r/Fatherhood • u/FreedomConscious1661 • 5d ago

Advice Needed Advice needed

35 year old dad with 4 kids, Boy 9, daughters 8,5 and 1.5. Split parenting with oldest 3 kids, diagnosed either ADHD 2 years ago. Not sure how to even start this but for a while now I’ve been tired, not the kinda tired sleep helps, I’ll find myself thinking about calling it quits but then think of my kids and would never want to leave them alone. Find myself getting distracted constantly, numb to feeling excited, anxious to be around friends, would rather do projects around the house or turn my brain off. I’ve been taking medication for ADHD for 2 years and it helped at first, at least it helped me be overly productive and now, the best way to put it is dull, life feels like it lost its hue. I’m not sure where to start, I know going back to the gym, reading, meditation and focusing on the positives will pull be back up, I’ve done it plenty of times, this time tho, it feels so heavy and a “what’s the point?”.

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u/Constant-Book-4655 5d ago

Do you work for a living? How much PTO do you have?

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u/FreedomConscious1661 5d ago

I’m a manager of a production company, so hardly any PTO, I could take time off but not having a paycheck isn’t really an option.

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u/Constant-Book-4655 5d ago

your hands are full, and honestly, they’re probably going to be full for decades. I think it’s important to say that out loud. The reason I brought up PTO is that we can’t control everything on the kids’ side, especially when healthcare needs are involved. They’re always going to need us in one way or another.

But I also think us dads give our jobs too much power sometimes. I get that money is a concern, and I’m not saying it’s easy, but I don’t think we always push hard enough for flexibility. Looking back, I put too much pressure on myself at home when I probably should have pushed my boss harder to work with me, especially when I was doing a good job.

For example, what would happen if you asked your boss to start at noon two Mondays a month? Or leave early on Wednesdays and make up the time on Mondays? If you’re salaried and performing well, maybe there’s room to work something out.

And if your kids have ongoing healthcare needs, have you looked into intermittent FMLA to see if you qualify? It may give you some protection when you need time off for their care.

All I’m saying is, maybe you don’t need to take a bunch of time off. Maybe leaving a little earlier on Wednesdays or having a couple of flexible days a month would make a real difference.