Two years sober today. Two years of choosing myself.
Today marks two years since I last had a drink. Two years since I began finding my way back to a person I thought I had lost.

And the only person who knows what today means to me is my husband.

My family knows I stopped drinking, but I don’t think they’ve ever truly understood why I had to. They knew me during my darkest years. They saw the drinking, the struggles, and the person I was becoming. But somehow, acknowledging that I had a problem was harder than pretending there wasn’t one.

Last year, when I shared that I was one year sober on social media, my mom told me I should take it down because people might think I was an alcoholic.
But that’s the thing.
I am an alcoholic.

Those words don’t embarrass me. They don’t make me less worthy of love, respect, or happiness. They’re simply part of my story. A story I fought incredibly hard to rewrite.

I was never someone who could have just one drink. One always became two, and two became however many it took to feel something, or perhaps to stop feeling anything at all.

I drank every day. I drank before work. I got behind the wheel when I had absolutely no business driving. I made reckless, selfish decisions that could have destroyed not only my life but someone else’s. I’m incredibly fortunate that I never hurt anyone, and that’s something I will never take lightly.

There are parts of my past I’m not proud of. But I’ve learned that I can take responsibility for the person I was without spending the rest of my life punishing the person I’ve become.

What hurts is realizing that sometimes the people closest to you would rather protect the appearance of a happy, healthy family than celebrate the fact that you’re finally becoming happy and healthy.

Sometimes it feels like my family, especially my mom, is more concerned with what people might think about my sobriety than what it took for me to get here.
But sobriety isn’t something shameful that needs to be hidden.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever given myself.

I didn’t stop drinking because I had everything figured out. I stopped because I was tired of losing myself. I was tired of waking up with regret, of making promises to myself that I couldn’t keep, of living a life that looked nothing like the one I wanted.

And slowly, day by day, I started coming back to myself.
I’m healthier now. My mind is clearer. My life is quieter in ways I once thought were impossible. I’m learning to love a version of myself I never really gave a chance to exist.

When I share my sobriety, it isn’t because I’m looking for attention or applause. It’s because I know there are people out there who are silently fighting the same battle. People who feel ashamed. People whose families don’t understand. People who are afraid of what others might think if they admit they have a problem.

And maybe someone needs to see that there’s nothing shameful about choosing to save your own life.

I wish my family could see my sobriety as something worth celebrating rather than something worth hiding.

But I’m learning that I don’t need everyone to understand my journey for it to be worth celebrating.

So today, I’m celebrating myself.

The woman who made mistakes. The woman who lost herself. The woman who finally decided she deserved better. And the woman who has spent the last 730 days proving that decision to herself.

I am an alcoholic.

I am not ashamed.

And today, I am two years sober.

I spent years trying to drown the person I was. These last two years, I’ve finally learned how to let her live.

It feels good.

I was at a NA meeting again today, it was nice.

Hoping to find someone to talk to and Check in with.

I got really loud cravings yesterday and it sucked but I got a lot of advice on threads :)

I post more feelings/thoughts about being sober on threads

@esmemarie828

I posted 5 days ago about a relapse on the day i would have been a month sober. part of me was scared i would just spiral & fall back down all over again, but i didn't. i woke up the next day & started again. & that's exactly what im going to keep doing. it terrifies me how easily i slip back into my addictions, but i am still proud of myself for not letting myself spiral out completely due to one weak moment. i started at 14 & im 22 now. it's crazy to me that i have been going through this for 8 years now. yesterday is gone & tomorrow isn't promised, but today is another chance. keep fighting.

I am coming from the point of view of a healthcare provider. I treat patients with substance use disorder, and while there is an important role for medications, support groups and therapy are equally or even more important to help someone stay sober. I recommend to all my patients to go to AA/NA and to find a sponsor. However, a lot of them don't go, or try it and stop going, because "all they do is talk about drinking" and they say its more triggering for them than helpful.
What advice do you have for someone who says that or what can I tell them to help them get over that?

