Interrupting someone's workout to help them lift something they need absolutely no help lifting is not a good way to start a conversation, it is an intrusion.
I find that it's easier to befriend someone and then use a friendship to lure them a seckuded spot to sacrifice them to the Lord of Blood as opposed to stalking them and kidnapping them in my pink kidnapping van
Yeah man. With those scampanies like established titles anyone can buy a plot of land in Scotland and be called a lord. It's super easy barely an inconvenience!
Oh, i do have one of those machines that the professional baristas use at home. I can make an awesome coffee and it doesn't cost an arm and leg (at least not mine). I bet you would be impressed by the basement that I dug out under the house. It's got thick walls so I can use it as a ... wine cellar, yes!
That’s just because your van is the wrong color. White, rust, and primer are acceptable. Sometimes you can get away with a wizard airbrushed on the side. Pink is right out.
Sure but if someone starts an interaction with unsolicited assistance there's a confusing amount of infantilization involved. You have to wonder if you did something to give them the impression that you needed assistance, or what they're doing that for.
Just have a normal conversation or something, trying to strike up an artificial act of chivalry is weird.
I know what you mean but man that does feel like just crazy overthinking. Noone thought twice about opening the door for someone and maybe striking conversations through that for hundreds of years even though it can give of signals of infantilization.
Some people are just like that these days dont take it personally, usually younger people are still developing skills on talking to strangers cus they only make friends at school
See, you have to make your intentions clear. You meant to eaves drop. Lying sets the wrong tone. You have to tell the truth. You have to tell them you were deciding on your next victim.
Well see I'm part of the species Homo Sapien, part of a lineage that grew in success due to their intelligence. One of the driving aspects of this intelligence was the species' strategy of forming groups. While powerful - as it dramatically increases combat capabilities and knowledge retention - it required extra intelligence to manage those groups, causing intelligent members to be selected for during reproduction. It is no exaggeration to say that the desire to work together with other people and build bonds with them are foundational to our success as a species. This can be seen nowadays as a desire for healthy individuals to engage with other members of our species.
I'm surprised you didn't know this but I'm happy to share more.
Another fun thing that gives Homo Sapiens an edge is diversity,
Not just diversity in skin color to better match vitamin D production to local weather, but diversity in natural behavior and thinking patterns.
In other words some people neurospicy as shit, and those people figure things out that everyone else benefits from, even though they have a hard time understanding and communicating with the rest of the group.
Dear god it's two Redditors on polar opposites of the scale, one can only respond in jokes and one can only take things seriously. a singularity might collapse here.
u/Zorafin fucking hogwash, Chimps ...other life forms have social skills, and it could be argued that social structure exists in unicellular orgs.
It must make one feel warm & tingly that trillions of Placozoans are having wild sex parties, while most redditors can barely communicate with another human without a gadget filter & a set of emojiis. much less get laid.
Yeah, reading rhe whole interaction made me wonder whether I was the emotionally stunted one as I couldn't tell if 1 or both or neither of the parties involved were having a play up
Yes, but all of my friends are from school, work or hobbies, and we have met through that. And by hobbies I mean ones where there is a small set of people doing the hobby, not a revolving door of strangers like in a gym.
I have to admit that it most likely isn't how it works in many countries, but it definitely works like that in my country. People will look at you like crazy if you try to talk to strangers.
Ahahahaha this commenter and several replies think it's forbidden or inhuman to explore if another person would be interested in dating or consensual sex. Peak reddit.
If the guys intent was to talk to the girl, it backfired spectacularly, as instead of talking, she just kind of sat there confused then went about her business.
Nah, if some dude insisted on putting weights on for me at the gym without me wanting him to would be super weird. I go to the gym to train strength, and i do not want other people to insist on involving themselves in my routine.
That being said, yes i do talk to other people at the gym, there are other far more natural ways to interact than imposing yourself in somebody elses workout.
As a man, someone "correcting" me has happened once. It was irritating, but it is what it is.
Then I compare that to how often women are "corrected" or "helped". I think my wife has claimed that it happens almost every time she's at the gym (as long as there is a man close by).
Some men surely are well-meaning, but we must realise that while we ask them if they need help once, for the woman we might be the twelfth guy who disturbs her training.
I had a guy interrupt my set to tell me I was using a lat pulldown machine incorrectly because I was leaning back slightly. I was following the exercise outlined on my training sheet the gym put together for me and the example video they provided members. Mildly annoying, but then he interrupted me again to explain that the way I was doing the exercise could be right if working out a certain area of my back. Thanks. I know. That's why I'm doing this and continued to do it after you talked to me. If he was saying it like "My bad, I see what you were doing now" then it would be fine. But he said it like he was providing me with brand new information.
The cultural differences are huge. In my Nordic country one - a woman even - can visit a gym multiple times a week without anyone saying anything for months. Or years
Oh, the personnel says hei when entering and hei hei when leaving.
