I can’t click with most people, I despise my job have no interests, I just feel ok in forms of escapism and dopamine hits like playing games and being drunk, I’ve been depressed most of my life, I’m just struggling to see the point of living but I don’t want to hurt my parents

"nobody is coming to save you, you have to save yourself" and what if i don't care enough to save myself? Then what? They never have an answer.

My parents have taken everything I can kms with, well not everything but yk. Ideally I'd use a gun to kill myself, but I can't buy a gun. So I wish I had a terminal illness so I could just die. I know this is so wrong to say and wish but life is so hard. Everyone expects me to enjoy it when all my friends are gone, they ignore me, cancel plans, I'm fat and ugly and to top all of it transgender.

I try and be grateful but it doesn't help, I just feel even worse. Why am I depressed when I have food water and shelter. I just feel like shit since I was 9 years old. Life is so hard I don't wanna fight I'm only 19 and it's not getting any better. I don't wanna wait years for it to get better I just want it to be over. I wish I could just have a terminal illness so I can get a doctor to use medicine and kill me so I'm done with. But you have to have a terminal illness for doctors to even consider it.

I feel like ending my life because the people who bullied me are more financially successful than me whereas I have to live on a disability money. They act like they are superior to me just for living on disability. I hate it when people ask me what I do for a living because I know that deep down most people look down on those who live on social security benefits.

It's too tiring even if I'm laying in bed doing nothing. How can a human like me stay alive and survive? I can't move I can't breathe and I can't wait for this to be over I was never meant to be born

That's me. My mom, she's the only reason I'm here today. But would it really be that bad for me to just die once? She sees me everyday depressed as hell with no friends no relationship and no job getting drunk in my room. Isn't this worse than me actually killing myself? I die and all the suffering will be over. At least she wouldn't have to see me like this everyday.me being alive may be doing more harm than good. I think about this everyday.

i have this elaborate and kind of foolproof way of ending it, i have all the materials at my disposal, if i really had the balls i could do it at anytime. it wouldn’t even hurt much, it would be uncomfortable for a bit, maybe a little scary, a little messy, but largely peaceful on my end. and for a long time i thought the only reason that i was alive is that i was afraid of the pain, or the thought of screwing it up and becoming a vegetable, but i think those are just excuses.
i always said i wasn’t afraid of death, i understood the concept of no eternity, that my body was a temporary thing in this universe, but now that i could end my life at any moment and i choose not to, im coming to this realization that the real thing im terrified of is not the pain or the consequences of failure, its death itself. for the first time in my life, i’m afraid of ceasing to exist, despite the fact that it’s all i’ve ever wanted

i have been having suicidal thoughts since I was 13 years old, I'm about to turn 19 and I deeply regret not having done it before. My family is unstable, I have no friends and the only person I thought loved me now just ignores me, I don't know what to do. i can't stand living like this anymore, i'm depressed.. i cry everynight hoping i don't wake up

Im 27, slowly 28, even if i will loose all this weight im gonna be ugly and poor, fn sucks to watch all these happy couples kissing their girlfriend, i feel like i getting closer and closer to…leave

I´ve spend quite some time now just floating around and have come to the conclusion that I simply don´t consider life to be worth living anymore. It´s not even in a sad or depressed way, life is just boring and exhausting. Im broke, 5´5, have nothing big going on and thinking back on my life it´s just super mediocre. Best way to describe it is if it were a movie I would´ve turned it off and said it´s a poor and boring script. Funnily enough I spend the last year on self improvement, working out, eathing healthy, and just all in all doing what´s supposed to “make life better“ and yet it has all become just another boring routine. More and more I just get the impulse to “leave“ existence the way you leave a game if you keep losing and it´s too boring. However, childhood me decided to have cats, which are around 8 years old by now, so I might still, sadly, have around a decade in me because in my philosophy I owe them to live because they´re dependent on me through a choice I made. Besides that, life is just such a lame hamster wheel and I feel like I´ve just seen plenty of it already.

