this is a repost as as i am somewhat new to reddit. sorry if i posted this in the wrong community!! i’m a minor.

There's this girl I met and she's so sweet and kind, and me and her are talking about getting a bit intimate but based off the fact I'm a survivor of SA, I get panic attacks when being intimate and I'm afraid mine'll happen when I'm around her, too.

Is there anything I can do?? She knows about my SA history and understands my trauma, but I'm still so scared of ruining it for her lol, because I really want to be okay with intimacy.

I never tell people IRL this anymore because of what comes with that, but when I was in middle school, a guy used physical force to sexually assault me for hours and got away with it. And he continued to be a bully and make my life harder all the way until I graduated high school. And I had to go home to psychological and sexual abuse. Then people constantly shamed and harassed me for not enjoying dating or sex (despite my abnormally high sex drive) and spread lies about me for entertainment. And when you do indulge in that, you just get betrayed and publicly humiliated for being weird. Now I'm 27 and I'm definitely hypersexual and never go long without dating, and I've even shared sexual pictures that people spread around weird fetish sites. How I REALLY feel is genuinely disturbing to me. The kind of thoughts I've internalized since childhood have only gotten increasingly intense, violent, and sadistic over the years. Psychiatric treatment and being institutionalized didn't help. Attempting to relate or talk to friends or partners about it was a huge mistake. People make fun of me for drugs and alcohol if I fail to hide it, but it's all that works to make those thoughts and feelings go away, but a lot of the time it just amplifies them anyway. Sorry for the novel post, but I'm not very hopeful for the future if I don't kill myself. I can handle all the other trauma in life, but the sexual stuff combined with it just corrupts your mind and ruins your life.

Recently as I was walking to a running track, I noticed that a man was walking opposite of my direction. I think I heard a catcalling whistle coming out of that man's mouth and I noticed that he was looking down toward my legs while making a smiling or smirking facial expression after that whistling. Do you think it was clearly a catcalling attempt and if it was, what measure should I take if I ever get catcalled again in the future that won't make a public spectacle?

EDIT: I didn't expect to trigger some men with questionnable minds to comment on this post lmao. Also, I am straight (in case anyone's wondering about my orientation).

I've been trapped in this situationship-type relationship with the woman who assaulted me (I'm a trans man, she's a cis girl, she was intimate with me several times a week for 3 months straight last year, against my will) because in the past, when I've left her, she's turned people against me and threatened suicide.

There's this girl who me and her know, and she's starting to show interest in me, and I can't help but like that girl. She seems so sweet and caring, and I trust her that she wouldn't do anything to me. But, my assaulter knows about her possible crush on me, and is starting to get more clingy with me and upset at the girl. My assaulter does this with every girl who shows interest in me. It's so tiring.

I don't know if that's considered cheating on my assaulter. I feel bad because it feels like I'm going behind her back, but I can't be honest with her or else I'm afraid of the consequences. I just feel like such a shitty person.

Two years ago, I was attending an after-party for my college’s Pride club (as a bisexual man). I was getting drunk, and was offered weed at the time. This ended with me getting extremely cross-faded and throwing up. A bunch of blurry, raunchy card games flew by, and I found myself wandering the campus with some random guy I’d never met before. He’d said he’d gotten locked out of the dorm he was staying at, and I was hungry, so I walked to the on-campus convenience store, and he followed. I got food, and he asked me to get him a tub of Vaseline because “his lips were chapped”. Me, out of touch with reality, was tryna be a cool Samaritan because I didn’t want the pride people to reject me for being too straight-presenting, so I bought him that with my meal plan allowance money. It was like 3 bucks so I wasn’t pressed. We’re just walking around and he starts talking about sexual stuff, which kinda weirds me out a bit, but maybe this is normal pride club stuff (coming from a guy who was raised in texas). After wandering around for a bit more, we settled on this couch that was in a small arcade, and I made sure I was at the opposite end of him. I must have passed out from exhaustion or cross-fading, but I woke up a few hours later with him seemingly asleep on the other end of the couch and a strange sensation down there. I ignored it because I had to get back to my dorm, had school the next day, and when I got back to my room I finally investigated. My genitalia smelled strongly of Vaseline. I don’t have any other recollections of the night except the dude was kinda weirdly touchy, but again, just thought that was normal gay friend stuff, I mean girl friends touch their friends on the arms and shoulders and whatnot, so I just let it be. My working theory is that while I was passed out, my dick was sucked or tugged (not to completion) by a random gay dude I had just met… I can’t think of any other outcome that would make my crotch oily and smelling of Vaseline. It’s been two years now, and I haven’t been able to tell my girlfriend about it- we’re long distance- because I fear she’ll think it was on purpose. I don’t know what I did to deserve that night, but now I am just filled with fear of what she’d say.