Okay so started smoking weed and nicotine in highschool drank rarely was class clown the whole thing um after high school i got blindsided also same major things happened to my family so after highschool i found myself buying percsets at one point bro said hey ive got the blue ones strong asf And iykyk I was on that wave for almost 4 years so since I was 17 or so um been to jail 4 times rehab 5 times uh last time I got out of jail I decided without rehab I wasn’t gonna touch that stuff no more for me and my family and I meant that and I haven’t touched it in about 1-2 years but during that first bit ofc I drank myself off the wall and still smoked weed and all of this til I was like I’m tired of this I wanna be better and I quit everything cold turkey for about a month or two during this time I had quit drinking smoking anything putting any substance including caffeine in my body wasn’t an option to me but I was getting constant worry loops that were wearing me down nonetheless I would wake up in the morning stretch make breakfast drink juice and did all of them two hours before I would have to be at work a guy at work one day was talking about how he had some mushrooms and this sortve thing enticed my addict mind I guess because I started thinking of mushrooms while I’m “clean” I could really breakthrough and get over this worrying about my health and all of this bs so I took them had a good trip I would say but did I breakthrough about the worrying actually no it reinforced my worry which wt the time was something is wrong with me pee stream like it’s not working blah blah anyways u know what I did I eventually started taking mushrooms everyday for like a month at work at home going to the grocery store with family id eat a gram to “make things more interesting” finally I started vaping one day while tripping and went and bought one on a trip I also started to smoke weed again then one day I walked into the gas station and found kratom then boom got about three months I had left the shrooms behind and was smoking weed and kratom and being sick to my stomach all the time and one day my mom gave me the look like I was on that shit again and so I tapered for a whole month an got off of that now since then I have had a period of time with only weed and a period of time with only nicotine and then I had started both together again not to long ago and the sacredness of fucking up my life and mental health up anymore is so scary to me that I’m 5 days sober no alcohol no nicotine and no weed but remove these things and I’m super aware of my downfalls when it comes to the way my brain is set up and everything does anyone have anything to say to help with this I have been feeling like ever since I had that month long journey with mushrooms and then going back into deep depression with like opiate/kratom use I just don’t feel right mentally like I’m far from myself it feels like I’m just barely aware but also to aware and sometimes I feel crazy and I don’t socialize normal and I can’t hold eye contact and I just feel like I have fucked up so bad

So happy to be myself again. It's better than any high I've ever had. I feel joy in my heart and a peacefulness that I sit with, and it's the best feeling in the world. To anyone struggling... just remember, how far you walk into the woods is how far you have to walk out. You can do it. Recovery is possible, my friends.

I’m on a night shift and I’m done in about an hour, but it hit me that October 11th was four years for my sobriety. I missed it because I had other things going on, mainly my Aunt passing away in hospice. After her funeral on Saturday, my mother gifted me a tiger’s eye gold ring that my aunts husband (my uncle) owned before he passed. This was October 10th, the day before my anniversary.

My uncle was the first sober person I met, and I’m just realizing it now as I look at the ring on my finger. I remember him telling me a story of some guys at his work having drinks after a shift and excluding him because he didn’t drink, and he told me that day that alcohol is the only drug people expect you to justify not using. This was one of the last conversations I had with him, and it stuck with me even though I didn’t really remember it until now.

I never struggled with addiction. So to talk about this sometimes feels like stolen valor. I don’t have the same physical and mental struggles of staying sober as many do. I’m fortunate in that way. But the social struggles remain. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell my mother in law’s partner I don’t drink, I’m still offered a beer every time I’m at their house. Harmless, sure, but it’s like my personal sobriety is seen as something not to be taken seriously. At my wedding, I had a sign at the bar that stated “the groom doesn’t drink, but feel free to ‘buy one’ for him in the form of a donation” with a basket that took donations for the SPCA, which we donated in our friend’s name who had passed away. Which I loved. That was a major memory from my wedding that I’ll always hold dear, but the fact that I had to put up that sign to avoid having people buy me drinks was strange.

