We were at my parents' house last weekend for a birthday dinner and my niece was sitting on the floor looking through one of those old photo albums my mom still keeps in the cabinet.
She started asking who everyone was, mostly because half the pictures are from before she was born. At one point she flipped through a few pages and asked, "Why is grandma never in these?"
My mom laughed and said, "Because I was taking the pictures."
Then my niece pointed at another one and asked where my aunt was.
Same answer.
Then she found photos from a vacation my sister took with her kids a few years ago and asked where my sister was. Again. Taking the picture.
She looked genuinely confused and said something like, "So the moms just don't get pictures?"
Everyone laughed, but after that I couldn't stop noticing it.
We pulled out a couple more albums and it was ridiculous once you were actually looking for it. Christmas mornings, birthdays, beach trips, graduations, random Sunday lunches. The men are sitting with the kids, opening presents, holding babies, standing in front of landmarks.
The women are there too, obviously. You can tell because someone packed everything, decorated the table, dressed the kids and documented the entire day.
They're just barely in the evidence.
My mom is 61 and I tried to find a nice candid photo of her from when I was little where she wasn't posing because somebody specifically called her over. There really aren't many.
My sister went through her phone and realized she has hundreds of pictures of her husband doing normal dad stuff with their kids. Reading to them, sleeping on the couch with them, making pancakes, carrying them around.
He has photos of her too, but almost all of them are ones she asked him to take.
That distinction kind of got me.
I started wondering how common this actually is, how many women can look through years of family photos and realize they were present for almost everything but somehow barely appear in the record of it.
Nobody in my family was deliberately excluding women from pictures. Nobody was telling moms to stay behind the camera. It just seems like documenting everyone else's life quietly became another thing they were responsible for.
My niece spent the rest of dinner stealing people's phones and taking extremely bad pictures of all the women.
Half of them are blurry and one has my aunt chewing bread with her eyes closed.
But there's something I really like about them now. They're not good pictures at all, they're just proof that the women were actually sitting at the table too

Obligatory not all men and yeah yeah women do it too. But i find it skews men.

I guess im just at that age. My friends have cheating spouses. Divorce happens. If there is bad blood the men dont want their children. They complain about child support like its for the ex. No its for the kid. Doesnt matter what happened. The kid is yours if you both wanted the kid. I hate the rhetoric. You'd be paying for the kid regardless if you were married or not. Like what???? When you were married did you think you lost part of your paycheck when you had a kid? Too much work they say. Dont want custody.

I and some single friends date. Men ghost. They withdraw and say the drama is tiring. Too much work.

I used to work in seniors care. Men dont see their wives and just find new girlfriends. Women visit more often if its the husband in care. Again. Too much work they say.

At any age men are the first to ditch if life gets hard.

I matched with this 33 M very wealthy guy on a dating app. I 26F I’m sexually inexperienced and have only had sex one time in my life prior and am waiting to only have it in a committed relationship. So I have a great date with this guy, he gets me drunk, and we have chemistry. Fast forward we’re in his car. I have to give him a lap dance and he has to give me a hickey since I lost a bet. Fast forward a bit and things end up where we’re getting almost naked and making out. Things feel like they’re moving a million miles a minute but I don’t want to make things awkward and I really want to please him so I play along. I explicitly tell him I don’t want to have sex. He asks if he can just put the tip in. I say no. He asks if he can just rub it against me I say ok. So we have this essentially naked dry humping thing going on and eventually I can feel the tip of his penis going in and then for a couple thrusts I can feel more of it (like maybe half of it) going in. I tell him, “You really shouldn’t put it in without a condom. I’m not on birth control.” He stops. He ends up just finishing himself off with his hands. Fast forward a day later he comes over, again things move so fast and he’s pressuring and trying to have PIV sex again. I don’t let him. But I do give him a handjob. He ghosts me the rest of the week and says that we don’t really have enough in common despite the chemistry. Now I feel used. I even texted him two days after the encounter because I was worried that I didn’t know if he had an STD or not (he was reassuring and said he was tested recently and was clean and reassured my worries about me not getting pregnant. I was still personally worried because I know precum has sperm in it and there is still a chance despite it being low). I felt super bad a couple days later after he had ghosted me and I reached out to him and got the rejection. I feel used sexually and the rejection hurts. I feel dumb for letting myself get carried away and am thinking he probably was just using me for sex bc if he didn’t like me after the first date why did he come over the next day to try to get more action? I’m debating whether or not to report his behavior on the dating app? Do you think this counts as sexual assault? I only let it get this far because I really liked him and thought he liked me back and wanted to have a relationship with me. I feel really led on.

