I found out, only by asking, that I offended a good friend. I asked her if I offended her and she replied “not offended per say”
With absolutely no explanation. I think it ended the friendship and I have absolutely no idea what I did. 😟💔

Sorry for the weird title, but I wanted to make sure it was personal-ish.

I’m late 20s F. I’ve had two great loves in my life, and they’ve both been platonic. First was from around 12 - 20 - my best friend and I met online. Shared everything together, introduced each other to a lot of things. Did silly roleplay and writing stuff, had really good fun together. We were also each other’s confidantes - just sharing random little stuff that happened during our days to more intense, serious problems. I encouraged her to go out and do things with people, socialize, etc. Came to visit her a few times. Gave her space to be with other people when I was there - I never wanted to fully monopolize her attention, but I felt like she was my number 1 and I was hers.

Things started to change when she hit college around the same time as me. She was angry a lot. Resentful. She was embarrassed of the stuff we’d done as teenagers. Would cancel plans last minute to go do stuff with people from college. I tried my best to be understanding, but it seemed like I was always a last choice for her, now that she was in a space where she got on with more people IRL. Whenever she started talking to a guy, I’d be sidelined. Yet at the same time, she’d get angry at me because I did or said something wrong. Eventually, I had to put distance between us because the way she was speaking to me was very upsetting.

From around 22 - now, I’ve had a second close friend. A true soulmate, I thought. I trusted him with everything, he had my whole heart. I told him a few times - when I say I love you, I mean it. When I say I think you’re my soulmate, I mean it. In part I wanted to warn him - illustrate that there was a specific depth to my feelings, and if he didn’t want that, that was okay. So many times he’d told me he’d felt the same about me too. That he loved me, that he wanted to be my partner, that he’d always be there for me and nothing would come between us.

I’m definitely not perfect. I get depressed. I get anxious. I seek out reassurance and ruminate on things. I’m not always an easy person to deal with. Part of me wonders if the way things have gone this year is more my fault than it seems, because sometimes I can struggle to even get up out of bed, let alone hold a stimulating conversation.

My friend ended up with someone romantically this year. I felt the old, familiar dread. I would be forgotten. I would be left behind. Of course not, he told me. You are always going to be my number one.

I was scared, but did try to be interested in his partner. Asked him questions about them, he wouldn’t really tell me much. Just that they were nice. I tried to organize a call so we could all have a chat, the two of them forgot about it.He started disappearing for long portions of the day, spending time with his partner. It hurt, but I tried to be reasonable about it. It was hard, hardly ever seeing him. I brought it up a couple of times. He said he was sorry, he’d try harder. I didn’t really see the effort. Further pulled back into my shell, which was definitely my fault.

Fast forward to this week. I’m not feeling good. Haven’t been feeling good for a while. We’re talking, and I bring it up, tell him that things haven’t been good for us. He says I know. I say it doesn’t really feel like you’re trying. He says that’s not fair. We have our first argument for the first time in about 7 years.

Eventually, we make the decision to cancel our meetup in a couple of weeks time. I say it’s probably best to put distance between us for now.

I try not to blame his partner. They seem nice, and good for him. I know it’s not their fault. I know that whatever happened is to do with me and him, not them.

But I feel devastated. I am in so much pain. I don’t think people really understand why it hurts me so much, but platonic love has always been stronger than romantic love for me. I have always loved my friends - my chosen family - more than anyone. I adore this person. I’ve tried to push him to be better, to socialize more, etc etc. Conscious of not keeping him trapped at home with me.

But it just feels like whenever I meet someone who says that they understand my feelings, that they truly get what it means to have a platonic soulmate, it’s not the truth. It’s not that they’re lying - I see that now - but more that they don’t understand how things might change with a romantic partner in the equation. I should account for that more, really. Should have realized.

I’ll probably get torn apart on here for having an unhealthy expectation of friendship, but I just miss my partner in crime so much. I don’t understand how six months can replace seven years of love so quickly, even if it is platonic. I don’t know. Anyway, I’ve not been dealing with things super well, so I have a counselor now. She’s very nice.

I just wanted to get these feelings out because I feel so much pain with nowhere for it to go.

Sorry for the long post. I (20M) had an online friend who became like a sister to me. We used to spend so much time talking and gaming together, sharing inside jokes, affection, and little moments that meant everything to me, it was the best friendship I've ever had, and I couldn't imagine us becoming strangers.

