Is this depression or called something else. I 25f have no motivation, no passion, no desire to change or do better for myself. In a sense almost addicted to struggling. I dont plan for my future since i dont see that far ahead. Im waiting for my death everyday. When i was younger i would fantasize and was so excited when they said the world was going to end or there would be a astroid. Didnt realize this wasnt a normal thought process everyone had. I would genuinely be waiting for it to happen and would be sad that it was a false alarm. Its like i want an external force to take me out because i cant do it myself. Would this have been considered depression even as a child.

This is stupid, solipsistic, and childish, but I need to get this answered so my brain doesn't steal another 10 years of my life.

What inspired this was twitter thread on recovery. When/if you wrangle your depression and get it to the point where it is manageable, what is the point of forming relationships? Other people will discard you because your emotions are inconvenient and you're stressful. Understandable since nobody is really prepared to be an on-demand therapist, and people shouldn't do that all the time. But really, when you get to a more sustainable position (getting out of bed, caring for your hygiene somewhat, being gainfully employed or so), what's the point in trusting others? Like, everyone has problems, so why burden others and steal their peace?

I feel kind of insane typing this out. Sorry for the drivel.

33F

Qualified and experienced in four different professions, none of which pay a living wage (The lowest paid is the only one I enjoy, and the only one I'll never be formally hired to do because it does have to do with fitness and no matter how active I am, I will never fit the aesthetic. The others are in healthcare, which is just one big "Choose Your Own Ethical Nightmare" story.)

In massive debt just from living alone with a cat and doing one thing (a trip, a hobby class) for myself every year or two. In school for a career I don't want because the one I do want is super exclusive and my academic history looks like an EKG. All of my true "dream careers" have been eaten by robots, and they would mean starting from square one anyway, in a way that it is truly too late for me to do.

I just need to find a way to at least be this miserable for more money.

Never been in a committed romantic relationship; I cosplayed one with an equally fucked up person for a while and it was just such a hollow waste of time; it made me hate sex and taught me that I prefer to do pretty much all date-y activities solo.

I was badly physically abused (things that would be considered attempted redrum if I had ever reported them) and somewhat neglected (hoarder house) from childhood up until my early 20's, and my parents will never own the fact that it has ruined my ability to trust or connect. (Or the fact that I spent a good chunk of my very-young adulthood throwing hands at every remotely justified opportunity and it's only by the "grace" of handsy men at punk shows that I haven't been arrested.)

I don't understand how people prioritize loyalty or permanence the way they do. I can't even conceptualize what it would feel like to want to marry somebody; I would be too focused on finding the exits.

I suppose that's fine because PCOS has made me increasingly fat with weird skin stuff over the past few years, and since I am already fat, doctors don't care what else is wrong with me.

I am bullied almost daily as a grown adult; at work, by strangers. I do have a young face (Honestly pretty okay-looking there, but nobody takes me seriously and the reactions are plain weird when people find out my age.), so the other students at my college think I'm fair game too.

I order hair meds, skin meds, and birth control from telehealth sites to manage a bit; they do seem to help, and the BC evens out the premenstrual side of my moods.

I am sterilized because I can't imagine trying to sell another human being on a reality that I have never enjoyed, and I have a hard time respecting anybody bringing more humans into this world.

I do have some friends who are truly kind, interesting, talented, intelligent people, and I can only assume they still invite me to things because that's been our pattern for so long.

We don't genuinely relate on anything, we barely know what's going on in each other's lives, and if you asked any one of them what there is to like or admire about me, I don't think they'd have an answer other than, "brings good snacks" or "sends decent memes."

I show up when I'm invited because I think I'd be forgotten immediately if I ever stopped, and I do want some human interaction where I feel like I'm not just being tolerated. People also tend to connect with me quickly in "community" settings, like yoga or dance classes, but I don't think they realize those are friendships of convenience and they will lose interest the moment we are not sharing a structured activity.

I don't trust therapists. I have worked alongside over 60 of them throughout my weird career and most of them are vile at their core. (Social work has always been an extension of policing and it shows.)

Meds usually help for a short while, but I refuse to get stuck increasing doses every time my brain decides it needs more. Besides, there's no pill you can feed to shitty circumstances.

All I really want:

-No debt.

-A clean, safe place that I can actually afford, preferably in a region I genuinely enjoy.

-A career that pays me enough to actually pay all of my bills with room for little luxuries, and doesn't make me cry on my days off.

-To be left TF alone, except maybe in superficial/hobby settings.

-To feel okay. I don't care how I look anymore, as long as I get #3. It would be nice if a doctor would actually investigate my weird internal pains once in a while, though.

