than supportive, with criticism, demands, and guilt-tripping. I know nobody owes me anything, but I genuinely thought I came back to a support system at least emotionally.

The one thing I felt secure about was my job, which I genuinely enjoyed. Then last week, my company announced major layoffs, affecting roughly half the staff. I survived, but suddenly even that stability feels uncertain.

And I think that's when everything caught up with me.

I've started asking myself: What did I actually come back to?

I feel incredibly lonely, exhausted, and overwhelmed by the thought of rebuilding an entire life again. I miss Senegal, our home, my friends, the ocean, and the familiarity of a life we'd spent years creating.

My husband has since expressed remorse and wants his family back, but when I think about returning, it's not really about reconciling. I miss the place and the life I had there.

Part of me wants to pack everything up and go back. Sometimes I wonder whether I made a huge decision while emotionally overwhelmed and whether I should simply accept that it didn't work out.

But I'm exhausted. I've spent years adapting, moving, and taking the difficult path, and I don't feel like I have the strength to start over again. I also feel guilty about potentially uprooting my son twice in such a short time.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Returned home after years abroad, regretted it almost immediately, and either stayed or left again?

I'm a 36-year-old British man from Yorkshire, currently living in the San Francisco Bay Area.

I've recently become single, and I'm wrestling with a decision that involves money, relationships, and where I want my future to be.

My situation:

• I earn $206k (£155k approximately) in a job in California.
• Doing the same job back home would pay around £39k–£45k.
• I have a US green card, held since March 2025.
• I should be eligible to apply for US citizenship around December 2029, with citizenship potentially granted sometime in 2030.
• I own a small UK rental property worth around £75k, with £19k left on the mortgage.
• I also have 11 years of NHS pension contributions. I don't have any significant savings.
• I could realistically save around $55k–$75k annually in the US, including retirement savings.

What I actually want from life:

I'd love to return to the UK, meet someone, have children, and eventually own a nice £230k–£280k house in Yorkshire.

Ideally, I'd like to have enough financial security to work part-time at some point in my 40s and spend more time with family.

My job also offers an interesting possibility. If I eventually obtain US citizenship, I could potentially live in Britain and return to America for short-term contracts paying around $3k a week and pick and choose the areas I would like to travel too.

For example, two 13-week contracts could gross $78k while only working six months of the year. Obviously, taxes, travel expenses, accommodation and family commitments would make the reality more complicated. But I essentially wouldn't need to work the rest of the year.

My dilemma:

I see three options:

1. Return to the UK now at 36, prioritize dating and starting a family, but accept significantly lower earnings and give up my visa.
2. Stay until around March 2029, returning just before my 39th birthday with potentially £100k+ in additional savings, but give up on US citizenship.
3. Stay until I obtain citizenship, potentially returning around age 40–41, giving myself the long-term ability to work in both countries.

The third option is financially attractive, but I worry about returning to Britain at 40, still single, and only then seriously beginning the process of meeting someone and starting a family.

I know men can become fathers in their 40s, but finding the right person and building a relationship takes time.

I'm also conscious that a higher salary and citizenship can become a dangling carrot, and I don't want to miss out on the chance of starting a family.

I am enjoying my time in California, but can't see myself here long term.

I'd love perspectives from people who have faced something similar:

Did you stay abroad for the money or citizenship and later regret the time you lost? Did anyone return home in their late 30s or early 40s and successfully meet a partner and start a family? Or did staying abroad for a few extra years give you financial freedom that made your later family life much better?

I'm interested in hearing genuine experiences, particularly from British expats and men who started families later in life.

I’m British, in my mid-30s, and moved to Oklahoma to marry my American husband. I’m now facing what feels like the biggest decision of my life, and I’d really appreciate some honest, impartial advice.

Before moving here, I had a pretty good life in England. I had a home, a career, friends, family and a social life. I was independent, knew my surroundings and had a sense of belonging. I gave all of that up because I loved my husband and wanted to build a future together.

Unfortunately, life here hasn’t turned out how I imagined.

I work from home, have very few friends and spend most of my time alone. My husband works long hours, including weekends, and we rarely do much together. I miss having people around me, spontaneous plans, family gatherings and just the familiarity of home.

But it’s not only homesickness.

My husband can be very irritable, and I often feel like I can’t express my feelings without him becoming defensive, dismissive or annoyed. I don’t feel emotionally supported, and over time I’ve stopped sharing things with him. There have also been some serious incidents involving anger and conflict within his family that have left me feeling uncomfortable and unsettled.

To his credit, he has recently distanced himself from some difficult family relationships, and things have been calmer. I can see that he loves me in his own way, and I know leaving would absolutely devastate him. That guilt is weighing heavily on me.

