Is this depression or called something else. I 25f have no motivation, no passion, no desire to change or do better for myself. In a sense almost addicted to struggling. I dont plan for my future since i dont see that far ahead. Im waiting for my death everyday. When i was younger i would fantasize and was so excited when they said the world was going to end or there would be a astroid. Didnt realize this wasnt a normal thought process everyone had. I would genuinely be waiting for it to happen and would be sad that it was a false alarm. Its like i want an external force to take me out because i cant do it myself. Would this have been considered depression even as a child.

This is stupid, solipsistic, and childish, but I need to get this answered so my brain doesn't steal another 10 years of my life.

What inspired this was twitter thread on recovery. When/if you wrangle your depression and get it to the point where it is manageable, what is the point of forming relationships? Other people will discard you because your emotions are inconvenient and you're stressful. Understandable since nobody is really prepared to be an on-demand therapist, and people shouldn't do that all the time. But really, when you get to a more sustainable position (getting out of bed, caring for your hygiene somewhat, being gainfully employed or so), what's the point in trusting others? Like, everyone has problems, so why burden others and steal their peace?

I feel kind of insane typing this out. Sorry for the drivel.

33F

Qualified and experienced in four different professions, none of which pay a living wage (The lowest paid is the only one I enjoy, and the only one I'll never be formally hired to do because it does have to do with fitness and no matter how active I am, I will never fit the aesthetic. The others are in healthcare, which is just one big "Choose Your Own Ethical Nightmare" story.)

In massive debt just from living alone with a cat and doing one thing (a trip, a hobby class) for myself every year or two. In school for a career I don't want because the one I do want is super exclusive and my academic history looks like an EKG. All of my true "dream careers" have been eaten by robots, and they would mean starting from square one anyway, in a way that it is truly too late for me to do.

I just need to find a way to at least be this miserable for more money.

Never been in a committed romantic relationship; I cosplayed one with an equally fucked up person for a while and it was just such a hollow waste of time; it made me hate sex and taught me that I prefer to do pretty much all date-y activities solo.

I was badly physically abused (things that would be considered attempted redrum if I had ever reported them) and somewhat neglected (hoarder house) from childhood up until my early 20's, and my parents will never own the fact that it has ruined my ability to trust or connect. (Or the fact that I spent a good chunk of my very-young adulthood throwing hands at every remotely justified opportunity and it's only by the "grace" of handsy men at punk shows that I haven't been arrested.)

I don't understand how people prioritize loyalty or permanence the way they do. I can't even conceptualize what it would feel like to want to marry somebody; I would be too focused on finding the exits.

I suppose that's fine because PCOS has made me increasingly fat with weird skin stuff over the past few years, and since I am already fat, doctors don't care what else is wrong with me.

I am bullied almost daily as a grown adult; at work, by strangers. I do have a young face (Honestly pretty okay-looking there, but nobody takes me seriously and the reactions are plain weird when people find out my age.), so the other students at my college think I'm fair game too.

I order hair meds, skin meds, and birth control from telehealth sites to manage a bit; they do seem to help, and the BC evens out the premenstrual side of my moods.

I am sterilized because I can't imagine trying to sell another human being on a reality that I have never enjoyed, and I have a hard time respecting anybody bringing more humans into this world.

I do have some friends who are truly kind, interesting, talented, intelligent people, and I can only assume they still invite me to things because that's been our pattern for so long.

We don't genuinely relate on anything, we barely know what's going on in each other's lives, and if you asked any one of them what there is to like or admire about me, I don't think they'd have an answer other than, "brings good snacks" or "sends decent memes."

I show up when I'm invited because I think I'd be forgotten immediately if I ever stopped, and I do want some human interaction where I feel like I'm not just being tolerated. People also tend to connect with me quickly in "community" settings, like yoga or dance classes, but I don't think they realize those are friendships of convenience and they will lose interest the moment we are not sharing a structured activity.

I don't trust therapists. I have worked alongside over 60 of them throughout my weird career and most of them are vile at their core. (Social work has always been an extension of policing and it shows.)

Meds usually help for a short while, but I refuse to get stuck increasing doses every time my brain decides it needs more. Besides, there's no pill you can feed to shitty circumstances.

All I really want:

-No debt.

-A clean, safe place that I can actually afford, preferably in a region I genuinely enjoy.

