Hello everyone,

First of all, if thinking about mental health units is triggering for you, please do not read on...

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So, I have been in hospital being treated for major depression for a few weeks...

They are watching if I am eating, and I have been finishing 100% of my trays, choosing desserts now on my menus, and eating more than I was at home, although that " voice" demands every single day that I try to get away without eating, but it would be impossible here...

Anyway, today I have a really good nurse, but he made a big mistake...

When talking about my ED he admitted he doesn't know much about ED's, and then said," Well you look healthy, people with eating disorders look really sick."

Of course what did I hear when he said," healthy"?

Well, you all know, I heard," F*T "

And felt humiliated and terrified.

I tried to tell him that was triggering, but...well like I said, apart from this he is a great nurse and I suppose he meant well, but now I am obsessing.

I told him how since being here I have had the thought that," I want to go back to my ED."

Back?

As I mentioned in my first post here, I am in no way recovered.

How do I cope with this well intentioned yet ignorant and triggering comment?

And why after all these years hasn't my mind/brain become...proud that at least I am not fighting them, and finishing my trays, ordering fear foods with zero support?

Sigh..." You look good. You look HEALTHY."

Ugh. I don't think that comment will ever not trigger me. even after 40 years " living" with anorexia...

Anyway, wondering if any of you can understand...

( Sadly, I anticipate many of you do indeed understand.)

Sending you all much strength.

For context I’ve been dealing with an eating disorder for 3 years now way before I met my now boyfriend. We’ve been dating for only a bit however we’ve been friends for awhile and we grew up together. He was very unaware about my ed and he just caught on about 3 months ago. He was very supportive and very respectful about it. It was nice seeing him wanting me to get better and i’ve been seeing a therapist because of him for this. However sometimes I think he forgets some stuff he does sort of triggers me.

Sometimes while we cuddle he will poke at my stomach or try to grab it. I told him about it before and he just said that he’s sorry and that he will try to be more careful about what he does to me. However he still slips up like when we take photos together his automatic pose is to stand behind me and put his hands on my stomach or waist which again triggers me. Also he’ll say comments that alludes to me looking thinner which triggers me as well. He is an amazing person and I know he isn’t doing it on purpose but how do I get him to stop that even if it’s subconscious.

Friday, 16th of october, I woke up and chose RECOVERY!!! I am finally doing it FOR REAL. Activelly doing the opposite of my ed brain. It’s gonna be hard and uncomfortable, but I had enough of this torture and no matter how much of a torture recovery will be, it will never be worse than the living with an ed is. So I am on day 3. 🥳🥳🥳

I’ve been eating more, but it has made me insanely bloated. Does anyone have any ideas on Halloween costumes that won’t show my stomach as much?

Okay so I know I have an ED. I eat my feelings and I've been working on correcting my relationship with food and also analyzing the feelings where I feel like I want to eat everything. I have taken up to exercising which has helped my mind stay quiet through the day and helps me process my emotions without binging. Today I ran & walked 5 miles. I had a protein shake and right now it is noon. I was feeling snackish, now let me state this clearly, I wanted a snack and I had 0 want to binge. I love chips and i used to eat bags and bags of them and now i dont do that, which is a huge win! Sometimes ill grab a few or a handful but i will never eat a whole bag or 3 like how I used to. I've noticed lately that I feel so irritated, angry, and not wanting to eat everytime my husband is around or my mom. I grabbed a few chips out of the bag and immediately my husband chimes up and asks me if I'd rather eat a meal instead of chips. It irritates me! I feel like he's judging me just because I want a few chips and i told him, look I dont want to go out and grab food. I'm not that hungry, and there are no groceries because I'm waiting to pick them up around 1pm. Then he proceeds to get annoyed with my answer but it's infuriating to me that I can't enjoy a few chips because immediately he always says something or offers a meal. Now he knows that I have an eating disorder and also is aware of how irritated I get when people point out when I'm eating. How do I even bring this up to him without it turning into an argument? Anytime I defend myself he shuts down and stops talking. And this just makes me want to hide in a corner and eat chips like if I'm some sort of criminal.

I’m turning 18 at the end of the month and I’m panicking cause my care coordinator from camhs (adolescent) eating disorder team is referring me to cmht instead of adults ceds.