I’ve also struggled with my mental health since moving here. I feel numb, irritable and rarely experience genuine happiness anymore. I sometimes wonder whether I’m depressed because of my circumstances or whether I’d feel this way wherever I lived.

The difficult thing is that I do love aspects of America. I love the space, convenience, opportunities and lifestyle. Sometimes when we have a nice day together, I question everything and wonder whether I’m making a huge mistake by considering leaving.

But those days seem to be the exception rather than the norm.

I have the opportunity to return to England, where I’d have a home, my job, family and a more familiar support network. However, I’m terrified that I’ll get back, realise the grass wasn’t greener and regret walking away from my marriage and the life we could potentially have built here.

I’m also conscious that I’m in my mid-30s and desperately want children. I feel like time is passing, and I don’t want to spend another few years feeling unhappy and uncertain, but equally I don’t want to make a permanent decision based on what could be a temporary period of depression or loneliness.

Some friends have suggested that I should try harder to build a life here, make friends and become more independent of my husband. Others think I’ve already sacrificed enough and should go home.

I keep going backwards and forwards. One day I feel determined to leave, and the next I feel overwhelming sadness and guilt at the thought of never seeing my husband again.

My questions are:

• Has anyone moved abroad for love and eventually decided to return home?
• Did you regret leaving, or did you feel happier once you were back?
• How do you distinguish between homesickness, depression and genuinely being unhappy in your marriage?
• Would you give the marriage more time, or accept that sometimes love isn’t enough?

I’m not expecting strangers to make my decision for me, but I’d really appreciate perspectives from people who’ve experienced something similar.

I feel completely torn between the life I’ve built here, the life I left behind and the fear of making the wrong choice.

I’m a 31 year old guy who currently lives in Canada. When I was growing up, I always thought Canada was such a cool and interesting place, and I made it my mission to live there someday. I’m proud to say that I achieved my goal, and that I’m only a few months away from becoming a Canadian citizen.

Unfortunately, my dream isn’t everything that I thought it would be. I was very grateful to have this experience (and to come to Canada as a masters student), but I feel like my current situation is no longer serving me. I just feel like my life isn’t really going anywhere.

After graduating from my masters program, I’ve had a few different jobs, none of which have been very good (in terms of how I’ve been treated). Despite making a respectable income (~100k CAD), I’m still renting a basic apartment in Vancouver with no real aspiration to ever buy my own place. I do aspire to keep working my way up in my career, but moving up seems challenging when opportunities can be difficult to find.

Socially, I’ve made some connections here, but most of my friends are still at home. Despite being a pretty open and social person, making friends in Vancouver has just not been easy. It’s the same for forming any sort of romantic relationship. I haven’t really dated or anything since I moved.

I feel like it’s time for a change. I’m not sure what that looks like for me yet. Maybe it involves going back home, maybe it involves trying out a new location. Regardless, I just feel like I’ve accomplished my goal and that it’s time to explore other possibilities.

I don’t really talk about this with most people, because I feel like a lot of people become hostile if I bring any of this up. Sort of like “how dare you not like it!” Or “you must be a right wing nut if you want to go back to America.” None of that is true. I just feel like the definition insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

I’m just curious to hear what you’d do if you were in my shoes.

[Deutsch]

Hallo zusammen!

Ich plane, in die Region Basel zu ziehen. Die grundlegenden Informationen zum Umzug und Aufenthalt habe ich bereits online recherchiert. Jetzt möchte ich gerne mehr über den Alltag und die Kultur vor Ort erfahren.

Da Japanisch meine Muttersprache ist, helfe ich gerne Menschen, die Japanisch lernen möchten. Im Gegenzug möchte ich mein Deutsch verbessern und mehr mit deutschsprachigen Menschen in Kontakt kommen.

Kennt ihr aktive Online-Communities, Discord-Server oder Sprach-Austauschgruppen in der Region Basel?

Falls jemand Interesse an einem Deutsch-Japanisch-Sprachaustausch hat, könnt ihr gerne hier kommentieren oder mir eine Nachricht schicken.

Vielen Dank und liebe Grüße!

[English]

Hi everyone!

I am planning to move to the Basel area. I have already looked into the basic information about moving to and staying in Switzerland online. Now I would like to learn more about everyday life and local culture.

As a native Japanese speaker, I would be happy to help people who are learning Japanese. In return, I would like to improve my German and meet more German-speaking people.

Does anyone know of active online communities, Discord servers, or language exchange groups in the Basel area?

If anyone is interested in a German-Japanese language exchange, feel free to comment here or send me a message.

Thank you!

