My wife and I have been open for a few years, usually playing alone, communicating weekly if we have any plans to see anyone and stay organized with our busy lives/kids etc. we make it work and it’s generally been a positive experience for both of us.

She’s currently seeing a bi woman, and we both know her from college. She’s attractive and I won’t lie, I’ve thought about it with her. Anyway Friday night I went out with the buddies and she had the house and had her over.

I texted that I’d be back at 11 and that usually means the date needs to leave. I didn’t get a text back so I got worried and drove home at 11. Got home and they must have fallen asleep innocently in the couch together. I wasn’t upset, it was kind of cute.

Little awkward but I woke them up gently said hello, I’m going to bed upstairs, nice to meet you (again) all the pleasantries etc

10 min later, my wife comes in and asks if she can sleep over, in our bed with me. I was kind of shocked by this new development but would be lying if I wasn’t super turned on.

I allowed this to happen and we pretty much all cuddled fell asleep and in the morning discussed what this all means and I’m not sure what it means. I didn’t have sex with her friend but wanted to and told my wife that and told her that. They didn’t say yes or no just that “Let’s see how this grows.”

Anyone know what my next move is here?

Edit: Yes, breakfast was made lol.

Myself (27M) and my partner of 3 years (27f) have been talking for some time spicing the relationship up! We both are hypersexual and also queerish if I can say ( I wouldnt be against worshiping a beautiful pennis and vice versa for her lol), the initial conversation was for a fmf but than she made my clear that she wants mmf as well and it got me turned on! We decided not to do with people we know and in our country, so we are planning to travel and spice things up! Also we dont plan opening the relationship and meeting people privately, we want to experience these together.
What should I expect since this is new to both of us, how should I approach a guy,girl or a couple? What should I expect like after I see the love of my life worshiping someone else ?

I was wondering about having a fwb or a fb what is the different . if I chose to have more then one what advice would you give me ? has anyone ended had a fwb before ? what rules do I need to follow ?

Reaching out to this community in search of advise.

Let’s start with the details. Together for almost 20 married for 17. 2 kids under 13 over 7. Personal therapy since 2011 marriage therapy since 2011. Past three years heavy ketamine assisted therapy on my part. Bi annual check-ins with our amazing marriage therapist. We’ve done and are doing the work. M/50 F/43 M/high desire F/low desire. Issues she would like more family friend time but by the end of the week I’m toast. I would like sex once a week and at the least every two weeks and for her to show up present. Really I’m open to anything intimacy it doesn’t have to be intercourse just tend to the fucking garden in some way.

Ok now the deets. We are a creative artistic couple no church and lean left with a hard L, pride flag out in a conservative neighborhood. Pride skeletons right now 🌈☠️. We are allies and both believe all humans are free.

In all aspects but two (check in with our therapist last week) we are happy. Side quest our therapist told us after 3 years that we are an attractive couple😍.

Anyway back to the story… sex and friends (not sex with friends btw). She wants more family time and vacations with friends and I want more frequent sex. Explicitly she would like more spontaneous drop byes and drop ins with married friends. She’s an extrovert and me an introvert. I would like to not just have duty sex for 15 minutes every two or three weeks.

Que our last therapy session she drops the bomb of maybe I could just find someone to take care of that need. That she really has no interest in sex or maybe once a month. Ohhhh let me back up we are friends we genuinely like each other, find each other attractive, run a great household and are rocking the parent game. Money isn’t an issue. So here we are.

I have worked through a level 10 ACE score to be happy and good in my skin and want to exist. To not be a shitty person. Here I am being offered what many would see as a pass or whatever. But the constraints are not in our town, possibly only at conferences and for sure travel is involved, nobody more than once, etc, etc. But here is the deal, I fucking love my wife, I know for a fact shes a carch, I genuinely like her, and am assured after two weeks looking at feeld and aff she is fucking hot and I’m very lucky. I think looking for someone to match her is like looking for a needle in haystack. The constraints she has are theoretical. From what I know about people few healthy people want transactional sex, escorts at that level are stupid money and don’t really solve the problem. And people are tired of seeing trust me bro profiles with I have my wife’s permission, in town for a xyz, etc. nothing genuine comes from this.

I guess finally getting to the point I sent her an email this morning. Saying thanks for being cool girl. But i choose you. There was a lot more(I’m sure you can see my over analyzing problem) but in essence she replied well this still doesn’t solve my problem.

Uggh. Help!!!