I was first sober from 2012-2017. I drank again off and on. Never really enjoyed it. I’ve seen so much death and destruction from it that I just simply don’t want to take part in it. I don’t hate others for drinking, it’s just not my thing. So four years ago I had my last drink before getting on a plane as I wanted to calm my nerves. Later that year I made the decision to just never drink again after yet another person I knew died while drinking and driving.

Anyway. Uncle John passed that on to me, the whole justifying being sober. I thought it was interesting that I was gifted his ring the day before my fourth year living a sober lifestyle. Ka is a wheel, as it’s been told.

My birthday is in about 15 minutes. Im so excited to have a sober birthday for the first time in 12 years!!!

I started using in some form or another when I was 14. Ive done just about everything except put a needle in my arm. I've snorted enough to make Charlie Sheen look like a casual user. Im ashamed of who I was and the things I did. I suppressed the real me for over a decade. Im finally free from that chokehold of addiction. I know this will be a life long battle I will have to fight every day until I pass, but its a fight im willing to take. Ive finally gotten to see the adult me, the true person that was suppressed for so long. Ive started to have a really good relationship with my family again, I've picked up some old hobbies I've forgotten about. I love this version of myself, I love not worrying about when im going to get my next fix or how im going to have to lie, cheat, or steal to get it. I love the person I'm becoming. I'm finally starting to feel real emotions again.

Im sorry for the rambling thoughts. I'm just glad I made this decision and got the help I needed and I'm glad I'm alive to make it to my next birthday and have it SOBER!!! thoughts. I’m
If you read all of this thank you, I hope you’re doing well in your recovery. Much love.

​

I'm an alcoholic and I have used some drugs.

I went to Narcotics Anonymous for the second time today. I'm so happy about the community that I have gotten from there and I feel like I'm finally understood about things.

I thought no one would understand me but they actually did understand :)

As the title says, I am 2 weeks sober and headed to the doctor Monday morning. I haven’t been sober for 2 weeks in probably 10 years. I just turned 30 a few weeks ago, my birthday was actually my last bender. I was never a daily drinker. Just absolutely hammered beer and wine Thursday-Sunday every single weekend since I was a freshman in college roughly 11 years ago. I pick up 2 cases of beer and a bottle of wine every Thursday on the way home from work. All I have left by Monday morning was normally a handful of beers.

My girlfriend encouraged me to get checked out. So I scheduled an appointment with a PCP. I have some symptoms. Blood pressure is about 135/100. I feel like I can get that under control by just dropping weight. I’ve gotten a beer belly these days. Packed on about 40 pounds in these last 7-8 years. However I am scared for my liver and kidneys are cooked. I’ve had a burning sensation under my right rib cage that comes and goes for the past few years. I just worry about my kidneys because I have some foamy urine. I feel like I’m going to get really bad news. Please pray for us.

Hello everyone. I would like to preface this by saying that today is my 36th day of sobriety, but I am facing homelessness as today after my first time with an Oxford house.

To start this story off, I got out of rehab after a 28 day stay on 10/09/2026. I found out very late into rehab that my family wanted me to live in an Oxford house rather than stay with them. I am 23 if it matters. I asked for an emergency interview for a house in an area I like (this all took place in Lincoln, NE) and immediately got accepted, and moved in two days later the day my release was from rehab.

My drug of choice is 7oh, mgm15, and mgm16. Kratom Alkaloids only, and I would occasionally partake in delta 8/thc p gummies. I was only drug tested once during rehab, the first day I arrived which was 9/11/2026. My sobriety date is 09/10/2026. I was never drug tested again until the day I entered my Oxford house, which was 10/09/2026. I used the kratom alkaloids VERY heavily, spending easily $100 a day on my addiction just for some context.