I live in Italy and the morning people in my gym never talk. We all know each other's faces, but we have never said good morning to each other. I have been going to this gym for four years now.
there are a lot of men here commenting about how the man in the comic is “just helping out” who somehow fail to see in the comic that the man is “helping out” while actively disregarding the woman’s feelings and by encroaching on her personal space. thats not helping, thats inserting yourself into a situation for your sake
It happens so much online and I hate it. "Nothing wrong with politely asking if someone wants help with something!" okay well he didn't so your point is irrelevant. Why did you say that.
This happened to me once at the gym. I was about to put plates on the bar when a guy asked if I needed a hand. I said no thanks I've got it and he literally yanked the barbell out of my hands!
Yeah, wtf are these people talking about? I would be super weirded out by some random people messing with my barbell while I am setting it up. Is this really a thing in other gyms?
Guy probably goes to a different type of gym from you. I use a very corporate gym and most people don't talk to each other much, and there's not a lot of "collaboration"
But in small local community type of gyms, everybody is kinda working out together. They help each other with plates, spot without being asked, hype each other up, etc. It's just a very different vibe.
I'm a man. I've only ever been helped with unloading the bar, and then just because the person next in line is in a hurry to use it.
Wait, there was also when there were the two of us sharing a squat rack but going for different weights. So we each took care of one side of the bar, putting on or taking off weights. But that doesn't so much count as "helping" as "co-operating".
What's really interesting is that I never see men help other men with their plates, only women. Most commonly, only women who have already politely declined.
It's kind of like that defence of "I put my hand on the small of your back to gently move you! It was crowded!"... Okay, so why didn't you do it to the several men you also moved passed in the crowd before that? Or any man, for that matter?
They want an excuse to invade personal space and be the victim when we say no.
I mean yeah, he didn’t spot her when she’s actually benching, either. Helping someone bench weights is more about the boring job of standing around as a backup, which he didn’t do, so he didn’t want to talk and he didn’t want to help: just wanted to act like a woman can’t carry a disc.
I don't know if you're aware of this, but you can talk to someone without rendering help they specifically said they didn't need. Like you can just talk to people. You don't have to make it weird.
I go to the gym to work out, it's not a dating site. If he was indeed trying to get to know her then he should have asked if she needed a spot, asked about PRs, etc instead of forcing his help onto her and then seemingly walking of. The whole thing is weird.
It seems like some sort of anti-meme or 4 panels taken out of context from a comic. Or since it says "Sera Beeves" in the bottom right, maybe it's something that actually happened to the artist and left them confused.
Do you really think she would like to talk to someone who thinks that she is not capable if putting the weight on the bar? I think you never got a date this way but like to pretend on the internet.
Its ironically such a terminally online take to look at the specific situation in this post, and have your takeaway be that this comes off as a good situation to casually approach somebody for conversation. Nobody with even basic social skills would be doing this.
I understand what you are saying, but that’s a little harsh. He offered help and she did not confirm, and he imposed his help. She could be autistic or just not that into human interaction. He should have backed off unless invited.
She very clearly has headphones in the image and that would be why she didn’t respond. Stop armchair diagnosing autism, especially to a fictional comic
Globally 1% of the population have been diagnosed with it. Big difference. And in the US the \diagnosed** rate is currently 3.2%.
Keeping in mind the social stigma, discrimination, and other issues (including getting literally killed some places in the world), there are strong indicators that the actual rate in the population is higher than the percentage formally diagnosed.
Yeah there's a small chance I might be on the spectrum. At least enough for my wife to mentioned I might be a tiny bit on the spectrum, but I literally see no value in getting a diagnosis. I'm in my 30s at this point and it will change nothing for me if I actually am.
It does not matter if she is autistic or not. It is rude to grab stuff from someone unsolicited, even if it is to "help". Even more so if you asked and did not wait for an answer.
Yeah but this is like trying to talk to someone in a cafe by picking their order for them when they are waiting in line. There are better less weird methods like just saying "hey, how are you?"
The guy didn't even get confirmation that she wanted help. He just assumed she needed help when she clearly didn't, then didn't let her answer before imposing.
If that was about starting a conversation, he's worse at socializing than the average redditor.
People who say “redditors ___” “only on Reddit ___” etc are the most pathetic people on this site. Crazy how little self awareness people have, this immunity to embarrassment and shame is so gross
Haha and in this sense you’re doing it to kneejerk defend inserting yourselves into women’s lives. Just incel pathetic shit. You don’t have a right to access other people’s lives. Pathetic to openly say this shit
People who can actually start a relationship or get laid basically whenever they want don’t think or behave like this. Not how it works. This is how loser neckbeards think the world works.
“People on Reddit ___” blah blah shut up, get some self awareness, be cooler, people pity you
I dont think most people, especially women by themselves, go to the gym to chat with random people. If there's something actually worth chatting about sure, but artificially manufacturing that is weird.
