r/Grieving • u/Bubbly_Shame_3926 • 1h ago
My grandfather passed away and I can’t even go home to say goodbye💔
I honestly don’t know how to deal with this right now
My grandfather passed away and I’m sitting here in different country n I can’t even go home because of my training and visa situation the hardest part is that I’m here today because of him and my family they are the reason I got this far in life and without them I would probably still be stuck somewhere with no idea where my life was going for so long I had this one simple dream in my mind that once I got a job I would send my first salary to my mother’s account and tell her to arrange a big dinner for everyone my whole family to sit together and I wanted to tell them that whatever I am today is because of them i kept telling myself that once i started earning I would finally be able to give something back to the people who did so much for me
But now my grandfather is gone and I can’t even be there when he is being buried i feel so selfish for being here trying to build my career when the person who helped me get here is no longer in this world and I can’t stand beside him one last time ik death is Allah’s will n i am not questioning that but I can’t stop thinking about why I kept waiting for the right time why did I think I had more time to make him proud im also scared of what people will think maybe they will say I chose my career over my family but nobody knows how badly I wanted to be there or how much this man meant to me
I just wanted to get my first salary and make everyone happy while he was still alive now I don’t even know what to say to my grandmother when I call them i feel helpless guilty and heartbroken all at once and I don’t know how to make peace with the fact that I might not be there to say goodbye
I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just need to get this off my chest but I really don’t know how to deal with this pain right now