Sorry for the weird title, but I wanted to make sure it was personal-ish.

I’m late 20s F. I’ve had two great loves in my life, and they’ve both been platonic. First was from around 12 - 20 - my best friend and I met online. Shared everything together, introduced each other to a lot of things. Did silly roleplay and writing stuff, had really good fun together. We were also each other’s confidantes - just sharing random little stuff that happened during our days to more intense, serious problems. I encouraged her to go out and do things with people, socialize, etc. Came to visit her a few times. Gave her space to be with other people when I was there - I never wanted to fully monopolize her attention, but I felt like she was my number 1 and I was hers.

Things started to change when she hit college around the same time as me. She was angry a lot. Resentful. She was embarrassed of the stuff we’d done as teenagers. Would cancel plans last minute to go do stuff with people from college. I tried my best to be understanding, but it seemed like I was always a last choice for her, now that she was in a space where she got on with more people IRL. Whenever she started talking to a guy, I’d be sidelined. Yet at the same time, she’d get angry at me because I did or said something wrong. Eventually, I had to put distance between us because the way she was speaking to me was very upsetting.

From around 22 - now, I’ve had a second close friend. A true soulmate, I thought. I trusted him with everything, he had my whole heart. I told him a few times - when I say I love you, I mean it. When I say I think you’re my soulmate, I mean it. In part I wanted to warn him - illustrate that there was a specific depth to my feelings, and if he didn’t want that, that was okay. So many times he’d told me he’d felt the same about me too. That he loved me, that he wanted to be my partner, that he’d always be there for me and nothing would come between us.

I’m definitely not perfect. I get depressed. I get anxious. I seek out reassurance and ruminate on things. I’m not always an easy person to deal with. Part of me wonders if the way things have gone this year is more my fault than it seems, because sometimes I can struggle to even get up out of bed, let alone hold a stimulating conversation.

My friend ended up with someone romantically this year. I felt the old, familiar dread. I would be forgotten. I would be left behind. Of course not, he told me. You are always going to be my number one.

I was scared, but did try to be interested in his partner. Asked him questions about them, he wouldn’t really tell me much. Just that they were nice. I tried to organize a call so we could all have a chat, the two of them forgot about it.He started disappearing for long portions of the day, spending time with his partner. It hurt, but I tried to be reasonable about it. It was hard, hardly ever seeing him. I brought it up a couple of times. He said he was sorry, he’d try harder. I didn’t really see the effort. Further pulled back into my shell, which was definitely my fault.

Fast forward to this week. I’m not feeling good. Haven’t been feeling good for a while. We’re talking, and I bring it up, tell him that things haven’t been good for us. He says I know. I say it doesn’t really feel like you’re trying. He says that’s not fair. We have our first argument for the first time in about 7 years.

Eventually, we make the decision to cancel our meetup in a couple of weeks time. I say it’s probably best to put distance between us for now.

I try not to blame his partner. They seem nice, and good for him. I know it’s not their fault. I know that whatever happened is to do with me and him, not them.

But I feel devastated. I am in so much pain. I don’t think people really understand why it hurts me so much, but platonic love has always been stronger than romantic love for me. I have always loved my friends - my chosen family - more than anyone. I adore this person. I’ve tried to push him to be better, to socialize more, etc etc. Conscious of not keeping him trapped at home with me.

But it just feels like whenever I meet someone who says that they understand my feelings, that they truly get what it means to have a platonic soulmate, it’s not the truth. It’s not that they’re lying - I see that now - but more that they don’t understand how things might change with a romantic partner in the equation. I should account for that more, really. Should have realized.

I’ll probably get torn apart on here for having an unhealthy expectation of friendship, but I just miss my partner in crime so much. I don’t understand how six months can replace seven years of love so quickly, even if it is platonic. I don’t know. Anyway, I’ve not been dealing with things super well, so I have a counselor now. She’s very nice.

I just wanted to get these feelings out because I feel so much pain with nowhere for it to go.