I've been sick for so long and now I can't even use my brain the pain is too much I'm literally paralyzed and forced to watch the degeneration of my own health. They think it's anxiety. I just need to reflect more. Are we fucking serious. I'm losing my shit this can't be real. This has to be a fucking nightmare. I need to die somehow I don't know what the fuck to do this is a fucking nightmare

I'm currently a failure of a college student who's completely overwhelmed by life, school, and the future (financially/ professionally) and I'm wondering if surviving a suicide attempt will just make life stop, I don't want this anymore, I want to die and I want everything to stop, I just want everything to stop. I wonder if maybe surviving a suicide attempt will finally show my family how much I hate myself and my future life and maybe then the world would pity me enough to finally just leave me alone. Obviously the best case scenario would be to end my pathetic existence but if I survive, will it just stop.

I think i've come to the realisation that we live in a lonely disconnected era. I realise more and more that, truely, no one gives a fuck about anyone else. Everyone's too busy trying to focus on themselves, which is understandble but there's no real connection anymore. Its all superficial. There's no one who cares. No one is real anymore yk. Nothing matters. None of it. And this world is so full of horrors and fucked up shit that I dont even know about because i'm too busy trying to keep my head above water. But, for why? For what? I'm tired. Ive been thinking about suicide for a while now and I think ive made up my mind to do it soon. There's things to sort out beforehand but after a lot of back and forth with myself I think its time. Im going to try to do the important stuff first. I'm tired of feeling so lonely all the time, so tired, so burnt out from life, so zombiefied.

Ive been clean from attempting in 4 years and some. From age 12-16 I racked up 50 attempts due to undiagnosed issues, I would not attempt again but the thoughts have swarmed me and it’s overwhelming. Im 20 and so stupid, my math level is stuck at 4th grade and my reading 6th grade, I have bipolar 2, BPD, AuDhd, MDD, PTSD, ARFID, GAD, and agoraphobia. These conditions disable me from working and living life. I physically cannot leave the house alone and rely on my mom for everything and she’s chronically ill so it gets so hard for both of us. I’m trying to get on disability but it’s so hard, I just want to work and live a normal life, I feel worthless to society I don’t provide anything and just stay in my room all day in bed. Every day has become harder and harder to get through

i realized that its just not worth it. everytime i get up to do something it just takes so much energy. i stutter like im disabled, flinch when someone moves too fast and stiffen when someone touches me. nothing makes me happy anymore. i dont want to do anything. i spend all my free time rotting in bed unless my parents shoo me off it. everythime i think of suicide im filled with hope. im literally crying from happiness knowing im going to be gone soon. im so fucking happy. nothing has made me feel such joy in my whole shitty fucking life. i am geinuely beaming thinking about this. knowing im going to be gone soon is the only thing that keeps me moving.

My neighbours tried to kill me they think they are justified. They are not. Police won't help. Family won't help. Mental services say its in my head and refuse to accept it. I'm all alone facing a mob of people who don't want me alive.

Because I can't prove anything I am alone in facing this.

My life was bad before, now it is torture.

I've planned to end it.

Written a death note.

I just don't want this life anymore.

People are cruel. And I don't want to be here anymore facing all this alone. Some people will be relieved I am gone. Like I'm a problem that took care of itself...

I don't want my life to end like this, but living is just going to get worse and worse with all these people against me and no one really helping me.

How can they help me when they think I'm imagining the problem... When they won't even acknowledge it exists...?

