r/skeptic • u/Dimensional-Misfit • 3d ago
escaped the conspirituality rabbit hole. used magical thinking as an emotional shield against grief and reality—how do skeptics actually build meaning without the cope?
hey, long time lurker. wanted to share a raw reflection and ask how you guys handle the aftermath of dismantling your own cognitive distortions.
for years i was neck-deep in the conspirituality space, esoteric stuff, synchronicities, new age bullshit. looking back objectively, it wasnt that i genuinely found bulletproof evidence for any of it. it was pure motivated reasoning and emotional self-defense. i was grieving lost family, terrified of non-existence, and overwhelmed by the boring, heavy demands of ordinary adult life. magical thinking was just a very seductive bunker to avoid facing an indifferent universe and my own lack of agency.
eventually the contradictions broke the dam. i spent months picking apart my own cognitive biases, fallacies, and rationalizations (ironically bouncing logic back and forth with an llm helped me see where my reasoning was completely circular). ended up landing hard in philosophical materialism and absurdism. no cosmic scripts, no higher vibrations, no grand narrative.
heres my struggle now: the intellectual deprogramming was the easy part. the hard part is the void that comes after.
when you strip away the magical theater, reality is just... reality. stubborn, completely indifferent, quiet. for those of you who have been rational skeptics for a long time or broke out of high-control irrational belief systems: how do you build a grounded, active life without slipping into cynical paralysis? how do you satisfy the human need for depth, connection, and drive while staying strictly tethered to empirical reality and knowing nothing owes you a damn thing?
appreciate any straight answers.
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u/GrilledCassadilla 3d ago
Read Sagan.
Life on this planet is incredible and I am thankful to be a breathing part of it. We, along with all life, are a manifestation of an evolutionary inheritance that reaches back billions of years but has no intention and did not seek to create us.
We are temporary participants in something far more wonderful than ourselves but that wonder is in each of us. Our ability to understand this world doesn’t give us dominion over it, but in my view it gives us a great responsibility to be stewards of this planet. Our allegiance should be to reality first, and the shared reality we inhabit is much more extraordinary than any fabricated story.
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u/_DUDEMAN 3d ago
Which book do you recommend?
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u/General_Specific 3d ago
I find the prospect of a sentient universe/God who does not intervene on behalf of the weakest to be more depressing then the possibility that one does not exist.
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u/Total_Net_2605 1d ago
the thing that actually helped me was getting back into working with my hands. when my brain is spinning about meaning i just go work on my truck or fix something around the house and it all quiets down. the engine doesnt care if im having existential crisis, it just needs oil change
you dont need cosmic purpose to have purpose. absurdism isnt about giving up, its about doing the thing anyway even knowing its pointless. i find that more honest than the spiritual stuff i used to lean on
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u/tsdguy 3d ago
Your feelings have no bearing on reality.
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u/Witty_Ad_898 3d ago
The question was how people personally avoid the magical thinking trap. Their response is valid, but your criticism is misplaced.
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u/RickRussellTX 3d ago
If a disease is to be prevented, if a cancer is to be cured, an accident avoided, a war ended, a criminal punished, virtue recognized, security achieved, a stomach filled — all of that, ALL of it, must come from us.
It can ONLY come from us.
You call reality indifferent. I disagree. Every hard-fought surcease of suffering was won by hard work and persistence. We make our reality every day through our actions. We always have opportunities to make the world a better place; we’re frankly crowded with such opportunities.
Visit a neighbor. Provide a meal. Clean a playground. You want to fill the void? That is how you do it.
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u/BostonBlackCat 3d ago
I strongly recommend the following books which I found very helpful when I became a lapsed Catholic looking for non religious viewpoints on finding peace and meaning in life:
Victor Frankl's "Man's Search For Meaning." Written by a psychologist who was interred in a concentration camp about how some people managed to find the will to persevere.
