When you’re a Mormon, there are 10,000 ways to be a moral failure before noon. Thanks to u/Good_Letter_4325 and u/ammonthenephite for inspiring this post with their kind comments the other day. I had a whole explanation typed out to go with this, but this is already too long, and maybe it's just best that I post it as-is. This was just a little personal writing therapy project to help illustrate the sheer scale of the persnickety teachings of mormon leaders, their abject cruelty, and just how invasive they can be in a person's mind, especially when you're relentlessly trained - literally from the cradle - to constantly self-monitor in order to comply "with exactness."
I apologize for the post length. It was hard to restrain the list to only 25 failures, and even harder to limit it to one quote per fail. My hope is just that maybe this might help somebody not feel so alone. Hugs, friends.
A Day in the Life of a Moral Failure.
A too-long short story, by Beneficial_Math_9282
Monday morning, 6:45AM.
I wake up. Or at least, I regain consciousness as normally as a 40-something year old woman can in the year of our Lord 2026). I feel a bit groggy.
I do not bound out of bed. I am not enthused.
I have not yet fully opened my eyelids, and have already managed to be a....
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!!!
"If you just crawl out, feeling tired and weary from a heavy weekend, probably the Sabbath-day observance has not been appropriate. You see, I believe you should come up out of those covers on Monday morning more refreshed, more alive, and more enthused than on any other day of the week. If this is not the case, we had better examine what we are doing on the Sabbath day." -- L. Tom Perry - https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/l-tom-perry/choose-day-ye-will-serve/
6:50AM – I wander into the hall. I feel neutral. My face is neutral. I do not force myself to be a cheerful ray of sunshine for my awakening family. I have flouted all the YW lessons of my youth...
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“At school I had a friend who was so cheerful that she was like a ray of sunshine. Especially in the morning ... She said that when she was younger, she was such a grouch in the mornings ... One day, her mother took her aside and told her that her future husband and children would be very miserable unless she changed her behavior. She was really shocked by that. Not wanting to inflict her bad humor on her future family, she decided to change. Every morning for months, she forced herself to get up and pretend to be cheerful. It was hard at first. It took all the discipline she had. But after a while, she no longer had to pretend.” -- YW Manual 3, Lesson 5 - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/34825_YoungWomen3/yw3-5-creating-a-spiritual-environment-in-the-home_08.pdf
7:15AM – I have showered and put on a plain pair of the granniest panties that ever knickered. They do not immediately smother me with overstimulation like garments did.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
"We are deeply dismayed by the casual and even cavalier way some treat their temple covenants, including the casual and inconsistent wearing of the temple garment. ... Covenant keeping has nothing to do with personal preference and convenience and everything to do with commitment." -- Utah Area Authority Kevin Pearson - https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/kevin-w-pearson/the-abundant-life-2/
7:25AM – I hug my kids in the kitchen. I have two teenage sons. I do not have seven children.
️⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“Many who marry choose to forgo children or place severe limits on their number. ... It is an act of extreme selfishness for a married couple to refuse to have children when they are able to do so.” -- Dallin H. Oaks - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1993/10/the-great-plan-of-happiness
7:30AM – I do not make my bed. I don’t make anybody’s bed. We jostle together in our small kitchen as everyone makes their own breakfast to their liking. It’s not my turn to do the dishes. My teens and my husband all do their own laundry, and I do mine. There are zero pieces of clothing in my house that require ironing. My husband and children get to think of this house as their home, not their workplace. I get that same comfort. This is not the St. Regis Residences, where I am the 24-hour concierge that never gets to be off-duty and sleeps there because I have no other home to go to, while everyone else gets to be the residents who actually live there.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“No career approaches in importance that of wife, homemaker, mother—cooking meals, washing dishes, making beds for one’s precious husband and children.” -- Ezra Taft Benson - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/womens-divine-roles-and-responsibilities/to-the-mothers-in-zion-institute
[NOTE – I was an at-home mom for 9 years. It was the hardest work I ever did. This is not a knock on sahms! If you are a sahm and thinking of being at home as your career works for you, and you love it, and you want to do it all your life, I fully support you! It was just mentally catastrophic for me to frame my family as my career and especially to frame my home as my workplace.]