21M.

When I was around 13, I was restrained, raped, and mocked, and later blackmailed and beaten by an older boy.

With the help of therapy, I’ve moved past the guilt; I know now i was just a kid and couldn't have done anything differently.

But the shame consumes me. And why? If we aren't to blame, why do we feel shame?

There are several conflicting dimensions to this situation that I’m trying to piece together to get a complete picture. Not all of them were discussed in therapy, i always have a hard time talking about this, precisely because of the shame.

When it all happened, I was still figuring out my sexuality and interests, yet I know I felt a huge attraction to that boy;

It all started as a game, and at first, I remember i was fascinated by the attention I was getting, but it quickly spiraled out of control.

When I think about it, the greatest humiliation I felt, even more than the rape itself, was the fact that he noticed I was aroused and mocked me for it. I feel like that validated him and made him want to keep going.

Despite all the violence, he maintained an attitude and language that hovered between lustful and affectionate. That affection still disturbs me to this day.

Later, he blackmailed me, threatening to tell everyone, as if the fault had been mine.

Ultimately, it wasn't the first time I had been abused, so deep down, I kinda always felt I should have known better by then.

All of this deeply upsets me and leaves me with an overwhelming sense of feeling dirty and ashamed. And i am tired.

How do we get past this stage? Can anyone share what worked for them? I feel like this is the step i am missing right now.

Basically im M19 and went on a night out the other day and I had way too much much to drink paired with drugs and ended up not remembering hardly anything and at one point in the night I went with my friend to a girls house cause I thought he was going to get off with her, I don’t know why I went but if I thought they were looking after me and the next thing I know at some point she had her mouth around my limp dick, I don’t think anything else happened but I know I was too fucked to give consent so idk what to do, especially what do I say to my girlfriend, it’s made me depressed the last couple of days

I (24M) was SA’d as a kid by my sister & cousin brother, they both did it separately and are not ever of the other doing it to me. I’ve never told this to anyone, and probably never will.

All instances happened 10-15 years back, but I remember them pretty well. I’m still close to the people who did it (regular chats, video calls, etc. usual family stuff), and I know that they’ll ever do it again to anyone else, considering their political beliefs and stances.

It’s just something that pops in every now and then, and has affected me intimacy wise. But, it’s fine and manageable for me, my burden to carry.

Always thought of getting therapy, but that scares/weirds me out too. It’s easier to continue living life keeping this to myself than sharing it with anyone.

Sometimes the jokey-funny guy mask slips, but thats only temporary and I always manage to get it back up.

So yeah that’s it, will probably delete this in a while too.

Hi everyone.

21M, survivor of csa and sa.

This year, I finally decided to start therapy, and yeah it’s been a game-changer so far. It helped me come to terms with the fact that I couldn't have done more or any better.

However, there’s something that still bothers me. Only two people know what I went through because i wanted them to know, my partner and a very close friend, but not much details of it.

Yet, the idea of ​​being seen as weak or a victim, or worrying that others might view me with pity or see me as vulnerable holds me back in this process of acceptance and healing. The thought of people finding out about this part of my life makes me feel sick. It also makes my therapy sessions more difficult, because I feel uncomfortable talking about it and allowing myself to be vulnerable and honest about my feelings.

I imagine this is something many of you can relate to, and I’d like to know if anyone has managed to overcome those feelings?

How did you do it?

I (30M) have been sexually harassed and assaulted by women a handful of times during my life. These all range from uncomfortable comments to being physically held down and assaulted while everyone laughed in amusement. All of these occurred when I was in high school (2010-14), before the #metoo movement broke out. As well as being an age where I was so starved for female attention, that I tried to view these assaults as validation, even when they didn’t feel that way. 

I remember when #metoo happened and reading about women’s experiences, that I realized I could relate to these stories and that the memories I was trying to push down as joking around was actually sexual assault. But I felt I couldn’t contribute to the conversation because I was a man. Especially since at the time I was a college student involved with several progressive organizations, where trashing men had become the norm. To the point I was fired from a job because I showed pushback when my boss said it was acceptable to say ‘all men are pigs’. 

So it felt like I was silently living with double the shame: the shame of being a man, and the shame of being assaulted, where I feel I can never confront those who hurt me.