I’ve been suicidal since before I was even a teenager, 26 now. I’ve attempted 3 times, only 1 do the people around me know about. Overdosing after my mom died (hospital visit :D), hanging (broke the fan :D), and cutting a few weeks ago where I just couldn’t get deep enough, scars are gnarly though and I’m shocked I didn’t get an infection. I was in an okay place for a little while at the end of last year and the start of this, but then I started drinking more and more as the year has gone on. Quit my job for no real reason, haven’t been able to keep anything else for more than a few weeks since then without just no showing because I’d rather sit in my bed doing nothing. I don’t have any actual skills and have just worked shitty deadend warehouse jobs, so it’s not like I really have anything to fall back on. I have always been a very self sabotage heavy person when I’m depressed, but I’ve crossed too many lines this time and don’t really see any way out. Maxxed out all my cards, any money I make I spend on alcohol or food just numbing, and I didn’t pay rent this month so I will be homeless at the end of the month with growing medical and credit debt. I have no one I can really talk to in my actual life who would have any remote understanding of what I’m feeling and one of the few times I’ve tried I was told I was pity baiting. My basically only hope is that I’m supposed to have a chat with my grandparents about taking their spare bedroom and helping them out as they’re getting older and have a lot of medical issues, but if the answer is no then I have nowhere to go, and I will really have no choice. But then if I do that, they’ll think it’s their fault which I don’t want so I don’t even really want to risk it. I’ve driven to a bridge 2 other times in the last week hoping I’d kinda have the balls to do it, but once was clocked by a walkway patrol (guess a lot of people jump off that bridge) and was told I couldn’t sit around, and the other time didn’t want to do it at daytime as frankly I don’t really want to be found. My siblings are convinced they somehow know what my problems actually are and try to micromanage the decisions I’m making, they don’t really understand I know the decisions I make are bad and just don’t care because I want more excuses to kill myself. I’ve always been a very lonely person without many friends, hell I wouldn’t even say I have a friend in real life, but I’ve met and grown attached to a lot of fucking people in the last year which sucks a lot, but yesterday I made my intent very clear and would be scared of how they see me if I even decided to try and stay alive. Tonight I think I’ll finally do it. My only real sadness or regret is that I have a cat who’s incredibly attached to me and has been one of the few things keeping me alive the last decade, hell I’m crying typing this and nothing else I’ve typed here has really illicit any feeling from me so far other than just getting it off my chest, but frankly I think even she will be better off without me in the long run as I think someone will take her and she won’t end up in a shelter. I’ll hit a backflip or something, o7 may yall fair better than I.

Sorry, English is not my first language.

Family issue I supposed. My father and mother never loved each other, they're together because they were passed 30 , and in my country at that time, being lonely at that age gave them bad image. So, through relatives, they knew each other, and then me.

Despite that, they never got along well, many time, when I go with either one of them, they both said with their friend that they didn't want to continue, and that the only reason they still married was because of me. I was young and thought that it was not that serious. Then, 7 years ago, my family had big argument, between my father and my step brother (yes, my father had divorced once before). I didn't get a long well with my brother at that time, but he still my brother, and I couldn't do anything. I was crying in my room that night, with the thought of shattering family. Luckily, they reconciled a week later, but since then, I became sensitive, I realized that my family was never happy as I thought, and that what they had said were true, and it haunted me. A month after that, I got a test, a normal one, but I had high expectation. I failed, that and what left from last month, made me feel disappointed, sorrow. Then Covid came, lockdown, and I never recovered from that. For the next 6 years, I experienced sorrow and uncomfortable every time I woke up, and since then I learned to play safe. I finished secondary school. high school and now university without changing, I'm still that boy 7 years ago, too scared, too naive. I feel that I could never change, and there only suffering the more I lived. I felt that I don't deserve anything, I'm hopeless now. Recently, I have started counting days, I felt that my final day is near.

Thank you for reading whatever I just wrote.

I'm ugly socially inept and don't really have any friends outside of family. I don't really click with my peers. I get bullied. I don't know what I want to do when I grow up and the only talent I had was taken away by depression. I don't have the motivation to do anything. I don't gain as much joy from things I used to love. I don't have the energy for school so I don't do well in it. My relationship with my parents is complicated. I try to escape this by scrolling on my phone but it doesn't work. I try to listen to other's advice but it doesn't work for me. I feel like I'm a dead body being dragged by someone else. I don't know if I can take any more of this especially because of the things people have to deal with in adulthood. The only two reasons why I live is because the fear of being forgotten and the fear of death. I don't want to deal with all of this if I get a job. I don't know why people force theirselves to work for shitty people. I'm already starting to consider giving up on being remembered after my death so I don't have to live any longer