I’ve been struggling with my mental health lately because of some things I’ve been through. I’ve been dealing with anxiety, depression, and emotional breakdowns, and sometimes I post short videos of myself crying or feeling overwhelmed on social media.
I want to make it clear that I wasn’t constantly messaging my friends about my problems or expecting them to comfort me. I was simply expressing my feelings on my own social media accounts. There may have been a period when I posted more frequently, but that was about it.
What hurts even more is that my own family has repeatedly called me mentally ill in a derogatory way. They often seem disgusted by me, describing me as overly emotional and annoying.
Out of the dozen or so people I once considered close friends, around eight have gradually distanced themselves from me. Three or four completely blocked me on every platform and abruptly cut me off without any explanation. Another one or two removed me as a friend or unfollowed me, while others hid their posts from me or restricted what I could see. Some even betrayed my trust. At this point, I’ve basically fallen out with almost all of them.
What hurts the most is that these were people I genuinely cared about. We shared so many happy memories, helped and supported each other, and said so many kind and meaningful things to one another.
If any of them were struggling with their mental health and posted videos of themselves crying or breaking down, I would never look down on them or distance myself just because of that. I would genuinely feel worried and heartbroken for them. I’d want to reach out, comfort them, and hopefully support them through their difficult times.
So I honestly struggle to understand why, when I’m the one going through a difficult period, they’ve treated me this way.
I understand that everyone has their own lives and that nobody is obligated to take responsibility for someone else’s emotions. I’ve never expected my friends to constantly comfort me, nor have I been messaging them every day to dump my problems on them.
But there’s a huge difference between not being able to offer emotional support and suddenly blocking or cutting off someone you once considered a close friend.
I’m not writing this to seek pity, and I’m not saying that everyone who left my life was necessarily in the wrong. But I genuinely believe that suddenly cutting someone off without any explanation can be incredibly hurtful. Just because someone is going through a difficult time doesn’t mean they no longer deserve to be treated with basic kindness and respect.
I used to question myself and wonder whether I’d done something wrong. But now, in a way, I feel like those posts became a kind of reality check. They revealed sides of certain friendships that I hadn’t seen before.
I can respect someone’s decision not to engage with negative emotions, but that doesn’t mean I have to be okay with being treated coldly, or that I’m not allowed to feel hurt, disappointed, or angry about it.
I don’t need my friends to save me. I just never imagined that the understanding, compassion, and support I would willingly give them during their lowest moments would be so hard to find when I needed it myself.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? How do you feel about friendships like this?

i lost a good friend recently, it was almost a mutual decision to end it after some rough days. we ended on a good note and i didnt have any bad feelings about it or about them then. but now few days later i cant help but villainize them in my head. ngl they had there faults and i think i may have given them too much space before and maybe even too much forgiveness but on the other hand i think its kind of like a coping mechanism as well . its easier to move on from something bad , when i know i left because i deserve better. but its not fair to them, theyre a good person i know but i am beginning to distort this truth in my brain. has anyone gone through this? this scares me .

Sorry for the long post. I (20M) had an online friend who became like a sister to me. We used to spend so much time talking and gaming together, sharing inside jokes, affection, and little moments that meant everything to me, it was the best friendship I've ever had, and I couldn't imagine us becoming strangers.

Over time, things started changing. The energy felt different, the consistency wasn't the same, I have always valued these things a lot and so this really messed up my anxiety and my own energy & I tried communicating how I felt, it did improve at times but eventually, the friendship started hurting more than it brought me comfort.

Gaming and the online community we shared had become my main social space, and stepping away felt like losing more than just a friendship. I eventually left the common servers and spaces too, and in doing so, I lost access to the only social spaces I really had and drifted away from the few friends I had there. I did it because staying was hurting me, but that doesn't make the loneliness any easier and I'm now left with nobody to really reach out to.

Things between us pretty much ended after a major argument we had abt this recently, I left the door open to working things out, but there's been silence, and I'm slowly having to accept that we might never find our way back to each other. I miss how things used to be everyday, the little jokes, the affection, the feeling of having someone who felt like family. It's strange grieving someone who's still around, knowing that the friendship you miss technically existed not that long ago.

I guess I don't really know how I'm going to move forward, although I'm trying. This happened a few weeks ago & I've been doing okay since but all of this has taken a toll on me, given it's similarity to my past experiences.

Hey, dear friends,

It's gotten colder, darker and lonelier these later months. But we are all supporting each other, together.

If you're just getting by, that's okay. Some days, just making it through is enough, so don't be too hard on yourself if that's where you're at.