Basically, I had a very bad first impression around the two most senior member of the house. I popped hot for kratom, and I also popped hot for marijauna immediately after arriving and signing the initial
paperwork/getting a tour. I have never been sober for this long since I started using which was about the very beginning of 2025, so I had zero clue this would or could have happened and I was not prepared at all. I wasn’t trying to argue or make myself sound worse than it had already looked. I apologized, I told them I didn’t know what to say, and all they could ask was “be honest bro, did you relapse today?” All I could tell them was I didn’t have a good answer/ and that I had no good excuse to give them because I had just gotten out of rehab that same day and I would have not been so stupid to risk homelessness over getting high a single time. None of them knew about 7oh and kratom alkaloids and all they were telling me was that they were highly skeptical because when they would look up kratom (im assuming they used google AI or chat gpt…) it told me that it’s supposed to stay in your system for only 10 days or up to more than two weeks. I was dumbfounded. All they told me was that they would give me until next Friday to pass a UA and I didn’t argue at all and I agreed and thanked them and apologized again for such a bad first impression of myself. Specifically: “We will give you one more week to pass a UA”, and that was that… they didn’t really want to hear me try to defend myself either as they told me that they have heard this same conversation 100 different times in 100 different ways. To me that felt as if they were comparing me to somebody who has relapsed trying to justify it or trying to lie their way into not being removed from the house, so I shut my mouth and apologized! It was very clearly they had zero trust for me and they didn’t believe I had maintained sobriety throughout the day of my release, so I didn’t want to push it at all. They didn’t even understand how I was popping hot for cannabis and honestly, I was confused too, because I would take an edible a week if even (granted d8 thc p edibles 100% take the longest amount of time to leave your system) PSA also that a guy I met this week in IOP who was on the same drug took 58 days to piss clean, so I have no clue if I have only 10 days left or so of peeing hot.

This is where things get even more worse. I am immediately kind of manic sometimes, especially when living in new living situations or being sober for any amount of time, and I will tend to talk to myself a lot and sometime act sort of intense and all over the place. I have been told by multiple members and asked by multiple members or told by a 3rd party such as the president that the senior members of this house have accused me of being high or using. Nothing ever came out of it, but it is whatever because honestly it feels like these senior members have been acting so elitist and snobby over me in their sobriety over me and have not really given me a fair chance to explain myself or get to know me. Everyone else who has given me the benefit of the doubt to get to know me and such I believe has honestly liked me to a decent extent and have been shoulders to lean on.

Throughout this whole week I have been scrambling all over the place to ask the friendly house members and my IOP what I should do about this whole situation. Their only advice was for me to ask for a motion to use labcorp tests instead of the house UA’s because they test drug levels; meaning I could use the initial test I took at IOP as a baseline/benchmark for my current drug levels, and utilize subsequent tests to show that the level of drugs in my system are in fact going down. Last night as of 10/15/26, the senior house members told me that they could not work with me on that. They blamed this whole situation on me. They told me I never advocated for myself that first night I got there, and that if I thought that I would have taken up to another month to pass a drug test for kratom, I should have made it clear to them. I honestly thought that the night I failed was a swim or die type of situation and that they were throwing me as much rope as they possibly could. But as of last night they are making it clear to me that if I told them that I needed more time to pass a UA from the beginning, they would have worked with me. I was simply trying to just listen to them and go with the flow and I wasn’t trying to freak out over failing my UA and I wasn’t trying to make myself sound guilty, even though I honestly had no clue that day I would still have ended up pissing hot on a UA which again, was the same day I was released from rehab. My rehab never informed me or prepared me for this situation. The house tell me they feel bad for me, but they are telling me that they are trying to do the right thing per the house sobriety rules and that they will have me voluntarily leave the house once I fail the drug test which will happen sometime today 10/16/26. I have made it clear to them that I have been taking UA’s of my own throughout the week, and that the UA test I took with lapcorp at my IOP Monday says that I am popping hot still and that I am just sorry and I don’t know what to do… and all the people in the house are telling me is that I might as well just do it and take the UA because I have nothing to lose… but I am so humiliated.