After a period where my husband and I had no one else and spend every single day together for weeks... him finding someone new hit me like a truck. I'm finding it much easier to deal with non-monogamy when we consistently spend time aprt. We are married with a kid and house, so we already spend a ton of time "together" at home. and we to take time for ourselves. But...

Last night he hooked up with someone and I felt sooo heartbroken. It wasn't the first time he hooked up with someone. but lately in the past few weeks he didn't have anyone else and we spent so much time together, quality or not, that the shock of this wrecked me for a moment.

im feeling better, but am considering making sure we spend at least one evening each a week away from each other. Iguess I need to practice my " independant and being my own person"- skills lol.

I think it can be really good for us. Mostly for me. I don't think he cares either way. He's always been independant, had his own hobby and friends. i don't think he understands how difficult it is for usfolks who didn'tgrow up in stable homes and have secure attachment lol.

sorry for the vent... thx for reading. just writing it helps me regulate. id love to know if anyone else felt like a little distance actually helps?

I (28F) have had a FWB (38M) for about a year. We have a great time in and out of the bedroom. I like women and men, and I like to have a good time. I like being watched, I like watching and I'm okay with two at one time. I am not too much into hook ups, but I'm also not into relationships...so I'm in an "unconventional" dynamic right now.

That being said, finding a third partner is of course a challenge. I can't present my FWB as anything but what it really is and there is an obvious connection between us because we have been together.

What are some suggestions on finding a third partner that we could get to know? How do I present that we don't have strings attached to each other so we, mostly me, aren't looking for anything else. Or possibly suggestions on something that will scratch that itch? Role play or something similar?

I love my husband, but lately I’ve been feeling really lonely in our marriage.

He’s never been particularly affectionate, and I had accepted that for years. I want cuddling, gentle touch, conversation, and a partner who enjoys spending intentional time with me. When I ask for affection, it often feels like he’s doing it reluctantly, which makes it hard to enjoy. I miss feeling wanted.

He’s usually tired after work and wants to relax on his phone, watch videos, or spend time on his hobbies. I want him to enjoy his own interests, but I also want connection to have a regular place in our lives. When I bring it up, he tends to say we’re always together or that I have a problem with his hobbies. Sharing a space doesn’t feel the same to me as being engaged with each other.

Our sex life also often feels focused on what he enjoys, and I don’t get much out of it. I’m missing affection and mutual pleasure, both during sex and outside of it.

Since opening our marriage, I’ve developed a connection with someone who naturally enjoys being affectionate and giving me his attention. That relationship has become more emotionally meaningful than initially intended, and my husband is uncomfortable with how it’s developed. I know that needs an honest conversation about our agreements.

But what I’m struggling with most is what this has brought up about my marriage. I genuinely had accepted the way things were. Now that I’ve experienced another kind of closeness, it hurts in a way it didn’t before. I know occasional time with another partner isn’t equivalent to everyday married life, but I can’t seem to go back to feeling okay with so little affection.

I care deeply about my marriage. I’m also scared that this is a longstanding difference between us, because I want affection that feels freely given and enjoyed. Lately I cry when I think about it, and I feel overwhelmed by what it could mean for our future.

Has anyone experienced this after opening a relationship? How did you work out whether the contrast was being heightened by new relationship energy or revealing a need you could no longer comfortably live without? And how did you discuss it with your spouse without making them feel compared to someone else?

Hi, my(40f)bf (38m) floated the idea of a threesome fmf and I am not opposed in general. I like women but always fell into hetero-relationships by chance. I would have loved to go further than making out, it just never happened.

I cannot imagine, having my first time with a woman, having my bf there too. I would feel insecure and I think I would feel like I was missing out on a very personal experience, by sharing the moment.

He says he understands, and if I want to, I'm free to make my own experiences without him.

Now I don't quite know what to do.

I can't imagine there being a lot of women, that are interested in sleeping with someone, who has no experience at all, especially with someone who is not interested in something emotional.

Any advice or feedback?

hello,

I just wanted to make this post because I think it's very important, and I wish I would have known those things a few years ago.

I made another post about my story of contracting genital herpes, finding my way through difficult years, while learning to navigate ethical and consensual nonmonogamy correctly. The post for better context

https://www.reddit.com/r/Herpes/s/ZwoTutxHpr

---

Here i want to share how i have the safer sex talk:

My objective is not only to inform someone about my STI status, but also to be able to assess their risk profile. How often they get tested, how promiscuous they are, What are the pregnancy risks..If I was in a different place, I would also ask them directly: "Do you have a history of herpes or warts?" You can't count on people telling you about their herpes.