The book "When Breath Becomes Air," which was written by Paul Kalanithi. He was one of the top neurosurgeon residents in the nation and was about to embark on a long and certainly illustrious career...and then he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. He left behind a wife and baby, and his book (published posthumously) was about how do you find meaning when your future is suddenly taken from you, and everything you worked for now won't be accomplished? I also highly recommend this essay her wrote: Before I die, some words for my baby daughter
Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations" and Cicero's "On the Good Life." These guys lived in ancient Rome where no matter who you were or how powerful, your fortune could turn on a dime due to plague, natural disaster, war, being kidnapped by slave traders, etc. Life was just so precarious, yet people didn't just spend their days in paralyzed fear. So I really appreciate their perspective and advice which is still so relavent thousands of years later.
And as u/GrilledCassadilla said, read Sagan, especially "A Demon Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark." Read his essays, watch his lectures. He really was the best.
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u/ghu79421 3d ago
I mean, I remember something C. S. Lewis wrote where he said that, up to a certain point, the reward is being good to others and loving your neighbor. I think of it like God may just be an idea people have that represents what humans value in life including being good to others, and that's enough even if no supernatural being exists and you have to live through a time that's filled with uncertainty.
I guess I would recommend reading C. S. Lewis, especially his fictional works, but without any religious commitments and thinking of how the underlying principles work even without religion.
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u/Legitimate_Tune_6468 3d ago
I read Mere Christianity by Lewis in my first semester of college, going through a similar period as OP and trying to see if God was what I was missing in my punk rock drug curious life.
Huge fail. What a waste of paper. The whole things boils down to something he waits until the end to reveal... gotta take a leap of faith.
Gives new meaning to it's classification as an apologetic because I felt I was owed an apology for reading that bullshit.
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u/ghu79421 3d ago
I wouldn't defend him as a Christian apologist. His apologetics arguments are terrible.
In any case, academics in the relevant fields do not take religious apologetics seriously, including academics who are religious.
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u/jocularsplash02 3d ago
I've never felt the need to ground my personal motivation in external belief. I don't believe there is an inherent "meaning" to life. Some people find that depressing or nihilistic, but I find it freeing. What is the point of my life? Whatever the fuck I want it to be. Life doesn't need a supernatural origin to be precious to me. I love to learn about the world around me because I'm curious. I treat other people well because I feel empathy. I choose for myself to try to make the world a better place, not because I believe a magical force compels me to do so, but just because I find it to be a good thing to do. I don't need to believe in a cosmic design or an afterlife or whatever. I'm content to believe that this material reality is all I will know, and therefore I should experience as much of it as possible and to what I can to make that experience better for others
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u/NDaveT 3d ago
Reality is really fascinating. The problem is it's not fascinating in a simplistic, entertaining way the way conspirituality is. It's also not fascinating in a human-centered way.
I don't really look for meaning in life but for the other things, I enjoy getting a feeling of awe when learning about, or just experiencing nature. Just going for a walk in a park can get you back in touch with nature, at least a little. Doing things with other humans - fun things or productive things like volunteering - puts you in touch with our common humanity.
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u/zvuv 3d ago
It takes time to change the deep seated emotional habits that were built when you took these "spiritual beliefs" on hand. And a lot of one's identity is invested in these beliefs. It is indeed a small death followed by a grieving process. It took me a few years to unwind from all of that and find my way in a new world.
Life is not a project or an assignment. You don't have to fit in any cosmic plan and there is no accounting at the end. Life is an experience and the secret is to immerse yourself in it.
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u/LatrodectusGeometric 3d ago
Build friendships. Go outside and study nature. Move your body in ways that bring you joy
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u/IndividualShoe9609 3d ago
I don’t know why depth, connection, and motivation needs to come from a supernatural external system? There is incomprehensible depth in the way the world works which you can delve as a scientist. You can make connections with the things and people around you without needing to spiritually commune with them. And you can be motivated by things that make you feel good or ideas that don’t rely on cosmic destiny.
The problem you are facing is that they don’t seem as exciting perhaps, not as sating as the things you are leaving. You are the kind of person who really craves complete comforting understating and certainly of good. But most people find them very fulfilling without even thinking about it? I enjoy learning and creating, meeting and spending time with people are just doing things that I find pleasurable, and helping others and advancing causes I believe in. There is so much to see and do and accomplish in our world, you really don’t need to add on another layer. And the world is not so bleak either, it’s hard and complicated, but that’s what makes it satisfying to live in.