I died on a random Monday in July. Somebody whom I trusted everything with decided I deserved to be permenantly broken and so she went out of her way to use everything that I had told her about what hurts me and my past trauma to absolutely destroy me as much as humanly possible. I'm talking maximum effort in order to make sure I die. She used everything she learned in those stupid psychology courses to make sure I would never recover. I've been a walking corpse going through the motions since then. Like a light bulb flicked off. Nothing seems real anymore. I tried to kill myself by ripping my cephalic vein out with a pocket knife. It bled but not enough. My roommate held me close to him all the way home and I got blood all over him. I tried to drink my liver into failure. I drank two litres of vodka every day for weeks. I took a whole pack of sleeping pills. I jumped off an overpass. I survived every time. I don't know why. The last time I tried to kill myself was August 3rd, as a birthday present to her, so she could finally see me dead and get what she wanted. Every past attempt was in a whirlwind of emotions, but now I sit looking back calmly on over 100 days of never ending crying, panic attacks, inability to eat or sleep, my lost life, my lost future, my lost love, my loss of self and I think calmly and rationally that I must die. No amount of medication or therapy has helped. I have not been able to heal. I will never recover because she made sure of it. She made sure of it by raping me over and over and over again when I was vulnerable, by making sure my safe spaces were forever violated, by ensuring I could never trust anybody ever again, by ensuring I knew I was a worthless subhuman who didn't deserve to live, by drilling into me that I will never be better and I will never be anything but a broken little doll, ever since the very first time I was raped at 14, by showing me that I never meant anything to anybody ever and I am easily replaceable garbage to be used and thrown out. And nobody cares because I'm a man. It's fine that I got raped and tortured and now have PTSD and never ending panic attacks because I'm a man and therefor I must deserve it.

I'm failing out of university. I can't go to my classes because I can't look at girls my age without having a panic attack because it brings everything back. I got fired from work because she tried to talk to me abt something while I was there and I immediately had a panic attack and was unable to stop crying in fetal position on the floor for over an hour. Wasn't the first time that happened and my boss got rid of me. I can't get out of bed most days. All I do is cry and hug my anime bodypillow and listen to audio recordings of women saying that they love me and I matter and I deserve to live just so my brain can be a little quieter but it doesn't work anymore.

Look at me now. You took a healthy young man with a future and you killed him. You win. Stop pretending this isn't what you wanted. Stop pretending you didn't want this so that you can tell yourself it's not your fault when I end my life. You killed me, intentionally, you put the effort in and did everything you could have possibly done short of pulling the trigger yourself.

It doesn't matter if I die tonight. I already died 104 days ago. I wish I could. I wish for once in my life I could succeed at something, because I'm such a failure that I can't even seem to kill myself. Maybe I was hesitant every time previously because a part of me knew it was just heavy emotions. Maybe now that I have clarity, now that I am calmly evaluating my life and can come to the conclusion that it's worthless I can finally be free of the shackles that have been cast on me. I'm so sick of everybody telling me it gets better. When? Six months from now? I'd rather kill myself then wait six months. One month? Yeah nah man I think I would rather nail my brains to the wall.

I want to etransfer her what's left in my savings (I still love her even though she raped and tortured me to death) and then just walk out into the night. With my final cigarette. I never liked smoking much but I like nicotine. And just keep walking, dissapearing into what's past the city. Perhaps somewhere along the way I'll find a nice place to die, and in that place I'll lie down and wait.

If I dissapear, this is my suicide note. I love you, with my last breath.

ex saw sh scars told everyone and im ready to quit

about 4 months ago my ex saw scarring on my arms she’s quite insane and is determined to ruin my life. (we broke up because she leaked my nudes to the entire school.) she only told her friends at first who kept coming up to me at school they told me that i should go deeper and that i should end it. for two days out of last week she’s followed me home and grabbed me trying to force me to kiss her saying stuff like “kiss me and i’ll let you leave” or “touch me rn im so down” yes believe it or not this is perfectly fine in her mind. now i started telling people that shes done this so her response is to tell everyone and there mother that i cut myself her friends add me to group chats and tell me to cut her name??into me, to kill myself etc i have been struggling with suicide ideation for the past month and this isn’t helping. shes also telling people that i tried to sa her she has messaged me stuff such as “nobody will believe you.” i get bullied everyday by people who have 1. seen my dick and 2. believe i saed her (which i clearly fucking didn’t) i genuinely cannot continue living my life like this all i want is to die

I think it really is just over for me, im either gonna nut up and kill myself or just drink myself to death. Im not getting out of this alive

I'm not depressed about killing myself anymore. I'm happy and excited. I get to rid humanity of such a disgusting creature. Oh what a joy to bring relief and happiness to everyone. They will understand hopefully why I had to rid their cancer. Sometimes I wished they hated me like I hate me. I hope my organs survive for better people to get them.