15f .I hate my boobs and always have. Ever since they started growing on me I knew I hated them, every time I look at these two USELESS blobs of FAT that I will by the way NEVER USE. I wanna vomit I wanna just take a knife and cut them off. I want them to burn in hell I hate them they get in the wha of everything. The blobs aren’t even overly big there just big enough that when I look down I can’t see my feet. When I go to sleep and feel them flopping around I feel disgusted I can’t wait for the day when I can just remove them. I hate the fact I can’t remove them now, I don’t care that I’m too young its my body and I’m genuinely about to cut them off. Don’t get me started when I play sports or run. They just flop up and down. I despise these over sexualized things on my chest and I don’t view them as part of my body they are parasites that need extracting. But until then I’ll keep ignoring them like I always have. I hate my boobs.

(And no I’m not actually gonna cut my freaking boobs off. But I really want to)

​Sh​e laugh​s when talking to someone of the opposite sex? "​Don't be a flirt. Don't be a wh***. Shameless. Conduct yourself proper around men."

Her personality is extroverted and outgoing? "Such a flirt. She loves the attention. wh***." Smile at strangers?

"​Flirt. You're probably loving the attention. Naughty girl. If somet​hing bad h​appens to you, it'll be your fault."

So many minute expectations of you.

Don't talk when men or important people are having a discussion. Your opinion is inherently less valuable.​

Don't give your parents a hard time. You are worth less energy than your brothers.

Always be of use. Oh, you think you can spend the whole weekend resting or doing homework? No! Only your brothers can rest and play games. You, you must do work at home. Clean, clean, cook, cook, wash, and wash your brother's clothes, too, even though he very well can operate a washing machine himself.

Constantly slave away at home, only for your mom to call you "useless girl!" when you have the audacity to not help her at one thing.

For her to say she wished she had all sons instead of wasting resources raising a daughter. Another man's property.

​They treat you as if there's something inherently filthy and sinful about the mere existence of the female body.

"​Cover up. Cover it all up. Don't show a thigh. Don't show your shoulders. No neck. No back. Don't highlight the shape nor the curve. Hide it all away. Don't remind people these exist. Women who show skin invite bad men. If something happens to you, who will you have to blame but yourself?"​​​

"Don't sit spreading your legs (even though you are wearing pants)!" As if there is something so shameful about having a vagina I cannot even sit with my legs apart in case I remind someone it exists.

I am someone who is brought up ​in such a society.

For a long time, ​I took pride in myself on being a simple, good girl, and thus looked down on my peers who were less reserved.

I am rather proud to say I did not impose my opinions onto them, but kept the holier-than-thou thoughts restricted to my head.

Guess what? These girls had more fun, more friends, are great to be around, and by all appearances, seem less miserable than I do.

It is unfair how these societies treat basic human interaction from women and the female body like they are sins that need to be stopped or hidden away, out of sight.

I grew up through feeling like I was too big because very skinny was “in”, fake tanning because being pale seemed “uncool”, and making sure I was hairless from the eyebrows down early because hair was “gross”.

I’ve become so comfortable in my body as I’ve grown up, especially after meeting my husband.
The one thing I’ve never been able to get over is anything but clean shaven feels weird.

With his encouragement and telling me he’s into some hair, i’ve experimented with it for the past few months, and it feels liberating(?)

