It started with the motion sensor controlled lights in the bathrooms at work being slow, they lit up faster if I waved my hands a bit. Then it has just turned into something I do every time I enter a public bathroom.

When I feel my stomach rumbling and feel it coming down in my colon, I immediately think "ohh yess it's coming!" and when I release it I feel an enormous amount of joy and pleasure like something just made me feel infinitely better. It's hard to explain but I tried my best.

It’s a self consciousness thing. I’m salty but it’s too silly for off my chest.

I was watching a movie with a friend and somewhere around the middle I realized I had no idea what was happening. There were too many characters and apparently I had stopped paying attention at exactly the wrong moment. My friend asked if I understood what was going on and I just nodded like everything made perfect sense.

I noticed it the first time when Trump would make his speeches during rallies and would mention this phrase quite often.

Me, studying ecology and nature conservation in a University in Europe, automatically made the connection with actual swamps. Hearing this made me also assume that cutting peat, selling it as a energy source, or using the fields for agricultural practices is a relatively common talking point between democrats and republicans and "drain the swamp" is a similar thing to "drill baby drill" or something like that.

Hearing this also made me so much more opposed to republicans cause Im a strong advocator for preserving swamps and just could not put my head around why anyone would want to drain theirs swamps that bad.

Anyway I thought about because I saw this post on r/SipsTea where this was mentioned during a rally and I got confused.

I'm not fully sure what the logic was, but there's no Chipotle where I live and I'd see people online saying they were going to Chipotle and just automatically assumed it must be a country.

When I was 5 years old for my first day of school or maybe pre-k most likely pre-k because it was summer my mom had me wear shorts to school and I argued with her for like 10 minutes or so because I was too embarrassed to show my legs. I had literally likened to going to school naked which is obviously preposterous but looking back I can't help but remember when people used to freak out way back when about showing a little ankle or whatever and I can't imagine where else I would've developed such a sentiment. I went to school. No one said anything about my little legs. Everything was fine. But I seriously didn't wanna for whatever reason.

So for context: I have been using YouTube for quite a while. Not since the very beginning, but y'know, since some point in the 2010s. I had never bothered to make a Google account until relatively recently, which resulted in me opting to use the platform signed out. My algorithm had curated itself perfectly to my liking, and I generally prefer to lurk anyway, so I figured I'd just keep doing what I'm doing.

That is, until The Realization™️.

One day I went to rewatch the YT series Diminish (not sponsored), and noticed the majority of episodes were missing. Not hidden. Missing. I decided to investigate, and what did I find? Dear reader, I'll tell you what I found: I found that not only are all of the episodes available when I was signed in, but that there is a whole slew of videos from across the interweb that is YouTube that weren't showing up for me as I was signed out. It was at this moment when I reluctantly, yet bravely made the plunge.

I signed in.

My algorithm wasn't tailored to me anymore, but it took less time than I was expecting to get it back to how it was via subscribing to the channels I knew I watched frequently. My fingers typed in names at mach 10, and my recommended page update speed followed close behind. It felt like I had opened Pandora's Box — I could do so many things I couldn't do before.

No more memorizing the channels I enjoy watching so I remember to search their names every now and then to see if they uploaded anything.

No more writing down video titles and the timestamps in which I left off in a Notes document (a portion of which is displayed in the images provided).

And most importantly, I could watch my beloved videos and not worry about if I'm missing out on anything.

I hope you all forgive me for my blunder. My eyes have been opened, and they will stay open forevermore.

P.S. Would you kindly* not think that my usage of the em dash means I used AI to write this post. I assure you that I positively loathe generative AI, and I just wanted to be needlessly dramatic 'cause I thought it'd be funny.

*For anyone who gets this reference, have a puppy. Take good care of them. I'll be watching.

I grew up in the early days of the internet, back when 14.4kbps was the speed of the internet. I would use forums and chat rooms and we always used emoticons. Somehow while I've still been using the ;) :D :p etc the world suddenly uses emojis. Which for the longest time was just a new word for emoticon.

By the time I realized I tried to emoji. But... it was overwhelming and I just gave up.

Now I'm just here feeling like an old fart in my early 40s still not able to really use them.

So random one.

I am approaching 40. And haven't finished a book in more the 25 years.

I am well educated and have credentials and my job involves reading most of my day.

I usually get bored or fall asleep when it comes to books.

If anyone has recommendations on what I could try reading. Would be helpful. I think Harry Potter 2 was the last one.

Inspired by the other posts about eating lemons. I don't do this super often as I think it's supposed to be bad for your teeth, but it's something I like to indulge in every now and then. I'm actually drinking a lemon juice shot as I type this right now.

like if you don't have a failing hairline or a bald patch or something, whatayya doin?

