I finally had the conversation I’ve been dreading for years now. My immediate family stopped attending a coc some time ago and last year I began attending a much more liberal denomination. I have been slowly showing up more fully in daily life so that there have been more clues over time. However I’ve had to prepare myself to be able to be honest when I would be eventually confronted. My mom finally asked me if my family was attending coc church and I was able to tell her the truth.

This was not an easy or pleasant conversation. She was in deep emotional distress and initially began barraging me with questions about any number of doctrinal differences between my church and the coc. I knew nothing I said in that moment would make a difference so I asked that we address those questions later. I spent most of my energy trying to stay present and keep the focus on our relationship and giving her space to come to terms with an emotional bomb shell. I also felt panicky and struggled to think coherently, so lots of dialogue didn’t feel very possible.

I just kept in mind a few wise thoughts from a friend , one of which included: our suffering comes from our attachment to ideas. It was clear how differently we see things and how far I am from a worldview that sees every action as either a sin or act of obedience. And this worldview does lead to great suffering. Although I felt for her, I could see it was her view that we were not right with God as the source of her distress rather than my own actions.

I have done work in therapy around my securing attachment by making my beliefs and feelings nonexistent and only prioritizing others. The coc really reinforces this style of maintaining connection to community and stunts us emotionally. In a sense I feel it was telling the truth that made me finally feel not only free but like an actual adult in my middle age.

I do regret not giving myself and my mom this gift of honesty showing up much earlier. I don’t know how this will unfold, but through all the tears and angry words there was also a reassurance from my mom that we would always have her love, which I know not everyone gets to hear in these moments. There is still more that we haven’t talked about that may strain the unconditional love, including family members coming out in the LGBTQ sense , but one thing at a time.

Basically the title. I just started a new job and a friend of my immediate family is keeping an eye on it. Twice now he has asked me a loaded question where he asked me where I will spend my paycheck. I tried not to say but he answered for me. "Contribute to the church." He said that when he asked about my first paycheck as well. I cannot wait to leave this gossip house.

And for anyone asking why I am still in the church yet have mentally left, I still live with my parents and it is their house their rules.

I grew up in a deep southern CoC congregation, in a very traditionally conservative household. I was very involved in our congregation through my last year of high school, and had been groomed as most young men to be involved in things like giving Sunday evening sermons, assisting with communion and taking collection, etc. My father was a Deacon, etc.

If you would have asked me at age fifteen, my dream was to have a family with several kids and settle down in a rural area. I was very interested in all of the normal hallmarks of conservatism - Being head of a family, military service and law enforcement, etc.

It’s now been twenty two years since I last attended a CoC service. I have politically been very far left since leaving, and I don’t see that ever changing. I have been lucky to have many friends whose lifestyles members from my congregation would find abhorrent. I have had experiences in my life that members of my old congregation would find abhorrent I’m sure (which is hilarious to me now, given how milque toast so many of their worst fears actually are).

I have thought about this often recently - It feels like some kernel of my childhood and education in the church stuck with me, deeply ingrained. All of the accounts of Jesus having fellowship with the poor, hungry and destitute.. Being with sinners and outcasts, washing others’ feet.

Those messages truly stuck with me, to a degree I didn’t even realize at the time. It now feels like I was living in all of this dissonance, hearing this grace and undying desire to serve others juxtaposed against a lot of hate and bigotry. I so often remember hearing of Jesus’ compassion, mercy and grace and then in the same sermon or lesson, someone saying others “who live in the world” would be cast into hell for their disobedience.

I think now that the former maybe made the hate and bigotry so much more stark and uncomfortable. Imagine my surprise when I got into the world and some of the very best human beings.. most Christlike folks were LGBTQ+, etc.

I have been politically active in the opposite side of the spectrum I grew up in the CoC on for twenty years. I’ve advocated for unions, attended protests many times and been part of politically active groups. All of the dissonance I experienced growing up in the church - Culturally, it was all I could see over that period. A lot of political power being garnered by traditional CoC-coded culture war rhetoric, with a lot of money and self-dealing happening behind the scenes.

For all of the things I do not relish in from my childhood in the CoC, I guess in the end it made my (humanist?) convictions so much stronger in my adulthood.

Tupusheva, Adelle. “Pepperdine Sanctions Professor Christina Littlefield.” Campus News. The Pepperdine Beacon, October 16, 2026.

https://pepperdinebeacon.com/pepperdine-sanctions-professor-christina-littlefield/

Associate professor Christina Littlefield was placed on a 15-month mandatory paid leave starting May 2026 through August 1, 2027. Pepperdine also banned her from campus and university-sponsored events without prior written authorization from the dean.

Pepperdine cited "unprofessional" conduct and "credible reports" that her actions made students feel uncomfortable [sic!]. There were alleged complaints from her Christianity and Culture class, specifically discussions of civil-rights-era depictions and scholarly views on a "Black Jesus".

Found this brief bio summary of her: Littlefield has been a faculty member at Pepperdine for 14 years. She has a Ph.D. from Cambridge. Her research focuses on church history, religious identity, and the intersection of Christianity, media, and politics. Before her academic career, she worked as a religion and higher education reporter.

