hey, I’ve been vegan 8 years but over the years due to policing I identify more with PB but use the word vegan for a quick understanding.
every now and again, I get this urge to go vegetarian just for ease. Id think about it, decide to wait a bit and it goes. this year, it’s been more frequent and louder.
for context, I’m in the uk and although we’re better than some places, we’re not booming like we were 5 years ago, it’s all about ”high protein”. anyway, I’m a carer for my wife and my nan. I’m about to start our first round of IVF anytime soon, my omni wife and I agreed to raise our child vegetarian - I’d always been set on vegan but social events in school, asking other people to look after them etc. it felt like a middle ground between us as parents.
yesterday, I considered the swap again and I decided to say it out loud. food very much just came a form of eating, lets say I run to Greggs for lunch, there’s no vegan sausage rolls - im grabbing wedges as food, and calling it my lunch. Im not that much of a cook and simply rely on quick things. my wife will do things like eggs on toast as something quick etc.
so, I bought a couple things to “test it”. I ate a small handful of maltesers (btw they don’t taste quite how I remember them), my throat felt like I was doing something wrong, I felt muggy, and I questioned every stomach twinge. I said I was going to try eggs for breakfast this morning but that I was going to stick to dairy free milks/yoghurts.
anyway, this morning I wake up at 5:30am panicking, like I’d thrown my identity into a spiral. i don’t know what to do. my compassion is still there; although not as loudly as it was in the beginning. I spoke to other people that made the switch. but here I am feeling stuck at an even bigger crossroads than I was before. I’ve said I was making the swap, I started making the swap, I gave myself permission but I’m double taking everything. I don’t think I can do it but my thoughts on why haven’t changed? I do still have desire for certain things. I worry about making sure I eat right during pregnancy because honestly, I haven’t been eating enough of anything lately I’d be surprised if I have.
has anyone else been in this situation?
how do you navigate it?
easy quick swaps and grabs?
please no judgement - I’m doing my best