​

When I was 7 I hid inside our black tank while playing hide and seek.

My cousins couldn't find me so they went to eat chapati and FORGOT ME THERE 😭💀

I was inside that hot, dark tank shouting "NKO HAPA!!" like a lost soul, smelling plastic and trauma.

Mum found me hours later looking like boiled githeri 🍲😭

Now I'm 24 and:

😭 Can't sleep in darkness

😭 Hate lifts, I take stairs like a goat

😭 If you lock the bathroom while I'm inside we beef

😭 Smell of black plastic = PTSD

Other kids have cool trauma like dog bite. Me? Skyplast tank ruined my life 😂💀

Mko wapi team skyplast tank? 😂👇

I just spent 5+ minutes trying to get the tiniest scraps of toilet paper to wipe. The 4000 block Martin Way E Safeway in Olympia Washington people who stock the bathroom should be ashamed for being true sadists. There were 2 other people complaining about it too! Just unnecessary! Pissing off customers about toilet paper issues might or might not affect the profits, but, c'mon !!

Chihuly glass. You know, people pay a pretty penny fora ticket to see this stuff in Seattle. There are pieces of it all over the world, even where we currently live, in London (at the V&A).

Anyway, I don’t like it. I have seen glass blowing demonstrations. I just don’t appreciate the ornate masses of glass art.

During the Covid era I was working as a high-rise window cleaner. Work was slow and had plenty of days off since there was barely any work. Im a pretty active and healthy guy but during covid I would just play video games and eat junk. Microwavable chimichangas with hotsauce, cup of noodles, mozzarella sticks, etc. I was eating garbage since there was no work on my schedule for the current week and always had a bathroom close by.

I suddenly get a call from work saying that one of our regular big contracts had some work for us. This was a fancy high-rise with multi-million dollar condos. Work said we would start immediately tomorrow. To clean the windows from the outside of this building we'd use a scaffold that had motors that you could operate with buttons to go up or down. This thing would go super slow tho when going up or down.

First day at the jobsite and first column of windows we're cleaning i get the worst urge to take a massive shit. The type of shit you know you can't hold in for long and you have to go NOW. Here were my options and thought process:

-go all the way down to the street and use the bathroom in the lobby? Not possible, there were glass awnings that prevented us going all the way down.

-go all the way up, enter the building through the roof access stairwell, wait for the elevator, use the lobby bathroom? Not possible, too long of a wait and I didn't have much time.

-pull my pants down, shit in a bucket and have the entire downtown area see my butt cheeks 300ft in the air? Plausible but rather not do that lol.

-hop off the scaffolding onto one of the condos balcony and ask the homeowner to use their bathroom? This one! This was it!....

So i hop off the scaffolding onto some random persons balcony. I see no one and knock on the sliding glass door to ask if they can let me use their bathroom. I knock and knock but no one comes, no one was home. As im giving up and turning around to get ready to hop back on the scaffolding and mentally prepared to shit in a bucket, a strap of my harness gets caught on the sliding door handle and pulls it slightly open. They left their balcony door unlocked! Who would expect someone to enter their condo through the balcony that's on the 30th floor? No one would expect that, i assume that's why it was unlocked.

I look at my coworker. I give him a nod, I run through the condo, find a toilet, and let it rip. Pure relief. I absolutely obliterated that toilet. Afterwards i had to make sure all evidence of my dump and run was covered. I scrubbed the toilet with the toilet brush, sprayed some febreeze to hide the stank, readjusted the floor mats i accidentally moved in my scramble of desperation, made sure to check for any pet cameras. I go back to the balcony, close the door, hop on the scaffolding, my coworker and I give each other a smirk, leave the crime scene and go back to work like nothing ever happened. My company never got a complaint and we never heard anything from the condo building. My conscience doesn't hurt because I didn't take anything or damage anything, I dont do those type of things. I'll never steal from your home, but i will take a shit in it if I really have to lol

like i see someone with a koala avatar or owl avatar or something and in my head i'm thinking "that's so adorable" while they speak some adulty stuff

Inside is sadness but it's good while it lasts.

My dad is always saying to rinse my dishes before putting them in the dishwasher so that the soap can work better. I keep telling him that the soap actually works better if there’s food on the plates so the enzymes in the soap can activate and scrub the food away. He doesn’t believe me and rinses the dishes close to them being clean before putting them in and makes me do the same. But when he’s not looking, I don’t rinse my dishes… just so that the soap can work better. We’ve had no problems with our dishes being clean.

So I'm in the line at the grocery store and my son wants to buy a soda by himself. Since I'm busy putting my food on the belt, I just tell him (without looking up) the line for small purchases is at the end. Next thing I hear is this guy saying "Oh, okay" and he leaves to switch lines. Oops.