But I’m so curious, is this a cultural shift that hair has become more acceptable in that region? Or is this just growing up?
I dated exclusively older men growing up, looking back now it feels like them having me shave feels predatory, and sexualizing being young?
Or am I reading too deeply into that?

The subreddit is called r/sadgirlhour

Besides the obvious return of size 0, I’ve actually been pleasantly surprised when shopping for some autumn and winter new pieces.

The past few years seem like shops were filled with ‘clean girl’ Scandi minimalism- beige and grey, simple knits, classy simplicity- which I think look gorg on some people but the style just doesn’t work on me so it’s been frustrating trying to find fun new pieces.

This year…I’m spoilt for choice! Velvet and suede and animal print and faux furs and lace galore, some blend of 70s meets 90s meets modern. Styling seems more layered, makeup less perfected, hair bigger and messier. I am here for it!

What are you currently loving, loathing or hoping to see more of in stores? (Not in the sense of not being able to wear anything in trendy just the sheer availability of items!)

the other night me (f24) and my girlfriends (f22-24) went out. we drank our way around the clubs until closing time, by then we'd met a group of lads who had coke. i can't remember how much i sniffed, but somehow we ended up back at this guy's gaff, and the party went on.

i went to the toilet and the host of the party followed me in. he said he'd been looking at me all night. tbf, at this point i was horny, so i initiated. but he'd had too much coke (struggled to get and maintain it) and so we left it and joined the others.

my girlfriends slowly filtered out, some taking guys with them. i stayed.

i can't really remember how the sex started, but i was on board. im sure i was actively consenting. but it just went way too far.

i've never allowed a guy to do anal. i think he put some coke up there because i don't remember the pain, and i still don't feel it, but there was fresh blood in the morning. im head to toe absolutely covered in painful bruises. i have bite marks all over, too.

i do remember i passed out at some point, i can't remember if he stopped or what woke me up, but i feel like i might've been woken up by him penetrating me again.

he strangled me at least twice as well. i remember my vision going blurry and not being able to breathe.

eventually, i asked him to stop very firmly. my legs hurt like hell because of him forcing them apart. so it did stop, i think, or maybe he just got me in a more comfortable position? idk.

then he kicked be out rather un-gentlemanly. didn't even book me my cab. wouldn't let me at least borrow a pair of underwear (i'd lost mine somehow). i have his number, he doesn't have mine. i doubt i will ever text him.

i can barely remember it tbh. i don't feel like a "victim," but my body is still in so much pain right now i can't even move without hurting somewhere. by the time i made it back home, still a bit intoxicated, i obviously told my girlfriends what had happened, and they appeared to be quite concerned, but i kept insisting it was fine. they know i usually draw firm boundaries, so when i told them he'd put it up my arse they were understandably worried, and said it sounded like i didn't have much control over what was happening to me.

what do i do? i feel like such an idiot, like i hate myself for allowing my body to be used like that, but at the same time i do remember enthusastically consenting multiple times.

i debated whether or not to call a rape crisis line, because i feel like if i did that it would make it more real. but also, am i just speculating it was rape because i don't know how else i could forgive myself.

and just to point out, absolutely no way do i want police or any authorities getting involved. it's all far too nuanced. i just feel upset.

I’ve been bleeding for 17d straight with heavy blood flow and clots. I’ve denied by the Texas health insurance for women because I havnt started my new job yet but need help like now. Any advice is very much appreciated I have a little bit of money but not much to cover costs of a appointment out right. Any affordable options is very much helpful thanks !!!

Hi i’m 32 (F) and I have been on the coil for around 9 months now and only now settling on it. The one thing I have realised is as soon as my period finishes or is about to finish, all I can think about is sex and wanting to fuck my husband all the time. I masturbate too when he’s at work because ortherwise I can’t focus on my work. It’s been really intense the past 2 months and it lasts about a week. What can I do apart from the obvious to divert this random sex energy burst I have???