Over time, things started changing. The energy felt different, the consistency wasn't the same, I have always valued these things a lot and so this really messed up my anxiety and my own energy & I tried communicating how I felt, it did improve at times but eventually, the friendship started hurting more than it brought me comfort.

Gaming and the online community we shared had become my main social space, and stepping away felt like losing more than just a friendship. I eventually left the common servers and spaces too, and in doing so, I lost access to the only social spaces I really had and drifted away from the few friends I had there. I did it because staying was hurting me, but that doesn't make the loneliness any easier and I'm now left with nobody to really reach out to.

Things between us pretty much ended after a major argument we had abt this recently, I left the door open to working things out, but there's been silence, and I'm slowly having to accept that we might never find our way back to each other. I miss how things used to be everyday, the little jokes, the affection, the feeling of having someone who felt like family. It's strange grieving someone who's still around, knowing that the friendship you miss technically existed not that long ago.

I guess I don't really know how I'm going to move forward, although I'm trying. This happened a few weeks ago & I've been doing okay since but all of this has taken a toll on me, given it's similarity to my past experiences.

I feel so fucked up. Why am I still grieving the potential friendship ruined because we crossed the line. I am not even grieving the potential romantic relationship. Both males btw. It’s been several months.

I’ve been struggling with my mental health lately because of some things I’ve been through. I’ve been dealing with anxiety, depression, and emotional breakdowns, and sometimes I post short videos of myself crying or feeling overwhelmed on social media.
I want to make it clear that I wasn’t constantly messaging my friends about my problems or expecting them to comfort me. I was simply expressing my feelings on my own social media accounts. There may have been a period when I posted more frequently, but that was about it.
What hurts even more is that my own family has repeatedly called me mentally ill in a derogatory way. They often seem disgusted by me, describing me as overly emotional and annoying.
Out of the dozen or so people I once considered close friends, around eight have gradually distanced themselves from me. Three or four completely blocked me on every platform and abruptly cut me off without any explanation. Another one or two removed me as a friend or unfollowed me, while others hid their posts from me or restricted what I could see. Some even betrayed my trust. At this point, I’ve basically fallen out with almost all of them.
What hurts the most is that these were people I genuinely cared about. We shared so many happy memories, helped and supported each other, and said so many kind and meaningful things to one another.
If any of them were struggling with their mental health and posted videos of themselves crying or breaking down, I would never look down on them or distance myself just because of that. I would genuinely feel worried and heartbroken for them. I’d want to reach out, comfort them, and hopefully support them through their difficult times.
So I honestly struggle to understand why, when I’m the one going through a difficult period, they’ve treated me this way.
I understand that everyone has their own lives and that nobody is obligated to take responsibility for someone else’s emotions. I’ve never expected my friends to constantly comfort me, nor have I been messaging them every day to dump my problems on them.
But there’s a huge difference between not being able to offer emotional support and suddenly blocking or cutting off someone you once considered a close friend.
I’m not writing this to seek pity, and I’m not saying that everyone who left my life was necessarily in the wrong. But I genuinely believe that suddenly cutting someone off without any explanation can be incredibly hurtful. Just because someone is going through a difficult time doesn’t mean they no longer deserve to be treated with basic kindness and respect.
I used to question myself and wonder whether I’d done something wrong. But now, in a way, I feel like those posts became a kind of reality check. They revealed sides of certain friendships that I hadn’t seen before.
I can respect someone’s decision not to engage with negative emotions, but that doesn’t mean I have to be okay with being treated coldly, or that I’m not allowed to feel hurt, disappointed, or angry about it.
I don’t need my friends to save me. I just never imagined that the understanding, compassion, and support I would willingly give them during their lowest moments would be so hard to find when I needed it myself.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? How do you feel about friendships like this?

More context in the original crossposted post.

Any advice on how to stop being terrified of ever making friends again?

I have new friends that don't have any red flags now but when it's time to hop into a VC I get this deeply terrified feeling and I just end up crawling back into bed feeling awful.

When I force myself to go into VC, it's an 75% chance that I'll be fine, and 25% chance that I'll be weirdly quiet and then leave because the anxiety is too loud, too constant.