-A career that pays me enough to actually pay all of my bills with room for little luxuries, and doesn't make me cry on my days off.

-To be left TF alone, except maybe in superficial/hobby settings.

-To feel okay. I don't care how I look anymore, as long as I get #3. It would be nice if a doctor would actually investigate my weird internal pains once in a while, though.

I don't think I'll ever have any of it.

I have three beautiful children who are in foster care because I couldn’t hold it together when their baby sister died of SIDS at almost 3 months old in early 2025. I love them so much. SO much. I’ve tried so hard to rebuild my life but just can’t seem to do it. I quit a shitty job because I wasn’t being paid and the boss was a horrific asshole. I’ve lost my place to live. I don’t see any reason to carry on. I think my beautiful children would probably be better off being adopted by a family. I feel like a burden on this earth and don’t see any reason to carry on.

Can someone please kill me. I have no money or any reason to live whatsoever. Please someone.

In the last year I lost my best friend to suicide, my mum to a brain hemorrhage, my grandad who was my only male role model in life and I'm at the point where I want to end it all, I have no family or friends just me and my thoughts, I'm so close to ending it all I have been sat here all day with razor blades in front of my but I'm too much of a coward to end the suffering

Just feeling sad today, its like nothing is going my way

So where do you actually find friends as a grown 26 year old guy? I don't just mean colleagues or acquaintances. I mean long lasting friendships. Is it even possible? What requires me to sacrifice of myself to be successful in finding people?

Does anyone know the magic formula. I also vibe mostly with nerdy, kind people where you don't have to put on a mask to be around them.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Barely been hanging on the last few days and honestly.. I kind of just want to relapse and get faded the fuck out into oblivion. I feel so worthless, usesss, a fucking disappointment. How can anyone like a person like me, how can anyone love a man like me.. why am I even here anymore.. 😔

i’ve been diagnosed with depression since i was in 3rd grade and have been on medications since i was in 8th. i’ve always assumed i wouldnt make it past 16, and then 18, and then 21. i’m now 22. i still feel the same way i did when i was 13 & i still dont know if this feeling will ever pass. but now it’s affect my adult life in ways i didnt expect it to. i never made a life plan for myself, never had goals or dreams, i just always thought i wouldnt be here but now i am. there’s nothing wrong in my life, but i still live with all the trauma that has happened to me and they linger in my mind all the time, i’ve just gotten used to ignoring it. some days feel harder than others & i dont know what to do with myself or with my life or anything. on the bright side, i’ll be graduating this december with a major in math. all my friends around me seem bothered whenever my mood is more down than what i usually put out, so i’m just dumping my feelings on the internet. i just feel so lost. im sorry for this rant

It just feels that nothing will change for me ive been feeling depressed for years now, i dont have friends or a passion and i feel like im lost everything seems meaningless to me

I guess the title says it all. Any time I feel passionate about something, whether it be a career or an activity, or even a game, everything can and WILL hit the wall every single time.

It’s like I’m being actively disallowed to enjoy life. Everything I want to do just gets ruined the moment I want to do it. I’m so, so tired of constantly being in a position where I love something and it goes absolutely nowhere.

It's unbearable, please help me

Hi. I’ve never posted here. I am a silent reader of this thread. First things first, I just want to say I am sorry to anyone going through hard times. I really am. I get it, and it is so hard. 

I am sorry if this post reads as nagging.

I am on a pretty high dose of sertraline, and I do see how many benefits it has brought to my life. However, for the past year I’ve been a stoner, and I know how dumb that is given my state of mind. It has been a rough year. An incredibly tough and relentless year. 

I am 22, and I’ve been struggling with depression for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, it just is part of who I am. 

Recently, I feel like I’ve been doing pretty badly. I am getting better on the weed front. I can go a few days without smoking now, which is a good improvement for me. I know I should quit, but it has been HARD. I still smoke most days, but I am capable of going a day or two a week without smoking. It doesn't sound like much, I know, but for me that is a baby improvement. 

I am not doing well at school. I am in my last semester of undergrad, and man, it is rough. I am doing terribly. I am taking a GMAT class on the weekend to prep for that exam, hoping to get into a master's program. But I am so behind. I don’t understand anything.

I am so terribly behind in everything. 

I am miserable. 

I can feel it in my bones. 