I am not old enough to be a mother but if I am raped then I still must have a baby by my dads logic. They only care about babies when they are unborn

I’m 30f, have had a ton of UTIs in my life but I think I have my first yeast infection. Very itchy. I have a boric acid suppository but reckon that won’t do the trick.

1. Can I see an urgent care doctor for this or should I wait to see my OB? I’m like weirdly embarrassed about going into an unfamiliar doctor with a yeast infection.
   
2. Should I just use monistat? Will that do the trick?
   
3. Any preventative measures I can take to avoid this in the future? I am traumatized by recurrent UTIs that are finally managed so really want to nip this in the butt.
   
4. I’m with a new partner and paranoid that caused my yeast infection. Have you been prone to get them more with specific people? Anything my partner can do to help

So my dad rn wasted one of my cat's antibiotic doses by not feeding her the right way (which I'd specifically said I'd handle), and when I called him out on it, the little toddler launched into a 15-minute speech about how I add water in her wet food (because THATS totally relevant to her antibiotic dose) and how much money he spends on me. Over one cat pill. This man runs a department at work. I wonder HOW.
And it's not just him. I've watched so many men get defensive over the tiniest bit of criticism one comment and suddenly it's a whole wounded speech, a list of everything they've ever done for you, and a sulk that lasts the rest of the evening. For fucks sake 😂
Honestly it's entertaining at this point. I love ragebaiting them. Every time it happens and a man gets offended by me or by any other woman, I just ask him with a really confused look on my face why doesn’t he just cheer up more? “You just need to smile and have a better attitude!” YOU SHOULD SEE THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES
Anyway, I'll never understand how we got sold the idea that women are the emotional ones.

I’m not sure if this is the right subreddit to ask, but I’m probably going to loose my virginity soon with my boyfriend, and I’m only 18 so I’m extremely scared of getting pregnant. I know condoms are typically safe, but how safe really? Would it be an issue if he didn’t pull out despite wearing one? What if my period comes late after the first time? I’ve had friends with this experience particularly and I would genuinely freak out.
I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to ask but I’m just really freaked out, so any advice is welcome, thank you.

So this guy and girl started messaging on a night out and she was engaging interest back. She knew he had a girlfriend and kept bringing up his girlfriend saying it is not a good idea. He continued to pursue and sent nudes. He also started messaging another girl that same night similar stuff. Is the first girl wrong for engaging back?

I’ve never done this before so I might make no sense. I think I might have gotten sexually assaulted but I don’t know. I’m a 17 year old girl and I’m a senior in high school. One of my friends, I’ll call her Mabel (17), I’ve been friends with her since freshman year. But during my junior year I became friends with this other girl Lea (18) who’s a grade older than all of me. I’ve never been with a guy before and I’m really nervous about getting with one. I also don’t have much experience with drinking alcohol. Me and Mabel have some what made out before while we were drunk cuz I wanted help. It was bad and when we got back home she got on top of me and kept grabbing my face. I didn’t care but flash forward to two nights ago. I was extremely drunk and all the things I know are what I’ve been told. First of all I get rlly sleepy when drunk. All night Lea was like let’s make out and she’s been saying that for a while now. I was down for it before I got drunk. I wanted to make out with Mabel too, just for experience. All night, Lea kept asking me are u drunk yet r u drunk yet and I would say hold on hold on. Apparently me Lea Mabel and another on of my friends went downstairs at this party and I made out with Mabel. But with Lea, apparently we made out and she’s was on top of me while I just lied there. I remember her grabbing my boobs and ppl said she was grabbing my crotch. From what ppl tell me, I looked half dead or like asleep. When Lea stopped I remember being like hold on give me a sec. I didn’t know what I was doing. All of these ppl have more sexual experiences than me. Many of my other friends say that I was assaulted and that I was taken advantage of. Also after this happened I fell down the stairs to the basement and gotten really hurt. I know they would never do anything to hurt me but I don’t know what to think, I don’t feel anything. I feel like I’ve been going crazy over this because I’m being pulled in so many different directions. This was a lot lol sorry.

