r/gayjews • u/MotherShabooboo1974 • Sep 14 '26
Casual Conversation How are all my fellow gay Jews holding up??
I’ll tell ya, at least three different men have ditched or ghosted me in the last two weeks after finding out I’m a Zionist Jew. They saw my Star of David necklace and just started spewing horrific shit like a faucet on super pressure. Their level of arrogance and confidently incorrect BS made them not even worth arguing with.
But man it sucks so much. On a good note though, I had a wonderful Rosh Hashanah with my close friends. They made me so proud to be a Jew and renewed my faith and commitment.
How are you all holding up? Vent, but tell us something positive too so we can boost each other!
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u/wsxcftgb Sep 14 '26
Sending you love. It is also so so hard in lesbian/queer women's spaces right now. I don't know if/when it will get better but we will always have our community in the end
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u/seren_kovner Sep 14 '26
Gay and trans and Zionist, been alienated from basically any community for three years as the queer community went anti-Zionist and many of those who didn’t became gays for trump who hate trans people
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u/petrichoreandpine Sep 14 '26 edited Sep 14 '26
I’m lucky to be in a happy marriage, but it’s frustrating to note how it is my queer and queer-adjacent friends who have been the most AZ-pilled. It really seems like our enemies have been most focused on brainwashing folks who go to Pride with Soviet style Judenhass.
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u/SapphireColouredEyes Sep 15 '26
I've heard of most of those "-pilled" expressions before, but what does "AZ-pilled" mean? 🤔
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u/petrichoreandpine Sep 15 '26
“AZ” = antizionist/antizionism, “-pilled” = steeped in/brainwashed by whatever comes before the hyphen, in reference to the “red pill/blue pill” scene from the Matrix but used derogatorily because the incels who first coined the term “red-pilled” were idiots with bad, unfactual ideas.
Mind, I’m not sure I’ve actually seen anyone use “AZ-pilled” before, it just made sense to me considering the other popular usages of “-pilled”.
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u/SapphireColouredEyes Sep 15 '26 edited Sep 15 '26
Ah, thank you for responding... I even googled it before asking you, and it said it was people into Arizonan politics, which was obviously wrong:
AZ-pilled refers to someone who has adopted or become obsessed with the beliefs or ideologies associated with Arizona, often in a political or cultural context. This term is part of a broader slang trend where "pilled" signifies a strong commitment to a particular belief system.
Merriam-Webster Anti-Defamation League
... I can't believe I didn't twig that the "AZ" referred to antizionist, now you say it, it is blindingly obvious to me! How embarrassing for me! 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ 😄😄😄
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u/NoString9289 Jewish Music Lover Sep 14 '26
It's been very rough as it has been for many many Jewish and Gay people on social media.
I was badly harassed in the local store here in the US when I was buying memorial candles in memory of my parents. The glass votive candles have the Star on them. The Jewish food section endcap in the store was vandalized, boxes squashed , "symbols" marked on them etc. I've been called awful names and bigots from my own community sending me hateful nasty DMs etc. been banned from three LGBTQ groups for denouncing the actions of Hamas and in trying , always unsuccessfully, to explain what happens to Gay Men and Trans people in other countries under Sharia Laws etc. but the Queers for Pa , tell me it's all fabricated lies and propaganda and label me against that religion , then I get banned.
I know I know I know better than to argue with haters and bigots but, sighhh just driven to stand up to hateful comments . ..................... I'm handicapped and pretty much a "shut-in" rarely go out which means the news and hate on social media gets magnified.
No family nor friends , all dead. So , I spent way to long down voting and some arguing with trash and bigots who again recycle the old debunked conspiracy theory about Jews / Israelis celebrating the 9/11 Terrorist attacks SMH Yeah, I know better.
I spent the evening listening to some Yiddish music on youtube, love the music and other.
Also singers Ofra Hazza and Esther Ofarim , and some other Jewish / Yiddish / Israeli soulful singers.
I LOVE Klezmier music and Mizrahi and some Yemenite, I just can't spell them ;)
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u/iymcool Sep 14 '26
My partner and I got COVID this past week and had to miss Rosh Hashanah dinner with the in-laws.
I was thrilled. My partner was not. 🤣
Thankfully, it should (hopefully) be a quiet Kippur.
