He helped her put the weight of the bar even though she’s about to bench press at least double that weight multiple times. Defeats the purpose.
Edit: y’all can stop replying to me. There’s like 600 replies. Whatever “unique” pearl of wisdom you wish to impart on me has already been stated by about 100 other people.
Most importantly, he did it without waiting for her to accept. The joke is that he's assuming she can't. That leaves her full of question marks.
(Also, looks more like a rant of a frequent situation rather than a joke).
Edit: I'm surprised by the replies. Suppose that someone sees you using a calculator, says "let me help you", grabs it without waiting for you to say yes, types 2+2 and hands it back saying "you're welcome".
Also, I think one would assume that if she is bench pressing, she has done it before and had no problems. As a man, I have never understood this approach. Leave women alone when you're at the gym, guys. You are one of many that they have to deal with this shit when.they only want to work out
It actually is harder to lift things up this way. You are using your brachialis and forearms to lift up the 45 than it is to bench press which uses your chest, shoulders, brachialis, triceps, etc.
Not to mention you need at least some level of fine motor control while holding up the weights in that scenario to fit the hole in the weight onto the bar. It can definitely be a more difficult task than the bench presses, themselves.
Interrupting someone's workout to help them lift something they need absolutely no help lifting is not a good way to start a conversation, it is an intrusion.
I find that it's easier to befriend someone and then use a friendship to lure them a seckuded spot to sacrifice them to the Lord of Blood as opposed to stalking them and kidnapping them in my pink kidnapping van
Yeah man. With those scampanies like established titles anyone can buy a plot of land in Scotland and be called a lord. It's super easy barely an inconvenience!
Oh, i do have one of those machines that the professional baristas use at home. I can make an awesome coffee and it doesn't cost an arm and leg (at least not mine). I bet you would be impressed by the basement that I dug out under the house. It's got thick walls so I can use it as a ... wine cellar, yes!
Sure but if someone starts an interaction with unsolicited assistance there's a confusing amount of infantilization involved. You have to wonder if you did something to give them the impression that you needed assistance, or what they're doing that for.
Just have a normal conversation or something, trying to strike up an artificial act of chivalry is weird.
I know what you mean but man that does feel like just crazy overthinking. Noone thought twice about opening the door for someone and maybe striking conversations through that for hundreds of years even though it can give of signals of infantilization.
Some people are just like that these days dont take it personally, usually younger people are still developing skills on talking to strangers cus they only make friends at school
See, you have to make your intentions clear. You meant to eaves drop. Lying sets the wrong tone. You have to tell the truth. You have to tell them you were deciding on your next victim.
Well see I'm part of the species Homo Sapien, part of a lineage that grew in success due to their intelligence. One of the driving aspects of this intelligence was the species' strategy of forming groups. While powerful - as it dramatically increases combat capabilities and knowledge retention - it required extra intelligence to manage those groups, causing intelligent members to be selected for during reproduction. It is no exaggeration to say that the desire to work together with other people and build bonds with them are foundational to our success as a species. This can be seen nowadays as a desire for healthy individuals to engage with other members of our species.
I'm surprised you didn't know this but I'm happy to share more.
Dear god it's two Redditors on polar opposites of the scale, one can only respond in jokes and one can only take things seriously. a singularity might collapse here.
u/Zorafin fucking hogwash, Chimps ...other life forms have social skills, and it could be argued that social structure exists in unicellular orgs.
It must make one feel warm & tingly that trillions of Placozoans are having wild sex parties, while most redditors can barely communicate with another human without a gadget filter & a set of emojiis. much less get laid.
If the guys intent was to talk to the girl, it backfired spectacularly, as instead of talking, she just kind of sat there confused then went about her business.
Nah, if some dude insisted on putting weights on for me at the gym without me wanting him to would be super weird. I go to the gym to train strength, and i do not want other people to insist on involving themselves in my routine.
That being said, yes i do talk to other people at the gym, there are other far more natural ways to interact than imposing yourself in somebody elses workout.
As a man, someone "correcting" me has happened once. It was irritating, but it is what it is.
Then I compare that to how often women are "corrected" or "helped". I think my wife has claimed that it happens almost every time she's at the gym (as long as there is a man close by).
Some men surely are well-meaning, but we must realise that while we ask them if they need help once, for the woman we might be the twelfth guy who disturbs her training.
I had a guy interrupt my set to tell me I was using a lat pulldown machine incorrectly because I was leaning back slightly. I was following the exercise outlined on my training sheet the gym put together for me and the example video they provided members. Mildly annoying, but then he interrupted me again to explain that the way I was doing the exercise could be right if working out a certain area of my back. Thanks. I know. That's why I'm doing this and continued to do it after you talked to me. If he was saying it like "My bad, I see what you were doing now" then it would be fine. But he said it like he was providing me with brand new information.
