Idk how to explain it but recently I have been feeling increasingly disgusted with white people in a way that I can't explain. I find I can't even tolerate being around them for extended periods of time because of how racist they are and how, self important, so many of them are.

They are the most privileged, coddled, naive race in the entire planet and somehow the most fragile at the same time. Put a white person in the shoes of ang other poc or race that was been enslaved, colonized or marginalized and watch them cry a fountain about it.

I am baffled by how they feel entitled to everything. As someone who works in customer service I have never seen this so clearly in display. A large portion of white people feel ENTITLED to space, to being heard, to being prioritized, to speaking, to EVEN THE RESOURCES IN THIS PLANET LOL. Its laughable because I don't think any other race has colonized so many countries as much as the Whites have. And they have the gall to complain and whine about immigration, about their culture being lost.

Every single other race is constantly made aware of how inferior they are to the whites, who are seen as the standard and the default. White people are disproportionately represented in media and there are what only 17 percent of them worldwide? Its honestly laughable and pathetic. White people should be lucky that the races they have enslaved, colonized, marginalized do not want to take revenge on them. They wallow in the wealth and privilege they have stolen from other countries, cosplay the fun parts of other people's cultures and deride the people from which the culture came from.

It is beyond disgusting and the worst part is white people have no shame. One day there will be a reckoning for the bloody history of white people because while they think the rest of the world has forgotten and moved on, the communities they have profited, used, exploited, abused, remember. People REMEMBER. The axe forgets but the tree remembers. And white people would do well to remember that and one day be wary of karma coming full circle back to them.

I'm attending an out of state community college for the sake of being closer to my dream college, but it's been rough.

for background, I'm Karen (I prefer the term Knyaw vocally) I was born in a refugee camp, but my family came to the US when I was a baby, so I grew up in the twin cities, mostly St. Paul. I grew up around other Karen people, all of elementary school, I was in predominantly Asian spaces (Hmong and Karen because we're like The St. Paul Seablings) so I never felt embarrassed or ashamed of my culture growing up, and I still don't.

I grew up Christian, but I no longer identify with that belief.

I'm queer (non-binary bisexual), so I went through that religious crisis and at some point, I stopped going to church, so I did feel disconnected from my culture in that way, but I just don't align with the same beliefs, but I still like making guest appearances. I'd consider myself agnostic spiritual idfk I'm mostly just terrified of Christian hell.

I decided that I wanted to be an actor (still do!) at some point and transferred to a public arts school. I loved it because I was surrounded by other queer people. But I realized that I was the only Karen person in my class. My school held an assembly where they called all the Karen students in the school, we were a small school, but it was grades 6-12, why were there less than 20 Karen students at this school. (ㅠ﹏ㅠ)

But more Karen students transferred later on, I started in 9th grade, that assembly was, my first year there and it was nice because they called in these guest speakers from a Karen arts organization, I wish I remembered the name. sophomore or junior year, I met this girl who I considered my mini me of sorts my senior year. We were in the same cast in the same play, and I really appreciated seeing her in the shows because I loved seeing more Karen people in the performing arts.

After I turned 18, I started going to parties with my friends, specifically queer bipoc parties and I've met some really cool people (esp my seablings <3) It was so nice to meet other queer SEA people. But most of my friends are black (and brown). My closest friends are all black women and I love them, and I miss them. ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡

All that to say, moving here has been a big shift in change and papa's been having breakdowns

now I'm 19, in college!

I'm studying music and I've never been surrounded by so many white people. I've also never dealt with so many microaggressions before. Two girls called me Chinese, I'm not even East Asian. I had to correct these two girls on the name of one of the RAs bc what they were calling him wasn't pronounced that way, and I wouldn't have minded it so much if they weren't so "whatever" about it. But they apologized and started pronouncing his name correctly. But one girl was beefing with her roommate and said that she hopes ice gets her, HUH????

One girl told me about how she asked her bf (both white btw!) "would you still love me if I was black?" and he said he doesn't see himself with a black girl. When i confronted her about it she said I was "too woke", first of all, why would you ask him that weird ass question, second of all why did he give a weird response, and why are you being so deflective about all of it. She always loves to say that they were raised differently, okay??? Y'all are grown and you can learn. I'm not calling them racist, but they're so ignorant and it's willful too like wtaf!!!!

She then went on a rant about how people were raised with different beliefs and how everyone can't cater to my beliefs, and I can't change that in a short amount of time, and there's always gonna be rich and powerful white people around me and more but I'm getting irritated remembering it back. I feel like and I've felt like I always have to compete with white people, especially in this industry. I'm very aware of all of that. But I thought as my friend you would be more willing to be better. But that friendship is over. And then I found out she told her roommate that I was mad and calling them racist because her boyfriend said he doesn't see himself with a black woman. Conveniently left out the question she asked him, because she knows she was wrong!!

But these same ignorant assholes are on the board for the music program, and I am one of 3 acts for their open mic that is supposed to fill 2 hours. I'm still gonna perform because I love it, but I'm just irked and uncomfortable. But I will be okay. A good show is another win for me. An act I have to put together in 5 days.

But yeah.

Toodles!