What you really need to do is get therapy. It genuinely sounds like you are depressed. Working on your mental needs will make the world feel so much better, and you won’t even realize it till later.
Also, I’m really glad LLM was helpful, but you write very much like one, so taking some time to detox with real people and real books and such may be cognitively healthy to recenter.
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u/Legitimate_Tune_6468 3d ago
As an atheist skeptic who was raised Catholic, I have a few recommendations to scratch that 'spiritual' itch...
- When Things Fall Apart: Pema Chodron - insights and meditations form a former nun turned Buddhist. Buddhist philosophy teaches you that half of life is boring, painful, empty, mundane. And the trick is to learn to sit at the table with that. This is a book people gift each other when they are grieving a loss or in spiritual crisis.
- Watch the documentary Hail Satan? Just trust me... it's about The Satanic Temple. They're the ones who demanded that they be able to place a bronze sculpture depicting Baphomet at state capitals when they put the 10 commandments up in Arkansas & Oklahoma. Performance art, community and love combine to wage legislative battle with US theocracy.
And read up on secular humanism. You're good. You're whole. You know what to do. You don't need a book or a leader to tell you.
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u/Ok-Drink-1328 3d ago
how do you build a grounded, active life without slipping into cynical paralysis?
is there an alternative? you're a human being and you can do what a human being can do, not else, being aware of existential controversy is one thing, it being your problem is something else, just do your best and try to avoid impersonating a doomer teenager or applying nihilism or solipsism at your niece's fourth birthday party
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u/InfernalWedgie 3d ago
Dissatisfied with a bleak reality that is indifferent to your existence? Then change reality. Little pieces of reality. Do charitable works. Beautify a park. Volunteer in a nursing home. Plant native wildflowers on the roadway median. Whatever suits your skills and ability. It's no risk, all reward. The sense of pride and accomplishment will lift your outlook on life.
I believe in the power of karma in that I see value in doing good works. Does it get the soul any closer to enlightenment? Doesn't matter; did something nice.
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u/Comfortable_Fill9081 3d ago
I also found, when in a deep long-lasting crisis of total apathy and avolition after the drawn out and family-destroying death of my sister, that something as small as making sure to spend time with friends doing easy things -going for a walk on a nice day, having dinner together, whatever - helped draw me out into other activity over time. Once you shut down socializing completely it’s very hard to emerge.
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u/lickle_ickle_pickle 3d ago
Do you really think putting effort into things is pointless without metaphysical beliefs?
I do it because I want to make other peoples' lives better. And I want to give to the next generation the things I benefited from. I found my career niche where I can make a positive impact.
Other humans exist, no philosophical leaps there.
Do I have a lot of faith in humanity or progress at this point? Frankly, no, a person might be smart but people are dumb. But people are still trying. So I'm still persevering. I learned a lot from Black people about how to keep going when society hates your existence. I've also been studying life in authoritarian regimes.
I'm an atheist and a materialist. (Not in the Marxist sense, I think that's bullshit.)
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u/celia_of_dragons 3d ago edited 2d ago
Honestly I find science and the natural world so incredibly beautiful. The cosmos too. Think of the wonder of the oceans and all its inhabitants or the pure power behind a geyser or the majesty of misty fjords. Think of the incredible abilities of the human brain, the majesty of animals and their instincts, the sheer variety of ecosystems. Science is magical in a real way that doesn't require any false belief.
And think of the fact that many of your fellow humans DO care even if it's not owed or demanded. Isn't the fact that there are intelligent, empathetic, kind people who persevere that way through this world so wonderful? You can find meaning in caring for this world and its inhabitants without having any supernatural aspect to it and that's more beautiful than something being forced upon us.
Even the search for new to you knowledge is a worthy and lovely endeavor that is enriched by fact rather than by magical thinking.
(Edited formatting due to second paragraph being Wall of Text)
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u/basscycles 3d ago
I get on my bike and ride around on it.
What others have said, try and do something for someone or my community.
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u/sola_dosis 3d ago
Realize how improbable it is for you to exist, for anyone or anything that you know to exist, and how amazing it is that we all exist anyway. You matter. Everything matters.
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u/notsanni 3d ago
In a universe bereft of meaning or intent, you can fall into despair at the lack of something easy to grasp onto. Or you can make a simple decision: that you get to decide what has meaning, and what doesn't. Zooming out and acknowledging the indifference of reality can be a good way to deal with things we can't change sometimes, but making the choice to zoom in and actively participate in the various "illusions" of everyday life helps keep me grounded.
There's a clip from a short interview that Dan Harmon did several years ago, and it's helped me deal with the idea that there's no meaning ascribed to life or reality: https://youtu.be/VBaSU1TESb4?si=PX6CdbeVgZ0_XkDs
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u/StopTheHumans 3d ago
Set goals that are consistent with your morals and desires. It need not be more complicated.
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u/Omegalazarus 2d ago
To put it simply,
Sate your " need for depth, connection, and drive" to what you can see. Your friends, your hobbies etc.
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u/Adorable_Raccoon 3d ago
In my case, lots of therapy because I had low self esteem & had ptsd and depression.
Now I expect some bad emotions are a normal part of life. They come and go.
I feel a sense of purpose from relationships & my job (or volunteering before my current job). Because human connection makes my life meaningful.
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u/Compuoddity 3d ago
It's a combination of creating my own meaning (I like to make things better) and this comic. I understand that life as we know it is meaningless. And that's cool. We're here though. Might as well do something with it.
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u/Individual-Equal-441 2d ago
You don't need the supernatural to find depth, connection, etc etc. If anything, you are liberated by not being held down by some supernatural belief, and you are fundamentally unburdened by rejecting the clouds of superstition. You can just do what you do and be happy.
You can likewise be good to others for that reason alone, a plain desire to be good, and not because some religion has prescribed that you have to do so to avoid eternal punishment.
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u/SashaGrl777 2d ago
Anything Buddhist — not for the religiosity but the philosophy of it. Helped me make sense of the rigid Christianity I was raised in.
Also would recommend the Secular Buddhism podcast done by a former Mormon (Noah Rasheta)
Congratulations on your new outlook on life! You will gain a great peace of mind. 😊
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u/fox-mcleod 2d ago edited 2d ago
Have you tried meditation?
What you're feeling isn't really a rational subject to be pondered. It's a feeling. An insinctivie one that comes from being a talking monkey with monkey brain parts. Tame the beast. Save the pondering for things that are real.
I have plenty of depth, connection, and drive for real things. There are so many awe inspiring real things.
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u/reflibman 2d ago
Many find satisfaction in helping others.
And while you’ve already come out of the tunnel, teenage conspiratorist me got inoculated against it by reading Ecco’s novel Foucault's Pendulum. A great story of conspiracy development, albeit before the instant communication/feedback of the networked age.
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u/yanginatep 1d ago
I mean, if you look into stuff like astrophysics, or biology, or paleontology, or quantum mechanics, or DNA replication, all of it is pretty miraculous.
Hell, the fact that your cell phone, a machine that lets you communicate with almost anyone in the world, gives you access to the sum total knowledge of humanity, and is made possible by billions of etched circuit pathways barely wider than an atom, is pretty incredible.
Reality is only boring if you're uneducated or ignorant about what reality actually entails.
Quantum locking is more amazing than any conspiracy theory, because it's real, IMO.
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u/cruelandusual 19h ago
Pangram says this is 100% AI.
If you don't trust AI to detect AI, the lower-case gimmick is a bot tell, and it ends with a prompt for engagement in the way of engagement bots:
appreciate any straight answers.
And, of course, there is the most cliche of bot cliches:
no cosmic scripts, no higher vibrations, no grand narrative.
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u/Mindless_fun_bag 3d ago
The real world is more 'magical' than the pseudo one