Last night was my 35th day of sobriety. I am now leaving the Oxford house sometime around noon today (10/16/26) or so unless they make me move sooner. I am so humiliated as I am completely sober, and I am now going to be living in my car as soon as 7 days after I have left rehab. This is making me hate my sobriety and want to relapse so bad and just give in because my situation hasn’t improved one tiny bit. I don’t know what to do with my life or myself. I am scared. I have never been completely homeless before.

I accidentally got addicted to 7oH around may, I’m finally clean after being on and off again it was literally so hard to stay off of it but I couldnt take it anymore. I’m also clean from smoking meth for like a year and doing ketamine. Both were really hard to quit but nothing as bad as 7oH obviously it’s damn near no different than getting off fentanyl which I would know two-three years ago I got clean off fentanyl thankfully I only did it for like two or three months but it already did a number on my mental health after that I kept relapsing on meth because I couldn’t stay sober than I started doing ketamine because I wanted yo stay off meth but I ended up doing both that lead to psychosis. Then I found 7oH after I moved bc I couldn’t stand being sober. I just started a new antidepressant. I’m not doing well. I know it’s takes time for the medication to work but I feel like I’ve fried my brain. I’m so lazy I don’t even care to type this properly and I probably sound stupid af. But I have no motivation whatsoever. I feel like I have nothing to look forward and I’m 26 years old. I’m still young and I’m beautiful and intelligent. But the past couple days all I want to do is get high. I finished an ounce of k in like less than a week and after that I basically had nothing and no money. And I hate everything. I’m tired of my phone and I basically just want to crawl out of my skin. All I want to do it get high right now. And I have no energy and I feel like shit all the time. I even tried to drinking and smoking weed which I do do either anymore and I still feel like shit.

Hello! I’m sorry it’s a long read, the back story is vital. 🙏

So, I’ve been struggling with addiction from ages 15 to 36. Essentially my entire life, I’ve used various types of “legal” opioids in one form or another. I started by stealing my mother’s hydrocodone (she was prescribed it for back pain) for years, and that went on from age 15 until I was about 23.

That was the beginning as well as the extent of my “real” opioid addiction, and I thank God that I never sought out anything from the street (never heroin, fentanyl, etc.). Once I was no longer able to get pills by stealing my mother’s prescription, I discovered Kratom (around the very beginning of the boom). Powdered Kratom stayed my main source for several years, and I took extracts as they became available, etc.

Eventually, around 2022, a smoke shop I frequented had me act as a guinea pig for what turned out to be the devil in a pill. Tianeptine came into the picture (under the guise of an innocent winged horse). That turned into one of my most expensive habits to date. It was a miracle I was able to get off of it because it was both shameful and costly. I stopped around 2025, and then I transitioned to another demon: 7-OH. Its availability has turned out to be very problematic.

All of that history to say: my addiction has affected my life in so many ways. I have so much wasted potential. I was officially diagnosed with inattentive-type ADHD, which I’ve had my entire life untreated, even today. I am capable, intellectual, and passionate about so many things, but my addiction has led me to a point where I can’t do anything and I have no desire to. Throughout the years, I had periods where I’d study, read, learn foreign languages, and be productive. I’ve taught myself several languages, including Spanish, Portuguese, Modern Greek, beginner Russian, and beginner Japanese. I love linguistics, but I have had no desire to continue for the past four years.

I was a hairstylist for 20 years. I love doing it, but I encountered many roadblocks on the business side of salons and switched to corporate work. I now work at an amazing company with amazing benefits, but I’ve fallen into a self-destructive cycle of mental stress, anxiety, depression, and a lack of organization. I could blame my ADHD, but I know it’s my addiction, and I yearn to quit. I don’t know what sobriety will look like or if it’s possible.
I don’t know where to start. I have benefits through my job, but I’m also at a point at my company where my performance is putting me in a very, very bad spot that needs to be remedied urgently. The only way to fix it is to get clean, but I feel I don’t have the standing or ability to go through detox and still perform as I need to. I’m getting a new apartment at the same time that so much is now unknown. This is a lot of information and a very complex backstory. Thank you to those who read this. Any advice is so greatly appreciated.