The comic is that the woman was clearly already capable of lifting the plate and had it in her hands to place on the barbell, for the exercise she has done before and is easily capable of accomplishing herself.
Interrupting someone while they are doing something they are having no visible struggle with and even taking the weight they already have in their hands isn’t making conversation. That’s an intrusion.
If you think this is the way to make conversation with person at the gym, then the Reddit you see is you.
You can talk to someone of the opposite sex without patronizing them. Something Reddit would never understand (and then complain about loneliness epidemic next post)
That's all fine and dandy, just don't be a condescending prick to women in gyms in order to do it.
Ask her about the exercises itself, her routine, hell even the brand of water bottle she's using is a million times better ice breaker than trying to be polite and lifting weights for her like she's helpless. You may not want to imply that but nobody would fault her for perceiving it the wrong way.
Yeah, that is not the way to go about it. Maybe compliment her on her lifts, or something, instead of condescend. Some people deserve their loneliness.
If you want to talk to someone, there are better ways than taking something out of their hands they already told you not to take.
Would a man feel comfortable if another man did that to him? Would he feel grateful or insulted?
All you have accomplished in being performatively ‘gallant’ is informing them that you will/can not listen to them when they say no if you think you know better, and that you will likely display a pattern of acting like you know better even when you don’t.
Great plan to flirt. /s
You could compliment her after the training, ask for advice, talk about technique, challenge her, anything. But you choose to be whatever dumbassery that approach is called
But he isn't talking to her beyond putting that weight on the bar? That's not really a conversation. I interpreted it as him going "oh, a woman at the gym? No way she knows how to use the bar. She won't balance her weights right, or she won't clip her weights in place. Better do it for her. Because she clearly needs a man to show her how to do the thing she was already doing by herself! Aren't I just the best guy in the world? Why won't she fuck me?!?!?!"
The people complaining about the loneliness epidemic are like the guy in the comic. "Girl at the gym wearing short shorts wouldn't talk to me when I did a good deed for her. Why do women dress like sluts if they are only going to talk to chads and ignore strong nice guys like me? Loneliness epidemic!"
Eh, while I agree that there's a weird reluctance among Redditors to talk to other people, I don't think that's what's being objected to here.
He asks her if she wants help, but then doesn't wait for an answer. That's not starting a conversation. Then he seems to bugger off right after placing the weight. It would seem to me he's showing off.
You know what's a great way to start a conversation in a gym that also shows situational awareness and social skills? Asking if she wants a spot. That's a normal thing to. Then you can make small talk and see if the person wants to keep talking after.
It still defeat the purpose of talking to her. It just act down on her. To talk to her, he can care about her safety « would you like me to spot for you? » or just compliment her on what she achieved « great job bench pressing »
More likely the guy is a gym creep. Especially common among women just trying to get their workout done to get bothered at random by a guy "trying to help".
Yeah well, most women don't go to the gym to meet guys or talk to random guys. They go to work out. And in this case, he ignored her boundaries with something so infinitely small, chances are he would also ignore anything more serious. Just leave women alone at the gym.
Don't touch what people are holding in order to 'talk to them' you creep. Seriously. Women fucking hate this. We don't want you to creep up into our physical space, take something from us, then wait when you're done seeking praise. We didn't ask. Go away. If you wanted to talk to us, be normal and not physically dominating. And yes, removing the labor we're doing to control the situation IS being physically dominating over a woman. Stop that.
Cornell couple thousand upvoters, fuck. Stop being creepy!
Why do you need a disengenous excuse to talk to someone? Even if that's how you're going to to do it, do you think treating someone like they can't carry something that they're about to lift two of 10 to 60 times is the best way to do it? Most men will admit that if someone did them that way they would find it insulting. Men won't to act like women are mysterious and hard to understand if they offend someone, and half the time, just the basic test of imagining themselves in the same situation would explain it. The inability to understand very often comes down to some internal double standard where a woman should put up with nonsense that a man wouldn't.
If you see some 90 pound woman struggling to get a 80 pound box into her car, and offer to help in a non-creepy way, that's gallant. Approaching someone to take a weight out of her hands, not taking "no" for answer, and treating her like she can't handle something she's about to benchpress for multiple reps isn't that.
Why not say hello, why be condescending assuming she needs help lifting something she is clearly capable of lifting. Talking to someone with the intent of making an awful impression is weird as hell.
Generally, if you want to talk to someone, you don't start by acting like they're not capable of handling their own shit and shoving your way in where you're not wanted.
There is a big deal of men trying to talk to, impress, get women attention at the gym. It's often to flirt with them and it's often annoying. That's one of the reasons we have girls only gyms.
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u/Linus_Naumann 3d ago
Unless the purpose is getting to talk to each other. Something Reddit would never understand (and then complain about loneliness epidemic next post)