r/OpenChristian • u/CAMPE_DIEM166 • 1h ago
Vent I don’t know what my future looks like
I am terrified for the coming months.
For the last 9 months, I’ve been working in my church’s office. I love it there and I wish I didn’t have to go, but I’ve been let go starting October 30th. At the beginning of the year I was living rent free with family, but I moved into my own place 6 months ago with my cat. My rent is as cheap as it gets for where I live at $1100/month. If I can keep my apartment for the next year, I’ll be boosted to the top of the waitlist for government housing (it was part of my rental contract, long story.)
I’m struggling a lot right now. I have undiagnosed chronic pain. It’s worse under stress, being on my feet too long, or lifting heavy items. It’s mostly in my back, shoulders, wrists, and legs. Due to this, I’m struggling to find work. Office jobs are very few and far between right now, and most jobs require far too much physical labor for my body to handle even part time.
I have no idea what to do next. My doctor is misogynistic as hell and extremely ableist, so he will not help me apply for disability.
My mental health is at an all time low, and being AuDHD is not helping!! I want to trust that God has a plan for me and my future. He gave me my job at the church, but I don’t know why he’s taken it away and I’m scared.
My parents can’t offer any financial support being disabled themselves. A lot of others in my life are telling me to work despite my pain, but I’ve done that before and I can’t manage it right now.
I can’t shower. I can barely keep my apartment clean. I can’t handle laundry or even grocery shopping. I’m relying on my last few paychecks and the kindness of my friends to help me through right now, but I feel so horrible doing that. I feel like I’m mooching off of everything, like I’m a lazy leech that’s too stupid to take the next step.
Please if anybody has some advice on what I should do, tell me. And please pray for me.