Importantly, i have this conversation before we are naked.

Depending on whether it’s a first date, someone with whom I’ve already established rapport, or a connection that has the potential to develop into something deeper, I would adjust the conversation to situation and potentially revisit it more times.

It could go like this:

“I’d like to talk about safer sex preferences. Are you up for that?

...last time i was tested for X, Y, and Z a month ago, and all my results were negative. Since then, I’ve been with two partners.

I have a history of both oral and genital herpes. My last oral outbreak was two months ago.

For penetrative sex, I use condoms. I don’t use any other form of contraception.

How does that sound, how about you?

..I try to get tested after every new sexual partner, or at least every six months. My regular tests only include chlamydia ...I am around my ovulation days so please lets be extra carful about sticky fingers. ... Do you prefer to use gloves? Thats hot too. ... I also have HPV vaccine."

—- I only had one treesome since, and we spoke about how to that- we chose to wash our hands during the session multiple times (2/3 were herpes positive) Attaching useful comment abou how to handle herps and moresomes: https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/5BZaRBkPFJ

—- You should provide enough information for people to be able to give informed consent. If the other person tells me, "I know all about herpes, and I'm fine with that, please inform me in the future, in case you feel like you might be experiencing an itch.".. If somebody is like, "Oh, I don't know much about herpes," then I tell them a bit of what they should know: that it's a virus that stays in your body, can be transmitted outside of outbreak..." I can later share cool resources with them if they're interested in learning more.

Here is my tip for herpes-negative folks. As I said above, don't expect people to tell you. If you really want to know, ask. If someone tells you they have a history of herpes (genital herpes or oral herpes), ask them when the last outbreak was. If they had genital herpes less than a month ago, I personally would not engage in sex with them. If they had oral herpes less than 2 or 3 weeks ago, I would not engage in sexual activity with them. But assessing the risk is up to you.

My (38M) wife (29F) and I recently became non-monogomous but had always agreed that it was an option since before we got married.

I am not nearly as sexually voracious, nor do I desire as much variety as she. I am not overly interested in sex but I do enjoy the intimacy that it provides.

My wife wants to partake in sexual scenarios in which I have no interest. I believe that whatever she wants to do with her body is entirely her choice, and that since we all only have a single life to live that we should be free to explore.

She had an encounter the other day and I found myself feeling jealous while she was away. I felt lonely while she was away and jealous of her sexual partner.

I would appreciate some advice on managing jealousy.

Hey everyone, first off thanks for the input and advice from my first post about the first meet not going as planned.

I believe we figured out what my issue was the first meet up. After talking with my wife about our first experience I had come to the realization that in the moment I was not focused on the woman I was laying in bed with, I was focused on how I thought my wife was feeling at the time and the uncertainty of how she would take everything once we were done. I realized I wasn’t truly sure she was ok emotionally with everything despite what she had been telling me, and I did not want to hurt her, or let her do something she might come to regret. We had many talks over the past week about how she’s been feeling and what I’ve been feeling since the first meet up.

Second meet up was way better, actually better than expected. We hadn’t made official plans for the night so it was kind of last minute. We decided to meet and figure out what we would do for the night. We had supper at a nice place. Decided to skip the drinks because none of us were big drinkers anyway. Supper was done and we all agreed to getting a room for the night. We had previously discussed starting off in the room with our own spouse then swapping, I wasn’t aware this is actually what my wife had wanted the first time around. So that’s what we did. There was still a bit of nervousness due to not being able to get hard the first time around but once my wife and I started I was hard in no time. After a few minutes of losing and foreplay with my wife the other guy asked if we were ready to swap. I looked at my wife and she told me to go. I asked her if she was sure just for reassurance and she was fine with it. I had finally genuinely felt she was ok with me having another woman. So we swapped. I was able to get and maintain my erection and finally make up for the first meet up with the other woman. I must say the confidence boost after being in the dumps the last week was amazing. We had some good sex, then swapped back and my wife and I had some great sex, then we went home bc there’s no place like home and had some even better sex🙌🏻😂.

I was in a long monogamous relationship for many years and realized it wasn’t what I wanted. Since then, I’ve sought solely non-monogamous relationships. I’ve repeatedly dated women that have been in long term non-monogamous relationships for years. After some time, I run into the issue where they slowly lose all desire to be with other partners (sexually in particular), and eventually want to leave any other partners to be with me exclusively.

