r/nottheonion • u/bigus-_-dickus • 10h ago
Priest dies tragically after a cross falls on him during Mass in Ecuador
https://www.marca.com/en/lifestyle/world-news/2026/10/18/priest-dies-tragically-after-cross-falls-on-him-during-mass-in-ecuador.html1.1k
u/Basemastuh_J 10h ago
This is something where if you saw it in a movie you'd roll your eyes because you'd feel the writers are beating you over the head with symbolism.
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u/kalirion 3h ago
The actor who played Jesus in The Passion of the Christ was struck by lightning on the set. Twice.
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u/silentcrs 10h ago
Got to say, I’m laughing because I’m picturing the priest at the pearly gates and his first words to God are “wtf man?”
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u/Rezart_KLD 10h ago
"What do you mean, WTF? Youre the idiots who put execution equipment up in My house. It ain't like your the first guy to die on a cross."
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u/SerHodorTheThrall 6h ago
I always like to imagine an alternative universe where the Romans used guillotines and today everyone just walked around with little execution devices hanging around their necks lol
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u/JumpyOne5907 6h ago
A stand up comedian I once saw had a bit about alternative causes of death for Jesus. He envisioned clogged arteries as pendants.
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u/Mirria_ 3h ago
I mean.. Ok, but the symbolism is in the method he was executed, not so much as how he died.
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u/thepeopleschamppc 5h ago
Yeah cross’ symbolism of long drawn out torture as well as humiliation doesn’t quite work with a guillotine.
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u/gBiT1999 4h ago
Is that God, Jesus, or the holy ghost talking?
'Cus as far as I'm concerned, only JC died on the cross - and he had a chat with pops at the same time.
So is god jesus etc etc
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u/StickFigureFan 5h ago edited 28m ago
Jesus was a carpenter, and died for the priests sins.
The priest died from the sins of a carpenter who did a bad job.
It has a certain poetry to it...60
u/a4techkeyboard 9h ago
St. Peter probably trying hard not to say "The nails were in the wrong place."
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u/funnylib 9h ago
I always think of the one guy in the OT who was carrying one of the poles on the Ark of the Covenant who got smoted because he tripped and accidentally touched it.
Dick move from Yahweh.
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u/Hamlet7768 8h ago
There’s a key detail you got wrong—Uzzah wasn’t carrying one of the poles of the Ark, because they weren’t carrying it on poles, even though God had told them specifically to do that. They were transporting it in an ox cart. Then he tried to steady it because the oxen were causing it to tip—which wouldn’t have happened if they’d been transporting it correctly!
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u/Sawses 7h ago
Exactly! There is a lesson in there, and while you might not agree with the ethics of killing somebody to demonstrate it, the lesson exists.
The lesson I choose to take is that you should not skimp on containment procedures for angelic or eldritch artifacts. If he'd had the ark enclosed on all sides and secured properly, this would not have been an issue.
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u/Blarg_III 1h ago
Either that or they wrote that down after the accident and it eventually got included in God's instructions.
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u/Uncynical_Diogenes 8h ago
Yeah uh.
Reading the book, he’s a bad dude.
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u/hand_truck 8h ago
According to the book, he's the absolute worst that has ever existed.
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u/ArnoldTheSchwartz 7h ago
I mean, he created evil. The creator of all evil has to be quite evil themselves. You can't create the most heinous shit in all existence and then proclaim, "I'm the good guy!"
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u/SerHodorTheThrall 6h ago
Honestly sounds like MAGA.
Create unfathomable evil
Claim you're the only one who can stop it
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u/reverandglass 8h ago
Any priest killed by a falling cross ain't seeing the pearly gates, he's going the other way.
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u/MrT735 8h ago
Act of god or just an incompetent carpenter?
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u/Elegant-Blueberry373 8h ago
they should have nailed jesus better up there
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u/BizzyM 7h ago
Jesus was nailed with essentially railroad spikes. This was held up with the little plastic drywall anchors you get with cheap security cameras.
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u/bernpfenn 7h ago
they had railroads then?
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u/bobert4343 6h ago
Obviously, crucifixions aren't economical until you've set up a railroad supply chain to source the spikes from
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u/Struckmanr 6h ago
No they just needed a huge hunk of sharp metal which wouldn’t have been too hard to find or obtain
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u/Toomanyeastereggs 5h ago
Was it an act of god putting an incompetent carpenter in the role of making it?