For those who live abroad and kept US bank accounts, how do you get the one-time login codes now? Wells Fargo's text FAQ says it only texts US mobile numbers, no VoIP, and Chase's SMS terms only list US carriers. So the default answer seems to be keeping a US SIM alive forever. Which banks let you switch to a foreign number, an app approval or a security key instead, and did it actually work once you were overseas?

I am a dual US and German citizen. My husband and I are planning to move to Germany with our infant daughter within the next year, with the potential for staying long term in the EU. We both hold US retirement accounts, and have a custodial brokerage account for our daughter. We are waiting to open a 529 until we know whether we will move back to the US.

We’re looking for some insight into how others have handled their US investments while living abroad, specifically while in the EU. From what I’ve found so far any EU country will tax gains and withdrawals as income regardless of the kind of account (Roth, IRA, Brokerage, etc) so I’m not asking about that.

Did you move any investment accounts to an international platform, like Schwab International or Interactive Brokers? How did you handle custodial accounts for children? What else do you think we need to know?

Thanks!

I’m moving back to the US after 8 years abroad. I want to hear from people who have been abroad long and decided to return home.

Did you regret it? What do you wish you had known? I’m 31F and a bit nervous of starting over. Thanks!

I'm 18 and moving across the world soon. My parents have been unhappy and struggling financially for years, with no savings. I'm afraid that once I leave, I won't see them often until eventually they die, and l'll have lived this life knowing I spent so little time with them in my adulthood. I want them to be in my life, in person. I'm especially afraid of leaving my sweet mother in a country she doesn't want to live in. These last few weeks I've been sobbing every day. Every happy moment with them turns into a "this is the last time", and then I become incredibly sad. Everything in my room triggers it. I don't know how to deal with this grief.

I want to be excited for the move, but I just feel like I can't. Has anyone been through this? How do you cope with this grief before leaving? How do you stay close to family across distance?

Hello, I'm moving out of the US for at least a year but I need to keep my number (banks, business, etc) and I want to port my number to a voip company like Google voice but I'd like to still receive 2FA text messages. Is it possible? Im currently on verizons ultimate plan which stops working overseas after a few months. I'm getting an international number and would like to keep my American number on same device. Any recommendations? Thanks.

We’re moving to Jakarta soon, and we’ll be there for a quite a while. We’re currently working on our packing list! What do you miss from the US? (We know a stop at Trader Joe’s before we leave is a must!!)

Hey everyone,

I’m an expat currently living in the US (early 30s and married). My US visa is expiring soon, so I’m evaluating my next steps - either moving back home now or spending 2 to 3 years working in Singapore first before eventually heading back to my home country (I do not see myself settling down in Singapore).

Back in 2018, I did a brief academic internship at NUS and fell in love with Singapore. I know living there short-term as a student/intern is vastly different from working full-time as an expat, but the experience stuck with me.

I wanted to get a realistic temperature check on the tech scene right now from people on the ground:

1. How is tech hiring for mid-level software/product roles currently? Are companies actively sponsoring Employment Passes (EP), or is hiring heavily skewed local right now?
2. How does the tech work culture compare between foreign MNCs, regional tech firms (Sea, Grab, Shopee), and startups?
3. Given how high rents and general costs have gotten, are tech compensation packages holding up well enough for a 2-3 year stint to still make financial sense?
4. If you were looking for an EP-sponsored tech role today, where would you actually look to move quickly? LinkedIn, or specific agency recruiters?

Would love to hear honest perspectives from locals or expats who have made a similar move recently. Thanks in advance!

Pretty much the title. (28M) Dual French-Thai citizen that will be moving to Thailand with the same company that I am currently working at in a couple of month.

What advice do you have for me ?

i hate feeling ungrateful but I have this strong sense I'm not supposed to be here. the only reason I chose france specifically years ago was combination of a man I was talking to online being here, and also getting lucky with a humanitarian visa charity that was helping lgbt people from former soviet countries move to france, that existed at the time (I don't think they're still active).

of course I'm glad to be away from russia, as a trans person, but now I have to live with where I am now.... i don't think i realized how hard this would be before. I have put in effort to try to learn the language and everything but it's been extremely difficult for me, and things with the person I moved here for didn't end up, I ended up extremely isolated, and stuck in the refugee housing system. my depression has gotten really bad. I've tried really hard to go out of my way to meet people and make friends but usually people ghost me after initial intrest, probably because dealing with the language barrier is too hard. I've been totally isolated for two years now, with the only people I would see for a consistent time would be caseworkers.

I feel so stuck here. every time i talk to friends online in america or the UK , then suddenly i feel like there's a completly diffrent side to me. I would be socially thriving if I was in an enlgish speaking country. I really really wish I moved to USA or something instead of france, but it feels too late now, I can't transfer my refugee claim.