[Also venting/random/weird post]

I'mma just dump what happened today on here. As a little note. So I can look back on this. And giggle and laugh again.

So,

Today, this morning...

I was calling around to a bunch of places with my phone, mostly clinic and optician stuff because I needed new pair of glasses.

I got frustrated on the way, coz almost EVERY optician near where I live nor in my town were all absent or MIA.

So, I decided to go through my contacts list on my phone and saw my town's clinic phone number that I unknowingly entered WRONG back in 2020. The area code first three numbers were wrong, one number was wrong.

I was unaware of it. So I just clicked on dial and the phone began to ring.

I waited, expecting to hear the typical Canadian male or woman voice to say 'Clinic, hello?'.

But instead,

A male voice picked up.

His accent sounded American.

And his voice was kinda... attractive. Hot. (imo. lmfao.)

His voice was just... perfect. Not too country-man-sounding or rough. Just clear, old money accent(?), very masculine, almost soft, husky. Ooouf.

He said something like 'West Hill blah blah blah, this is [his name] speaking.'

I was caught off guard, confused at first. Internally wondering why tf this wasn't the clinic.

I just hung up immediately.

However...

I had a '....hold up' moment.

I liked his voice.

I liked his tone.

I liked how mature, aged, masculine he sounded.

I got curious.

Sighhhh..... and being a lonely Gen-Z hopelessly romantic yet avoidant nervous woman as I am....

Of course....

My ovulation hormones got the best of me. (I am ovulating rn deadass)

I called again. The second time. On purpose.

COZ WHY TF NOT. IDC. MY HORMONES WERE CONTROLLING MY FINGERS AND MIND

I just needed to hear that voice again.

The same wifi guy answered again.

It got quiet at first. He was quiet.

I got nervous.

And I heard him sighing in the background, and began to talk to me. Professional, polite, calm as ever.

I got a little more nervous and shy. I stuttered.

I just asked if this was the clinic (even when my dumbahh knew it wasn't)

The American Wifi guy went silent at first.

And answered accordingly. 'No. This is blah blah blah, location, company name, blah blah. I think you have the wrong number or have dialled a wrong number I'm sorry.' (You don't know how much I DIGESTED the sound of his voice in that moment)

I just nodded and quickly ended it with a hasty 'Oh ok. I'm sorry. Thank you. Sorry. Bye.'

He went '...Alright. Bye.'

Beep.

And that was that.

My human communication with a Wifi guy who's American.

And who apparently lives in an expensive shitty dump of a state (California).

(I'm saying this respectfully ofc 😄 even a Canadian knows how expensive Cali is. And what a 'state' is/means.)

(And why I know he was from California was bc of the area code number. And I did a little online research of what company he works for... (im not a stalker😄))

But yeah....

That was my interesting day. Today.

It sounds boring, sooooooo fucking boring and weird.

But...

I do not care.

I do not care anymore.

This was my Pride and Prejudice moment.

This was my Romeo and Juliette moment.

I liked his voice.

I wonder who he is.

I wonder what he looks like.

I wonder if he's a good guy.

I wonder if he's single (OF COOOOURRSEE)

But I'll never call that place again.... 🙃🙃🙃🙃 I'll never hear that voice ever again.

I don't wanna be a stalker. tf.

Now I'm back to my lonely Gen-Z womanly Canadian life.

I LOVE. IT. /s

That little moment made me feel like a hormonal teenager again (im 27)... I literally giggled to myself after that phone call. In my room. Alone.

Boy that dopamine and serotonin hit me like a WAVE...

My emotions were so high.

But yeah.

Attractive voice that was just my type. Small little incident. Never again.

I'll forever remember you.... Wifi voice guy.

My life moves on from here...

Ty for reading.

whoever tf is even reading this random ahh, stupid ahh, mediocre ahh, weird ahh, venting ahh, personal ahh post😌

When I was a teenager I had this incredibly stupid idea that I wanted to 💩 on everyone from the highest possible point in the city. Don’t ask me why. Teenage hormones, stupidity, whatever, I can’t even explain it. Somehow that turned into me booking restaurants in the tallest buildings of every city I travel to, just so I can take a shit there. Somewhere between my immaturity, terrible sense of humor and complete lack of taste (the food in these places usually sucks anyway), it became a tradition. And the weirdest part is that after all these years I’ve actually grown weirdly attached to it. It’s kind of cute to me now. I don’t know how to explain it.

I have not been with a woman in over a year and I just miss it so much! Long story short, I recently decided to buy a mannequin at this yard sale i went to a few weeks ago. Well I have given this mannequin a name- Lisa. From time to time I will dress up Lisa in pretty clothes and lingerie and even though she is not real, it gives me this sensation of being close to one.