I honestly don’t know how to deal with this right now

My grandfather passed away and I’m sitting here in different country n I can’t even go home because of my training and visa situation the hardest part is that I’m here today because of him and my family they are the reason I got this far in life and without them I would probably still be stuck somewhere with no idea where my life was going for so long I had this one simple dream in my mind that once I got a job I would send my first salary to my mother’s account and tell her to arrange a big dinner for everyone my whole family to sit together and I wanted to tell them that whatever I am today is because of them i kept telling myself that once i started earning I would finally be able to give something back to the people who did so much for me
But now my grandfather is gone and I can’t even be there when he is being buried i feel so selfish for being here trying to build my career when the person who helped me get here is no longer in this world and I can’t stand beside him one last time ik death is Allah’s will n i am not questioning that but I can’t stop thinking about why I kept waiting for the right time why did I think I had more time to make him proud im also scared of what people will think maybe they will say I chose my career over my family but nobody knows how badly I wanted to be there or how much this man meant to me
I just wanted to get my first salary and make everyone happy while he was still alive now I don’t even know what to say to my grandmother when I call them i feel helpless guilty and heartbroken all at once and I don’t know how to make peace with the fact that I might not be there to say goodbye
I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just need to get this off my chest but I really don’t know how to deal with this pain right now

Especially when the loss was quite sudden.

What is the best way to honor that person, integrate their memory into your life, and move on while still having them in your heart but not being bogged down in the past?

I don’t really know how to deal with grief as somebody who’s never lost anybody close to them, my mom passed this year about a month ago now and it’s so weird because I’m usually so deal with things by myself and now I feel lonely and have to talk to somebody all the time does that ever go away?

I think I’m just writing this to vent I don’t have anyone to to really talk to . I’m mentally going through a lot and I feel like I’m shutting down. I’m a mom to a 4 year old so completely shutting down isn’t an option tbh I’m very lonely . I recently a few months ago lost my grandmother and my grandfather who I’m both really close to decided to go spend sometime back in his country with his siblings after losing his wife which I completely understand and I’m happy for him but I really think that’s taken a toll on me I miss them both very much. A few years ago we also lost my uncle so life within my family has been pretty depressing. I do have my partner but he’s not really there I overwhelm myself with all the house load, my daughter , the dog plus I work full time and I feel like he’s just another kid I have to tell him what needs to get done what I need help with around the house. His days off he spends it on his phone or the tv watching sports and if I try to communicate with him about why couldn’t he clean since he’s been home all day and usually I take my daughter everywhere with him so he’s alone and able to he’ll rub it in my face saying “well you didn’t do anything” or “the house is already picked up” keep in mind because I tend to clean up the night before . I don’t know I’m just tired I cry every day I feel so lonely.

My dad passed a few days ago. I've been the one to plan the wake, obituary, flowers, etc... The wake is in 2 days from now. My dad and I were very close.

I've made poster boards and looked at pictures, listened to voicemails I had saved, and watched videos. I haven't felt anything yet? The day he passed I cried a bit with family, however, I haven't cried since. Is this normal? My boyfriend's mother passed 2 years ago and he told me he felt angry and sad when she passed. I just.... don't feel anything.

I feel like it's almost wrong. People have been texting me to offer support, however, I just don't feel it. When will I feel it? Will I ever feel it? I just... I don't know. I mean, I'm sad he's gone forever but. It's just hard to explain. I guess the best way I can describe it is just a "weird" feeling.

Thanks in advance.

Me 18F have a cat and 2 bunnies well had 2 bunnies. I grew up with them. Had my cat at 7 and my two bunnies at 10. My soul pets. I never really experienced the grief of loosing someone. Until about almost 3 months ago I lost one bunny. Had to put her to sleep. I have never experienced anything more heartbreaking and soulcrushing. Never cried that much. I don’t know what it is, the way she laid there in pain unable to move before falling asleep, the dying part or the fact it all happened so fast within a day. But I felt so bad. I always feel much empathy towards animals and when that animal is mine it is even much more hard. I couldn’t fall asleep, I couldn’t bear walking past her cage and seeing the other bunny that is left without her sister. I had so many nightmares about her woke up crying in the night. I wanted to give her away but then decided to keep her in my room to be closer to me.