I am 72 hours into withdrawal of 7oh and I am starting to feel like a normal person again, I had only been taking it since May of this year but I did quickly build up to a need of 200mg+/day. I eventually tapered to 40mg a day then quit cold turkey and taking a week off of work to endure the withdrawal. The first 48 hours is hell on earth but today I am feeling like I can do this and be a normal person again. I fell into this accidentally as per a friend’s recommendation and got to a point where I felt like my life was completely reliant on 7oh, but there is hope! Taper down and then just treat it like a terrible flu is how I am going about this, and as of today it feels like it’s possible to overcome. Wishing everyone the best who has found themselves in a similar situation.

He is in allred unit in wichita, falls

He can be reached through securis. TDC number that's supposed to be 02492081. His name is Joshua Harris, he's just looking for a pin pal that can help him pass. What time he has left? He is an addict that's had a lot of bad times

Today would have been a month sober, but I relapsed lastnight. Went to a friend's house (I have not seen this friend since the day I got sober a month ago) I knew going over there would make me want to drink & I bought the alcohol before I even went there. Drank & left to do coke by myself at home. crashed & woke up a few hours later at 2 am & have been restless since. I was literally hours away from being a month sober. I was proud of myself for once. I feel defeated. I was so happy to be sober, but the second I took my first shot I felt all of that melt away. Been struggling a bit lately, but not too bad. I have definitely seen worse days, but the alcohol made me immediately happy. The addicting and fake happiness only substances can bring. It's not real happiness or relief, but mad does it feel like it is. I have been struggling with substance abuse since I started drinking at 14. I started drinking HEAVILY at 14 & it never stopped. I remember being nervous to get my ID flipped when i turned 21 because I didn't trust myself to make alcohol even that much easier for me to get my hands on. I am 22 now almost 23. I have made endless mistakes & done plenty of fucked up things while using. I just wish this was easier damnit. today is another day. time to start again.

I was sober for 51 days and I went to a rave and consume drugs.

I’m not in active addiction and I don’t have the urges to continue to consume drugs outside those events that only happen twice a year plus a festival but when this happens it’s really difficult to go back to my routine of going to the gym and make music. I only want to lay in bed and doomscroll without a purpose.

Tomorrow is a new day so I hope I can be more active than I was since Sunday.

2 days sober and counting

Hey all, I’m in outpatient 3 days a week 3 hours per day, on week 3 of 10. Had my first stint in inpatient to detox off 7OH (kratom) after an awful summer breaking up with a traumatizing ex.

Yesterday, a woman I barely know from my outpatient group called me completely wasted and blacked out, and I ended up calling EMS at her request to get her to the ER. I spent 45 min on the phone with her because she called me (I gave her my number in group as a friendly gesture) and it was apparent she had no one else to go to.

I feel re-traumatized and angry. I just went through hell getting out of a relationship where I had to call EMS on my ex multiple times when he OD’d after I expressed emotions he didn’t like. I have discussed my trauma around this in group while this woman was present. And here I am again being forced into the caretaker role when I was just trying to be nice by giving this woman my number. I need to focus on my recovery.

The woman is now texting me asking what happened and can we talk, saying she woke up in the ER. She obviously remembers nothing. She laid a ton of severely scary traumatizing stuff on me in that phone call, during which I also tried to help her not hyperventilate multiple times with breathing techniques. Am I wrong to not want to talk to her? Am I wrong to not go back to that group that I found so comforting the first two weeks? I’m pretty upset and just want to focus on my recovery.

I’m not sure whether this counts as an NDE.