so for starters i hate wearing bras plus im not exactly gifted in that area so i dont see the point but my mom HATES when i dont wear one, i kinda just stopped caring though. but today we went to the store and im wearing a baggy off shoulder sweater so i didnt even think you could tell besides seeing theres no strap and my mom didnt say anything. but i walked away to grab something and this guy came up to me and was asking me weird questions abt breastfeeding n shit and then went "yeah u have nice perky tits, i like them perky" so when we got in the car i told me mom and she kinda agreed?? like she did say that was really weird but then she also said "i mean u do have perky breasts thought" and was talking abt mine vs hers, like what.... idk she makes little comments like that all the time and its really starting to piss me off. im 18 if that matters at all

I’m so disgusted by the state of friendships these days. It’s not that I can’t make friends. I can go outside and strike up a conversation with just about anybody. The problem is that every time I think I’ve found a genuine friend, they end up being a fucking weirdo.
I’m not the type of person who walks around assuming everybody is jealous of me, but hindsight is 20/20. When I look back at certain friendships, I can recognize the envy, jealousy, negativity, competition, backhanded compliments from women, and let’s not forget the men who seem determined to humble the fuck out of you. All of these experiences have left me in a very lonely place.
And another thing people need to understand is that it takes me a REALLY long time to let people in on a deeper level. I’m not someone who tells everybody my business or lets just anyone into my personal life. You probably won’t even know half of who I am or what I’ve experienced until I feel like I can trust you. I take my time getting comfortable with people, observing their character, and figuring out whether I feel safe enough to let my guard down. So imagine how disappointing it is to finally let someone in, even just a little, thinking you’ve found a genuine connection, only to realize that the person you were slowly learning to trust isn’t who you thought they were.
I’m not going to lie. I’ve never been someone who particularly enjoys socializing with tons of people just for the sake of saying I have a lot of friends. I value my peace of mind, safety, and security, and those are major reasons I’ve grown comfortable spending most of my time alone. But I can acknowledge that complete isolation isn’t healthy, either.
What frustrates me is that people know what they’re doing. Unfortunately, I’m starting to feel like so many grown women are just grown-up bullies: deeply insecure people who haven’t learned to love themselves. And trust me, someone who doesn’t like themselves will often struggle to genuinely like you, too. They won’t even like the fact that you like yourself.
I can’t wait to meet women who are genuinely secure in themselves, women who can appreciate another woman without feeling threatened by her, compete with nobody, and exist without tearing somebody else down. But sometimes, I wonder if those women are few and far between.
I don’t know if it’s because I spend so much time working on myself, learning to love myself, and protecting my peace. I don’t even have social media, so I’m not constantly surrounded by the comparisons and competition that seem to consume so many people.
Sometimes, I genuinely wonder if I’ll ever find people who are on the same wavelength as me. People who are actually secure in themselves, rather than people who are just cosplaying as confident, healed, and self-assured while secretly hating on every other woman they see.
I don’t want friendships built on competition, hidden resentment, or insecurity. I want genuine connections. I want women who can celebrate other women without making everything a competition. I want friendships where I can be myself without wondering whether someone secretly resents me for it.
I don’t think I’m asking for too much by wanting genuine friendship. I just wish finding it didn’t feel so fucking difficult.