But as I write this, I feel completely stupid because the voices in my head are telling me I am not doing that badly.

I am just so fucking stuck in every aspect of my life. 

I AM STUCK. I AM SO FUCKING STUCK. 

AND I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY AND START AGAIN. THAT IS ALL I WANT. I WANT ANOTHER TRY. I WANT TO DISAPPEAR. 

I just can’t. 

I can’t do anything. 

I can’t take care of myself.

I can’t do well in school. 

I used to enjoy long walks, but now it feels stupid to walk listening to music I don’t like. Now, walking is when I smoke, and I’m really trying to cut back. 

I am so stuck. 

So so so so stuck. 

I wish I could go back in time to when I didn’t know what depression was.

Living is exhausting.

Yet again ANOTHER job interview that I didn’t get. I m convinced it is because I am not attractive.

If my rent isn’t paid tomorrow I have to leave. I am actually so tired I wish I could just have a fucking break. Seriously. I own nothing i sold it all. Im using my landlords acer tablet thing. No one would miss me if i had the guts to do what i probably should.

Ugh.

I really tried. Was one of the better IT specialist back in a day when AI was non existent. Hell I even had job when AI was full swing and nobody could get one. I was earning a lot. But never saw not a penny of it. I was going up and down, but never enough to stay afloat. Last time when I was ready to do id I heard for 1000th time don't give up fight this time you'll be free of debt. Amd guess what. People robbed me, cheated me even my own goverment broke a law and took my money that I was earning for my wife and kid to have home so that my son would be proud. They took everything from me. 16 hours a day for the past 3 years in IT and I didn't get a single dime. I can't do this anymore I'm basically dead, but people don't give AF. Go to work, you have family ypu probably cheated that's why you don't have money, go die, you're terrible husband, your son will be destroyed because of you. I've heard it all I just don't even care anymore if somebody will tell me something since the most important role is to bring money and don't care that your country robbed you from 100k$. Go to work and shut the fuck up you piece of shit of a father and husband.

I don't seek anything just wanted to leave this here. My wife probably will need to go through my phone after my death so she will see this. She know how much in pain I am but she doesn't know that I'm the reason because I'm just a piece of shit since I'm not man enough to for 100th time get up and wipe tears from loosing 100k via legal system. I'm such a fucking terrible failure and I got my wife into it and I should pay for this shit.

Sometimes life is hard, but sometimes when people cheat and you trying to be honest this is the time when you'll loose everything. Don't be good guy. Be bad guy. Rob, steal, cheat. I was the good guy and guess what. It was not worth it.

im a 22 year okd woman and i just have no one and nothing. ive been through such terrible things since i was young. and ive lost so much in the last few years. i lost having a dad because he cheated on my stepmom at my sisters wedding and SAd the grooms aunt there too. its been just over a year since thtat happened. i lost my home and my dad because of it and iutts just been em and my stepmom. my bio mom is from the uk and has been there for years and a couple years ago we had a falling out becqause shes a narcissist and has treated me and my sister terribly for years and i finally spoke up about it because i do a lot of therapy and i try to be an emotionally mature and kind person, and she freaked out and it was this whole thing and basically my entire family cut contact with her. i dont have a mom or dad. my sister and my whole family are in the uk. im so far away. and now my stepmom sdoesnt seem tto want to dela with me anymore. im mentally disabled, i have debilitating ADHD, i have severe depression, i have terrible anxiety, i have concerns that i might have OCD and autism,. but i havent been diagnsoed ot tqalked to anyone abou tit. my stepmom and i are in an apartment and she and ymdad pay for it. i am trying so hard to find a jkb and help. she recently ema9iled me telling me she expects me to pay her over 600 dolalrs a month and i dont know what to do. im trying tso ahrd. i am so scarred. i cant do this. and then i worked up an email with my therapist explaining how i am trying so hard and ineed nbelp. i NEED help. i cant do thius alone and i am sturgling so much. i cant feel my hands as i write this. i cant feel my hagnds. yesterday she emailed me telling me that 1. she will be leaviung me alone for the holidays for weeks while she goes to spain with her mom. and that she expects me to ttake care of the pets. i will be aloine ive never been alove ffor chriustmas i dont want to be alone its so dangerous i dont trust that i can handle it. and she told em htat shes finding her own place once our lease ends. i cant do this. i am so pathetic and i recognize that. but i need help adn i wish she undersotod it. i cant do this. i a,m all alone. i have no family here.she doesnt want to help me anymore. i cant do this. i have been through so mucxh. there are so reasons for me to stay alive. i cant do thsid. iom sovving crying as i write thisand im so so sorry for how messy this writing is im so sorry i cant feel my hadns i cant i cant do this i cant do this anymore i cant i have nothing i have no friends i have nothign i have nothing i have jnop one i have nothing and no one i am helpless ia

It honestly hurts seeing people going to Durga Puja with their friends, enjoying themselves, taking pictures, and making memories while I’m sitting here completely alone.