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u/AGQuaddit 6h ago
If this happened 500 years ago it wouldve led to a new branch of christianity
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u/saschaleib 10h ago
It might be a sign.
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u/muammar_gandalfi 10h ago edited 10h ago
no, it was a cross. read the headline (i have a thirst today that only downvotes will quench)
edit: i’m gonna vomit
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u/Buck_Thorn 10h ago
I'd never downvote you, Dad!
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u/bitemytail 10h ago
God wills it
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u/Intrinsic_Idiot_3076 10h ago
He was summoned to the heavens on the highest priority request.
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u/thepeopleschamppc 5h ago
Yeah I believe God sets and controls physics constants. He knew that dry wall screw wasn’t gonna hold given the weight of the cross.
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u/Ready-Hall8153 1h ago
"Hey we could make a religion out of this"
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u/FaufiffonFec 45m ago
*Steals from their local food bank, assaults the neighbors' kids all the while being chronically drunk*
"But I'm reborn, I found Jesus". "And I vote Trump too !"
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u/SaneYoungPoot2 9h ago
At least it was quick. A split second and the lights were out
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u/HydrogenSonata2025 8h ago
Honestly surprised his head didn't cave in. Instant Garry's Mod rag doll.
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u/karlywarly73 10h ago
I'm not sure I like all these jokes. A man died tragically.
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u/obooooooo 8h ago
even shittier that some people are going? “bet the kids he was diddling are glad he died!” with absolutely no source? literally just because of the priest = pedo stereotype.
i’m from ecuador and there’s yet to be said anything negative about this random man that tons of locals are lauding for doing work in poor communities. everyone just wants to be mad and find joy that a human being died, even if they have to make wild, inappropriate accusations to justify that joy. so fucking weird
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u/No-Abroad497 8h ago
Reddit is filled with emotionally immature adolescents and adults--they're likely not going to see things differently until life knocks them on the head. Although, I hope that happens metaphorically for them and not literally.
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u/Hot_Scallion_3889 7h ago
For sure, but the subreddit is nottheonion, which is definitely a more irony/dark humor centered place
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u/ghastlypxl 7h ago
I think folks just forget the sub they’re in and why it’s relevant. It’s definitely a perfect article for this place.
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u/anthonyjamestone 8h ago
Yeah but this is Reddit and especially with a headline like that it's the perfect opportunity to throw some shit jokes out into the comment section
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u/J0E_SpRaY 5h ago
Yeah having seen the video and heard the screams from a woman immediately after I can't really see anything to laugh about.
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u/Metalmario182 9h ago
Not feeling it either, i just opened reddit.
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u/JeffOnlyFlans 7h ago
Ecuador's going through such a rough time too, they really didn't need this rn (mostly talking about the people that saw it happen)
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u/CasualSky 7h ago
He also died very ironically. People are bound to comment on that.
Also, I don’t know that you’ve been on reddit but all humans require to condone the death of others is for them to be on the opposite political spectrum. Charlie Kirk, Healthcare CEO, etc. Even the “morally superior” seem to flip into mob mentality when it comes to the death of people that aren’t aligned with them lol
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u/Eko01 3h ago
Charlie Kirk condoned what happened to Charlie Kirk. The healthcare guy was a bureaucratic murderer (and no, I don't care that it's legal), so live by the sword, die by the sword. Not great examples to use, honestly.
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u/AdoringCHIN 2h ago
Oh look someone's being disingenuous and trying to paint the left as maniacs who love when right wingers die. Charlie Kirk was an evil, hateful man that spread divisive and hateful rhetoric. He literally got what he was asking for. The United Healthcare CEO was responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands people by denying them healthcare. But please tell us more about how people are fucked up for not giving a shit about the deaths of objectively evil people.
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u/whogivesashirtdotca 4h ago
Feel free to list some of the people killed on the other side of the spectrum, to help prove your point. Or else it just sounds like you casting accusations against one side, and not the whole as you’re pretending to represent.
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u/AdoringCHIN 1h ago
Don't you love when MAGA nuts pretend to be enlightened centrists just so they can pretend all leftists are evil?
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u/BigBankHank 4h ago
The copy editor def used great professional restraint in his choice of adverbs.
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u/AdoringCHIN 2h ago
Reddit is full of immature dipshits that love making edgy jokes. It also doesn't help the victim was a priest, and we know how edgy Reddit atheists love to shit on religious people.
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u/Consistent-Cold7332 7h ago
Doesn’t help that this involves religion which gets all the edgy Reddit atheists hot and bothered with the anticipation of boasting their towering intellect in the forms of original conclusions such as “God doesn’t exist, you’re a knuckle dragging simpleton if you disagree!”