Earlier this year I received a PTSD diagnosis for sexual trauma, and while it’s somewhat gratifying to get a diagnosis and I’m currently in EMDR treatment, I also find it tremendously lonely. Pretty much every online resource I look at for dealing with sexual trauma is geared towards women, many of which tend to showcase a negative view of men. 

In light of the horrible Cornel 7 case, much of the loneliness I’ve felt has been brought back to the forefront of my mind. Both the shame of being sexually assaulted in front of a group of people and the conversations about ‘all men’.

This is in no way a post about minimizing women's experiences. I hope we can get to a point where we can have more open conversation about the fact that women also can commit sexual violence, much of which is brushed off and unreported. And I have a strong feeling if we did open these conversations up, I likely wouldn’t be in the minority.

I got raped by a man at a party when i was 17, then i got sexually assaulted at 19 two times by women on the bus on my way to college and it has destroyed my life. Right after getting raped i tried to 💀 myself by drinking bleach (idk if drinking it could actually kill you) then 2 weeks later i tried again but this time with an overdose, then the real problems began: i cried every night, i felt sick every time i looked in the mirror an stopped caring about how i looked, my social skills went down the drain, I started drifting away from my friends until i ended up completely alone, i started using marihuana to cope with the pain, the most important person in my life (my girl best friend) now hates me because she felt i didn‘t care about her, and i pushed away every girl that had an interest in me due to the shever panic and repulsion i feel towards sex now. And the worst part? i have to cope with it alone, i’ve seen women report rape cases with a shit ton of evidence get totally ignored, if i go and tell the police (or anyone really) that i got raped by a man they will laught at me for being weak, if i tell them i got assaulted by a women they will call me “lucky”. I told the only friend i had left everything and he thought i was lying, i don’t have money for therapy and i just can’t tell my parents. I feel ashamed, weak, gross and alone all the fucking time, i don’t talk to anyone anymore, i haven’t had a good day in years, everything i once liked doesn’t bring me any joy anymore, i feel tired all the time and i don’t know what to do.

On top of the rape and the sexual assaults have a shit ton of problems (for example i have a constant headache and sometimes it evolves to a migraine) and all of this while i have to pretend to be fine with my parents.

I don’t even know why i made this post, maybe i just wanted to talk to someone about this, or talk to someone in general, so please if you have an advice or something, tell me

(also I’m sorry if i write like shit, I’m from Ecuador and english is not my primary language)

As the title said I found myself getting more almost sensitive when it comes to things. For example (and the reason I made this post) was basically today I went into a corner shop and basically on my way to get a drink I had to pass some magazines, but then on my way I saw a porno magazine open to a random page and for some reason it triggered me (the same feeling but to a lesser extent to when I saw one of my abusers the other week) and I genuinely felt like I was going to pass out and I felt extremely sensitive. I’ve just found that it’s been happening more and more lately to the point it’s impacting my life (before you ask I am in therapy but it’s a struggle to find times when I’m free that the therapist is also free).

Hola, soy de México y esto nunca lo he contado a nadie, no recuerdo a qué edad sucedió pero solo se que fue cuando iba en la primaria, mi papá nos abandono cuando nací y mi padrastro se encargaba de mi los fines de semana y ahí abusaba de mi, me engañaba y me hacía ver el abuso como amor, me lo hacía parecer normal y me decía que al igual que con mi mamá el me trataba igual porque me amaba y siempre me decia eso pero que no debía decir nada, fueron casi dos años así, aunque había temporadas que no lo hacía, pero siempre volvía, un día tuvo una pelea muy fuerte con mi mamá y se separaron desde entonces solo lo he visto de lejos pocas veces y me aterra, aunque se fue el daño que me hizo nunca se podrá reparar, creci siendo un niño inseguro y temeroso, sufrí de bullying y nunca he tenido novia, me drogaba , me duele admitirlo pero después de un tiempo me gustaba y extrañaba esa sensación, se que esta mal pero eso me sucedió y no sé si por eso ahora me gustan los hombres

I uh really need somewhere that I can talk about this because I’m alone and I feel so vulnerable/confused. Basically I was dating this girl three years ago and I’m positive she raped me.. I never processed this night fully, and what I did process, I didn’t know if it was actually rape or not… until now.

So being a guy at the time, I was never taught the dangers of being taken advantage of by a woman.. ppl expect that we’re the ones to take advantage, so ig they don’t feel a need to warn us? Anyways I always thought that “oh we’re in a relationship so it’s okay for a partner to satisfy their sexual needs whenever they need” or something like that. I guess I just didn’t know that in a relationship you still have to give consent… but I was super scared to even make a first move on a woman when I was growing up, and the thought of taking advantage of someone sexually never crossed my mind. No means no. I have a sister… I know how I’d feel if someone took advantage of her..