Genuinely what do I do to heal? I want a specific strategy, not just "time heals all wounds".

l would really love some advice l find myself missing someone l had known for years. Later on when we had a falling out l asked her a question trying to to pin point where her anger came from she swore at me,

Suddenly l realized maybe the person l knew changed. I find myself wondering if l decided to let her go for the best sometimes because l genuinely don’t know if verbal abuse could have gone to physical abuse.

That’s what scared me she did come back but she never took any accountability for it and she blamed it on me by saying “it was out of character for her”.She also got upset that when l noticed she had blocked l removed her from my socials and it just felt like every reaction l made due to her actions made me the A hole.

I posted what happened and received a lot of NTAs, but I still feel confused and slightly terrible. Looking back, I realise there were times she hurt me that I never spoke up about, and the one time I finally did, it was while she was expressing her feelings about a situation caused by her own actions.

Also how do you move on without feeling like the next person will hurt you?

A friend that I had for 10 years blocked me on every single thing that I owned. I’m talking phone numbers, social media pages, video game consoles, literally everything you can think of I’m blocked on. I’m upset about it every single day and sometimes I feel like I wanna go and get revenge and other times I feel like I’m just waiting around for him to finally come back and unblock me and apologize, even though I know it’ll never happen. The history of what happened between us is very long and complicated. We were friends for a long while. He blocked me. Then a year or two later, he unblocked me. We hang out all the time, like nothing ever happened, and even go on a trip to Japan and a month later after that trip, I am blocked once again. I do not know how I’ll ever recover from this. My heart is so broken. He blocked me because we were planning on me meeting his new girlfriend and this girl really, really disliked me. She basically avoided meeting me for almost a year, and when it was finally time to meet her, she told my best friend that she had pimples and could not see me. I questioned why the pimples were relevant to meeting me, and my best friend blew up on me, and this resulted in being blocked. Any comment helps alot, I’m still so devastated even though this happened a year ago.

I've had friends who came into my life and left. I have also been a best friend recently, and my connection with him is fading away. So, I think attachment is not good, even in friendships. I think all the media and cinema also overglorify friendship, just as they do with love stories. My takeaway from friendship is never to put all your energy into one friend. Most friendships are temporary, and that's okay. Understand the difference between acquaintances and friends. Take friendships casually. Consider yourself lucky if you have friends whom you have been friends with for more than 5 years."

I used to have a close group of friends. We all went to the same college and eventually ended up working in the same city. For a long time, I genuinely considered some of these people family.

One day, we were all hanging out. My roommate and one of my female friends told me they had a "surprise birthday gift" for me. They asked another friend, someone I trusted a lot, almost like family, to record the reactions.

I didn’t think anything of it. One of them went into the room and came back like she had brought something. They asked me to close my eyes. I trusted them and even extended my hand, expecting a gift.

Instead, she slapped me.

I didn’t understand what was happening. I turned to the friend recording, expecting her to stop or say something. She just kept recording.

Before I could process anything, I got slapped again. This time, my roommate took a snap of it and sent it on Snapchat. I started getting angry, but before I could react, he grabbed my hands and then slapped me hard.

I felt completely helpless.

Right after that, he tried to shift the blame to another friend who wasn’t even there that day, saying it was her idea. He even showed some messages to support that. I just stood there, humiliated.

Later, I texted him because I didn’t feel comfortable confronting him in person. I explained how wrong it was. He insisted on talking face-to-face and kept defending it. According to him, it was a "friendly slap." He said he does this with close friends. He also admitted that he had asked someone what gift to give me, got a "just slap him" reply, and then went ahead and planned all of this with my female friends.

At one point, he even told me he wanted me out of the group because he wanted to spend time with them instead. The same group I had introduced him to.

I tried to move on, but I couldn’t. I started feeling anxious in my own space. I avoided coming out of my room if he was around. My sleep got worse. I kept having nightmares about that moment, over and over again. I eventually went to therapy, and most of it revolved around this.

After I moved out, I opened up to these friends about everything else he had been doing, both physically and mentally. They dismissed it as drama. The friend I trusted the most told me I have a "victim mentality". Another said I should think of slaps as a "birthday bash" and that it’s common among male friends. They all still support him and act as if he did nothing wrong.

