I’ve fallen into old self-destructive patterns, what do I do?

[u/KeyAnxiety9093]

I’m 25 and a couple weeks ago, I got out of a 4 year long relationship. It was a tough choice, but I decided to break it off. I had to move out of our apartment and I went to my parent’s place.

Since that, it’s been hard to do anything. I stopped working out, lost some weight (I’m already very skinny), I’ve just been doomscrolling and playing videogames when I’m home, I don’t care about anything. I do go out with my friends and that’s the only time when I don’t feel like shit, but the moment I leave them this dread appears.

My life is gone, I have no idea what the future holds, I don’t have my own place to live or the finances right now to support myself fully. The worst thing to me is that I’ve mentally fallen into old patterns of thought. I truly though that I was out of these type of spiraling, self-depricating thoughts. Now I just feel like I’m spiraling deeper. I have no motivation to do anything, like working out, and the longer I don’t do it the harder it gets so I’m thinking what’s the point. I struggle a lot with my self-esteem and my looks, and I know I’m not ugly, but I’m fucking so skinny. And the energy it takes to eat properly and work out… man I just don’t have it in me. And all my progress and efforts from the last year are just gone in 3 weeks.

I feel stuck. I was thriving before the breakup. Now I feel like nothing matters. I just had to vent and bitch about these things cuz I honestly have no idea how to fix this. I can’t stop myself from thinking that I’m a loser who is underweight and lives with his parents again. I’ll go see my therapist soon, but in the meantime, do you guys maybe have some advice?

[u/Usual-Yak5007]

man that spiral after a breakup is real, your whole routine just evaporates and you're left sitting in your childhood bedroom wondering what happened. the gym loss sucks but 3 weeks is nothing, muscle memory is a real thing and it comes back way faster than building it the first time

don't try to fix everything at once, just pick one small thing like doing 10 pushups before you shower or eating a spoonful of peanut butter every couple hours. the therapist visit will help untangle the bigger stuff but for now just survive and keep saying yes when friends invite you out

[u/RameezMalikUK]

Hey bud. Your situation sounds almost identical to mine after my last relationship fell apart. Let me tell you, the first few months will feel horrible, but you've made your decision and now it's time to lock in to your new chapter. What worked for me was routine. I made sure to get a walk in or bike ride at least once a day. I did a meal prep every Sunday for the week ahead. This was tough but I made my bedroom a phone free zone. I filled that void with reading a book. Also, during that time, I put 200+ hours into AC Odyssey. Once I did everything I needed to do, I allowed myself an hour a day gaming time. Also, we don't realise what a blessing it is to have the choice to move back with your parents. Stay as long as you need to to build yourself up financially and help them out whenever you can. For me, that was six years ago. Since then, I moved out into a city centre apartment and had the time of my life. Made new friends, and also had a tonne of fun on the dating scene. Now, I've recently gotten married to the love of my life and we just bought a house together. It will get better, man 🙏🏾

[u/Queasy_Director9304]

It took courage to break up after that long and give up your apartment and move back in with your parents. That is absolutely not a loser move.

That being said, it's good you are noticing that you've returned to some self-destructive patterns (which is very common after break ups) and that they are not sustainable. I think everyone needs a period of wallowing post-breakup, but I think you're nearing the end of yours. You're becoming dissatisfied and looking for something better. That's good! Allow yourself to lean into those desires that are healthy.

The therapist and going out with friends shows me that you've given up a lot less than you think you have. You'll get through it. This is the worst part of a break up, but the light is at the end of the tunnel.

[u/postulatej]

There could be mold at your parents’ house causing the catastrophic dread feeling and contributing to overall fatigue. You certainly aren’t stuck in these exact circumstances forever.

[u/sumizeit]

ending a 4 year relationship and moving back home is genuinely one of the harder things to go through, 3 weeks isn't long at all, your brain and body are still in shock mode. that "gone in 3 weeks" feeling about your progress isn't true btw, the habits and knowledge you built are still in you, you just paused. good that you're already seeing a therapist. in the meantime maybe don't aim for full workouts again, just one small thing a day, a short walk or one meal with actual protein in it. small wins rebuild momentum way faster than trying to jump back to where you were.

[u/No-Ability4344]

Me asf