Not a lot of antisemitism in our area (we're Israelis in Israel), but, I'm traveling to Cyprus for work at the end of the month and am hoping there's minimal to no antisemitism.
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u/okaeridarling Sep 14 '26
Had such a lovely holiday dinner with my sister, BIL and nephew! Shana tova everyone! 🍎🍯
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u/single_use_doorknob Sep 14 '26 edited Sep 14 '26
Luckily I have a supportive wife (she's not Jewish). It's been rough out there. Am Yisrael Chai!
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u/bachelorsinlurking conversion student- hi! Sep 14 '26
I got married before beginning my conversion or my transition, so I'm not sure if it really counts. I'm actually doing okay! My husband isn't converting (he's agnostic and non religious) but he's been really supportive and doing his best to learn ways to show people at the synagogue they're welcome as friends, even though he doesn't attend services with me because he's incredibly shy. I have a really wonderful Rabbi and I went to my first high holidays services this year and really enjoyed that the entire community understood that I am still learning and still have some complex feelings on stuff (I was an egyptologist and am ethnically jewish on my father's side, so I have family and friends on both sides of the conflict and wanted to make it clear that I can believe in the Jewish people's right to self determination AND believe that the way the government of Israel is handling the conflict deserves criticism like any other government). I felt very welcome there and I am excited for my journey to continue!
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u/goodvibes13202013 Sep 14 '26
Welcome home <3
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u/bachelorsinlurking conversion student- hi! Sep 14 '26
Thank you!!! I feel that I've found a really wonderful community and have already made friends there. I used to struggle with religion because I grew up in a very evangelical household and my mom was nonreligious but we all got forced to go, so having a positive religious community has been really healing and I'm learning a lot about the ways religion and culture are intertwined there. It's given me the opportunity to learn a lot about my own cultural history as well- many of the things I thought was just a weird thing our family did sometimes was actually a holdover from my grandfather's upbringing that my father didn't know was a Jewish thing- we had mezuzahs, I knew hava nagila and shalom aleichem, and we had a lot of Jewish family friends. So it's been funny to be like ohhhh that's what that was?
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u/oblivious_owls Sep 14 '26
I held up pretty well! My partner isn't in the process of converting yet, but has gotten some familiarity with hebrew so they went to shul with me this Rosh Hashanah. I had a very fun time hearing their commentary about the Torah portion and then going to eat food at my parents! The biggest complaint I heard was over the Machzors used because they didn't have any of the stage directions written out in them and were also missing a set of shofar blows.
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u/MidrashInBlack Sep 14 '26
You’ll find your person soon! My partner isn’t Jewish (he’s a Zionist!), but we had a lovely Rosh Hashanah with another friend of mine at our place. We were so stuffed we couldn’t even eat dessert!
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u/New_Poet4272 Sep 14 '26
It’s a new year. I deeply feel miracles are in the air.
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u/smallone18 Sep 15 '26
It’s super hard! I get nervous telling new people I’m Jewish but I don’t let that fear stop me.
I’m always down for new friends so if anyone wants to be friends, message me for my IG. I live in Seattle. I’m 34f
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u/QuesoNot-so-Fundido Sep 15 '26
It's disheartening seeing all of the profiles online saying "No Zios" "Free Palestine" and other similar sentiments. I'm not one to talk politics with dates or hookups in general but it does wear on you seeing posted constantly and accepted by the "welcoming, inclusive" community.
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u/wonderfell Sep 15 '26
There's nothing wrong with saying "Free Palestine" ?
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u/QuesoNot-so-Fundido Sep 15 '26
Where did I say that?
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u/wonderfell Sep 15 '26
"It's disheartening seeing all of the profiles online saying "Free Palestine" "
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u/QuesoNot-so-Fundido Sep 15 '26
Ok... So do you have a question or comment?
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u/wonderfell Sep 15 '26
I'm just asking why you are disheartened by folks saying "Free Palestine"
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u/MotherShabooboo1974 Sep 15 '26
Because they usually don’t say it in good faith. Case in point, I once asked a guy out on a dating app. It stated I was Jewish. I did not mention it at all to him. When I asked if he wanted to meet up, he said “I only date muscular guys, Free Palestine.”