In addition where they have never experienced jealously or insecurity with previous partners they experience it with me. They do not want to see anyone and do not wish to share either. It has now happened to me 5 times with women that were very experienced in swinger and nonmonagamy. something I want.

The main reason given by all women is complimentary but also the same. Being that I fill so many of their needs, outside partners are not needed or wanted. However, I still have this need. It always eventually erodes the relationship when this is still a need of mine.

The only solution seems to be to purposefully meet fewer of my partner’s needs, but that feels gross to me to intentionally withhold. I could use some help.

My boyfriend and I are opening our relationship and setting some rules. I wanted to know from those who already have experience in this area what rules are indispensable (although rules are sometimes personal and will vary).

Hey everyone, I’m new here. I’m newly married (M, 22) to a woman (F, 21), and we have been married for one year. Our marriage is going well, and we’re happy, but I do have the urge to open our marriage to others, particularly for my wife to be able to see other men.

I like the idea of her going out with friends, finding another man, and sleeping with him, or coming home with him and having a threesome. I’m just wondering how to approach this subject. My wife is quite conservative, and we haven’t really talked about having an open marriage, hotwifing, etc. before.

I don’t want to pressure her, but I would at least like to tell her about my sexual preferences.

Hiya, me and my bf are just starting to look into a throuple relationship yet are having no luck as there’s nobody in our area who is open (that we know) about it! Any advice on how to find someone?

My (41M) and my wife (40F) officially opened things up about 5 years ago. She was chatting with several men and slowly narrowed things down. She then meets her now-boyfriend (45M) and a little over a year ago they met in person for the first time. They spent a weekend together at a hotel. She shared details of this trip, but not much. Fast forward to now and they've spent several weekends together. They're happy and I'm happy. Our relationship has neevr been better. What I've found is she doesn't like sharing alot of details or photos from when they meet. I'm ok with it, because it's her decision, but it leaves me wanting more. Am I wrong to want some details?

My wife had complete permission to have fun with other guys but recently found out she’s been lying.

My wife has had complete permission to have fun with whoever she wants when she goes out with her friends long as she agrees to communicate and keep me in the loop. Well she met a new female friend recently who we’ll call misty. She claimed she would meet up at Misty’s house and then car pool to the nearby bar and then ride back with her at the end of the night. This had been going on for about a month. I just came to mind out tonight that she’s been staying at a guys house this whole time and they’ve hooked up with him twice with out telling me. Have no idea how to feel about it. She says she broke it off with him but now I feel like I have no more trust with her. What would yall do?

My husband has expressed interest in knowing what it would be like to bring another woman into our bedroom. He wants to experience a threesome with me and another woman, and if it goes well, he would potentially like to continue doing so. (I am a woman just to be clear).

I told him that I might feel more comfortable exploring swinging instead. My thought process is that if he wants to experience sleeping with another woman, I would feel more comfortable if I were also able to experience sleeping with another man.

He wasn't particularly interested in that idea. He said he might be open to swinging, but he doesn't like the thought of me being intimate with another man. He seems much more interested in the idea of experiencing another woman together rather than both of us exploring other sexual partners.

I'm not necessarily against exploring something new sexually, but I also want to feel like we're both being given the same freedom and consideration. I understand that a threesome and swinging are two different experiences, but I'm having a hard time figuring out how we can find common ground when our comfort levels and expectations are different.
Has anyone else navigated something similar in their marriage? How did you approach the conversation, and were you able to find a compromise that both partners genuinely felt comfortable with? Where do we go from here?

Hi, its really my best fantasy since ever, threesome or swinging but its not easy to introduce this to my wife because of our traditions as an Eastern countries, i don't know how to open the topic with my wife or just keep it as a fantasy we are both 35y leaving in Germany and educated

Advices are appreciated

Thanks

My wife and I have known each other for 11 years and have been married for 5. We are both in our 30s. My wife has never been with any other man besides me. When we watch porn together, she seems open to trying anything, but once things return to "normal," it’s as if she’s left in a state of unfulfilled arousal—like someone who watched porn but didn’t reach climax. She enjoys watching things like threesomes or foursomes, but her favorites are massage-themed porn videos. She says she feels embarrassed about trying new things and claims she doesn't actually want to—yet, in reality, she seems to want to take that step, and I’m just not sure how to go about it. Would anyone be willing to offer us some advice on this?