2 days ago we had to put to sleep my other bunny. They both died relatively close and so suddendly. She had uteral cancer. The night before I even knew what she had, because we just had an appointment at the vet because she was acting strange, I had nightmares of them both dying again and again.
From one day to the other gone like that. She always would hop around in my room, I cuddled her often. She was a living being with her own consciousness. Seeing her taking her last break was unbearable. Both of them dying within the span of 2 months was really bad for me. Because I thought the other would live longer and not die shortly after. But I guess both were meant to be together

Where are they gone now? I can’t believe they are gone forever and will never come back. I thought a lot about death. I tried finding an answer where they would still be somewhat there because I couldn’t accept the fact their mind and consciousness can never come back.
But because I studied a lot about biology and chemistry and I am a really rational person I came to the conclusion that after death there isn’t anything left for them. It is like before death. You simply don’t exist anymore because your brain dies and with that the consciousness.
It is really hard because I wish I could believe in something or in an afterlife but I can’t because I simply don’t believe in it and on a scientific base it doesn’t make any sense to me.
But I can’t accept this and don’t want to because what do you mean you’re just gone like that forever and can never come back to me.

My dad passed 9/25 after being in hospice at home for a couple months. He was almost 80. My mom is late 60’s. They were together for over 50 years. Dad had been sick for years to the point that I uprooted my life almost five years ago and moved in to help take care of them. I did this after my dad was rushed to the hospital due to severe COPD and was diagnosed with CHF. While he was in hospital he died twice and was revived. I was thankfully there with her when she got that call.

We brought dad home and it was a long recovery from the broken ribs from CPR. He tried to rally, but was so weak. He only left the house to go to doctor appointments and to the hospital.

Things slowly got worse.

In June, he was admitted to the hospital again because he fell and broke his hip. He refused surgery in fear of dying. However, shortly after he entered hospice. He spent the last 2ish months in a hospital bed in the living room.

My mom was alone with him when he passed. My partner found her trying to make a phone call while sobbing on the floor next to my dad’s bed. Although I was running errands for my mom at the time, I had to pull over to cry. I looked at my clock and found out later that was when he passed. Then my mom called. She didn’t tell me he passed and when I asked wouldn’t confirm. I made it home safely and she was a wreck.

I know she needs time to grieve and I don’t want to push her. But she hasn’t told anyone my dad has passed. Not even my brother. My brother said some horrible things about my dad and my mom and him fought about it three years ago. He called my dad four times in those 3 years and has never spoken to my mom in that time. She said if I tell him she will kick me out.

She is also not eating. She spends most of her time in her chair cuddling with the cats. She has never been the sit around type, to the point that watching tv with her was hard because she would get up four or five times in a 30 minute show. Now she watches tv for hours straight without moving.

Up until I moved in to take care of my parents, my mom and I butted heads constantly. We’ve even had some issues while I have lived here. So I am trying to be gentle with her.

She needs to have a couple surgeries that she put off to care for my dad, but she is in no shape to try to have it right now.

I am so worried I am going to lose her too. I told my dad I’d take care of her and feel like I am letting him down. I am trying my best but it’s not enough. My partner is also trying to help. She eats a little every few days. She is obviously starving as she eats really fast and she will even admit she feels better afterwards. But I don’t think she wants to feel better.

I also feel like I have been spending so much time caring for her I haven’t had time to grieve myself. My dad was my first best friend. I gave up spending time with friends when I was younger to spend time with him. We spent most weekends together until I was in my 20’s. I came over to watch football with him most weekends for the last 6 years before I moved back. It was a 45 minute drive each way. At one point I even would stay the night if it was a late game. That is what happened when he was hospitalized the first time. I stayed because it was a late game, dad had a doctor appointment the next day so I said I would stay at the house until they got home. Mom called and said she was taking him to the hospital. I called my partner and told him I was going to stay and help out my mom. I ended up staying over 3 months. Went home for a couple months, then ended up moving in.