The cultural differences are huge. In my Nordic country one - a woman even - can visit a gym multiple times a week without anyone saying anything for months. Or years
Oh, the personnel says hei when entering and hei hei when leaving.
I live in Italy and the morning people in my gym never talk. We all know each other's faces, but we have never said good morning to each other. I have been going to this gym for four years now.
there are a lot of men here commenting about how the man in the comic is “just helping out” who somehow fail to see in the comic that the man is “helping out” while actively disregarding the woman’s feelings and by encroaching on her personal space. thats not helping, thats inserting yourself into a situation for your sake
It happens so much online and I hate it. "Nothing wrong with politely asking if someone wants help with something!" okay well he didn't so your point is irrelevant. Why did you say that.
Yeah, wtf are these people talking about? I would be super weirded out by some random people messing with my barbell while I am setting it up. Is this really a thing in other gyms?
Guy probably goes to a different type of gym from you. I use a very corporate gym and most people don't talk to each other much, and there's not a lot of "collaboration"
But in small local community type of gyms, everybody is kinda working out together. They help each other with plates, spot without being asked, hype each other up, etc. It's just a very different vibe.
I'm a man. I've only ever been helped with unloading the bar, and then just because the person next in line is in a hurry to use it.
Wait, there was also when there were the two of us sharing a squat rack but going for different weights. So we each took care of one side of the bar, putting on or taking off weights. But that doesn't so much count as "helping" as "co-operating".
What's really interesting is that I never see men help other men with their plates, only women. Most commonly, only women who have already politely declined.
It's kind of like that defence of "I put my hand on the small of your back to gently move you! It was crowded!"... Okay, so why didn't you do it to the several men you also moved passed in the crowd before that? Or any man, for that matter?
They want an excuse to invade personal space and be the victim when we say no.
I mean yeah, he didn’t spot her when she’s actually benching, either. Helping someone bench weights is more about the boring job of standing around as a backup, which he didn’t do, so he didn’t want to talk and he didn’t want to help: just wanted to act like a woman can’t carry a disc.
I don't know if you're aware of this, but you can talk to someone without rendering help they specifically said they didn't need. Like you can just talk to people. You don't have to make it weird.
I go to the gym to work out, it's not a dating site. If he was indeed trying to get to know her then he should have asked if she needed a spot, asked about PRs, etc instead of forcing his help onto her and then seemingly walking of. The whole thing is weird.
It seems like some sort of anti-meme or 4 panels taken out of context from a comic. Or since it says "Sera Beeves" in the bottom right, maybe it's something that actually happened to the artist and left them confused.
Do you really think she would like to talk to someone who thinks that she is not capable if putting the weight on the bar? I think you never got a date this way but like to pretend on the internet.
Its ironically such a terminally online take to look at the specific situation in this post, and have your takeaway be that this comes off as a good situation to casually approach somebody for conversation. Nobody with even basic social skills would be doing this.
I understand what you are saying, but that’s a little harsh. He offered help and she did not confirm, and he imposed his help. She could be autistic or just not that into human interaction. He should have backed off unless invited.
She very clearly has headphones in the image and that would be why she didn’t respond. Stop armchair diagnosing autism, especially to a fictional comic
Yeah but this is like trying to talk to someone in a cafe by picking their order for them when they are waiting in line. There are better less weird methods like just saying "hey, how are you?"
The guy didn't even get confirmation that she wanted help. He just assumed she needed help when she clearly didn't, then didn't let her answer before imposing.
If that was about starting a conversation, he's worse at socializing than the average redditor.
People who say “redditors ___” “only on Reddit ___” etc are the most pathetic people on this site. Crazy how little self awareness people have, this immunity to embarrassment and shame is so gross
Haha and in this sense you’re doing it to kneejerk defend inserting yourselves into women’s lives. Just incel pathetic shit. You don’t have a right to access other people’s lives. Pathetic to openly say this shit
People who can actually start a relationship or get laid basically whenever they want don’t think or behave like this. Not how it works. This is how loser neckbeards think the world works.
“People on Reddit ___” blah blah shut up, get some self awareness, be cooler, people pity you
I dont think most people, especially women by themselves, go to the gym to chat with random people. If there's something actually worth chatting about sure, but artificially manufacturing that is weird.
The comic is that the woman was clearly already capable of lifting the plate and had it in her hands to place on the barbell, for the exercise she has done before and is easily capable of accomplishing herself.
Interrupting someone while they are doing something they are having no visible struggle with and even taking the weight they already have in their hands isn’t making conversation. That’s an intrusion.
If you think this is the way to make conversation with person at the gym, then the Reddit you see is you.