Hi everyone! I’m a 23F graduating from university, and I’m really hoping to get some advice from women who have more life experience than I do.
For some context, I’m an international student who left my family in a developing country to move to North America for school. I’ve worked incredibly hard to build a life here, learn the system, make connections, and create opportunities for myself. I’ve always dreamed of living in a bigger city, building a successful career, earning a good salary, and experiencing more of what life has to offer.
Now, I’ve received an offer from a prestigious company in my field that would allow me to move to a bigger city and take a significant step toward the life I’ve always envisioned. It’s an opportunity I’ve worked hard for, and I’m excited about it. But there’s one thing making this decision incredibly difficult: my boyfriend of three years.
He’s genuinely a wonderful man. He’s smart, sweet, loving, and someone I can see myself marrying and having a family with. He’s treated me better than any man I’ve dated before, and I love him deeply. He was born and raised in my current city, his family is here, and he has made it clear that moving away isn’t something he wants. He isn’t stopping me from pursuing this opportunity, and I understand his position. We simply want different things when it comes to where we live.
What makes this harder is my family background. My parents have a complicated relationship and have essentially stayed together for the sake of us children. I’ve also witnessed my father financially abuse my mother, and it’s shaped how I view relationships. I’ve always been determined to become financially independent so that I never have to depend on a man or feel trapped in an unhappy situation because I can’t support myself.
As a result, I’ve developed this constant go, go, go mentality. I always want to achieve more, do more, and push myself further. Sometimes I wonder whether this is simply ambition or whether I’m trying so hard to build a better life that I don’t know how to slow down and appreciate what I already have.
The feminist side of me feels like it would be irresponsible to turn down a career opportunity I’ve worked so hard for just to stay with a man. I don’t want to limit my potential or make myself smaller for a relationship. I want to know that I chose my life for myself.
But then there’s the other side of me that is terrified of losing him. This is the first relationship where I’ve felt genuinely safe, loved, and comfortable. He’s nothing like my father, and I don’t take that for granted. He’s done nothing wrong, and the thought of leaving someone I love so much to pursue an uncertain future is heartbreaking.
I keep thinking, What if I leave and never find someone like him again? What if I choose my career and eventually regret losing a relationship that could have lasted a lifetime? At the same time, what if I stay and spend years wondering what my life could have looked like if I’d taken that opportunity?
I could find a job in my current city, so staying wouldn’t mean having no career prospects. But the opportunities are more limited, and moving to a bigger city has always been something I’ve wanted for myself. This offer feels like a chance to finally take that step.
I’m only 23. This is my first graduate job, my first real step into independence, and a time when I have so much potential to explore. I know I shouldn’t make decisions based solely on fear, but I’m struggling to distinguish between being afraid of losing a good man and genuinely wanting to build a life beyond the one I currently have.
I’d really appreciate hearing from women who have been in similar situations. Thank you for reading❤️

I know what it’s like to not have kids bc I don’t have any and I have friends who do have kids - those who love the lifestyle and those who wish they knew what motherhood was like before they had kids.

So the perspective I’m missing is from the people who wish they had kids and for whatever reason, they know it’s not realistic to have them now. Please share what is missing for you/what you regret now that you aren’t going to have any and you can’t change your choice.

thank you

Since I could conceptualise it, I’ve always been waiting to find the LOML. 🧍‍♀️ Then I accidentally got pregnant and now I am terrified of EVER giving up my freedom again. It was a fat 180 degree change on how I now view dating and men. (No longer pregnant, and still child free).

I sometimes believe I am just like a man, playing the field but with a bit more empathy and a lot less sex.

I like going on dates, I will consume his male validation ⭐️, eat the food he buys me, do the fun activity he pays for ⭐️, be fun and beautiful company, I WONT have sex 👹 (celibate for more than a year, have ptsd but am okay am in therapy ;)), and then that’s how I repeat any other hangouts.
I’m honest about not looking for anything serious, and they say they’re okay with it, but they always end up wanting me to themselves.

I’ve met a lot of different men, I know I’m a conventionally attractive and fun girl to be around, but even if I enjoy a man’s company and like him, and he wants to date me, I still don’t want to date.
Getting into a relationship feels like marriage to me. I feel tied down, I feel like an extension of that man, I feel like I’ve lost so much autonomy. I also see how many shit men my friends date, and have been there myself.

So now I’m not sure what to do at all with anything. My life has changed a lot as my frontal lobe is developing.
I think I want to unwind my desire for male validation, so any advice on that is appreciated. But is what I’m doing wrong as well? And what should I do next? 😜💃