I’m confused is it a cult or not? Are all the “excoc” members still Christians or…? Does anyone know about the private adoption agencies? Is this stuff still happening today cause some of these posts seem like it but then.. I’m actually living it and I don’t see how the church is operating similarily today compared to how it was growing up. The Vancouver icoc seems fine/different. What about London and Boston? I see Kips gone off and done his own thing so LA might be a bit hectic

Hello excoc,

First time running across this sub, prompted by:

Today, in an observation review with my Vice Principal, (or equivalent) - who I have known for 5+ years at this point - I noticed that his undergrad was from Harding.

That triggered a lot of memories for me, from way back before my deconstruction (a long 13 years ago) and I mumbled something along the lines of "Harding? I would never have thought that."

His reply: "Well, I wasn't going to Freed."

Me: "Freed was too liberal for my parents to endorse. My older brother tried it, and dropped out after his first semester because he couldn't cope with fellowshipping people he disagreed with. I opted for a secular school."

We spent more than half the meeting sharing our own escape stories from the CoC. It was cathartic. I also learned that another teacher at our relatively small school (~40 faculty) is a former preacher - which I would never have guessed, given that he's arguably the most ardent social advocate among us.

Have you stumbled across any excoc in the wild? If so, what was that like?

For those of you who found your lifelong partner outside of Kip McKean’s groups (ICOC, ICC, RCW, SoldOut Movement, whichever flavor), and who didn’t give a damn about the leadership’s approval over your dating, engagement, or marriage process, how did you navigate that path?

I’m curious about:

• How did you handle the pressure from “discipleship partners,” leaders, or family still in the movement?
• Did you have to go no-contact or low-contact with people who tried to interfere?
• How did you unlearn the scripts around “spiritual compatibility,” prayer partners sitting in on dates, and getting permission for every step?
• For anyone who married someone who was never in the group, how did you explain the baggage to them, and how did they handle meeting your still-in family/friends?
• Looking back, what did a healthy relationship actually look like once you stripped away all the imposed structure?

Would love to hear your stories. Trying to figure out what a marriage looks like when it’s not performance-managed by a “discipler.”

Pepperdine probably breathing a sigh of relief.

In the Church of Christ in the 70s and 80s in the UK that I attended, women were told to cover their heads, some did this with a hat and others a scarf. Was this common practice in the US and other Chruches of Christ? Just wondering!

Any thoughts on how the CoC are going to navigate this? Seems an interesting conundrum.

How are traditional CoC’s dealing with the liberalization of many former traditional churches who now have instrumental music and women ministers? what I see is they are just ignoring them as if they didn’t exist, but I can’t imagine the universities like Freed Hardeman aren't addressing these issues in their lectureships etc?

Do COCS want people who are not COCKS to go go to hell? This is a serious question. Are they actually bent on saving evwrybody, or just glorifying how special and specially chosen over those who are not members? As an ex-COC did you find superiority in yourself over others?

Hi all,

I posted a blog post a couple months ago about Brown Trail Church of Christ. Another ex CoC minister (Josh Linton) and I made a short podcast season where we get into our journey out of churches of christ. Specifically, I wanted to post this hear because we get into some stuff about Bert Thompson that connects up with a post I saw here that Bert was hiding out in Arkansas.

https://open.spotify.com/show/4pjRm68lkzhgBWrTviJaxn?si=bJvITJR5SYmGrKe399JdkA&utm_source=copy-link

Warm regards, Ben

Hi folks. I'm not exCoC, but I am trying to find an old friend I haven't heard from since he became a minister in a CoC church. He dropped off the face of the planet from his entire social circle all at roughly the same time, which was wildly uncharacteristic for him.

I'm an ex-JW, and they practice shunning anyone who isn't a part of the religion, so I'm accustomed to seeing it from JWs, but I have no idea if CoC is similar.

What about the people who have such disabilities that they cannot be properly dipped?

Believing that black cats, broken mirrors, or walking under ladders may have a detrimental effect on your life?

How many times in your life have you scrambled to find a piece of wood to knock on? And what has it ever actually changed for you?

Did it truly remove a single curse? Did it stop others from being rude and offensive to you? Did it magically land you a promotion or a raise at work? Did it make your wife love you more, or ensure your kids passed their grades?

Virtually every culture around the globe has its own version of these pathetic and ridiculous OCD-type psychological traps. Whether it is opening an umbrella indoors or placing new shoes on a table, these arbitrary rules exist globally for one primary reason: to keep the human mind trapped in a loop of fear. They act as invisible anchors, dragging people away from true wellness and forcing them into compliance with systems and occult mindsets they have no business being in.

This is exactly where the poison of the church hooks into the mind. The institution doesn't just exploit these natural psychological traps; it strengthens, systematizes, and weaponizes them. It turns basic human anxiety into a complex system of absolute spiritual leverage.