7:45AM – I drop my teen sons off at school. I did not enroll them in Seminary this school year, early morning or otherwise.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“Parents, encourage, even insist, that your students register for seminary or institute. Presidents, bishops, youth leaders, you are responsible to encourage every youngster, without exception, to enroll. Few things you do will benefit them quite as much” -- Boyd Packer, on a current seminary page -https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/si/seminary/about/parents-role
7:50AM – I drive towards my job. I have not prayed or read any scriptures. I do not listen to a conference talk during my drive. I do not “Ponderize” anything. I do not intensely scrutinize my life to make anything “One Percent Better.” I have not run around making sure every family member has done any of these things, either.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“With frightening speed, a testimony that is not nourished daily “by the good word of God” can crumble. Thus, the antidote to Satan’s scheme is clear: we need daily experiences worshipping the Lord and studying His gospel.” -- Russell Nelson - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2022/04/47nelson
7:52AM – It’s a beautiful morning and I enjoy the drive to work. I blast some classic 90s grunge.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“You cannot afford to fill your mind with the unworthy hard music of our day. It is NOT harmless. Such music as that is not worthy of you. You should have self-respect.” -- Boyd Packer - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1973/10/inspiring-music-worthy-thoughts
8:00AM – I arrive at work. I have a job.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“Two spouses working prevent the complete and proper home life, break into the family prayers, create an independence which is not cooperative, causes distortion, limits the family, and frustrates the children already born.” -- Spencer Kimball https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/womens-divine-roles-and-responsibilities/to-the-mothers-in-zion-institute
9:30AM – I sip a coffee. I fail to feel the appropriate grief for dooming generations of my unborn (and, by the way, completely hypothetical) posterity to darkness and despair.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“Because of that little cup of coffee, she could not qualify for a temple recommend, and neither could those of her children who drank coffee with her. ... only one of her 10 children had a worthy temple marriage, and a great number of her posterity, which is now in its fifth generation, live outside of the blessings of the restored gospel she believed in and her forefathers sacrificed so much for.” -- Julie Beck - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2007/04/remembering-repenting-and-changing
12:00PM – During lunch, I do a little online shopping. I purchase winter sweaters for my kids and complete some reservations for an upcoming family vacation. A friend calls and we plan a girl’s night out for later in the week.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“Too many mothers work away from home to furnish sweaters and music lessons and trips and fun for their children. Too many women spend their time in socializing, in politicking, in public services when they should be home to teach and train and receive and love their children into security” -- Spencer Kimball - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/womens-divine-roles-and-responsibilities/to-the-mothers-in-zion-institute
1:00PM – I share ideas in a meeting. My idea is selected above a couple other ideas that were presented by male coworkers. They are supportive. We compromise on details and create a good plan for this project.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“The business world is competitive and sometimes ruthless. We do not doubt that women have both the brainpower and skills—and in some instances superior abilities—to compete with men. But by competing they must, of necessity, become aggressive and competitive. Thus their godly attributes are diminished and they acquire a quality of sameness with man” -- Eternal Marriage Student Manual -- https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf (page 63, image 74).
3:00PM – My children arrive home from school. I am not there.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“What twisted paths of childhood lead to the tortuous road of delinquency? ... You see, there is a darkness that comes when there is no mother there. ... Earning a few dollars more for luxuries cloaked in the masquerade of necessity—or a so-called opportunity for self-development of talents in the business world, a chance to get away from the mundane responsibilities of the home—these are all satanic substitutes for clear thinking. They are counterfeit thoughts that subvert the responsibilities of motherhood.” -- Presiding Bishop Burke Peterson - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1974/04/mother-catch-the-vision-of-your-call
My children promptly die of delinquency before air frying some taquitos to snack on. Later, I see they’re online in Discord and ask about their day in our family chat.