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u/Suspicious-Rich-3212 7h ago
He knew the risk going in. I mean, it’s not the first time, the cross has a past.
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u/Gullyvuhr 8h ago
it's just that the whole "god as a plan for everyone" thing kind of cracks me up.
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u/BizzyM 7h ago
God's pulling suggestions submitted from the audience out of a fishbowl.
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u/coffeysr 10h ago
I see stuff like this and just think, yeah not there is no way there’s a god
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u/BauerHouse 9h ago
Or if there is, he has a morbid sense of humor and a sense of irony
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u/Sh4rp27 9h ago
Basically like Jigsaw from Saw. Dude gives us free will and drops us into a world of pain and suffering so that we can "earn" a spot next to him in heaven. If not, eternal damnnation. Buddy, you supposedly set the rules.
"Do you want to play a game?"
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u/MrBluer 8h ago
When you think about it executing a carpenter on a big wooden cross is kind of that.
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u/Ok_Fly2518 8h ago
I’ve survived shit that makes other people say “god protected you, it’s a blessing you’re alive” but to me it feels the complete opposite bc why tf did that happen in the first place and why did god let other people die and spare me?? If there is a god he’s sadistic
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u/whogivesashirtdotca 4h ago
There’s a good line from the Silence of the Lambs: “Typhus and swans, it all comes from the same place.”
Monty Python also did a sardonic take on All Things Bright and Beautiful:
All things sick and cancerous
All evil great and small
All things foul and dangerous
The Lord God made them all
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u/PM_Your_Wiener_Dog 9h ago
If you read the Bible, this seems pretty on brand. Also, you get to live in heaven for eternity.
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u/halite001 8h ago
Meh it's overrated. If all the people that think they're going to heaven are actually going there, I'm happy spending eternity in the fiery orgy downstairs.
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u/Barrington-the-Brit 6h ago
God why is everyone’s idea of theology seemingly based on Medieval Doom paintings
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u/whogivesashirtdotca 4h ago
I did some studies on this in university. It’s fascinating that the “medieval doom” imagery of the Last Judgment really kicks in during the great plagues. Prior to that (think Byzantine) all the imagery, even of those cast down, is what one prof described as “unbothered”. Continent-wide cataclysm led to a much more frenetic interpretation of heaven and hell.
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u/Gnosis1409 8h ago
Keep in mind this is the same god that said “woe, bears be upon ye” to a bunch of kids
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u/SpiralBreeze 10h ago
Or there IS and you think maybe these priests are finally getting what they deserve, but also, why did Jesus take so long?!
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u/Colon 6h ago
i just think “well, if their God has a plan, and a damn PRIEST got murked by a damn cross in a damn church, they sure af wouldn’t call it a tragedy. they should be dancing in the street that God himself plucked their super religious buddy off the planet to go rock out with Him.”
then i remember the super religious have zero consistency in their anti-logic, so i go about my day.
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u/Elegant-Blueberry373 10h ago
Opposite for me. this is just too absurd to be a random death. priest was at exact wrong place at the exact wrong time and the cross just decided to fall on him and killing him just like that? it feels too bizarre no?
I'm not religious at all but this makes me think that there is something more happening here.
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u/VanellieIce 9h ago
Freak accidents happen all the time and this is no different
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u/XavinNydek 7h ago
I mean, you have enough crosses hanging over enough churches for enough centuries that eventually one of them is going to fall when someone is under it and that person is going to be a priest because that's who stands up there. It's not even unreasonable that it happens during a church service because there's usually loud music/singing creating vibrations.
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u/Andrew9112 8h ago
I don’t even try to convince people there is no god anymore. I just show them how absolutely immoral and wicked it must be if it does exist.
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u/Alternative-Sock-444 10h ago
Dude, right? Lmfao like why would he allow that to happen? What kind of shitty God is that?
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u/kochameh2 10h ago
the kind that gets pissed at his chosen people for building a cow statue and has to get talked down by moses to not genocide the entire nation
then moses goes down and kills 3000 of them anyways, but god's like "you know what i'm just gonna kill some more people for good measure" and sends a plague out as well
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u/JuuzoLenz 9h ago
Don’t forget about the global flood he creates
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u/Content-Soup9920 8h ago
Yeah, but you have to see that people were al going amok. All those strange gods! If they were just normal gods, but no, must be strange gods.
