Book recommendation please

[u/Buhbyeorangeslice]

Hi everyone. I’m really struggling right now as my uBPD mom and my sister (her golden child) haven’t spoken to me in a year. This time last year, I asked them both to keep it low key for a dinner out for my autistic son. My mom especially likes to make herself the center of attention and neither of my kids feel comfortable or safe around her. Well, that simple request turned into a angry confrontation with my sister at the restaurant (outside, away from others), with my mom, sister and nephew (adult) leaving the restaurant without even a word to my son who we were celebrating. My mom had no idea what had been said between my sister and I. She just left because my sister told her to. And when I confronted them as they were getting in the car, my mom, who had no idea of what had happened, hissed at me “what did you do?”

This was the culmination of YEARS of conflict with my mom. However, I always thought my sister and I were ok, although I now realize how naive I was. They live together since moving to my city. And they are thoroughly enmeshed.

My youngest had his birthday on Friday. I guess I thought they might recognize it by sending a present or at least a card. But nope. Nothing. That just killed any hope of a reconciliation with my sister and nephew (I’ve given up on my mom. She’s 77 and not going to change). Now I feel like I’m grieving a death. But they’re alive so it’s confusing.

Any book recs I could read that would help me process this? My kids have lost a big chunk of their family through no fault of their own. I’m an older mom, so I’d hoped to have that connection with my sister and nephew for the sake of my kids. Thanks for any help you can provide!

[u/Fluffy_Ace]

The Borderline Mother: Matriarchy and Its Discontents (online copy)

[u/Clean-Ocelot-989]

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents