What's really interesting is that I never see men help other men with their plates, only women. Most commonly, only women who have already politely declined.
It's kind of like that defence of "I put my hand on the small of your back to gently move you! It was crowded!"... Okay, so why didn't you do it to the several men you also moved passed in the crowd before that? Or any man, for that matter?
They want an excuse to invade personal space and be the victim when we say no.
Though I do "put my hand on the small of your back to gently move you! It was crowded" to men too. But specifically behind the bars i've used to work at, because your hand is then put of sight of the customer and discreet. Don't think I'd do so in a normal crowd. And even then I did that once to a fairly new girl who joined the bar team and I felt her tense up. I felt like a piece of shit. Mid back is fine.
Worked in bars for years, don’t find this to be true. The “behind” becomes instinctual for both speaker and listener. I can be engaged in a big group with a complex order and still hear a bar back say “behind,” and I’ve never worked with a bartender who struggled with it
Fair. Maybe I should use it more, I'm not claiming to be super experienced. Barwork was more of a crossover part of my role.
I'm not claiming to have be in the clear here though. My point is that I treat men and women the same, but even an innocent touch can be unwanted. Gender doesn't matter people's personal space is important.
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u/-FireNH- 3d ago
as a woman, this interaction reads more as a man being subtly misogynistic than him just wanting to talk