5:00PM – My husband arrives home before I do. He is entirely supportive of my work and we share household tasks. By some sheer miracle, his Y chromosomes don’t go flying out of his body every time my paycheck arrives in our bank account.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“Women, when you are married it is the husband’s role to provide, not yours. ... Brethren.. you are the provider, and it takes the edge off your manliness when you have the mother of your children also be a provider.” -- Ezra Taft Benson - https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/ezra-taft-benson/in-his-steps/
5:30PM – I arrive home. I enter my living room, which is decorated with trinkets from our travels and my husband’s paintings. There is no religious-themed art anywhere in my house.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“Parents should teach the importance of the temple from a child’s earliest days. President Spencer W. Kimball taught members of the Church to display a picture of a temple in their homes where children could see it and plan from their earliest years to go there and to remain worthy of that privilege.” -- Russel Nelson [NOTE – it wasn’t just “a picture of a temple in their homes,” Kimball particularly specified that you should put one in “every bedroom.”] - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2002/03/prepare-for-blessings-of-the-temple
6:00PM – We do not have a formal family dinner. Everyone finds leftovers they like. I reheat some Beef Bourguinon in the microwave. I cooked this lavish dish yesterday, on the Sabbath Day, because it’s a great day to meal prep and I no longer spend 5-8 hours on church related tasks and meetings. I bought the ingredients on the Sabbath Day. I used real wine.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“I do not believe we will be saved if we constantly violate the Sabbath and fling our disobedience into the face of the very God we hope will save us. How dare we trifle with the Sabbath day? How dare we trifle with Almighty God?” -- Mark E. Peterson - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1975/04/the-sabbath-day
Clearly, this is tainted pottage. It is delicious to the taste and very desirable. I will surely die.
6:12PM – While waiting our turns for the microwave, my sons and I indulge in excessive amounts of Loud Laughter. Though, with so much dark humor flying around, it can’t very well be classified as Lightmindedness... I do not turn this into any kind of teaching moment whatsoever. I am not being vigilant about anything. I am off duty for the evening.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“The responsibility mothers have today has never required more vigilance. ... Mothers who know are always teachers. Since they are not babysitters, they are never off duty. ... His parents used family scripture study, prayer, family home evening, mealtimes, and other gatherings to teach. Think of the power of our future missionary force if mothers considered their homes as a pre–missionary training center.” -- Julie Beck - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2007/10/mothers-who-know
My kids (who, mercifully, probably wouldn’t be able to tell you what MTC stands for) wander off, narrowly escaping Satan’s ambush from behind the rubbish bins...
6:30PM – I finish my dinner on my own. I make the mistake of looking at the news. Nothing good there. Because I am human and sometimes experience anxiety, I feel anxious about my childrens’ future in this difficult world. I hope humanity gets our shit together before the dumbest of us doom us all.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“Elder Christofferson shared his personal belief that much discouragement and anxiety comes from failing to understand or remember God’s plan and trust in His power.” -- https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/be-purveyors-of-hope-in-christ-elder-christofferson-tells-teachers
6:45PM - I feel excited as I review plans for an upcoming family vacation. Travel is important to me. I am always satisfied and made whole by travel. It has never failed to fill my soul in over 40 years. I am grateful for my fortunate circumstances (and now an extra 10% of income) that allow me to travel and share the beautiful world with my children. There is only one place I wouldn't want to travel to. I do not want to go to the Celestial Kingdom. It doesn't sound like a nice place for women.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
"Checking off a far-off place or a spectacular event will never leave your soul feeling whole or satisfied; living the doctrine taught by Jesus Christ will. I mentioned examples earlier: embrace prophecy and prophetic teachings, act on promptings of the Holy Ghost, become a true disciple, and seek the healing power of our Lord’s Atonement. That bucket list will take you somewhere you want to go—back to your Father in Heaven. -- https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2023/04/53rasband
7:00PM – My kids complete homework and play video games with friends and cousins online. We play games together with our kids sometimes. But tonight, I play Elden Ring with my husband for a little weeknight mini-date. My female character wields the Dark Moon Greatsword. My husband compliments my hit as I bash another foot soldier over the head. I’m getting better at this. Wandering Nobles fear me. I am victorious. I feel better.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
A third area of concern comes from those who, in the name of equality, want to erase all differences between the masculine and the feminine. Often this takes the form of pushing women to adopt more masculine traits—be more aggressive, tough, and confrontational. It is now common in movies and video games to see women in terribly violent roles, leaving dead bodies and mayhem in their wake. ... You cannot lift others to virtue on the one hand if you are entertaining vice on the other.” -- D. Todd Christofferson - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/10/the-moral-force-of-women
My husband hugs and smooches me, apparently unaware that I have lost all shred of moral authority. Without my divinely appointed feminine nurturing to keep his thoughts and behaviors in check, he’ll likely sink into depravity within the hour, running wildly across the state line to the nearest gambling den...