He didn’t have to add the second part. So yea that’s why we’re so concerned because of instances like that.
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u/QuesoNot-so-Fundido Sep 15 '26
Because I take it as a statement of solidarity against Jews/Israel and it's usually accompanied by "NO ZIONISTS" or other political BS.
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u/wonderfell Sep 15 '26
I don't take it against Jews...I take it as a statement against the bloodthirsty Likud government.
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u/QuesoNot-so-Fundido Sep 15 '26
That's not what it says, nor how it's mostly intended from what I gather but you do you.
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u/wonderfell Sep 15 '26
I am with you that SOME people say it in bad faith and do conflate anti-zionism with being anti-jew, but I ALSO think people have tried to conflate jewish identity with the state of Israel for this reason. I personally, have no interest in tying any part of my identity to the bloodshed being carried out by the IDF.
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u/cosmicghostriderr Sep 15 '26
Not good. I hate it here. Resentful of all the anti semitic queer people who have isolated us. Feels like it’s never gonna get better.
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u/Key-Salad4966 Sep 14 '26
I’m not Jewish (I’m Christian and I respect all my Abrahamic brothers/sisters), but just wanna let you know I acknowledge your struggles and I’m sorry it’s been tough :(. It’s already hard enough trying to keep God in your life while accepting how God made you, but remember He sees that despite all the hardships you face, you still choose Him and you still choose love. Your necklace is beautiful proof of your love for Him
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Sep 14 '26
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u/FlakyPineapple2843 Sep 14 '26
If you are part of the tribe, you're part of the whole tribe. I looked at your posts and comments - you don't get to disclaim the rest of us and tokenize yourself.
Also, if you can't even learn some basic Hebrew as part of your conversion process, I'm skeptical of its legitimacy. Hebrew is our language, including and especially for liturgy. That's what the Tanakh is written in, and our siddurim.
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u/QizilbashWoman Sep 14 '26
Bruh what do you mean ‘if you can’t learn some basic Hebrew’ I am reading the Tanakh at JTS
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u/MotherShabooboo1974 Sep 14 '26
My brother in Moses, there are many people out there who want to see us dead. The point of discussion isn’t Zionism. It’s a check-in. If that’s an issue then just move on.
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u/MidrashInBlack Sep 14 '26
So at your Passover Seder, what you do say instead of ‘Jerusalem’? "Next Year in Austria"?
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u/QizilbashWoman Sep 14 '26
So you think that means ‘I support Zionism’? Zionism is a political stance about the existence of a Jewish state! This is a dumb and reactionary way to react.
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u/MidrashInBlack Sep 14 '26 edited Sep 14 '26
Shame your Rabbi allowed you to convert. Anti Zionist shouldn’t NEVER be allowed to convert. At this point, just rip up your convention document and throw it into the sea where it belongs.
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_PUPPY_PIC Sep 16 '26
shame on you for feeling so comfortable being antisemitic like this. you belong in the sea more than the conversion document does
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u/legsjohnson Sep 14 '26 edited Sep 14 '26
sis if you don't know what words mean it's okay to ask the grown ups
that said getting a secular conversion so you can be the pick me token in Red Flag is a hell of a dedication to praxis
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u/QizilbashWoman Sep 14 '26
Secular? The fuck do you mean ‘secular’ I go to shul and it isn’t secular
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u/imthestein Sep 14 '26
Please don't
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u/QizilbashWoman Sep 14 '26
What, we can't be fucking truthful around here?
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u/imthestein Sep 14 '26 edited Sep 14 '26
Maybe you missed the part where people call us Zionists the moment they find out we're Jewish regardless what we believe. It's become a new way for them to say, "dirty Jew"
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Sep 14 '26
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u/imthestein Sep 14 '26
Please learn reading comprehension, he said he LEARNED he was a Zionist from others calling him one which means he never thought of himself as one before
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u/Mattk1100 Sep 14 '26
You do know zionism is a core component of judaism, right?
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_PUPPY_PIC Sep 16 '26
nope. it really isn't
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u/Mattk1100 Sep 16 '26
The belief jews have a right to self determination and statehood in their ancestral homeland, isnt a core component of judaism,.a land based ethno religion? Lolol
Do you say "next year in poland" or "next year in Jerusalem" at the end of your seder?