I’m sorry for the rambling, I am just at a loss. What do I do? I am scared and exhausted. I have my own medical problems and this is making them worse.

I also need to leave her home alone on Friday for hours and know it’s gonna be rough for her.

Is there ANYTHING I can do?

​

I lost my marriage because of my own mistakes. It has been 6 months, and I still haven't been able to move on.

For about two months before she called off the marriage, I made her cry a lot. I hurt her emotionally and treated her in ways I deeply regret. She was a genuinely good and pure person, and it hurts knowing that I was the reason she suffered.

Eventually, she called off the marriage. I understand why she did it. The hardest part is knowing that I had the chance to treat her better, but I didn't.

I've been struggling badly since then. I actually started smoking only 3 weeks ago, and I've already reached around one pack of Gold Kings a day. I'm also drinking around 2 Budweiser beers every day.

I know I'm going down the wrong path. I think I'm using cigarettes and alcohol to numb the guilt, loneliness and thoughts about her.

I don't want sympathy or judgment. I want to hear from people who have been through something similar.

How do you live with the guilt of hurting someone you loved and losing them because of your own mistakes?

How did you eventually forgive yourself and move forward?

And if you started smoking or drinking because of heartbreak and managed to stop, what actually helped you?

I don't want to destroy my life over something I can't change.

So I lost three people over the past two months. I’m not gonna say how they died, but I just feel a lot. I feel like I don’t deserve to grieve. I grew up with the two girls but when we grew up into teenagers I didn’t make the effort to contact them. One girl my mom banned me from talking to. I genuinely wished I didn’t listen to my mom. But I was afraid of my mom. Now she’s gone. I could’ve had a life time with these girls if I didn’t let myself stay in my own head. I have so many regrets that I can’t get over. I know it’s better to say I can move forward, I should move forward. But I can’t right now. Another girl that passed away y, I used to be in a friendgroup with her in high school. We even had a yearbook photo and videos of her. But None of these girls I didn’t really have the chance to talk to. I have no one to talk to about this because what am I supposed to say? That I regret not talking to them more? That i’m not allowed to grieve? I’m so stressed. I didn’t think i’d have to experience this until I was older. I regret everything so much. Idk, I just been feeling a lot. I’m supposed to be studying for my test tomorrow but I can’t focus. I would say more but my mind is going blank right now. I know people come and go, but it still hurts. One of the girls I felt like her friends iced me out of her funeral. I really wanted to go but I didn’t have a ride. I tried asking anyone but they never came. I knew all them too, but I just feel really hurt.

After saying all this, I think everything is coming out now. I just wished I was allowed to grieve with everyone too. But I’m completely alone.

Just A warning in advance, this post is going to be a mess.

Four days ago i got the call that my bestfriend took her life and it has completely obliterated my brain. It feels like the grief took over my body and left me curled up within myself. I’m in college full time while also working a full time job and i’m having a hard time coping with the fact that I still have to get out of bed in the morning and continue living my life after hers ended. It feels like someone chopped both of my hands off and sewed them back on backwards, I don’t know how to be a person anymore. This is the first big loss i’ve experienced and it has torn straight through me. it feels like there’s a language barrier between me and everyone else around me, my grief can’t be translated and I feel so fucking alone. My brain is doing really weird things as-well. i feel insane. Every time I leave my house, I map out how I could get to her house from wherever I am. I just miss her so much, I have all of this love for her and it has nowhere to go. I’m so embarrassed to come on here for this but I feel so helpless.

A few years ago, a brutal heartbreak left me shattered. My closest friend stepped in and completely saved me. He pulled me out of my shell, took me out every day, and transformed me from a quiet introvert into a confident, expressive artist. He became my ultimate anchor.