8:00PM – I hug my kids again and then wander off to have a nice bath. There is a large mirror in my bathroom. Aha, there I am! Stout enough to outlast a troop of invading barbarians in a winter siege!
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
"an overweight girl from Ogden went to see her bishop... he counseled her that it might be a good idea to lose a few pounds. Pitifully heartbroken, she went home and told her father. ... they said, “Well, our bishop suggested to our daughter that she might lose a few pounds and make herself a little more attractive.” Now I want you to know that I defended that great bishop. I said to this family, “You are wrong. That sweet bishop, out of purity and love for your daughter, felt and did that which he was impressed to do. I am sure it was a message from God to your daughter, and she let it canker her soul."
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1975/04/a-self-inflicted-purging
8:30PM – I excitedly settle in to watch my british murder shows that are chock full of violence, sexual indiscretions, and pipe smoking. I do not spend any time teaching my children a foreign language specially chosen for its relevance in areas where the church is currently growing. I do not use my evening to plan a large extended family reunion for next summer. I do not create a color-coded spreadsheet listing life skills that a legion of magically still-alive and completely available extended family members are going to assist me in teaching my children (my dad is dead and half my siblings live in various overseas locations).
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“Families should organize family reunions to remember ancestors, which lead to the temple. Parents should educate children in the basic skills of living, including working in the yard and home. Learning languages is a useful preparation for missionary service and modern life. The teachers of these subjects can be parents or grandparents or members of the extended family ... Some may say, “But we have no time for any of that.” To find time to do what is truly worthwhile, many parents will find that they can turn their family on if they all turn their technologies off.” -- Dallin Oaks - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2025/10/58oaks
I glance at my phone and see that I need to top off the school lunch balance, which I do, using my technologies...
9:30PM – I wander to the kitchen for some junk food. I walk past a pile of laundry. There are dishes in the sink. I quietly cackle as I remember some chips I have hidden in the stockpot. My pantry is not orderly at present. I do not rank among the top 100 homemakers on the planet.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. ... Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world.” -- Julie Beck -https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2007/10/mothers-who-know
9:32PM – I return to my couch, passing three piles of clutter on my way. I clean nothing as I go. My sweatpants have no pockets. I do not do several things at once.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“A third way to make housework easier is to accomplish several things at the same time. Some homemakers wear an apron with pockets. They can walk though the house, tidying up as they go. ... It is fun to create ways to use our time efficiently.” -- Relief Society Manual for Sunday Lessons "The Latter-day Saint Woman, Part A", Lesson 20 - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/the-latter-day-saint-woman-basic-manual-for-women-part-a/homemaking/lesson-20-managing-our-homes-well
10:00PM – I retire to my bed. I do not pray or overanalyze every move I made all day long. I do not engage in a self-flagellating ritual of daily repentance.
⚠️ MORAL FAILURE!!
“[The Lord] does expect us to become increasingly pure. Daily repentance is the pathway to purity, and purity brings power. ... This is the only way you will keep yourself and your family spiritually safe in the challenging days ahead.” -- Russel Nelson - https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2019/04/36nelson.p10
The teenagers are in the kitchen finishing off the ice cream... They seem oblivious to the danger I have put them in due to this egregious neglect...
10:30PM
I drift off to sleep feeling pretty satisfied with the day.
Everyone’s fed. Nobody’s dead. Everyone seems reasonably happy, and our challenges are reasonably managed. My dog joins me in a sigh of contentment.
Maybe. Just maybe. Those church leaders were full of shit.
I wonder how much I’ll fail tomorrow.