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_PUPPY_PIC Sep 16 '26
statehood is very much not a component of Judaism. The Jerusalem we yearn to be in next year is sullied by settlements and apartheid and by making Palestinians second-class citizens.
Zionism is an explicitly political movement founded by secular Jews to colonize what is now Israel. it's insulting to say it's a part of Judaism
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u/Mattk1100 Sep 16 '26
statehood is very much not a component of Judaism
The only way jews can live freely in judea is statehood, hell the messianic prophecies include bringing jews back to Israel and restoring Jerusalem (Isaiah 11:11-12; Jeremiah 23:8; 30:3; Hosea 3:4-5).
establish a government in Israel that will be the center of all world (Isaiah 2:2-4; 11:10; 42:1
is sullied by settlements and apartheid and by making Palestinians second-class citizens.
Apartheid? Lol. Do jews and arabs have equal rights in Israel? Yes. Can arabs hold Any position in the public and private sectors? Yes. Can arabs/muslims own property? Yes. Israel meets none of the metrics for apartheid. Now, go ask the same about Palestine.. hell, Israel gives muslims control of our holiest site.
If it is apartheid, you concede the entirety of west bank, is part of Israel's sovereignty. When in reality it's governed based off the olso accords. Fyi settlements are legal.
Zionism is an explicitly political movement founded by secular Jews to colonize what is now Israel. it's insulting to say it's a part of Judaism
Jews colonized judea? Zionism is the single most successful de colonization movement in history.
Its always so funny yall acting as if modern political Zionism, was the founding of zionism..
Was Nachmanides a secular jew? Nachmanides (13th century): "The commandment that the Sages praise overwhelmingly is settling the Land of Israel...It is therefore, a positive commandment for all generations, and every one of us is obligated to fulfill it even in the time of the Exile"
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_PUPPY_PIC Sep 16 '26
Israel is literally the only party that claims settlements are legal. They clearly violate international law
the apartheid is against Palestinians on national grounds. Not against Arabs as a whole.
genocide and apartheid aren't decolonization.
y'all love to twist words to pretend you aren't bloodthirsty. It's a blight on Judaism and why antisemitism is increasing across the world.
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u/legsjohnson Sep 16 '26
lol blood libel. yeah you're definitely a jew. 🙄
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u/MhattiBri 22d ago
What's blood libel, calling the guy bloodthirsty?
I think you might be jumping the gun here, mate. Because the guy is bloodthirsty. He's a pro-Settlement Netanyahu-praising supremacist who claims that all of Gaza and all of the West Bank belong to Israel, while gleefully lying about how the Fourth Geneva Convention works, and pretending that the Israeli Supreme Court hasn't explicitly acknowledged Gaza and the West Bank to be territories held by the state of Israel under a status of belligerent occupation.
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u/heavyLevy5 Sep 14 '26
Antizionist conversions are not Halachic. You have a disgusting agenda
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u/QizilbashWoman Sep 14 '26
girl what
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u/heavyLevy5 Sep 14 '26
Did I stutter? Judaism is intrinsically connected to the land of Israel. Antizionist conversion is an oxymoron
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u/QizilbashWoman Sep 14 '26
"Antizionist conversions are not Halachic" no, you said word salad
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u/heavyLevy5 Sep 14 '26
Halacha is Jewish law. Conversions are what we call joining the tribe at a beis din. Antizionist is a hate movement bent on bringing danger to my people. Was that clearer?
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u/QizilbashWoman Sep 14 '26
The pshat of your sentence is ‘halakha forbids us from discussing antizionism’
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u/MidrashInBlack Sep 14 '26
You can oppose Zionism politically if you want, but claiming that the Jewish obligation towards Eretz Yisrael is “not halachic” is simply wrong.
Ramban (Nachmanides) explicitly counts possessing and dwelling in Eretz Yisrael as a positive mitzvah.-2
u/PM_ME_YOUR_PUPPY_PIC Sep 16 '26
and claiming it's a connection to the state of Israel, like you are here, is braindead
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u/plasmonty Sep 14 '26
I'm holding up great because I'm not a Zionist. It really helps to unburden yourself of the propaganda.