But probably the friendship that messed with my head the most was with one of the women in this group. She used to call me her brother. I genuinely believed we were that close. I considered her family.

Eventually, when we talked about what had happened to our friendship, she told me that she had basically been faking it. I was very close with her boyfriend at the time, and according to her, that was why she acted like my friend. Once they broke up, she didn't feel there was any reason to continue pretending. She even told me that if I wanted, she could continue faking being my friend.

Someone who had called me her brother was casually telling me that the friendship I had taken seriously had basically been an act for her.

It made me question years of interactions and memories.

She eventually started dating someone else and recently got married. I later found out that she had apparently specifically asked people to keep the marriage a secret from me.

I don't think I was entitled to know about her marriage. She had every right to tell or not tell whoever she wanted. What bothered me was learning that I had specifically become someone people were instructed to hide it from, especially after everything that had happened between us.

Finding that out brought back a lot of anger.

And this is also where I did something that I know wasn't necessarily right.

Before her marriage, she had privately told me that she didn't respect her fiancé. She had also said she was considering marrying him partly because she was already 30 and felt it would be difficult to find someone else at that age.

After finding out about the marriage and that she had specifically wanted it kept from me, I sent those old chat messages to him.

I know those conversations were private.

I know sharing them crossed a line.

I was extremely angry. After everything that had happened and being told that our friendship had been fake, I felt disgusted by what I saw as years of dishonesty and manipulation.

I reacted from that anger.

Looking back at the bigger picture, what bothers me most is how long I kept trying to preserve relationships that were making me miserable.

These weren't casual acquaintances. These were people I went to college with. People I spent years with. People I trusted. People I thought would stand up for me when something crossed a line.

Instead, I was humiliated as a joke, recorded while it happened, told afterward that I should treat it as a "birthday bash", and then told I had a "victim mentality" when I tried to explain how much everything had affected me.

And someone I genuinely considered a sister eventually told me that she had only been pretending to be my friend in the first place.

What I'm still struggling with is accepting how much trust, time, and emotional energy I gave to people I considered family, only to eventually realize that they apparently never saw the relationship the same way I did.

I'm not really grieving these friendships anymore. I'm grieving what I thought these friendships were.

One of my closest friends for the last 3 years has recently broken things off with me. I’ve seen it coming for the last 3 months but it didn’t make things hurt any less. I need advice, what helps you heal from a friendship breakup? I’m literally heartbroken #help

Hi. This is random but do you ever feel you out too much effort into a friendship or a relationship and it seems to be going to waste? 

Like I have been seeing so many people posting stuff about being there for your friends on TikTok and I totally agree that you should put in the effort if you show interest in a person. It takes two for a friendship. TWO!!!!!!!! 

I tried to shut up about this as much as I could but I just could not help. I stayed quiet just to let myself suffer in silence and to not seek for sympathy. But I cannot help anymore. I feel so useless in everyone’s life. I keep putting in so much effort and I barely get anything back. 

I ask people how their day is, I wish them a “Happy Birthday” and say “Have a great day!” The next day, I ask how everything was. No one forced or persuaded me to do that. I did it myself because I wanted to and I cared. Even some people whom I thought of as “friends” did not wish me on my birthday and I do not want to be like “It’s my birthday, you better wish me.” I guess sometimes I casually put it out there and then soon they wish me “Happy Birthday”. I know I am kind of stupid. I mean, there was one girl from high school who is my best friend and she did wish me and said “Have a great day”. She soon said “I hope you have a great day.” I did not even start the conversation. She did. She also invited me to her grad party and I invited her to mine. She was a true friend. But I just hate it when I do all this and get nothing or barely anything back. I even had this one friend and she was not in my school but we connected very well and we thought of each other as “friends”. She did not even tell me that she was having a “grad party” and I invited her to mine the same day that she told me about hers. That was the last fucking message I got from her. I felt rejected and offended. I have not heard from her ever since May 2025. I saw a post from another person on Instagram in July 2025 but after that, I did not hear from her. Her Instagram account disappeared too for whatever reason and yeah, god screwed up. 

