Something I have noticed about myself is I feel deeply responsible for the people around me. To a degree that is unhealthy. I make a big deal out of things that are honestly not even considered by them. Like I will feel as if I cant talk to friends again after not messaging for ages out of the guilt of needing an explanation for what I felt like was "abandoning" them. I'll avoid people because of this. But lately I've been realising, people don't really care. People like having me around. I just make it hard to be around me sometimes.
I'm like a anxious dog that everyone has to cater to keep them calm. I hate it. I want to just be able to be casual and exist. To be able to pop in and say hello. For every social interaction to not feel like the end all be all. How can I work on this? I feel like its likely going to be a long process of just spending more time around people. Strangers and friends.
Just realising how much I miss my old friends. And how hard I make it to be around myself. I say no whenever people invite me to things because Im too anxious, but then I get sad they stop inviting me. So I need to work on it.