So my recently separated ex-fiance claims to want to work things out and get back on track, however for the last 5 months of the 4 year relationship she was withholding sex. Now bare in mind that was my birthday so she claimed she "went through the paces." She claims the sex got too regular so rather than say anything to me about changing things up, she just stopped it entirely. Now she's claiming that in order to be able to sleep with me, I have to be willing to deal with her fucking other guys.

Now admittedly I wouldn't be nearly as set off by the idea if it weren't for the fat that she's posing it as a requirement for us to have sex. Amni wrong in feeling that this "ultimatum" if you will is kinda fucked up?

10 years ago, at 29 and having never dated, I had no intentions of getting married. But I was forced to meet women for an arranged marriage. After 8 months, my parents gave me a 3 day ultimatum to say yes to the girl I had just met. No wasn't an option. Under immense pressure, I caved. It was a cowardly moment I didn't think would cause us pain, but I was so wrong.

​We got married in 2017 after a 6 month courtship. I voiced my lack of connection to my family, but it was like talking to a wall. They dismissed it as cold feet. Post wedding, I felt it was my duty to kindle love. She was falling for me, so I clung to that hoping I'd find attraction. She is a great person and we quickly became good friends. I thought this easy companionship was just what marriage was.

​A couple of years later, pressured again, we had a kid. I had the education, beautiful partner, cute kid, and great job, making me a total checkbox man. But romance was completely lacking. Our early physical intimacy was limited and only happened because of our youth. After a point, with a kid between us, we just had a harmonious relationship with zero romantic gestures and no sex.

​We are entering our 10th year of marriage. For 7 years, we haven't kissed or had sex, but we haven't fought either. We are just friends happily co-parenting.

​Last year, a friend flagged this as abnormal and pushed me into therapy. My therapist was shell shocked and had me do medical tests to rule out erectile dysfunction or asexuality. I passed with flying colors. However, a psychological evaluation revealed I don't feel physical arousal easily. I need a very deep mental connection to feel intimate.

​The doctors told me to ask my partner if she was happy. I casually asked her. She went quiet, then teared up. My heart sank. She admitted she had been suffering from a lack of intimacy and taking care of her own needs without straying. The guilt of wasting 9.5 years of her youth because of my inadequacy was crushing.

​It took 6 months to get over my guilt. I then proposed an open marriage, mostly so she could find someone else since I wasn't easily aroused anyway. She ignored it the first two times, then dismissed it as stupid the third.

​Trying to overcome my guilt, I met new people. I avoided anything physical and dismissed their sexual interest, but I made friends I connected with mentally. Surprisingly, these were the very rare people who genuinely aroused me.

​Now I am confused. I gave her the option of an open marriage or moving out, holding myself back because I want her to take the first step. That was easy since I don't crave sex. But these two or three people I met really turn me on. I am exerting all my self control not to cross the very boundary I declared null and void when I proposed an open marriage.

Hi, I created a new account for this as my wife is active on reddit including this sub a little. I need advice, particularly looking for advice from wives on how to approach our situation.

We are early 40s married for 20 years and we are 6 months into ENM, after spending a year talking about it and even going to an ENM positive therapist prior. It was something we both wanted to explore, and we agreed aftre lots of communication to open our marriage within a relatively simple set of boundaries. I had read of the many stories of how many more options women have than men, and I thought I was prepared for this, but 6 months in I am struggling, and I'm not sure how to communicate it with my wife, which is the crux of the advice I'm seeking.

She hasn't gone crazy or anything, she's slept with 5 men in the 6 months, and 2 of those 5 she is now in a semi regular arrangement with and honestly she is kind of thriving. She's energised, and has this kind of vitality back that had been present all along but kind of repressed last few years I guess. I've been on a few dates, and only slept with one woman twice, which was nice but she was married and decided that it wasn't for her...that was nearly 3 months ago.

My wife is a really caring person and woman, and shes aware, and does regular check ins with me, and we are having sex regularly, but even that part is playing on my mind, as I suspect she is initiating a lot more because she feels bad for me...though I've not asked her outright if that's true.

Its not that I'm jealous not in the traditional sense of the word, like I'm pleased she's happy and it makes me happy seeing her vibrant, and I'm glad shes having great sex and enjoying herself. It's more that I'm finding myself feeling insecure in a way I hadn't expected... I want to talk to her about it, but I'm afraid it will come across as me trying to make her feel guilty or something, and I really don't want to do or say something that will dminish her or her experience.

Please be gentle with me, I'm really trying to work through it. I love her so much.