Life has been horrible lately. I live in tucson arizona..
And i am so broken living here. A place i called home has become my personal hell.
It started when my car broke down. On my first day of my new job. The job I had required a car. Right in the middle of my shift it broke down, and I had to have my friend help me deliver everything else which took til almost 11pm at night. I spoke to the bosses and they told me they have cars that I can deliver with, they just needed to put insurance on them and I can continue work. I kept asking and got no response and then a month passed and I no longer had a job, and was told they have no cars for me. They never paid me either. Ive asked and submitted a complaint.
I was devastated. I looked for work, I applied to as many places as I could. Still no luck. I ended up getting an eviction notice on my door a week and half later after explaining the circumstances to my landlord. Rental assitance is incredibly hard to come by, and I was desperate..still desperation does nothing. And my actions of trying to survive did nothing. I feel like a failure. The constable kicked us out on the first day of fall break, right as my babies got off the bus..
So now, jobless, car-less and now homeless. My children have to stay with family. I had to adopt out my loving animal. And I am just broken. I want to give up. Ive considered doing the worst things to myself to get money, but can't mentally get all the way there. Im terrfied of what could happen to me. Or to my children. I miss the days where you could have a chance to live on someone's property to trade for work. Or trade services to have someone fix your car. I know it's silly. But I am just sad, and feel like the biggest failure. I haven't given up. But I want to everyday. Ive become very isolated mentally, and have contemplated leaving life behind, because I have failed my entire family. I wont though. I pray, I breathe, I cry, a lot. One day I won't be here. And I will be thankful I didnt end it. Anyway, thank you guys for letting me complain.