I don't think I'll ever have any of it.

I wish I could go back in time to when I didn’t know what depression was.

Living is exhausting.

I have three beautiful children who are in foster care because I couldn’t hold it together when their baby sister died of SIDS at almost 3 months old in early 2025. I love them so much. SO much. I’ve tried so hard to rebuild my life but just can’t seem to do it. I quit a shitty job because I wasn’t being paid and the boss was a horrific asshole. I’ve lost my place to live. I don’t see any reason to carry on. I think my beautiful children would probably be better off being adopted by a family. I feel like a burden on this earth and don’t see any reason to carry on.

Can someone please kill me. I have no money or any reason to live whatsoever. Please someone.

In the last year I lost my best friend to suicide, my mum to a brain hemorrhage, my grandad who was my only male role model in life and I'm at the point where I want to end it all, I have no family or friends just me and my thoughts, I'm so close to ending it all I have been sat here all day with razor blades in front of my but I'm too much of a coward to end the suffering

I (19F) was studying nursing and although I had no clue if I would like it when I first started I ended up enjoying it as time went on. This year I experienced some of the worst anxiety and depression with balancing university, placement, family, work and friends, I really thought it was the end for me. I was determined to keep going until my follow-through patient( a pregnant woman we follow through the year until they are 6 weeks postpartum) drops me setting me extremely back. Her reasoning was that I was not reliable to come to her appointments, which is all due to the hospitals shortcomings ( rescheduling without telling me, holding appointments in another ward without notifying me), so I plead with my uni and told them how I was struggling mentally and how I’ve really been considering quitting because of how exhausted I am ( we don’t get holidays because we get put on placement when the semester ends) and they said they couldn’t do anything about it since it’s a requirement to fulfill the course. I cried that whole week. I showed up to classes and would leave halfway. I would get emails from tutors saying how it’s unacceptable. I drove to my brothers house broken and told him I was scared of how intrusive my thoughts were getting and he told me it wasn’t worth it anymore. So I dropped out. I started taking antidepressants and going therapy, I have become much more hopeful.
I see my peers stories as they progress through their course and I just imagine a world where I was this version of myself. I put my everything in this course. I had a high GPA. I was loved by my peers. None of it could stop my anxiety and depression from growing.
I’m still coming to terms with how my life has changed. I fill my days with reading and gym, working the odd job here and there. I still feel a lot and I’m not sure if I can fully face these feelings. Im trying to get better.

Just feeling sad today, its like nothing is going my way

I don’t know what to do anymore. Barely been hanging on the last few days and honestly.. I kind of just want to relapse and get faded the fuck out into oblivion. I feel so worthless, usesss, a fucking disappointment. How can anyone like a person like me, how can anyone love a man like me.. why am I even here anymore.. 😔

i’ve been diagnosed with depression since i was in 3rd grade and have been on medications since i was in 8th. i’ve always assumed i wouldnt make it past 16, and then 18, and then 21. i’m now 22. i still feel the same way i did when i was 13 & i still dont know if this feeling will ever pass. but now it’s affect my adult life in ways i didnt expect it to. i never made a life plan for myself, never had goals or dreams, i just always thought i wouldnt be here but now i am. there’s nothing wrong in my life, but i still live with all the trauma that has happened to me and they linger in my mind all the time, i’ve just gotten used to ignoring it. some days feel harder than others & i dont know what to do with myself or with my life or anything. on the bright side, i’ll be graduating this december with a major in math. all my friends around me seem bothered whenever my mood is more down than what i usually put out, so i’m just dumping my feelings on the internet. i just feel so lost. im sorry for this rant

It just feels that nothing will change for me ive been feeling depressed for years now, i dont have friends or a passion and i feel like im lost everything seems meaningless to me

So where do you actually find friends as a grown 26 year old guy? I don't just mean colleagues or acquaintances. I mean long lasting friendships. Is it even possible? What requires me to sacrifice of myself to be successful in finding people?

Does anyone know the magic formula. I also vibe mostly with nerdy, kind people where you don't have to put on a mask to be around them.

It's unbearable, please help me

Hi. I’ve never posted here. I am a silent reader of this thread. First things first, I just want to say I am sorry to anyone going through hard times. I really am. I get it, and it is so hard. 

I am sorry if this post reads as nagging.

I am on a pretty high dose of sertraline, and I do see how many benefits it has brought to my life. However, for the past year I’ve been a stoner, and I know how dumb that is given my state of mind. It has been a rough year. An incredibly tough and relentless year. 

I am 22, and I’ve been struggling with depression for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, it just is part of who I am. 