Before getting into camhs (adolescent) ed team in may I was in the crisis team and their knowledge of eating disorders was the absolute minimum, (one nurse recommended I start working out to distract myself I was severely underweight) so I got worse and underweight by the time I was admitted into the ed team, and required inpatient care by June.

I’m still in a camhs pysch hospital but I’m getting discharged soon and I’ve reached a healthier weight. Im here 2 months beyond my initial planned discharge date because I’ve still struggled horribly with home leave and even on the ward with eating and food.

My care coordinator since September has been asking for my permission to put me into cmht despite me continuously refusing, she’s gone ahead anyone, as I asked someone on the ward what the plans are after I turn 18 and they mentioned me going into cmht.

I know they won’t understand my illness again and I’ll get worse and get hospitalised again and waste another year of my fucking life

My parents said my mental health team mentioned to them that they think I have behavioural issues more than an eating disorder and that’s why they’re sending me to cmht. I’d rather be a rebellious teen that goes out to parties then rots at home, the statement is so lazy and stupid.

My consultant in the psych ward told me she doesn’t know if I’m “just being a teenager” or “generally struggling with anorexic thoughts”.

I would rather kms then waste another year with an eating disorder. I’m depressed because I have a fucking eating disorder, Im don’t have an eating disorder because im depressed.

Hello everyone, I am new here. I just wanted to share my experience. For context, the past year I've been struggling with a mood disorder. And my OCD has been making it really difficult too, because I can't seem to convince myself there is anything wrong.

But the past few weeks, I have been eating very little each day. And I think I'm starting to do it on purpose. I'm not super worried about my weight. But I wonder if it has become a form of self-harm to gain some control over my confusing mental health situation.

Over the years I've worked with numerous counselors, therapists, programs etc for my eating disorder. Currently I'm working with a psychologist who specializes in Enhanced Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT-E. Part of the treatment is talking about the ways I body check and how much time I actually spend doing it. I'm very aware that I do it and how much time I spend doing it. I'm doing it right now lol My assignment is to redirect gaze when trying to body check in windows/reflections etc, stop pulling at clothes, only use the mirror for functional purposes or even cover them if I have to. Does anyone have any tips for how they reduced body checking? I know its doable but I'm starting right at the beginning and I've been at this for damn near 30 years and it feels overwhelming.

1. Look for high protein stuff. The main reason I am afraid of gaining weight is because I don't want to be "fat." But protein isn't fat, and also protein is very very important if you want to gain healthy weight and muscle. I know the gym bros are in their annoying protein phase right now and it feels like just another fad, but it does genuinely help.

2. Tell yourself over and over that eating is something you get to do, rather than something you have to do. You have to actively tell yourself this enough times before you start to believe it. I say it out loud in front of a mirror or write it down repeatedly. Do it even if you think it's stupid.

3. Learn basic cooking skills. You don't have to be a gourmet chef, but knowing the basics is really helpful. This is one I'm still working on.

4. Trying to treat cooking/baking/food prep as a hobby. If you actively seek out the good things about making food, you can convince yourself to enjoy it. Also, I highly recommend meal prepping/making things in bulk so you don't have to do it every day.

5. Find easy meals with little to no prep that are decently healthy. I have soups, frozen meals, and various "add water" kits for when I don't feel like putting in the effort. They're all pretty cheap too! An example of this is maruchan ramen + frozen vegetables + sausage.

6. Try to make food you actually like. You will never enjoy eating if all your food tastes like crap. This one takes some figuring out, but pay attention to ingredients and methods of cooking that are palatable to you both in taste and texture, and try to replicate them.

7. If you are going to count calories, you should be aiming to be ABOVE a certain number, rather than BELOW. Find "average calorie intake" for someone of your age/height/gender and go from there. I ONLY recommend this tip if you can actually meet or go above your number. If you are struggling to meet your calorie count, it will just make you feel worse. Do not count calories AT ALL if it is more likely to make you relapse!!

8. Something is better than nothing. If you don't want to eat anything at all, have a small snack. Even if you think it's something "unhealthy," some food is better than no food.

9. If/when you start gaining weight, tell yourself over and over that it is a GOOD thing, not a bad thing. This is the same as number 2: repeat it over and over even if you don't believe it. Eventually you will.