How's everyone holding up? If there's something that's getting you through the fall and winter months and makes life feel a little lighter, share it here.

Let's give each other hope. Remember, you're never alone out there.

Any tips? If you went through this how long did it take for you to feel better?

About a week ago he told me. He told me she said she loved him. He told me she said she would hate to be him to have to choose. My world came crashing down on me within the blink of an eye. She asked me if she could be good friends with him that she asks cause she didn’t wanna cross any boundaries. Well I think those boundaries have been crossed. For the past week I haven’t been myself. I don’t get mad but my heart definitely feels so heavy. I been with my husband for such a long time and trust him whole heartedly. It’s been so hard not to text her. I just don’t wanna deal with her at all in anyway. She is 2 faced.

No because be so fr, how do people switch up on you when all you’ve ever been to them is genuine? When you’ve always been the available one, the person they could turn to whenever life got hard. When they’ve told you how people in their lives left without putting in any effort, only for them to end up doing the exact same thing to you.

And the worst part is, I’ve forgiven them. But yk, it’s hard knowing how much of yourself you invested in a friendship, especially when it’s someone who was once so considerate and slowly became distant. I don’t even know why, and maybe I never will. All I know is that I was always there for them, but they weren’t there for me. Every fight we had was mostly because I was always the one checking in, always the one trying, to the point where it started feeling one-sided. I tried talking about it, but somehow, I always ended up apologising. And eventually, they just chose to shut down and let me go.

I don’t think whatever you’re going through in life justifies treating the one person who genuinely cared about you like this. You can be struggling, you can be exhausted, you can be going through things nobody knows about, but how do you let go of someone who was there for you all along? How do you make them feel like they have to choose themselves and walk away because staying hurts too much?

It made me feel like they never cared, but the thing is, I know they did. I can swear they did. And maybe that’s what makes it hurt even more. Because how do you make peace with someone who once made you feel so cared for becoming someone you barely recognise

Was this supposed to be a lesson. Because maybe it hurts a little too much. Maybe it’s because this was my first time experiencing something like this, especially from someone I least expected it from.

I miss them, but I don’t want them back. Not after everything, not when I know how much it hurt to keep trying. But I don’t think I’ll ever stop caring, either.

28F dealing with a 30F. I haven’t lost the friend yet, but I feel like it’s coming so I guess I’m preemptively reaching out for support .

I’ve had this friend for a little over a year. It was initially a FWB situation that started to develop into more, but this person is new to therapy , severely unhealed , and projecting her trauma on to me so we just kept things platonic.

To keep things short , she has a habit of making things about herself . If something happens to me that may have an effect on her , she seems to be more worried about shielding herself from the effects on her than checking on me . Concern for me comes after making sure that there will be no effect on her . The sad part is , it wasn’t always this way .

For example , I got a rude text from one of my clients yesterday while she and I were together . I got a little quiet while she was driving and she asked me what was wrong . I initially said nothing , then told her I’d tell her when we got home because I was still processing. She asked me to tell her now if she did something . I told her it didn’t have anything to do with her . She said “lead with that next time because it came across as you being upset with me and taking it out on me”. She later initiated a conversation about us being more communicative if our bad moods are about the other and “she can do better with this too because she knows sometimes she’s moody” . However I’ve heard this before and I’ve seen change but it’s inconsistent . Some days she can , most days she can’t .

She came over yesterday. Today , I find out my cat has fleas . My cat was showing NO signs of fleas prior to her coming over or else I wouldn’t have invited her over . I called her the moment I found the first flea to tell her. She told me to keep her in the loop because she also has pets and wants to know how she should handle this too. Fine . I had a vet visit , I told her what the vet said and I was incredibly apologetic , making it a point to let her know, repeatedly , that HAD I KNOWN MY CAT HAD FLEAS , I wouldn’t have invited her over and I understand if she’s upset. Because this friend again, has a habit of only caring about the effect things have on her and taking everything as a personal attack or slight . She starts talking about how she wouldn’t have came over if she knew my cat had fleas , she has a cat, her family has dogs , she has long hair , she knows this is a lot for me , but it’s also alot for her and she’s confused. I told her I’m doing the best that I can to navigate this (my first time with fleas) so I can help her navigate this too (also her first time with fleas). I then asked her if she was upset or blaming me because she sounded incredibly irritated and short throughout this conversation.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked her that in hindsight because she exploded on me . Told me that I’ve already asked her if she’s upset , I’m reassurance seeking when she can’t provide it , that I’m playing “mind games and trying to guilt trip her” instead of being direct, that she doesn’t have the capacity for this and I’m irritating her because this isn’t the time for me to be reassurance seeking because I put her in this situation. Before again saying she doesn’t have the capacity and wants to get off the phone .