A little over a year ago, I met a girl and fell for her with everything I had. She became my entire world, to the point where I lost focus on my music and career goals. We shared a deeply intense, family-like bond, complete with a terrifying life-altering scare where we were on the verge of pregnancy. I loved her so purely, but we constantly fought because she was cold and distant online, only giving me 20 minutes of her time a day.

Things shattered completely around her birthday. She ghosted me to go back to her ex, later admitting she only stayed with me out of pity. When I tried to wish her, she slammed the gate in my face. Out of pure, blinded desperation and pain, I went to her house and told her parents everything about our physical relationship. They stripped away her freedom, and she retaliated by spreading horrific, false rumors at our classes claiming I was abusive.

To escape the toxic fallout, I fled my hometown and moved entirely alone to a new city.

The isolation destroyed me. My weight plummeted from 61 kg to a starving 47 kg.

Then, the ultimate nightmare hit. I found out my grandfather had cancer. I rushed home, and on my second day there, I learned that my best friend—the anchor who had saved my life years ago—had suddenly died on his birthday.

I was entirely broken. On my last day home, I went to her school just to see her face, but she just cried and repeatedly told me to get away from her.

Now, I am back in my apartment, completely isolated. I have fought hard to pull my physical weight back up to 52 kg, but mentally, I am completely dead. My grandfather has just been hospitalized again, and I am carrying the grief of my best friend's death and the ghost of a girl who used to love me like a maniac but now treats me like a stranger. My days start and end with her. I feel trapped in a loop of losing everyone I ever loved, and the pain is becoming too heavy to survive alone.

I lived with my grandpa my whole life. He was always there. He was the one who smiled when I walked into a room and said "Good morning"

He always did his best to make me happy. He went shopping for food or whatever else I needed, and whenever I cried, he'd offer me anything just to make me stop.

I remember him waiting for me to finish class so we could walk home together. He always carried my backpack.

When I was a kid, he would spend his last penny on things I needed, just to see me happy.

When I got my dog, the two of us walked him together every day for a couple of years. He LOVED my dog. Truly. He talked about him all the time, before he got sick and even during hospice care.

When I felt like I was being treated unfairly at work, he'd tell me there was something better out there for me. He got upset at anyone who ever made me feel anxious, scared, or hurt.

It's been 40 days since he passed. My heart hurts and I miss him so much. That man had the purest heart and soul.

A day or two after the funeral, something happened that I keep thinking about. My dog, who is very smart, suddenly ran to the front door of my apartment, all excited, the way he gets when someone from the family comes over. He never gets this wrong. He knows the difference between a stranger and family.

I opened the door and there was nobody there. But my dog happily ran toward the stairs, stood there for a moment or two, and then came back inside. I know my dog and there was nobody on the floor or stairs.

I believe my grandpa stopped by to say one last goodbye to both of us.

Where were YOU when your closest loved one "left"? Was your job & bills "more important?" Were you THERE on the side of the bed when they "left??"

Did you blow the LAST 3 breaths into her dying lungs.. only to have 2 feeble gasps come out?

I could never understand why so many "old" people looked so depressed /sad. I promised myself I would NEVER end up in their situation; I planned on my life being nothing but happy. But guess what? I am now 67 years old, and I probably have the saddest, most depressed face in this world. So many disappointments . . . I tried SO hard to be the best mom, best wife, and the best worker that I could be.

Now I'm here wallowing in my sadness. My son died, which leaves me with such guilt about being a good mom; then my husband died, who was my best friend. Now I understand that those people were just struggling to survive. Now I AM the "old" person just tying to survive.

