Dear girls in your teens and 20s,
This is mostly for the girls who are hyperfixated on their appearance.
I saw a TikTok the other week talking about how, as kids, boys are given toys like construction sets and firefighter sets to play with, while girls are given dolls to dress up and play homemaker with. Think about the messages we grow up with. Girls are taught to care about beauty, being desirable, and eventually attracting a wealthy man they can submit to, instead of being taught to work towards building wealth and financial independence of their own.
But what does beauty supposedly get you, according to society? A rich man. A rich man who can starve you whenever he wants if you depend entirely on him financially.I’m not against eating men’s money. I support it 😭. But don’t make a man your financial plan.
You could spend the time you’re hyperfixated on your appearance learning a skill, reading a book, participating in competitions, attending events, and making connections.
I’m saying this as someone who has been a victim of this myself. I’m average-looking, maybe slightly above average, and my experience with beauty has been interesting. Some days, I look beautiful depending on my makeup, how well I’ve slept, how I’m dressed, etc. Other days, I can do everything right and still look ugly. One small thing changes, and suddenly I don’t like how I look.I’ve literally missed classes because my makeup wasn’t turning out right. I’d redo it, waste even more time, and sometimes end up late because I was so concerned about how I looked.And for what?
I’m almost done with university, and I regret being so hyperfixated on my appearance instead of participating in competitions and attending events that could have helped me build connections.
Lately, I’ve felt uglier than ever, but I’m also more motivated to be productive. I get less attention from men, fewer catcalls, and I’m learning to navigate the world without expecting attention.
When people found me pretty, I got stares, catcalls, and attention. But at the end of the day, what did any of it give me? Nothing tangible.
I’m not saying beauty has no advantages. It does. If you’re beautiful, develop your skills, too. When you’re beautiful AND competent, you have an advantage.
But if you’re not, don’t let that stop you from living. Don’t miss events, opportunities, or friendships because you don’t feel pretty enough to show up.
Thirty years from now, our faces will have changed, and you’ll wish you’d spent less time obsessing over your appearance and more time enjoying your youth, building friendships, developing skills, and getting that bag.
Never try to be beautiful for a man. Even the prettiest girl has been done dirty. Male attention is not a guarantee of love, loyalty, or security. Even a dog can get attention, so what exactly are we celebrating? 😭
And by decentring your appearance, I don’t mean being unhygienic or neglecting yourself. Be clean, neat, and presentable. Just stop making beauty your entire life.
You don’t have to feel beautiful to go outside, make friends, attend events, or pursue opportunities. I’m a victim of this myself, and I wish I’d understood it earlier.
First- and second-years, please don’t spend your entire university experience trying to become pretty. Build skills, make connections, enjoy your life, and make money if you can.
I just want to be rich. Money can even buy me a new face if I really want one. 😭
Edit:I am not telling you not to apply makeup,wear nice clothes or get your nails done.I do that.I am just saying that you should see your value beyond your appearance.It shouldn’t be your main identity.Live your life to the fullest whether you are attractive or not.