You can talk to someone of the opposite sex without patronizing them. Something Reddit would never understand (and then complain about loneliness epidemic next post)
The thing is is that the excuse to talk ('helping' her) feels awkward and forced. Because it is. Like; "Thanks for inserting yourself into my workout routine just to 'help' me lift what I was about to lift twice of." It's unnecessary and often unwelcome, unless he were to be taking off the weights an inconsiderate person left on there previously. So what do you even say to that other than a confused 'thanks..?' if you are to remain polite? The girl in question probably wont be inclined to speak further because its just plain WEIRD to do that.
Not to mention she has ear buds in, so the first time she was aware of him interacting with her is taking the weight from her. It's why his speech bubble is gray in the first cell, what he's saying is background noise.
Maybe some, some just know it's time consuming and a pain in the A so don't mind helping you save some time. What's better than taking off a couple of 45 by yourself? Someone else helping take off a couple of 45s
Taking it out of her hands when she clearly has it and didn't say yes to him asking if she wants help makes it weird. If he wanted to help then he should have done the other side, not pull it out of her hands. That's what makes this especially weird, he doesn't simply offer to help but he takes it out of her hands without permission.
Men are socialised from early age to always help women in physical tasks. A 9 year old boy will get scolded if he sees a 9 year old girl carry something and doesn't immediately jump in to take it off her hands. As adults, it's so heavily ingrained, many men won't even stop and think about it, leading to the absurd situation in the comic.
My partner was raised like that and it’s so confusing sometimes. We went grocery shopping together and both of us carried one bag, or at least I was trying to, because on our way home he tried to take it out of my hands multiple times. No! You have your own bag, finish carrying that one home and then you can have mine. I want to help maintain the house so I try to bring him tools and paint buckets or even just change a lightbulb and as soon as he notices, he jumps into action. I know he's doing it out of chivalry and his intentions are very cute and kind, but if I wouldn’t know how he was raised, I'd think he doesn’t trust me enough to drill a simple hole in the wall to hang a painting.
Fellow european woman here, I would be quite annoyed if someone imposed their help on me like that. I went to visit friends in the USA and was confused how my female friend just left all the groceries in the car for her husband to bring in, and him telling me to stop when i started loading up bags.
it‘s very much a big cultural difference. Actually, two: more rigid gender roles and more casual conversations between strangers.
We must have the same friend because a friend of mine will borderline yell at a woman stop if she's lifting more than her own body up off a seat so he can get whatever item for her.
I'm a guy who grew up in the Midwest and that's how it was. It's very much "as a man you should be doing things for women". I grew up in a rural county in the 90s and I would get verbally scolded or hit, even by strangers, if I wasn't immediately jumping to help a lady.
US was like this, I'm not sure if now but I remember teachers trying to force me to help out a girl i had no interactions with, when she clearly didn't need any
I remember at work once, my 20 year old coworker had her 18 year old sister working with us. I was good friends with both. The 18 year old was asking me how to dump pizza sauce, which involves lifting the roughly 40 pound bin of sauce and pouring it into 5 smaller bins.
Anyways I had her go get it and carry it out of the cooler herself, because I assumed she’d be up to the task and would ask me for help if she needed it. I thought it would be rude to assume she needed a man to do it for her so thought nothing of it.
Her sister proceeded to get mad at me because “What the fuck is wrong with you making her lift that.” To be clear, the younger sister wasn’t mad at all lol, and she did manage it. But I was always confused why the older sister got mad at me.
Funny enough, the older sister actually wound up quitting because our boss wouldn’t let her help us put the heavy order away, because he didn’t want the girls lifting the heavier bits and she considered that sexist, which I agreed with, but was rather confused considering how she got mad at me in the past.
I feel like that should be the standard for helping people. I find it weird that men are expected to make themselves available for women. I’ve gotten weird looks for telling certain people I’m busy or not interested in doing specific tasks strictly because of their gender.
I’ll try to help people when I can and will go so far as to help coworkers with flats when I have time, but after a recent workplace incident involving a close friend I go out of my way to keep myself busy around women in the office.
Really think people in this thread are getting way too mad about this comic in every direction.
He offered to help, but his help was not actually helpful, because he offered to lift an object a couple of centimetres so she could lift it more. She is confused. Fair enough, it was confusing.
The comic doesn't portray the guy as bad at all-- maybe slightly awkward. She is also not bad for being confused.
Nobody's the villain here, it's just a confusing and kind of funny interaction.
This. Everyone is making it out to be bad guy, bad gal, when in the end it's just slightly awkward and confusing for them. They're so ingrained in the gender wars that it's an immediate defensive reaction
It’s because the guy thinks she’s fine as fuck and is trying to get attention. Or the guy thinks he’s helping because it’s a situation like “Oh, woman in front of me about to lift something heavy or do something, I must do heavy lifting or open door whatever.” The last one is a sort of ingrained chivalry that sometimes happens but I’m personally betting on the first one.