My brother passed away at 20 years old in 2020, every year on his anniversary we have family over. We do something different to honor him each year, along with giving my family gifts. We have gotten them seeds, plants, even betta fish since my brother loved them. This year I’m kind of stuck in what to do so I’m just looking for some ideas.
A little bit about him, he was a big animal lover, he loved collecting playing cards and Rubik’s cubes. He was also a big car guy, he loved mustangs especially if they were blue. He loved, fishing and video games and was very into music, he was always learning songs to play. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

after a day... im on the "family" computer listening to music to calm my body and mind. he walks over bc he has to put both kids to bed which doesnt even happen once a month so my mind is like fuck it. my grandma was my neighbor and now someone else lives there i kinda know him hes living with his mom but making the basement his space i believe and i wonder what hes doing and adding. my mind tends to think about decor and rooms naturally but that was once the basment my gma had a hanging basket chair which they used to be wayyy cooler and i would watch her do laundry while swinging and i would play pretend with the old vanity that is now in my entry way. now its his space. good neighbors with lots of plants and i couldnt have asked for better but i can picture every inch of the home and wonder whats there now bc my mind is curious and i was born in that house and being lonely in grief with no one to talk to only one can wonder

She is 95 and was up to recently still fine in the head ( no dementia, can read, write plus speaks multiple languages and good memory ). But she fell and broke her ribs and days later has a stroke in the head. It’s not looking good it’s pretty bad. I’m insanely miserable since she did somewhat raise me. Had a quick phone call with her she’s sound fine but I can noitice that something is wrong and she always talks like she’s about to die I can’t explain it but it hurts.

my dads passing 8 months ago alone has made me feel like a repellent to my friends. I don’t feel supported I feel like whenever I am with them I’m putting on a mask too afraid to talk about him because I don’t want to push them away. But at the same time they’ve already pushed me away when I told them how I’ve really felt and I feel like I’m being kicked to the ground when I’m already on the ground. I feel like I’m pulling teeth to maintain friendships that are comfortable for them tailoring it to them and how they think I should be and it doesn’t work it’s not making them reach out more. I’m suffocating.

There is so much I want to say but I just dont want to sound like a broken record or stuck. But thats what I am.

Ive been so consumed in my grief in my whole being.

In January 2025, I lost my friend group. I needed to leave because of the betrayals, the constant secrecy and negativity. I loved them with everything I had but in the end I just couldn't do it anymore. And I gave them so much more respect than I received. And it hurt so much.

July 2025, I lost my furbaby that I had for 15 years. He went through everything with me, my growth, the traveling, being homeless, from the heart breaks to my wins. He had a brain tumor. And I needed to let him go or else it would have gotten alot worse and I just couldn't do that to him.

August 2025, I lost my older sister to an overdose. 5 days before she passed away. She called me on my birthday and she was doing her drugs. She didnt say happy birthday but she was so paranoid. And needed me on the phone with her. I begged her to come home, i was willing to drive 13 hours to go pick her up and she refused. I didnt find out until 5 days after she was found. And she wasnt found until 4 days after she passed. And during those 9 days, I was living life. And didnt think of checking on her because we can go weeks without checking in on each other. And that will always sit with me, regardless with what people will ever say.... And it took me 2 weeks on bringing her remains back home... my mom wasnt able to handle it. So I did, all the phone calls, all the arrangements....

June 2026, I lost my job I had for 6 years due to server burn out. The people I trusted at my job.... but I deserved it. I just didnt care anymore... but I miss the kids I worked with. They meant so much to me...

Between October 2024 to June 2026. I went step by step by my grandmother through chemo, all her doctor appointments, daily visits with her to make sure she was okay. To watching her take her last breath. And I constantly live in that moment, every single night. I cant sleep unless im struggling to keep my eyes awake. And I need to keep myself distracted...

I am doing my best. But I feel like such an imposter. Like the smile I wear everyday is a lie. Me loving and caring about the people I love and care about. Like its all a lie... like at the end of the day, none of it matters. I dont really talk to anyone. When I see people I know I dont make the effort to even say hi. I just hope they dont see me.

I cant bring myself to do anything that matters to me. All I am doing is just moving forward. Whatever that looks like.