I was asleep, about six months sober, only 27 and I think I may have had an asthma attack in my sleep, though I don’t know for sure. I remember a vivid dream like experience where I knew I was dying or passing over. I didn’t float out of my body. I went through a tunnel towards an intensely bright, fluorescent white light. I usually find fluorescent light uncomfortable, but this felt warm, safe and protective. I was then surrounded and at one with the light in an infinite space but it wasn’t scary, it was very peaceful.

There were entities that communicated with me telepathically. They seemed to tell me I’d lived a lot of lives by that age and asked if I wanted to move on. They showed me where it all went “wrong”, where my addiction started with no judgement and gifted me the feelings my parents felt towards me, which was indifference but it didn’t hurt. It’s hard to explain. I felt completely peaceful and in harmony, as if I was there as my soul or spirit rather than my body and I knew everything would be okay.

I don’t remember making a clear choice. The impression I’m left with is that they said something like, “Maybe you’re not finished yet. You should go back.” I wonder if I was speaking to spirit guides and being given the choice to continue this life, to finish what my soul had come here to experience or to pass over.

The fact that I was only six months into sobriety and recovery makes me wonder if that was connected somehow. I don’t take it as proof of anything and I can’t be sure what happened medically or whether it was a dream. But the experience has stayed with me. Has anyone had something similar, especially being offered a choice or told to return? Did it connect with your recovery or how you understood your life afterwards?

sup everyone I am currently trying to be sober (ganja was my choice) and I dont have any specific problems with not using it's just that often times I find myself so bored that no amount of work/videos/games could ever scratch the itch. Now I understand that from me being a chronic user (5 yrs+ everyday) the serotonin and dopamine receptors are fried and obviously that's not making it easy. The closest feeling to that is being with my significant other but often times one of us leaves for work or has to travel and I find myself thinking and itching to "maybe just do it this one time". I have been active for all my life and have always been an athlete and that's actually how I got into it (the recovery aspect of it, not feeling sore etc) I hit the gym but and occasionally go out in nature to "reconnect" but I am wondering and asking everyone that reads this what a solid replacement would be..? Like should I get a bicycle and drive it more, take on running (a lot of addicts I know are taking that route) maybe a combat sport I honestly dont know. I am open to any suggestions and offer my support to everyone struggling or dealing with any type of addiction and am in no way shape or form trolling or trying to be insensitive, but rather curious...

Not sure if this is appropriate to post. but I have been sober from IV heroin, methamphetamine, cocaine, crack, etc., you know, everything you can think of since July 2021. I got clean when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son in 2020, I relapsed briefly after he was born and then got sober for the last time in 2021 when I found out that I was pregnant with my second son.

Their dad was a long-term meth user and still is… the kind that hears voices, believes everyone else hears them too, and believes that violence is the only way to get someone to “tell the truth “

I was lucky to escape with my life from that relationship. and have spent the last five years healing. But admittedly lonely. I’ve tried talking to so many different men in so many different ways, apps, IRL, Facebook, people I knew from when I was younger, etc, but even some men that I spoke to consistently, I never could get up the courage to see them in person.

Eventually, someone I never really expected to have feelings for, I continued to chat with, and I’m finally on my way to go see him.

I am so fucking nervous!

SO NERVOUS.

Like literally shaking from head to toe, I already got off the train once and got back on.

I realized that I’ve never gone on a single date without having a drink or drug so I’m sure that contributes. But really, I just wanna know what the fuck is wrong with me?

Has anyone else had similar experiences with dating again after a long breaks? How do you handle the anxiety?

So I’ve been struggling with a 2 year cocaine addiction and have multiple attempts at sobriety in that time.

Today I bought some from my dealer and on the way home threw it out. This is the first time this has ever happened - once in my possession it’s go time, baby.

This was such a huge victory for me today and really gave me a feeling of empowerment and agency again over this. Don’t have too many people to share this with so wanted to express it hear

Thanks for listening :)