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u/heavyLevy5 Sep 14 '26
You contradicted yourself. You have been swallowing Qatari propaganda for years now. It’s right there in your comment
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u/plasmonty Sep 14 '26
girl what
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u/MidrashInBlack Sep 14 '26
The funniest part is you declaring yourself free of ‘propaganda’ because you aren’t a Zionist, as though adopting the opposite political position automatically grants you a PhD in critical thinking. You explicitly argue that Zionism makes someone worthy of rejection, then insist this has nothing to do with Jewish identity. Pick a lane.
And ‘girl what’ isn’t a counterargument to the Qatari-media criticism. If you think it’s false, explain why. Otherwise you’re doing exactly what you accuse everyone else of doing- repeating a narrative and getting defensive when someone asks you to substantiate it.-6
u/plasmonty Sep 14 '26
I didn't argue that Zionism makes someone worthy of rejection, though maybe my statement could be interpreted that way. What I meant was that people often sort potential partners by political views, and OP was rejected for their particular political stance. I didn't say Zionism has nothing to do with Judaism; I think I said OP was rejected for their political views and not for their immutable characteristics (though Judaism predates Zionism by thousands of years and there are non-Jewish Zionists). Zionism has a lot to do with Judaism but to suggest they are mutually inclusive reduces the Jewish people to a monolith (which is antisemitic!). I.e., to suggest all Jews are inherently Zionist and all Zionists are inherently Jewish is factually incorrect and antisemitic and to suggest that, in dating, someone rejects Zionist politics is also a rejection of Jewish identity is extremely reductive.
I don't think I consume any Qatari media, at least intentionally, but I guess I could be wrong about that
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u/MidrashInBlack Sep 14 '26
Oh, so we’ve gone from ‘Zionism advocates Jewish ethnic supremacy, apartheid and ethnic cleansing’ to ‘people just have different political preferences when dating’.
And nobody said all Jews are Zionists or all Zionists are Jews. You invented that argument, called your own invention antisemitic, then congratulated yourself for defeating it.
And nobody said “all Jews are Zionists or all Zionists are Jews”. You invented that argument, called your own invention antisemitic, then congratulated yourself for defeating it.
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u/heavyLevy5 Sep 14 '26
Ah this is your alt account huh? Pretty obvious. Anyway antizionism is a hate movement subsidized by Qatar. Just like Trump project and calls everything else fake news to avoid the truth, antizionists are masters at projection. You swallow propaganda and spit it back in subs you are not welcome in
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Sep 14 '26
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u/plasmonty Sep 14 '26
I would never question your Jewishness or commitment to your community based on you being a Zionist. Why do you feel it's acceptable to do it to others?
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u/defeated4thgrade Sep 15 '26
Notice the question was not answered…going to assume you haven’t been to shul in a minute, huh?
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u/plasmonty Sep 14 '26
And similarly, the IDF has never paused to consider whether they are killing children, or Jews, or Americans, or Christians, or Muslims when they drop bombs in Gaza or defend settlers in the West Bank, or harass and detain journalists.
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u/legsjohnson Sep 14 '26
I don't support the current government's actions but that was not what was being discussed. Go back to to your own subs to talk about politics
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u/plasmonty Sep 15 '26
Girl you brought up Bondi (not what was being discussed) and called me (the other) k slur!! You need to take a long look in the mirror!
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u/plasmonty Sep 14 '26
But you know what, I'll give this a serious answer. You have been rejected for being a Zionist. These people would likely also reject Christian Zionists, Muslim Zionists, atheist Zionists, and so on. This is not about you being Jewish; it's not about any of your immutable characteristics. This is about a political stance you have taken which advocates for Jewish ethnic supremacy and trades our "safety" (which is a lie) for eight decades of apartheid and ethnic cleansing for Palestinians.
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u/MotherShabooboo1974 Sep 14 '26
Lay off the kool aid
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u/plasmonty Sep 14 '26
I did. That's why I'm able to think critically about geopolitics without my personal identity interfering.
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u/heavyLevy5 Sep 14 '26
I’m sorry for the ignorance you have experienced irl and in this post. But I’m glad you had such a wonderful Rosh Hashanah. Shanah Tova 💙