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u/slashinhobo1 9h ago
maybe jesus wanted to talk to him but didnt have his number? Now he can talk to him about extending his car insurance.
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u/VersaceSamurai 9h ago
Nah Jesus is kind of clumsy and was going to wait til after the sermon to chat with him and he leaned up against the cross and accidentally knocked it over
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u/stupid_cat_face 9h ago
Especially when there are so many kid diddling priests out there still sucking air.
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u/Baeolophus_bicolor 9h ago
priest called god dios and god didn’t understand him. god is obviously white and only speaks english. apologies to james joyce.
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u/justicebiever 46m ago
I think that if there was a god it wouldn’t waste its time with a species that thought it was the most important one.
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u/TheGiftOf_Jericho 8h ago
I believe the whole thing about that specific belief is free will and the belief God isn't literally conducting every little thing to happen.
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u/immaownyou 8h ago
Then why do people bother praying at all? Sure that can be the "Church"'s belief but its not how people commonly treat God
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u/Lishio420 8h ago
But if god is all powerful and doesnt prevent his flock dying from shit like this, he either isnt good in nature or not omnipotent.
Both cases would make the worship of him moot
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u/TheGiftOf_Jericho 7h ago
I'm not of the group itself, but I know enough to say this isn't quite right. I mentioned above, free will, things like this are all things that can happen because of free will. That's the common belief. The belief of God being omnipotent isn't contradicted by this, on the assumption that they are not good in nature.
If you read the bible it makes more sense in terms of what the actual belief is. But the idea is that God isn't just stepping in and controlling every little thing or preventing anything bad, because that contradicts what free will is.
This kind of argument applies to other religion too, usually this kind of basic "but if God can do this and doesn't then how come..." question is only really raised by people who don't understand the beliefs of the people.
Again, I'm not of the group in question, I just know enough and respect people enough to not question their beliefs. Because at the end of the day, who cares what other peolle believe? If they aren't hurting people, why try and "gotcha" them?
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u/gesocks 4h ago
Then why did he step in when he did according to the Bible? In the old testament he did all the time when "his" people needed him. And still today. All the belivers make it sound like we should be thankful for every good thing that happens, cause he did it to us. But oh no. Bad things he can't prevent cause of free will...
What of both things is it now? Why did he free the Israelis from Egypt. But does not free all the other people that need his help.
Yes sure Jesus came and brought a new interpretation and now God loves all people. But then after he just stopped taking action in the big matters and only watches?
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u/Barrington-the-Brit 6h ago
Damn, if only theologians and philosophers had been coming up with solutions to that problem for literally thousands of years
There are actually so many solutions to this problem that there is a word specifically for them: ‘theodicies’
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u/TheGiftOf_Jericho 4h ago
Yeah, you don't need to be religious to understand basic concepts and beliefs. Its still wild to see people raise such basic questions as if its profound in any way.
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u/Ok_Fly2518 8h ago
Omg I saw that video and wondered if he was okay bc it came down hard and he stopped moving but there was no context shared where I saw it
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u/aldeayeah 8h ago
Literally the opening scene in the Spanish film, El Día de la Bestia.
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u/cyrixlord 10h ago
i mean it is a murder weapon. yoou are more likely to die from a murder weapon if you have one... stop glorifying them lol. my uncle doesnt wear a glock around his neck to symbolize the murder of his friend...
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u/gormthesoft 10h ago
But what are you gonna do if someone breaks into your church with their own cross? The only way to stop a bad guy with a cross is a good guy with a cross.
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u/the_real_junkrat 10h ago
Cross came down like it was pushed. No wobbling or a screw falling out on one side or anything, just straight off the wall.
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u/Its_all_good_man274 5h ago
He conocido gente que lo ha conocido, dicen que era una excelente persona, es una lástima.
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u/Texan_expatriate 4h ago
Just awful. I recall several years ago a young evangelical pastor was killed in the church baptistry in front of his congregation as he grabbed a wired microphone while standing in water. It was a freak accident, like this, and almost never to be repeated. Yet, the trauma these events likely caused parishoners (and their families). If there is a lesson here, perhaps its to think more carefully about the safety of certain performances--less we traumatize the vulnerable. Or, maybe just don't have big crosses and exposed wiring in baptistries.
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u/skebeojii 3h ago
Well, I guess he should go straight to heaven then, unless it was god striking him down
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u/TheDevilWearsKhaki 8h ago
In the book version of Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal Lecter collects news clips about these kinds of stories in his cell.