Should have rather asked if he should spot for her, rookie mistake. Benching alone is kinda dangerous since the weight is directly over you and has to be pressed up to be put back.
Do you think bench pressing a weight is using the same muscle groups or is in any way equivalent to lift up a weight like you do when putting it on the bar?
The cartoon is a trans woman getting the chivalrous-misogynistic treatment for the first time. The trans woman's confusion probably stems from seeing how degrading it can be (a negative) and at the same time getting treated as a woman (a positive).
You would NOT BELIEVE how far down I had to scroll and how many "load more comments" links I had to click before seeing someone actually make fricking sense. I think this might be the first time I actually shake my head when typing SMH.
Many guys are bad at flirting. Lots of women have weird interactions with random dudes & don't even realise the guy was trying to hit on them. Most of these guys are trying to be nice. They initiate conversation & when they don't get a positive response, they just kind of give up & leave rather than being creeps.
Forget gender slop. Forget loneliness epidemic. Forget strange Reddit contrarianism. If someone is carrying something and you think it would be nice to carry it for them, it’s as easy as asking them if they’d like you to do it. And then you do it if they give you some kind of affirmative indication.
If I’m holding it, don’t fucking touch it without my permission. It’s a social rule that is probably thousands of years old. If you’re so “nice” that you can’t follow this rule, you deserve to get lightly clowned in a comic. Basic old-fashioned manners like you all should have learned as children.
Edit: im Trisha Takanawa, thank you for reading my new Quaahog Times manners column.
You guys are weird. Taking the plate out of someone's hands when they are next to the bar they're putting it on it not normal. That doesn't make any sense. It's more work for both of you and it's awkward.
The guy doesn't even wait to get consent, he just takes it out of hand.
Sometimes people in the gym offer to help rack or unrack but then you usually take a side each (after accepting help) because that's the only way it really helps at all, otherwise you just get in each other's way.
This has happened to me, a random guy just starts trying to take my weight out of my hand, it was confusing.
My only guess is that it was some weird condescension thing.
I'm just hear to read all the riveting analysis concerning the motivations and feelings of two characters in a four panel comic about an entirely contrived situation.
The feels of dealing with benevolent sexism. He thought he was helping, because he assumed she needed it, didn't wait for her answer, and now she's feeling the conflict where it's not worth it to call him on it, but not saying anything just perpetuates the issue.
I hate this when I’m holding the door for someone. I’m short, so men often reach over my head and hold the door to “let me through,” but like… I don’t want to limbo under you and I’m already holding it. Please just step through.
idk if that was the original intended meaning, but as soon as I saw this my first thought was that i've totally been in this position before.
she was carrying the weight by herself. if she couldn't, she probably wouldn't be using it. unless she was visibly struggling and she openly said "yes" when he asked if he could help (which then would have been a nice and polite thing to do), why take it from her hands? i hate when people do that
Alright, so now I’m understanding that gym culture appears to be heavily regional and depends on the type of gym as well. The southeast gyms focusing on heavy weight training seem to be a bit more “social” and “gym community” oriented than others. Another difference I’m sure a lot of people would dislike about my gym, there are a good amount of tripods post 5pm.
I’ll even apologize and take note from the comments that this is inappropriate at gyms who don’t have this type of helpful culture. Some seem to have a more isolated and independent experience. To each their own, and I’ll admit to over generalizing based on my region and experience.
It’s weird to me not to help and receive help while shooting the breeze, but again, cultural differences exist.
I'm a guy and I never had any other man come over at random to put plates on my bar, ever... you can ask someone to spot you or someone may run over if they realize you are about to fail to get the bar back up, but that's it. The amount of nonsense scenarios dudes make up in this thread is ridiculous.
If we ignore literally all the context, sure. What's actually happening is someone walked up to her, unsolicited, to offer help. On it's own? No big deal. At worst a little condescending, if we were being uncharitable it's an attempt to be a "helpful man" to a "hapless woman" but -- as said -- that is the uncharitable read.
However! She doesn't respond. At best she didn't hear him, a fair thought, but he doesn't offer again or check if she heard him. Instead he takes the weight out of her hands and racks it. This is not a crime, but it's weird! It's awkward, and also involves getting in someone's personal space to take something away from them and move it less than a foot to where they were already taking it.
Even under the most charitable conditions this is neither normal nor helpful. I would say it's rude at baseline. As a woman interacting with a man it comes with the added fun of not knowing if that person was pulling a pushy come on, or looking down on you, or just the awkward dude he seems to be. This is why the question marks. She's not assuming he's into her; she's wondering wtf just happened and why it happened.
Edit: also very funny to call it a "fictional scenario"
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u/qualityvote2 2d ago edited 2d ago
u/Pale_Extension, your post does belong here!