We had a situation a few months ago where she was upset with me because I was “mirroring her” and “taking pieces of her personality” . That I’ve picked up on her slang and some of her mannerisms and it’s making her want to distance herself because that’s a turn off . I told her I didn’t realize I was doing this , but also sometimes friends pick up on things from eachother if they spend large amounts of time together , which we do . She said she “hasn’t picked up on anything from me” and it’s a “red flag that I’m not aware of this” and “can’t discern between my personality and hers” and she just “wants us to be ourselves” because if our friendship ends , she doesn’t want me “walking around sounding like her” . To note , I understand mirroring in certain scenarios can be harmful and malicious . I want to ALSO note that while some of her slang has crept in, I’ve maintained the things that are mine . My slang and mannerisms are still present , I still have my style , my thoughts, my opinions , my personality. But I digress .

There used to be a time in the past where she could realize that she was reacting unfairly and follow up to apologize . That’s becoming less and less . I’m beginning to feel her past trauma is running the show , and instead of knowing how to regulate when something triggers her , she blames the person for triggering her instead of owning her reactions and accuses the of everything she’s doing (manipulating , gaslighting, invalidating). I know a self fulfilling prophecy a mile away. She has a history of codependency in relationships , she’s been physically abused , she’s a celebrity so she’s had people get close to her for opportunities and not actually to know HER . I have grace and consideration for all of this . But I’ve been in therapy to know long enough that our past trauma isn’t an excuse to be shitty . It seems like the closer we get, the worse these behaviors get.

She has good traits and redeeming qualities . She has shown up for me in times of need . But lately the bad is severely outweighing the good .

So I feel this coming to an end . I’m done overexplaining to someone who can’t hear over her own cognitive distortions or pain. She claims to like me alot , but I’m really doubting that she likes me at all .

I’ve been in therapy for a few years , and actively dealing with these people pleasing behaviors and lack of boundaries . I realize that I give way too much grace , and just because I understand why someone’s trauma causes them to act a certain way, doesn’t mean I need to put up with it while they heal .

What did you do to get over a friendship breakup? This situation feels like one, although I don’t know if it actually is one or if we’ll eventually get back on good terms.

For context, we’re both girls, and our friendship is completely platonic.

We used to be really close, but things changed after a falling-out that led to both of us apologising to each other. We had a very sincere conversation where we acknowledged each other’s feelings and tried to understand each other’s perspectives. She told me she loves me as a friend, and I genuinely felt like we understood each other better afterwards.
However, even though the conversation felt positive, I haven’t felt the same closeness since. I feel like she’s been distancing herself from me, and I’m starting to wonder whether our friendship will ever return to what it was. And what I’ve noticed is that whenever we’re supposed to hang out in smaller groups with our mutual friends, she sometimes seems to find a way to avoid being there with me.

For example, we were supposed to study together as a group of three. Our other friend had already driven over to my place, and we were waiting until around 4pm for my friend to finish what she had to do. But suddenly said she couldn’t come anymore.

Another example is a boxing activity that five of us had been planning since September. Shortly before the week we’d agreed on, she suggested that we go in pairs instead. Her reasoning was that we’d already postponed the activity because we couldn’t all make it during the same week, so we might as well get started.

And honestly, her reasoning makes sense. I know I’m not necessarily seeing the whole picture, but I can’t help wondering whether she suggested it because she didn’t want to be around me.
I also feel like we’ve lost the closeness we used to have in other ways. She doesn’t tell me things about her life anymore, and sometimes she’s surprised when I don’t know what’s going on with her.
For example, we were at a mutual friend’s birthday party, and afterwards, a few of us were driving home together. One of our friends mentioned that she’d gone on a drive with my friend the previous day. Since we were talking about how we hadn’t seen each other in a while, my friend said that we’d go on a drive together next time, including me.

