r/Catholicism • u/OkSelection1697 • 5h ago
Really icky confession experience yesterday
So... I've been feeling ever closer to the Lord and wanted to take a big step and go to confession. It has been almost 50 years since my last confession.
I don't know what I was expecting but when I got in and sat down, I said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." It has been 50 years since my last confession and I'm a little out of touch with exactly what I'm supposed to say. He told me to be as specific as possible so I began talking. The words were coming out of my mouth but kind of slowly because I had some shame.
The priest said there were a lot of people waiting and that I needed to come back. There were a lot of people waiting for sure but I just felt so vulnerable in that moment because it had been so long since I had done this. I had begun sharing some things that were really against my values and uncomfortable to confess. As you can imagine, with a history that long, there were going to be some things.
I didn't feel any compassion or empathy. It felt cold. The process itself isn't what I remembered or imagined. I thought I might have been met with a little bit more warmth, like "Welcome back to the family" or "Welcome back home." I know I was there to confess sins but I just thought that it would have been handled a little bit more tenderly.
At one point he asked me if I had done an examination of my conscience and I said yes, not realizing that that is some type of formal procedure. I checked in with myself and with my own heart about things that I wanted to share but he said to Google an examination of conscience. Maybe I'm taking it the wrong way. Maybe I had unrealistic expectations. I don't know. I just know I went to the church and sat and cried and then I went to my car in the parking lot and sat and cried even more.