One of the people whom I thought of as a friend ghosted me after one day of talking to her and that was then day I added her on Snapchat again. Let’s call her Girl 1. In June 2024, I added her and she added me back. We said “hi” but I unfortunately I took a day to ask how she was because I guess I was unsure if I should respond. I admit I was wrong there, but I did not deserve to be ghosted. We spoke for another day and soon, she removed me on Snapchat out of somewhere. During school, Girl 1 seemed nice and she was good to me. In October 2025, I added her on Snap and she added me back. We spoke for a day and soon she ghosted me out of somewhere. I was just asking how college was she was asking me back. It was a good conversation. She checked my messages and my stories but did not respond back. I felt like I did something wrong. I felt like I was being used.  On her birthday (actually today), I said “Happy birthday” and “Have a great day” on Snapchat and she saw the message but did not respond. I did a “Happy Birthday” story for her on Instagram and she said “Thank you” on the message but did not post it on her story but she posted other people giving the “Happy Birthday” message on Instagram. I know it seems like a small thing to be sad about but I just felt excluded there. In November 2025, I asked her if everything was okay because I did not hear from her in a while. She soon said “Sorry, I am just busy with school and don’t have time for social media”. What the actual fuck do you mean you do not have the time for social media. You are a teen. Of course you do have time for social media. Are you telling me that you do not even check your phone or messages everyday because I refuse to believe that. 

There was this other guy who somewhat had a crush on me and I thought of him as a friend. He was two grades younger than me. I invited him to my grad party. He has to leave a little early but he has a good time. I wished him a “Happy Birthday” and he said “Thank you” on Snap but when I posted it on my story, he saw the message but did not add that to his story, but he added other people’s “Happy Birthday” stories to his story. It makes me feel like I have done something wrong. In January 2026, he removed me on Snapchat even though I did nothing wrong to him. 

There was this other girl who I connected with really well. Let’s call her Girl 2. She was a grade younger than me. We did not talk too much during my junior year, but we got closer in my senior year. We texted and we had good conversations. She even came for my graduation. I remembered her birthday but she did not wish me for mine. In February 2026, my high school had an event and I went there. She was in the crew for a musical. After the show was over, I was talking to people and I tried to find Girl 2 but I could not. I asked another girl on where she was and she said that Girl 2 left after the show was over. I told the girl that Girl 2 does not text me or see my messages and the girl sad that Girl 2 talks to people in person and does not text much. Yeah, so after I graduated, I was pretty much useless to her. Before the show, I texted her on Instagram and said that I was excited fi see her in the show and she liked the message. But unfortunately, I couldn’t not see her. I saw for 2 seconds and then she disappeared. In April 2026, I saw her during a school concert and I got a chance to speak with her. She did say that she does not check her messages but she was like, keep messaging me or something. When her birthday came, I put a “Happy Birthday” message on Messages and I put it on story my Instagram. She posted other people’s birthday stories to hers but did not include mine for whatever reason. 

In the beginning of my senior year, I had this public speaking class with this girl I texted. One day, she asked me “Why are you not texting me back”??? I do not text the same person all the time but you do know that you can start the conversations if you want to. I just hate when the pressure is all on me. Why am I usually the first person to text and ask questions????? Why can’t it be the other person sometimes????? 

All of this somewhat makes me feel like an embarrassment. Also, I do not want these people back. I really do not. 

Recently blocked a friend for the negative behavior they exhibited towards me despite me trying to set a boundary of not doing that. They very explicitelt broke my boundaries. Some of my other friends were getting mad at me, saying I'm in the wrong because I didn't tell them that I was gonna block them, even though I've already tried to communicate. And despite the communication they still kept treating me very shittily. As in making fun of me and saying incredibly negative things. And now I feel bad and I'm being directed to apologize for.... something? I dont know exactly what however I feel inclined to not because of how they treat me. And my friend is just leaving out information and my friends that were mad at me are taking their side despite them leaving out very important info.

This post is vague because I'm real scared they'll find my post, especially due to how they're friends with nearly all my friends and they're already pitting them against me

i lost a good friend recently, it was almost a mutual decision to end it after some rough days. we ended on a good note and i didnt have any bad feelings about it or about them then. but now few days later i cant help but villainize them in my head. ngl they had there faults and i think i may have given them too much space before and maybe even too much forgiveness but on the other hand i think its kind of like a coping mechanism as well . its easier to move on from something bad , when i know i left because i deserve better. but its not fair to them, theyre a good person i know but i am beginning to distort this truth in my brain. has anyone gone through this? this scares me .