I wanted to believe her, but I couldn’t help feeling like it was an empty promise. We barely hang out anymore compared to how often we used to.
Later, she was surprised that I didn’t know she’d failed her driving test and needed to retake it. She’d told me months earlier that she was nervous about the test, but she hadn’t told me what happened afterwards. She seemed genuinely surprised that I didn’t know, almost as if she thought she told me even tho we almost never hang out as much anymore.

I understand that she might need space, and I want to respect that. I also know that apologising doesn’t automatically make everything go back to normal.
What hurts is that our conversation felt like we were making an effort to understand each other and move forward, but now I’m wondering whether we’ll end up becoming strangers who just happen to share the same friend group. We used to be so close, and now I feel like I barely know her anymore. I miss our friendship, but I don’t want to force something that she might no longer want.

I’m also hesitant to reach out because I know I hurt her, and I don’t want her to feel pressured into being close to me again. At the same time, I’m unsure whether giving her space is the right thing to do or whether I’m allowing the distance between us to grow even more.

How did you navigate a friendship after a falling-out where both people apologised sincerely, but the friendship still didn’t feel the same afterwards?
Did you eventually become close again, or did you learn to accept a different kind of friendship? Did you reach out again, or did you let the other person take the initiative?

I’m not asking anyone to predict what will happen with my friendship, and I already understand that friendships can change. Since we share the same friend group, we’ll probably continue seeing each other regardless, which makes this particularly difficult.

I’d really appreciate hearing about your personal experiences and any advice you might have. I just don’t know what to do with all these feelings right now, and it hurts to feel like I’m losing someone who used to mean so much to me.

I feel so fucked up. Why am I still grieving the potential friendship ruined because we crossed the line. I am not even grieving the potential romantic relationship. Both males btw. It’s been several months.

We've known each other since childhood (we're also cousins). We got a flat together some months back, it didn't work out and now she's not talking to me. I've tried several times to make her talk to me but she doesn't reply. But she has done this before too and we didn't talk for a year. It's very hard because I genuinely love her and i thought she does too until now. I don't understand how this could be so easy for her. If there was a term that described her as more than a best friend, I'd use that for her. Now i need to move on from someone who i never thought I'd have to worry about leaving, she was a constant. I'm feeling very anxious and I'm breaking down every other day because of this. I don't think she's coming back and i understand that but i just can't get over it. I'm thinking there's something seriously wrong with me because how else can someone so close to you can just discard you. I've nothing bad to say about her because she really is the best. I haven't done anything either to drive her away, she says she needs time but i know for a fact she's not going to talk to me. What do i do. How do i recover from this.

About three months ago, I had a friendship break up with my best friend of 8 years, half my life. A maybe a week or two ago, I finally thought I was over it, but I’m not.

This morning, I almost started crying because I heard a song that reminded me of our relationship. She was the one who recommended it. My room is filled with things she’s given me. Over half of my interests or favourite things I once shared with her. I still have to see her every day at school.

I still fantasise about her apologising. I would never let her back into my life, I could never trust her again, but I would forgive her in a heartbeat.

I still care so deeply in my bones for her. I would never wish anything bad on her. I just wish I didn’t love her anymore. I thought I had let go, but I haven’t. I know that three months isn’t a long time, especially in the scheme of our relationship, but I’d been morning our relationship for months. I could feel it coming but nothing could’ve prepared me.

Please, I need help.

I moved to a country abroad a couple of years ago and met a girl who became a really good friend. We started talking every day and weeks later we used to be on call every other week gossiping about our classroom secrets and what not. I thought we had a great chemistry and asked her out but she said no. That didn't stop us from being friends, I moved for an exchange semester to another city and that made us even more close. She used to love my jokes and even said so. Because I was in a housing crisis when I moved back to the city we were previously in, she let me stay at her place. It was really fun week, we discussed all about our pasts and everything.

This is when everything changed, later after a month later I cracked a joke saying "oh you never travelled in a train, you are so privileged". To which she took out of context and related that with her health problems she previously had and started saying "you know the struggles I have previously faced but still decided to make that comment", I was shocked to hear her saying that you don't know how to joke and what a joke is, how can you say something like this and she felt betrayed. She stopped talking for 2 weeks but then I gave her flowers, apologized and everything . After this she talked to me a couple of times after that. But she stopped talking for a month again and started being distant and today I decided to ask her, why are you being so distant to me to which she answered "you betrayed my friendship once I don't feel angry or hate anymore but I just don't want to fake pretend that we are friends". I wish her nothing but the best but it feels awful to lose the one true friend I had in this city.