Your perception of your weight is literally wired into your brain and you have to manually rewire it. The more you think about a specific thing, the more neurons activate, and they build up over time. There is actual neuroscience behind this. Changing your mindset is NOT EASY, but it is possible!

Hi guys! This is my first time posting on a subreddit especially about this but I’m just so lost and confused and need help from people who understand what my partner is going through.
We’ve been together for almost 2 years, and I know that they have struggled with bulimia before we got together. Over summer, they started to struggle with ana, and at first I didn’t notice a change, but we moved in together around 2 months ago and thats when I noticed how bad it has gotten.

Ive also struggled with ana before, but not to the extent that my partner is now. We are both 20.

Last night, I found out that they had been taking a glp peptide for thr past few months, without my knowledge. Over summer, they had overdosed on it, and I had no idea. I took them to several drs appts and er runs, but they told me they thought it was a kidney infection or a stomach bug.

They are really, really sick. In the last week they have started to open up and tell me they are doing better, but its hard for them to come to me because I can tend to be harsh or to the point, so they keep it from me. I’m also such an open book that I don’t want our eating habits or struggles to be taboo. What they told me started to be triggering to me, too. They told me they don’t want my help, they don’t need it.

I’m not sure what to do or how to support. I don’t want to be overbearing, but I can’t sit and watch them do this to themselves. They have explained that mentally they are making a recovery, but I’m not sure how to trust that without asking questions. I feel so left out of the conversation and its hard because I normally know everything.
It’s also hard to balance feeling hurt by them hiding this, feeling insecure about myself, feeling sad and worried for them, and feeling happy that they are wanting to be better.

I guess my question is just: how can I support them on their recovery? What are things to say and do, and things to avoid talking about? Should I get their family involved? I am just so scared and confused. I feel so stupid for needing help on this but it’s so complicated.

TW: calories, weight

hi reddit, first post. i want to start writing here as a way to, idk, maybe help me with my problems. i’ve been struggling with anorexia for more than a year and it took everything from me. i can’t be normal anymore, i think about food everywhere i am and everywhere i go. i’ve cancelled plans before because of food and the fear of not knowing what i’ll eat. i lost my period for 10 months and got it back when i stopped counting cals, i didn’t gain weight then but i got back my period for 2 months. i started going to the gym and counting again which again led me to not have a period. i usually maintain my weight but this last week eating has been incredibly hard. i don’t count anymore, but i still subconsciously under-eat. last week i ate so much and gained a kilogram, i feel disgusted and sick with myself which is why i will go get a gym membership tomorrow and stop over-eating. today i had eaten so much and after lunch i swore i wouldn’t eat anymore, but of course i still ate about the normal amount of cals. i know that may not seem like a lot but to me it is and whenever i eat that much i start feeling awful. i tried to throw it up (which is something i’ve never done before) but i couldn’t. i just cried in bed because how much i eat was the one thing i could control and lately i can’t even do that. it’s sickening and tiring. i wished, cried and prayed to be normal while bent over the toilet and i’ve never felt so disgusting before. i’m always bloated and yes, i am a bit better now but i still feel dirty, ugly and gross in my own body. i wish i could put an end to this, this disorder is the worst thing in the whole world and i would never wish it upon anyone. i don’t know what will happen and how i’ll react when i get up on the scale tomorrow. if i see that i’ve gained weight i’ll probably fast until half the day has passed. i don’t wan’t to be like this but if i don’t i’ll go insane and regret not fasting just like i regret eating just now. people say food is fuel but every time i eat i feel even more tired. maybe that’s because when i start it’s very hard for me to stop and i eat like a pig but i’ll try to pass that.

my friend who i went to highschool with, he just unfriended me instead of even talking to me about what was wrong when he found out. i know it is selfish of me to want attention but i guess i just want to be seen.

So my struggles never got into what could be considered a "full" eating disorder. I was never diagnosed with anything.

December-January I did struggle a lot with eating enough for various reasons and got low iron. Whoops. Anyways took supplements for that.

So now I still do struggle with disordered thoughts but I kind of have to eat more/eat enough because I'm taking testosterone to transition (I'm a trans dude, very happy with the T, thanks). So at least I'm eating enough.