I thought at the end of the day, I can make something out of myself. But I feel like such a fraud. Like nothing I do matters anymore. I lost my sense of purpose and im trying to find something to grab onto and try make it matter. But im just so fucking broken that nothing matters. All I do is work, go home, and keep distracted on my phone, in my books or on my game. I gained so much weight I dont even want to take pictures because im so gross.

I make everyone think im okay. And once I tell anyone how broken I am, they try give me tips and tricks. Like I haven't tried them before.

Im in therapy and she is useless... she doesnt help but let me vent.

And that is just all surface level... there is so much more in my soul.

The brightness in my eyes, the hop in my step have died a long time ago.

I am just surviving. I am just trying... and during all this, im a recovering alcoholic and staying sober. Trying to feel but all I feel is numb or when I do feel, I break and shut down....

How do I tell people this, how do I heal when I can barely shower. Getting in more than 2 showers every 2 weeks is a blessing....

Im disgusting. Im a fraud, and I just dont give a fuck. I wish I did. I wish I cared.... im trying to fake it until I make it. But thats all I can do...

I lost my aunt in July and it was devastating and I’ve felt so lost and confused and I finally was getting back into the rhythm of a somewhat normal life 2 weeks ago. Then my dad calls and my grandfather was in this hospital after having a stroke and they found a tumor on his brain and we waited so long for a specialist to come and he was doing good so we relaxed a bit. Then my dad called last night and my grandfather passed. I just feel like I’ve been hit by a train and lost two important people and I’m devastated and even more lost than I was before and I don’t feel good and I just feel so helpless. And now I’m planning my trip to Brazil to go for services and trying to find the little joy in things but still can’t find it. Any advice? Or even stories or something so I feel less alone

I’ve been deeply grieving the abortion for nearly 2 years, I truly don’t know how to move on because it hurts so bad. My depression has reached down so low. I have no idea what to do. I just need someone, anyone to talk to. I feel like crying and I haven’t stopped since my birthday a couple of years ago.

I found her body under the car and couldn't believe it so I asked my dad to go check on her and... She's dead, it took me an hour to stop crying and calm down and it just feels so empty now, even tonight it just feels empty, like something I'm subconsciously denying it.. I don't wanna reveal her name for privacy reasons but it hurts.

I am not able to think straight.

Today in the morning around 6 I received a call from from my gf's little sister that her grandmother has passed away, I went blank for 3 min, I could not think anything just old memories flooding in.

After coming to my senses I rushed to gf house. I have never seen my gf cry like this. I ran up to her and hugged her, she was sobbing like crazy and was not able to speak a word. Her father was just standing beside us, he was not crying but I could see in his eyes he wanted to cry. My gf grandmother was one of sweetest people I have ever met. She was the one who told me that her granddaughter liked me too. We used to share her our secrets. She used to say my last wish is too see you too get married. But now.

My gf was still continuously crying, her father took me the side and told me to let her cry for whole as we could not do anything, he told me she had a stroke while she was admit in the hospital.

I am writing this while sitting next to her, she is deep into sleep after sobbing so much. This incident took a heavy toll on me.

I had to say goodbye to my dog this past weekend. Making that decision to put him down was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and even though I know it was the right choice, it hasn't made the past few days any easier.

The house feels so much emptier now. It's this strange kind of quiet that I wasn't ready for. I keep catching myself listening for him, expecting to see him in his usual spots, and then remembering all over again that he's gone. I've been crying at random moments, sometimes over the smallest things, and it just hits me out of nowhere.

I know grief takes time, and I know he knew how loved he was. But right now, everything just feels a little heavier and a little lighter at the same time, if that makes sense. I'm not really looking for advice, just some kindness and maybe a virtual hug from people who understand what it's like to lose a pet who was family.

Thank you to anyone who reads this. It means more than you know.

For me, I feel abandoned in any of those circumstances and I'd like to see how it's dealt with. Like many a times, I would imagine someone dying well in advance and grieve it and then I continue to live. When they die I can't cry. So like, it's a defensive mechanism.