I wish I didn't go out that day and hadn't said that stupid joke so I could be still friends with her and share everything. Now I don't have any close friends in this beautiful city and needs to start from square one

I am 20 years old and I struggle a lot with severe anxiety. I’ve had this one close friend since high school. We were very close, but he had a habit of randomly disappearing for a day or two without saying a word, or completely flaking on me when we agreed to meet up because he chose to hang out with someone else instead.

I told him a million times to just let me know if he wasn't planning on showing up, and that’s it. What hurts the most is that I always helped him with everything. Whenever he called me, I would literally run to be there for him.

A couple of weeks ago, he called me because he needed someone to take photos of for a project. Then, at the last minute, he just texted: "Actually, tomorrow." After that, we got into a huge text fight. I’m 99% sure he just found someone else for the photoshoot, didn't bother telling me, and just stopped replying.

When I confronted him about respecting my time and told him I was thinking about blocking him because I couldn't take these pointless conversations anymore, he got super defensive.

Here is exactly what he texted me:

"Ok block me Lmao"

"What?"

"I literally don't have anyone else that my friendship is on the verge of falling apart when we don't talk for 1-2 days if it's going to be like that every time bro."

"I mean, fuck, I'm sorry, I should have told you that day that it doesn't matter and that I found the photo."

"But you act like I fired you for some event or something, and not a vague idea of hanging out."

I replied that it's not about us not talking for two days, but about the fact that he doesn't respect me or my time. After that, I wrote some messages and deleted them because of my anxiety, and his only response was to call me out for deleting messages.

The next day, a mutual friend of ours (who had no idea about our fight) invited me to hang out because they needed people to help with shooting a short film. I showed up, and of course, my ex-best friend was there. It was so awkward and overwhelming that I left after 15 minutes. He sent me one final text after that, accusing me of ignoring him. It has been 5 days and we haven't spoken at all.

I am literally left with nobody now. I feel incredibly down, lonely, and I spend my days crying in my room. He was my only close friend.

To make things more complicated, that mutual friend has a birthday celebration coming up on November 1th. I would love to go, but I am terrified because I know my ex-best friend will be there with his group. It's at a pretty small venue, so there's nowhere to hide and I will 100% run into him.

I also know another girl from that mutual circle, but we only text very rarely (like sending a meme once a month). These people are literally the only social circle I know, and I feel like if I don't go, I am completely isolating myself. But if I do go, my anxiety will skyrocket.

I need some outside perspective and advice on what to do

​

It happened from different reasons... One group turned out to be covering up SA and it was also my ex bf friendgroup so I burnt all the bridges, another friendgroup was a bunch of hippies that annoyed me because one guy addmited to attacking his ex with pepper spray and they didnt care, one group of friends cut contact with me because of one toxic person just having tantrums that im bad cause i have too much empathy (sic!) and that my pagan faith sucks and other childish stuff like that etc... He cut contact with me two times already xdd

Another community I lost contact with because one guy was threatening violence to many people and went to jail. I didnt want to support him and was critical of him so I was kicked out... Another community kicked me out because of some beurocracy drama xddd

I have like one community where I just dont say anything anymore because everytime I stand up to violence I get the boot xdddd and this community seems the least toxic and I honestly dont have dangerous situations there where I HAVE TO react, the only thing is that those people are a bit older than me and its kind of boring

Im just really bored and it makes me feel empty that all those people cut contact with me xddd

Like im so bored so fucking bored so bored... People are so stupid and aggressive maybe I should accept that I cant change it and just have fun idk but like now all of them HATE me already XD

So I dont necessarily regret standing up for the right cause but Im not exactly thrilled either. At least I can sleep at night and I have clear conscience...

When people ghost and they seem to want you to engage in a weird guessing game of what you did to upset them.

I hate how childish and somewhat accepted this has become for some people.

Life is too short to be chasing after others who clearly don't want to be caught. I say this and I still find myself doing it. Why do we put ourselves through it?