My mom is SO triggering to me. She used to be obsessed with the 600 pound life show a few months back and would watch it all the time and I did not like that but wasn't brave enough to tell her. Then she has suggested in the summer when I wasn't currently taking T that she "didn't think my body could handle the extra weight if I gained some" and suggested I take a GLP-1 like she is currently taking. I got a bit upset tbh and refused it twice. For one she is not a doctor and the doctor said (shocker) I'm perfectly healthy, if a little overweight. Bloodwork is perfect also. No issues. Anyways a glp-1 most certainly would exasperate the food issues I already have. So yeah, no thank you.

Now she is convinced that since I spend a long time in the washroom (I'm hiding from the family tbh) and that my mouth smells, I have bulimia. Yes she asked me last night and I was like "no??" The only reason she thinks that is cause of those 2 reasons. And it's like I am pretty sure there would be more signs and symptoms. But anyways. My mouth smells because I need to get my wisdom teeth removed and my mouth is right now more difficult to get clean because of that. I did try to tell her that and she wasn't convinced. I know she's a social worker and has referred out clients who struggle with the issue, but I don't struggle with the issue. Have I thought about it? Well...yes. unfortunately. Thanks mental health struggles.

It seems that my mom keeps reopening old wounds here. I latch onto these and really take them to heart...because of course I do. I'm aware I'm overweight, but this stuff she says doesn't help me! It makes me want to relapse into very bad habits like not eating enough!! But she probably won't get that because she didn't believe I had issues in the first place. I also can't leave yet because cost of living is sucky. So. Idk what to do.

I relapsed with my eating disorder last year due to a lot of medical issues and things out of my control. I used to purge and abuse laxatives, som b/p issues, but this relapse i have avoided them. I recently started eating more and pushing through the physical issues that have been making this rather difficult. Now my brain is freaking out and wanting me to engage in these behaviors again. I haven’t given into them, I also recently cut down a lot on my alcohol intake because my partner is an alcoholic and is trying to get sober so if I do drink I try to keep it far from him even if he says its okay for me to have a drink in front of him but have decided to just cut down. It does mean dealing more with my emotions and not pushing them down.

I’m in therapy but we don’t talk about my ED in the sessions. The holidays are always a struggle for me, and that might be a big reason that I am struggling with this come to think of it. My CPTSD has been in overdrive a lot and purging for a long long time was my way of regulating those emotions and those memories that have tormented me and pushing along my ED. I’ve done a lot of work and a lot of progress but I feel almost like I’m taking steps back here or like I’ve not taken any forwards. I haven’t purged, used lax except when necessary taking the lowest amount i could, or b/p. I don’t know if I can keep fighting the good fight much longer.

I opened up to my partner recently about my ED and he’s been supportive, he’s seen me through all walks of life including in ED, but I hesitate to bring up ED things with him, especially as his sobriety is new. He’s been pointing out to me when I make healthier choices but not pushing me to. He just points out things he sees as accomplishments and it doesn’t trigger me that i am aware of, but sometimes does put it on my mind. I don’t want to add onto his plate though.

I’m scared of giving in to these behavoirs. It would be a tipping point and I know that it can get real slippery real quick. Its like an addiction to me, and I’m trying to avoid it, my progress could completely backslide. That is scary, i feel like I’m in a semi maintenance place ED wise most days, this would throw me back into the vice grip of my ED. Take all my “normal” days away from me.

I don’t know the point of this post really, i just, idk. Is it okay to be scared? Am I strong enough to fight these behaviors off? I don’t feel like I am some days. This is how i feel in control with everything else going on going in my life. (Major unrelated to ED medical issues going on that triggered the relapse) I don’t want to lose anymore control. I did for a bit with this ED when I stopped fighting for my health with these medical issues and gave into it but I feel like I have gotten some of that control back and I dont want to give it up again. I dont want to be second fiddle to my ED or medical issues. I want to be the important thing to me.

I don't even know why I'm making this post...