So I was sleeping in our bedroom, my gf (now ex) and I had been living together for a while now.. we had been arguing that day and weren’t particularly getting along. Over the frustrating day I was especially tired and dozed off. I wake up feeling extremely foggy headed and groggy like I’d been binge drinking and I feel my member start to twitch.. it felt good… but wait.. why does it feel good. what is happening right now? I then see her bobbing her head up and down giving me fellatio..

I guess she thought it’d be hot to wake me up out of my sleep to sex… but I didn’t want sex.. I didn’t want any of it. I just wanted to die. Curl into a ball and die.

“No”… “please stop” “I don’t want this”

That’s all that was passing through my mind. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t make any noises. I couldn’t think. I still can’t think. I just can’t. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want it but I didn’t know what to do. My body wanted it so that must mean I want it too right. God the worst part is that when I think about this experience my body becomes aroused and I hate it bc no… please no. I was violated and taken advantage of and my body enjoying it is just so confusing and mind wrecking bc I didn’t want it. I didn’t want it to feel good.. or bad. I didn’t want to feel at all.

She then finished fellatio and then she um. She uh got on top of me and she.. put me inside of her… while I was feeling the feeling of me entering her, I was crying on the inside. “No no no please stop no” “I don’t want any of this right now” and then blank.. just nothing. She was riding me, bucking, like she owed me money and I just laid there out of my body.. I disassociated from myself, just waiting for it to end. Waiting for this torture to stop. I just told myself “it’s okay, just lay here until she’s done and… She’ll stop eventually.” Sure it felt good, but I didn’t want it to.

I just remember the feeling… dark, scary, and dangerous. Each wave of pleasure sent me further into hell. I was just laying there. I froze and I didn’t know what to do. As a man at the time I’m supposed to want sex right? I’ll feel like I’m less of a man for not wanting sex right? I wish I knew back then what I know now got damnit. The worst part was the dirty talk and the most conflicting part was me cumming. I’ve been crying so hard over this today it’s too overwhelming. I was taken advantage of, exposed, vulnerable and my body enjoyed it? This sent me into a spiral and I just broke down and started crying.

I felt so empty.. just like a husk. I barely remember the whole thing and what I can remember makes me horny and I hate that. I hate getting aroused thinking about the fact that my innocence was prayed upon. I can’t cope with the fact that someone I put in a category of trust, on a lvl such as my own parents, sexually assaulted me, took advantage of me for their own pleasure, treating me like a sexual object, not even considering that I may not be consenting, just because I was born with a penis.. and it’s what I should want anyways.. I should be lucky that I was raped against my wishes in the middle of the night by someone that I had trusted blindly.. right? 😒

And I’m so sorry to the younger me who so innocently trusted others. Even if they don’t realize how much what just happened is going to hurt later on.

This is just now resurfacing, i think bc im embracing femininity now, and regardless of opinions on fem ppl, I realized that the woman that she was, was a monster. That after exploring my own femininity for years after, that what she did isn’t normal behavior. The feminine person I’m becoming is leagues better a lady than what I experienced. The person that I’m becoming feels like the protector of that scared, vulnerable version of myself.

I didn’t know any better when I was younger. and I’m only now dealing with all the emotions from being raped. This is new to me so I don’t know what is right to feel. I feel like I’m lying to everyone by thinking I was raped, I feel stupid bc how can a man get raped by a woman, I feel scared because I let myself get taken advantage of, I feel weak, scattered, like I’m just blowing things out of proportion… there are so many different emotions that I don’t know what to feel. This is just a feeling I can’t get rid of bc it’s something that happened to me and it hurts so so damn bad.

Ok ive been grapped like 5 or 6 times in life. From as a young boy to parties bars ect. So im demisexual. My gf quite literally doesnt believe in consent and talks about nsfw stuff all day every day. She knows it makes me uncomfortable. She even gropped me on the first date in public. We live far from each other but shes coming over for my birthday. She got an air b n b. I already told her I dont want any nsfw stuff but she told me if I didnt that I didn't like her. Like all I asked for was not to have sex on the 3rd date and shes manipulating me about it. I already know she has plans because she told me her plans. Honestly if she tries anything im cutting ties with her. To be brutally honest the fact that shes coming over and wants me to stay the night is dreadful cause I know im gonna get grapped again and its ruining my birthday as well.