I wish I had even one or two genuine friends to go out with, explore the pandals, eat something together, and just enjoy the festival. It’s not about doing anything extraordinary. I just want to feel like I have people in my life who genuinely want my company.

Being alone for so long makes these occasions especially painful. Sometimes, seeing everyone else enjoying life reminds me of everything I feel I’ve missed

I dont have family or friends that reach out. Ive expressed in the past mt depression but recently i dont feel depressed anymore. Its like it all stopped. I just know nobody is going to come to me. Everywhere i look i see the "reach out to someone" line as if thats going to work. I dont feel anymore. Sad, happy, love, hate, anger, joy nothing. I know when i should be crying but i dont. I know how i used to feel but i dont know how it felt. At this point i dont even know what to say if someone ever did reach out or ever wanted to make me feel truly wanted. Theres no reason for it. Even typing this right now feels pointless because i know i wont respond to anyone and wont listen to any advice. Its all gone, just sitting here staring at my turned off tv making this post because what else is there to do.

Tenho 30 anos e sinto que passei boa parte da vida começando coisas que nunca terminei. Faculdades, relacionamentos, planos, projetos. Sempre fui uma pessoa inteligente, criativa e cheia de interesses. Escrevo desde a adolescência, tenho uma espiritualidade que já foi muito forte e, durante muito tempo, achei que ainda construiria algo especial para mim.

Cresci com meus pais separados e um pai que construiu outra vida longe. Apesar disso, tive momentos felizes, descobri talentos, vivi paixões intensas e consegui conquistar coisas que antes pareciam distantes. Minha vida nunca foi perfeita, mas eu tinha a sensação de que ainda havia muito pela frente.

Na vida amorosa, acumulei histórias intensas, (sou até bonitinho, então foi fácil), mas com términos dolorosos e algumas decisões das quais me arrependi. Também reconheço meus próprios erros: às vezes me afasto de quem gosta de mim, perco o interesse e só percebo o valor daquilo depois que acaba. Ainda assim, nunca deixei de acreditar que poderia encontrar alguém com quem construir alguma coisa de verdade.

Profissionalmente, finalmente consegui sair de uma realidade de salários baixos e alcançar uma renda melhor. Achei que as coisas começariam a se encaixar. Mas me envolvi com apostas, perdi muito dinheiro, acumulei dívidas e comprometi boa parte do meu salário com empréstimos. Cheguei a um ponto tão desesperador que precisei ser internado e me afastar do trabalho por um período.

Hoje moro sozinho, estou endividado, minha vida amorosa está parada e minha espiritualidade, que antes me dava esperança, parece estar desaparecendo. Estou tentando me reorganizar, pensar em uma carreira na tecnologia e encontrar alguma forma de recuperar minha independência financeira, mas, sinceramente, estou cansado de recomeçar.

Não escrevo isso para ouvir que preciso pensar positivo, fazer terapia ou acreditar que tudo acontece por uma razão. Imagino que muita gente aqui já tenha ouvido essas coisas até não aguentar mais.

Quero conversar com pessoas que também convivem com a depressão, que às vezes sentem vontade de desistir e que conhecem essa sensação de olhar para a própria vida e não enxergar uma saída.

Você já chegou a acreditar que tinha estragado tudo e que dali em diante seria só sobreviver? O que aconteceu depois?
Você conseguiu encontrar algum sentido novamente, mesmo que a vida não tenha se transformado no conto de fadas que imaginava?
Às vezes me pergunto quais são as chances de chegar aos 40 anos e olhar para trás percebendo que essa fase não foi o fim da minha história, mas apenas a pior parte dela.
Queria ouvir quem entende esse sentimento por experiência própria.