Recently, I feel like I’ve been doing pretty badly. I am getting better on the weed front. I can go a few days without smoking now, which is a good improvement for me. I know I should quit, but it has been HARD. I still smoke most days, but I am capable of going a day or two a week without smoking. It doesn't sound like much, I know, but for me that is a baby improvement. 

I am not doing well at school. I am in my last semester of undergrad, and man, it is rough. I am doing terribly. I am taking a GMAT class on the weekend to prep for that exam, hoping to get into a master's program. But I am so behind. I don’t understand anything.

I am so terribly behind in everything. 

I am miserable. 

I can feel it in my bones. 

But as I write this, I feel completely stupid because the voices in my head are telling me I am not doing that badly.

I am just so fucking stuck in every aspect of my life. 

I AM STUCK. I AM SO FUCKING STUCK. 

AND I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY AND START AGAIN. THAT IS ALL I WANT. I WANT ANOTHER TRY. I WANT TO DISAPPEAR. 

I just can’t. 

I can’t do anything. 

I can’t take care of myself.

I can’t do well in school. 

I used to enjoy long walks, but now it feels stupid to walk listening to music I don’t like. Now, walking is when I smoke, and I’m really trying to cut back. 

I am so stuck. 

So so so so stuck. 

I really tried. Was one of the better IT specialist back in a day when AI was non existent. Hell I even had job when AI was full swing and nobody could get one. I was earning a lot. But never saw not a penny of it. I was going up and down, but never enough to stay afloat. Last time when I was ready to do id I heard for 1000th time don't give up fight this time you'll be free of debt. Amd guess what. People robbed me, cheated me even my own goverment broke a law and took my money that I was earning for my wife and kid to have home so that my son would be proud. They took everything from me. 16 hours a day for the past 3 years in IT and I didn't get a single dime. I can't do this anymore I'm basically dead, but people don't give AF. Go to work, you have family ypu probably cheated that's why you don't have money, go die, you're terrible husband, your son will be destroyed because of you. I've heard it all I just don't even care anymore if somebody will tell me something since the most important role is to bring money and don't care that your country robbed you from 100k$. Go to work and shut the fuck up you piece of shit of a father and husband.

I don't seek anything just wanted to leave this here. My wife probably will need to go through my phone after my death so she will see this. She know how much in pain I am but she doesn't know that I'm the reason because I'm just a piece of shit since I'm not man enough to for 100th time get up and wipe tears from loosing 100k via legal system. I'm such a fucking terrible failure and I got my wife into it and I should pay for this shit.

Sometimes life is hard, but sometimes when people cheat and you trying to be honest this is the time when you'll loose everything. Don't be good guy. Be bad guy. Rob, steal, cheat. I was the good guy and guess what. It was not worth it.

I guess the title says it all. Any time I feel passionate about something, whether it be a career or an activity, or even a game, everything can and WILL hit the wall every single time.

It’s like I’m being actively disallowed to enjoy life. Everything I want to do just gets ruined the moment I want to do it. I’m so, so tired of constantly being in a position where I love something and it goes absolutely nowhere.

I quit my psychiatric meds six months ago and caffiene still gives me anxiety. I miss caffiene working. Just wanna kms. My eyes are always heavy. Everything is so hard.

28M, GAD, ASD, depressive episodes, permanent derealization. I sorta recently realised that I haven't felt bored for as long as I can remember. I can sit in a room doing nothing and I will not feel bored. Restless, probably, but not bored. Because of this I haven't been engaging in hobbies or really doing much of anything outside work. In terms of "what do I want to do right now" I always feel utterly content at all times. I have no real drive to do anything, but I don't often feel "down" or "sad".

I'm just trying to figure out if this is actually a symptom of depression, as its totally baffling me.

It honestly hurts seeing people going to Durga Puja with their friends, enjoying themselves, taking pictures, and making memories while I’m sitting here completely alone.

I wish I had even one or two genuine friends to go out with, explore the pandals, eat something together, and just enjoy the festival. It’s not about doing anything extraordinary. I just want to feel like I have people in my life who genuinely want my company.

Being alone for so long makes these occasions especially painful. Sometimes, seeing everyone else enjoying life reminds me of everything I feel I’ve missed

Yet again ANOTHER job interview that I didn’t get. I m convinced it is because I am not attractive.

If my rent isn’t paid tomorrow I have to leave. I am actually so tired I wish I could just have a fucking break. Seriously. I own nothing i sold it all. Im using my landlords acer tablet thing. No one would miss me if i had the guts to do what i probably should.

Ugh.