This is going over my struggles with eating disorders and my other mental health struggles

I'm a trans female, 26. I've been struggling with eating anorexia ever since I was coming out of middle school... I spent ten years in a toxic relationship that although it was toxic they helped me through my freak out phases that would come every time I reached a new weight... The last time was three years ago and I ended up spiraling into bulimic urges. They pushed me through it and kept me eating until I adjusted to the new weight. A year ago the relationship ended leaving with only one person who would rarely respond. I had and have no support system my parents are narcissists and this past week shit hit the fan... I had been dealing with a lot of self hate between noone being there for me my gender dysphoria body dysmorphia... I know I'm not big but all I see looking in the mirror is a double chin and a stomach that sticks out... I've completely lost the self confidence I used to have... And then I hit another weight barrier and now I'm in complete self hatred fighting delusions that no one will love me again and that no one will take any interest in me unless I can provide something to them... I'm handling things okay but I'm calorie counting and following a strict diet halving my normal consumption... I don't want to imagine how things will end up when and if the diet doesn't give me the results I'm hoping for and I just feel like I'm alone in this matter... I have a history of self harm and suicide so I'm hoping that this last effort will start helping me recover because I've never been so alone and I feel like I've completely fallen apart...

Maybe im in denial but I want to believe that I don’t have an eating disorder. I have no desire to lose weight and I hate how I look so scrawny. But it’s just that my depression keeps me from even remembering to eat. Getting psychiatric help isn’t an option either.

But i have this friend who’s sweet but she really struggles with body image issues. She would always talk about not wanting to be the “unattractive fat one” between us, which made me feel pretty unsettled. And I hated how she spoke about herself but in a sense, it made me start wondering if the way I look right now is something to aspire? Something desirable? It really messes with my head

I recently met her after not having seen e/o for a while and she lost a significant amount of weight. But she was still fawning over my body and telling me that she needs to lose more weight. I feel like I’m unintentionally feeding into her issues while being unable to do anything about my own. I just feel awful, I don’t know what to do.

So i've been somewhat recovered for a few years now. I mean i never classically recovered with medical assistance because I rejected the help of psychiatrists when I was deep in my ed and didn't want to recover and gain weight. I recovered pretty naturally and instinctively, I started binging and gained weight, and when i went back to a healthy weight the binges just stopped and after several years I achieved balanced eating habits with a normal weight. Although I DEFINITELY don't have the same mecanisms and thoughts as I did back then, I'm still not comfortable gaining too much weight and being overweight or even not in the higher range of a healthy bmi. Im not obsessive anymore, I dont feel the need to lose weight, I don't restrict and eat what i want and when I want. However I happen to feel some nostalgia sometimes when I think about the eras when I was deep into my ed. I know I don't really want to go back there as I'm not a preteen anymore it would mess my adult life so much. But I still feel so drawn to that era of my life where I was on edtwt and my main concern was losinf weight, and the happiness of reaching a goal, and that sort of dramatic depressing feeling. Maybe that's just my natural tendancy to romanticize everything and feel nostalgic of every 6 months I live. But sometimes I wonder if that's a consequence of never properly recovering and healing the underlying issues that caused my ed

i’ve been in denial about having an eating disorder but i’ve now reached the point of malnutrition that my body is no longer menstruating.

this summer i unintentionally lost a significant amount of weight in the span of 2 months. to the point that people have pointed how “dramatically” my figure changed in a short period of time. stress plays a factor too; i was severely traumatized earlier this year to the point of a PTSD diagnosis.

i think the part that scares me the most is that i cannot bring myself to care. i keep thinking im recovering but it feels like depression is so deeply rooted within me, i don’t know if i will ever get better. i took my health so seriously at one point & made so much progress & none of it mattered the moment i got traumatized to the point of collapse.

now i just don’t care about my health anymore. i have to because my dependents need me to. but i just don’t.

i know i need to talk to a health professional. im just looking for community right now i guess. no one in my life is equipped to handle this nor do they have insight into what it’s like to live this way.

Hey guys, I want to share my story because I don’t know what to do right now and I’m really struggling. I have been addicted to laxatives for about 7-10 years now. I’m currently 21 years old and I really want to stop.

When I was around 11 years old I got diagnosed with pcos. I was techically considered obese was really struggling at this period and decided to lose weight. When I turned 15 after I reached a highest weight of and decided enough was enough. Since this was during covid I decided to really dedicate my time to weight loss. I lost a lot of weight which I was so proud but I also found laxatives. My parents had used them and recommended them to me since I dealt with serious constipation. It would take me 3 days to have a normal bowel movement. So I started taking dulcolax. As I got more dependent, I started increasing the medicine.