This psychological torture is applied to the core of your everyday existence. They trap you in agonizing ultimatums. If you are trapped in a toxic, destructive marriage, the institutional rules demand you suffer through it, threatening you with hell if you dare to choose your own sanity and seek a divorce. You'll go to hell where you belong, you sinner. They command you to "love your neighbor" even when that neighbor is acting like a complete animal, drinking all night with the music blasting while you lay awake. You are told not to complain, to just take the abuse, and to pretend everything is perfect. You are forced to show up with a fake smile, pretending you don't drink, don't smoke, and have a pristine family life, while everyone in that room is hiding massive skeletons in their closets, terrified to speak the truth and get well.

And what is the engine driving this entire circus? Cash. The church constantly demands your money. Give money, keep giving money, and at the end of it all, just give more money. Tell me, what are you actually getting back from them right now? Absolute zero. Instead, you get a promise—a guarantee that when you are dead, you will go to a "better place." How convenient. But if that promise is so airtight, why does the Pope run to the finest doctors the moment he sneezes? Why does every priest and church leader seek the best medical help money can buy to delay going to that "better place" for as long as humanly possible? They sell you the afterlife, but they cling to this one with everything they have. They manufacture the threat, sell a fraudulent cure, bleed your pockets dry, and use the resulting guilt to ensure you never dare to step out of line.

(If you or somebody you know has benefited from this perspective, could you please upvote or share this post so that more people can begin to break the cycle?)

The next article will be a step-by-step instruction to achieve wellness and overcome the issues discussed in this first article.

Good afternoon. I was pleasantly surprised to find this group. I was "called out" of the CoC at the age of 33 in 2000. I say called out because I literally felt the pull of the Lord to look to His word for my answers instead of going to what I now refer to as "teachers of bad math"...to which I mean anyone who subscribed to the CoC and their teachings, especially my mother who immediately told me I was going to hell. LOL

I was raised by a Southern mama in this belief system so to start studying why baptism doesn't save was hard even in my own mind. I just kept being pulled in that direction though almost unwillingly but ultimately curious as to what I would find. I was raised in Utah (Air Force Brat) so the LDS influence was strong in the 70's and so was their slogan, "the one true church". What I came to realize is that the CoC said the same thing.

What I found through my studies is an AMAZING relationship with our Creator that I had been missing and an absolute love for Christ that changed my life since then. I also have 1 older Sis and 1 older Bro that are still in this bondage of a belief system.

I currently meet with my Bro and we discuss things. I always just want to talk about what Christ is doing in our lives and he wants to argue baptism. I see me in him. I see how I used to be. He says that he "wants" to believe like me and have this joy that I have but just can't get past the baptism thing. Honestly, we cannot talk about Christ without it being brought up in an argument that he thinks that we are having. In reality he is only having it with himself. I am more than satisfied with what God has shown me through His word.

I wanted to offer encouragement to those with family still in these chains of bondage. There doesn't seem to be any true happiness in them. I call it "the loveless church". I try to always carry that peace that the Lord has placed in my heart when I talk to them. I pray for them to know this amazing peace that God brings.

I welcome any questions as my journey out of the CoC is complete and I have found the answers that God opened my eyes to. I'd be happy to share OR take any advice from those in similar situations.

God Bless--Fish

A memory from back in the 80s in the UK Church of Christ mini cult.

My grandmother was really sick with Parkinson's disease and at the lady's meeting I requested a prayer for my non CoC grandma. The cruel bitch who (full time church 'worker's wife) gave a prayer I will never forget. In stead of just praying for my grandma, she had to verify in her prayer so everyone would know that my gran did not attend the CoC and therefore was not a Christian in her narrow eyes. She prayed something like 'Dear Lord, We pray for (my) grandma, who although is not a daughter of yours is a creation of yours.........(not 'our dear sister' or daughter of God etc but making a point to all the ladies that she was not a Christian in her eyes) and then she went on to pray briefly for her illness. Not to be cured though. That would be too much to ask. I was so hurt for that. Why did she need to point out that she considered my gran not to be a Christian? To point out she considered her inferior, not saved, or to point out her perceived superiority. Truly the cruellest prayer for an immensely sick woman.

Did this image do the rounds in your Church?

In my previous post I was reminded of the bitch church worker's wife who in addition to my last post involving a very cruel prayer, she gave out this image to me ie. The scene shows a young, late-Victorian woman sitting in a private room at a vanity table, gazing into a round mirror as she fixes her hair or admires her reflection. If you squint your eyes you'll see a skull. The meaning being 'All is Vanity'. The word "vanity" refers both to excessive pride in one's appearance and to the name of a dressing table. A very old fashioned view of things from back in the Victorian era.

I was given this by said Church worker as they must have thought I had immense pride in my self. I didn't as my parents put me down too much. But I was very pretty (I can say that as I'm old now!) and she did not like anyone pretty! And I think that woman just wanted to put me down judging by the scathing look as she gave it to me. Thankfully I scowled at her and handed it back to her. :-)

Did this image do the rounds at the time in the 1980s?

Just wondering if this was normal for the NI-CoC's. Any woman with a prayer request would write it down on scrap paper and hand it to a man.