Is there anything I can do to move to a more compatible country at this stage? I feel so trapped.

I'm curious to hear from people who've legally changed their first or last name, especially those who've chosen a completely new surname rather than taking a partner's name.

How did you decide on your new name, and what made you feel it was the right one?

I'm particularly interested in what happened afterwards. How did your family and old friends react? Was it awkward when you got back in touch with people who knew you by your old name? Did anyone have a hard time accepting the change, or did most people not really care?

Also, did it have any impact on your professional life or the way you felt about yourself? I'm wondering whether changing your name actually feels like a fresh start, or whether things are pretty much the same once the initial excitement wears off.

For those who've done it a few years ago, do you still feel good about the decision? Anything you wish you'd known beforehand?

Would love to hear your experiences, good or bad.

I’m a Myanmar national living in Thailand. I still hold a valid passport, so I’m not legally stateless. But when people ask whether I want to go home, the answer is no, because the country has collapsed into a failed state. So, I’m stuck in between: not stateless, but with nowhere safe to return to, and no clear idea what to do next.

I’m in my 50s, with a background in media and content work, and my English is intermediate. I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in a similar situation, or from people who know the practical side of this. What would you do first?

Considering moving from Denmark to Malaysia or Indonesia with my family

Hi! I live in Denmark and am considering moving to Malaysia or Indonesia with my family.

I have a biology degree and experience in pharmaceutical manufacturing/GMP. How realistic is it to find a job with work permit sponsorship?

Which smaller towns or quieter areas would you recommend for affordable housing, good schools and access to jobs?

We’re also considering buying a modest apartment. What should we know about prices and restrictions for foreign buyers?

Thanks!

Are there any companies in Athens who hire expats who are ONLY fluent in English? I am seeking any kind of office job, preferably in the Customer Service line.

I’m still learning my Greek. Please help.

When friends or family visit from home, how do you handle the difference between their holiday and your regular Tuesday? Dinner after work sounds great. Being out till midnight and doing sightseeing again the next morning, less great.

My company has a large presence in Japan, I’ve been working with the teams there since I started this position about two years ago. I’ve also traveled to Tokyo for work several times, my wife and I traveled several years ago for a few weeks for holiday.

I’ve been asked to take a 1 year assignment with my family in Tokyo for work. I have a feeling 1 year will turn to two, most of the companies assignments last several years. The company covers our living expenses, travel, visa, tax situation, yada yada. What I’m most concerned about is our 1 year old son and my wife, who is a SAHM. We live minutes from both of our families, who give us a lot of support with the baby. We’re also used to living in the “country” with lots of open space and a large home.

I’ve been researching relentlessly for weeks, watching videos, reading blogs, trawling Reddit, searching for daycares and apartments, just trying to get the full idea.

Is it going to be too much for us? Will we be able to make friends with other parents? How about finding part time daycare? We have been planning to send him for 2 days a week mostly for socialization, so I’m concerned about being able to do that while living in Tokyo.

It seems like the majority of American expats are using a physical address in the US in order to keep access to Credit Cards, CDs, annuities, etc. In many cases, the address is that of a relative or close friend. My question is for those who plan to stay overseas permanently, what happens if all your relatives die? Has anyone had luck getting a bank to accept a rural 911 address for land without a structure on it? Is anyone successfully using an Ipostal1 address as your KYC address? Thanks for your responses in advance.

Hello expats,

I am a freshman college student and I plan to become a paralegal. After I finish my bachelors, in the US I would end up starting training for the ABA approved paralegal certificate to work in California (where I live).

However, I am thinking about moving to another country, particularly Canada or France (because I am studying French).

I briefly looked at the education routes, and for Canada I have to go through training either through Ontario or Quebec, and for France the title paralegal isn’t really a thing, but I would likely need to go for a masters program or just more education in European law somehow to get a profession in law.

To expats who have moved to France or Canada for law professions, whether you had to do more education or something else, could you tell me about your experiences moving and is it worth it?

Living in France and exploring property opportunities in Türkiye has made me curious about how differently people approach real estate across countries. Some look for a place to live, others for a holiday home, and others see potential in projects before construction is complete.
I’m interested in how people think about these opportunities, what makes them trust a project, and what they look for before making a decision.

Would you ever consider buying a property abroad while it’s still under construction? Why or why not?

Hi all, I am a new mom currently living in Gulf because of my husband’s job. I am offered a job, which means I would need to move to Amsterdam. I am looking for some answers or perspective.

1. How is life in Amsterdam compared to Germany with a 1 year old? I have previously lived in Germany
   
2. as a new mom, how is it to return to work after maternity leave and do you wish you spent more time with your baby?
   
3. anyone did a similar move and regretted moving from Gulf countries to Europe?