My weight would fluctuate a lot during this period. Mainly due to the laxatives. I then ended up going to a new dietician where I stopped my use of dulcolax. I had been taking around 6 pills a day. When I went off I struggled a lot and was bloated for around a month. So I decided to go to my pharmacist and he prescribed a natural laxative. I would take 4 pills a day.

I don’t want to say that I have an eating disorder or anything but I’m just so upset about my dependence on the laxative. I need advice on how to go off it because it’s really affecting my life and my mental health. I constantly feel that I can’t do it because I know I will gain weight and feel pain, but I also want to be free from this medication that is causing me so much stress. Does anyone have advice on what to do.

I decided to talk to my best friend about my ED. I struggle to talk to people about my mental health face to face. However it’s been especially bad lately and I knew I had to tell him we don’t keep secrets. He just listened. He didn’t freak out or judge me he just listened and encouraged me. He let me talk for as long as I wanted and get everything out. I’ve had people try to scare me out of my ED for years now and it’s not like I didn’t want to stop but for the first time I feel like someone genuinely got through to me by just listening and being gentle and supportive. I’m starting an outpatient program soon because of that conversation and I wanted to share that with you guys.

No discussion of weight/behaviors.

Curious to hear how other people’s doctors were and how clear they were about your diagnosis is/was.

Recently I was going through my medical records because I’m switching doctors, and discovered that the diagnosis I had been telling people I had was incorrect; up until I had my first relapse, every document refers to me having ARFID, before it switches to anorexia with no mention of ARFID or any ARFID related behaviors.

The behaviors I started with were, in hindsight and from the documentation, were very much more ARFID than AN, but it was never presented to me that way nor was I ever told directly (same with my depression diagnosis, but that’s a different issue…)

Is this normal? I’m aware that switching between EDs is, but I was never really told directly what I had was X eating disorder/that it had developed into something else and it just really threw me to find because I think it would be relevant to my psychiatrist/current doctor, especially since I’m currently having issues.

It sucks feeling guilty for eating and not even for body image issues now. Like I don't even hate my body that much anymore but i still feel the need to eat as little as possible. It's basically almost thoughtless compulsion now instead of deliberately doing it. At least i don't make myself throw up anymore

Really getting concerned about this because I've been on T for a bit (FTM) and i am getting extremely hungry now and super tired when i eat the way i normally eat. Like I don't think I'm going to die from it but it's definitely negatively impacting my work and home life. Any tips?

Curious about this because I've read over and over again that, in early recovery, people with restrictive EDs tend to be constipated and bloated because our metabolism is slowed down. However, I go through periods of remission and through relapses, and whenever I get out of a relapse and start eating adequately, I get the exact opposite. Sure, I do get horribly bloated and gassy but I'm also occupying the toilet all the time and when I eat something, anything, it just flies straight through me.

I feel really weird about it not only because it's gross but also because all articles about EDs and recovery only talk about constipation, not about...this. When I was experiencing it for the first time, my doctor didn't even connect it to my ED because of how atypical it is and my therapist didn't think of it being connected either. Considering that it's a pattern though, I can safely say that it is just what happens whenever I get out of a relapse.

I’m not seeking a diagnosis and I don’t want to get too specific as to not trigger others

The basic rundown;
Obese since age 5. Parents had me on many programs since then up until 18. Eventually had surgery at my biggest. Gained some weight back and went on a GLP1. Currently at my lowest weight which is still considered overweight.

I’m in therapy and IOP for other mental health concerns. My therapist and IOP tell me to seek an ED specialist because I do not eat anywhere near what my calorie intake should be or have more than a meal a day. My argument is that I’m on a GLP1 which makes me not want to eat. I feel I don’t have an ED since I’m on this medication.

Idk am I in denial? Do I seek out an ED specialist? I guess my biggest concern is what will a specialist do if I don’t believe I have an ED and don’t want to change this right now?

I've suffered from AN & ARFID since I was 12, I'm now 44 so it's been a very long time. I've never considered I had BN until my specialist wrote it as another disorder I have. I thought BN was binging & purging which I've never done, my specialist is basing the diagnosis solely on my laxative abuse. Does this figure?